Pedagogy education and upbringing
Chapter 3
Children's Upbringing
38284: The danger of studying
in the kaafir schools
Question:
My daughter goes to public school, in order
to help her feel comfortable about her being a
muslim among non muslims, I suggested to the
teacher that I would do something for the
classroom about Ramadan and Eid-el-fitr. Do you
have any suggestions on what I can do for the
kindergarten class?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly: there is no doubt that staying in
the kaafir lands poses a grave danger to the
religion and morals of the Muslim. Hence we
should beware of that and try to avoid it, and
set out conditions which will prevent the Muslim
from falling into that great danger. The Muslim
who stays in a kaafir country must meet two
conditions, as follows:
1 _ His religious commitment should be
secure, in the sense that he should have
sufficient knowledge and faith to give him the
strength to remain steadfast in his religious
commitment and to avoid going astray.
2 _ He should able to practise his religion
openly by establishing the symbols of Islam with
no impediment. Otherwise it is not permissible
for him to stay there and he must migrate
(hijrah) in that case. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said, when discussing the
different categories of people with regard to
migration:
The first group is those for whom migration
is obligatory; these are the ones who are able
to migrate and who are not able to practise
their religion openly, who are not able to
establish the duties of Islam whilst remaining
among the kuffaar. These people have to migrate
because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Verily, as for those whom the angels take
(in death) while they are wronging themselves
(as they stayed among the disbelievers even
though emigration was obligatory for them), they
(angels) say (to them): `In what (condition)
were you?' They reply: `We were weak and
oppressed on the earth.' They (angels) say: `Was
not the earth of Allaah spacious enough for you
to emigrate therein?'"
[al-Nisa' 4:97]
This is a stern warning which indicates that
migrating is obligatory. Establishing the duties
of Islam is obligatory for the one who is able
to do that, and migration (hijrah) is a
necessary part of these obligatory duties:
whatever is essential to the fulfillment of an
obligatory duty is also obligatory.
See al-Mughni, 8/457; Majmoo'
Fataawa Ibn `Uthaymeen, 3/25-30
Whatever is essential to the fulfillment of
an obligatory duty is also obligatory. But there
are some cases in which it is permissible for a
Muslim to stay in a kaafir country. Please see
question no. 13363
2 _ For those who stay among the kuffaar for
a reason, such as studying, the danger is even
greater, because the student feels a need for
his teacher, which may lead to him being
friendly towards him and pretending to approve
of his ways. Moreover, the student usually feels
inferior to his teacher, then he starts to
venerate him and adopt his views. Moreover the
student will inevitably have friends during his
period of study. For all of these reasons we
must be very cautious indeed, and in this case
in addition to the conditions mentioned above
there are other conditions, which include the
following:
1 _ The student should be very mature, so
that he can distinguish between truth and
falsehood. Hence sending students who are very
young involves a serious danger to their
religious commitment, morals and beliefs.
2 _ The student should have sufficient
knowledge of Islam to be able to distinguish
truth from falsehood, lest he become confused
and be deceived by them.
3 _ He should have enough religious
commitment and faith to protect him against kufr
and immorality, because those who are weak in
these areas will not be safe.
4 _ He should have a need for the knowledge
for which he is going there, in the sense that
learning this will serve the interests of the
Muslims and there is no equivalent available in
Muslim schools, otherwise it is not permissible
for him to stay among the kuffaar.
Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "I disavow myself of
any Muslim who settles among the mushrikeen."
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2645; al-Tirmidhi, 1604;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
al-Irwa', 1207.
For all these reasons it is essential to be
cautious with regard to this matter, especially
when sending the young to their schools and even
kindergartens, because that poses a threat to
their behaviour and morals.
You are well aware that the danger to your
children is not restricted to their joining them
in their festivals, rather the danger is there
simply because of their mixing with them and
living among them. So you, as a father, have to
be wise in that and understand these dangers,
and protect your children from being
contaminated with their ideas or being
influenced by them. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell)…"
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
Your children are a trust that have been
given to you; if you can educate them only in
Islamic school or with Muslim teachers, then do
so, and it is better to err on the side of
caution. Beware of everything that could damage
their religious commitment and behaviour. I ask
Allaah to help you and to protect you and to
make goodness easy for you wherever it is. And
Allaah is the source of strength.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
10211: What is the correct
way to teach children and call them to Allaah?
Question:
How should I call my young brothers who are
around the age of ten to be religiously
committed, so that they will grow up as
committed Muslims? What methods should I use
with them?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We advise you to teach them the Qur'aan and
the saheeh Sunnah, and the good manners of
Islam, such as honouring one's parents,
upholding ties of kinship, honesty,
trustworthiness, etc. Make sure that they
regularly pray in jamaa'ah. Also teach them the
Islamic etiquette of eating, drinking, speaking,
etc. If they grow up with these good manners,
they will be guided and will remain steadfast,
by the permission of Allaah, and they will grow
up in a good way that will benefit them and
their ummah, and you will have a great reward.
From Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah,
12/261-262 (www.islam-qa.com)
10000: Her husband is not
concerned about her children and takes them to a
school that follows bid'ah
Question:
My husband is sending my son to an islmaic
school that I think is very laxed in religion.
My son is seven and has not been taught any of
the Quran or any surah's. I have been working
with him in english translation because I don't
speak arabic. I've spoken to him about this but
he puts it off or he makes relevence to sending
my son to a school which is known for biddah and
innovation. His other set of children from my
co-wife attend this school and they recite the
quran and surah's in arabic fluently.
What
do I do in this case I wan't my son to learn the
Quran and surrah's but the school he attends is
laxed and the school who gives this high
priority is shuned by the islamic community in
XXX. The masjid in a way functions within it's
own little bubble sought of speak.
Also my
husband attends this masjids with my co-wife and
his family and I on the other hand attend a more
sunna community who don't follow madthabs. This
is becoming a problem because my husband doesn't
understand the caution that the scholars relate
to about the madthabs. His response it how can
you go to a particular school and study under a
particular sheih and then come back to the
community and say don't follow madthabs. I'm not
a scholar so I can't really offer him a concrete
answer.
Enshallah if you could give me some
direction in this matter I would greatly
appeciate it..
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We appreciate the sister's keenness for her
children to learn Qur'aan, because this is part
of raising children well. We ask Allaah to give
her strength and help her to do that.
Secondly:
Our advice to her is to strive hard to learn
the Arabic language because that is the means of
increasing her knowledge of this great religion.
In addition she may teach her children whatever
she wants of beneficial sciences, because the
mother has more influence on her children than
anyone else.
Thirdly:
Our advice to her husband is to fear Allaah
and to treat his children equally with regard to
concern and keenness to teach them that which
will benefit them in both their worldly and
religious interests, chief of which is the Book
of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him). According
to the hadeeth, al-Nu'maan ibn Basheer (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: My father gave
me a gift, and `Amrah bint Rawaahah said: I will
not agree until you ask the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to
bear witness to it. So he went to the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) and said: "I have given a gift to my son
from `Amrah bint Rawaahah and she told me to ask
you to bear witness, O Messenger of Allaah." He
said, "Have you given something similar to all
your children?" He said, "No." He said: "Fear
Allaah and treat your children equally." He
said, So he went back and took back his gift.
Nararted by al-Bukhaari, 2447; Muslim, 1623.
The relevant point from this hadeeth is that
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) denounced the father of
al-Nu'maan for giving something to him and not
to his siblings. That also includes the ruling
that the father should not single out one of his
children for anything and exclude the others,
whether that be teaching or anything else. Just
as man would like all his children to honour and
obey him equally, so he must treat them equally
in all matters. One of the causes of envy and
hatred among siblings is when the father shows
preference to one of his children or loves him
more than his siblings.
The story of Yoosuf bears the greatest
testimony to that. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"When they said: `Truly, Yoosuf (Joseph) and
his brother (Benjamin) are dearer to our father
than we, while we are `Usbah (a strong group).
Really, our father is in a plain error.
Kill Yoosuf (Joseph) or cast him out to
some (other) land, so that the favour of your
father may be given to you alone, and after that
you will be righteous folk (by intending
repentance before committing the sin)'"
[Yoosuf 12:8-9]
Fourthly:
The husband has to pay attention to his
children learning Islamic knowledge, especially
the Arabic language and Qur'aan, and especially
because what they learn when they are young
stays with them more than what they learn when
they grow older. As the saying goes, "what is
learned when one is young is like something
carved in stone." This is even more important if
the Muslim is living in those countries where
there is a lot of fitnah and temptation, and
especially for children with a lot of
distractions.
Fifthly:
The Muslim is obliged to follow the Qur'aan
and Sunnah, because they are the source of
divine law. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"O you who believe! Obey Allaah and obey
the Messenger (Muhammad), and those of you
(Muslims) who are in authority. (And) if you
differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it
to Allaah and His Messenger, if you believe in
Allaah and in the Last Day. That is better and
more suitable for final determination"
[al-Nisa' 4:59]
According to the hadeeth of Jaabir (may
Allaah be pleased with him) the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "I have left behind you that which if
you cling to it you will never go astray after
that: the Book of Allaah."
Narrated by Muslim, 1218.
True guidance is based on following the
Qur'aan and Sunnah, not on following the views
of any human being, no matter who he is. This
does not mean that we belittle the status of the
imams (may Allaah have mercy on them), for we
seek the help of their words in understanding
the Qur'aan and Sunnah correctly and in learning
the rulings of sharee'ah. The Muslim does not
reject these madhhabs or belittle their status,
rather there is nothing wrong with the Muslim
learning from them and benefitting from them.
But what is to be denounced is when the
followers of madhhabs cling to the madhhab and
follow blindly, and insist on following the
madhhab even if it goes against a saheeh hadeeth
from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him). The imams of the madhhabs did not
deliberately go against the teachings of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him), but it is well known that the Sahaabah
scattered throughout the various regions, and
the scholars of the madhhabs issued fatwas and
spoke of what is halaal and haraam on the basis
of the evidence that reached them, and they may
have missed some ahaadeeth that did not reach
them, whether that was a few or many. So with
regard to the issues for which no evidence
reached them they engaged in ijtihaad and some
of their ijtihaad turned out to be contrary to
the Sunnah. What the Muslim must do in such
cases is to follow the Sunnah and excuse the
imams, and believe that they will be rewarded
for their ijtihaad and will be given either one
or two rewards, as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said.
They (the scholars and imams) commanded us to
follow the Sunnah and to ignore their views if
they go against the Sunnah.
Imam Abu Haneefah (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: If a hadeeth is saheeh then it is my
madhhab.
And he said: It is not permissible for anyone
to follow our view if he does not know from
where we derived it.
And he said: If I say something that goes
against the Book of Allaah or the Sunnah of the
Messenger of Allaah, then ignore what I say.
Imam Maalik ibn Anas (may Allaah have mercy
on him) said: I am just a human being, I make
mistakes and I get things right. So study what I
say and whatever is in accordance with the
Qur'aan and Sunnah, take it, and whatever is not
in accordance with the Qur'aan and Sunnah,
ignore it.
Imam al-Shaafa'i (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: If you find in my book something that
goes against the Sunnah of the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him), then follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) and ignore what I say.
Imam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: Do not follow me and do not follow Maalik
or al-Shaafa'i or al-Awzaa'i or al-Thawri; refer
to what they referred to.
The point is that the imams refused to let
anyone follow their views without evidence,
especially if they went against the Qur'aan and
Sunnah. They were human beings and were not
infallible. But we acknowledge their position,
status and high level of knowledge, and we
benefit from them, without adhering blindly to
what they said.
Sixthly:
With regard to the other school that the
questioner describes as being well known for
innovation (bid'ah) but paying a great deal of
attention to the Qur'aan, she has to look at the
interests of her children and weigh up the pros
and cons. If it is possible to do without this
school and find a private tutor for her sons ,
then the protection of her children dictates
that she should not send them to a school where
they follow bid'ah. The same applies if the
bid'ah has to do with serious issues that may
lead to deviation from the way of Ahl al-Sunnah
wa'l-Jamaa'ah.
But if the bid'ah is minor and does not reach
this extent, and it is easy to explain it to the
children and warn them against it, and there is
no alternative to this school, then there is
nothing wrong in sha Allaah with sending the
children to this school, but she should be
constantly watchful. Then if it becomes apparent
that it is going to affect the children then she
should stop them going to that school at once.
Seventhly:
Undoubtedly the shaykh who teaches people
from the Qur'aan and Sunnah and looks for saheeh
ahaadeeth from the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) is better than anyone
else. The Muslim must strive to benefit from him
for himself and for his wife and children. Our
advice to the husband is to listen to his wife
who is keen to follow the Qur'aan and Sunnah,
and to teach his wife and children Arabic and
the Qur'aan, and to treat his children equally
in that regard. He should adhere to the Qur'aan
and Sunnah and not blindly follow any madhhabs
or opinions that go against the Sunnah. And he
should be kind and gentle with his wife, and try
to advise her sincerely.
May Allaah open his heart and help him to do
good.
We ask Allaah to give the questioner strength
and to bestow His bounty upon her and help her
to adhere to the truth.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
45359: He travels a lot and
fears that his children may go astray
Question:
I travel a great deal. I travel far away from
my children for a year or two, then I come back
and stay with them for one month, then I travel
again, and so on. All of this is for the sake of
earning money and providing for my children. In
recent years I noticed that their attitude has
started to become bad, and I fear that they may
go astray.
What should I do? Should I keep
on travelling in order to earn money, or should
I stop travelling and go back to them?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
You should note that Allaah has placed a
trust on the shoulders of every father, and a
responsibility concerning which he will be
questioned on the Day of Resurrection. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and is
responsible for his flock. The ruler is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The
man is the shepherd of his family and is
responsible for his flock. The woman is the
shepherd of her husband's household and is
responsible for her flock." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 2409; Muslim, 1829.
The first thing that the father should pay
attention to, regarding his children, is their
religious commitment and morals; this will lead
to their salvation in this world and in the
Hereafter. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose
fuel is men and stones, over which are
(appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who
disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they
receive from Allaah, but do that which they are
commanded"
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
`Ali ibn Abi Taalib said: This means: teach
them and discipline them.
And before the responsibility of earning
money and spending on them comes the greater
responsibility of ensuring that they be saved in
the Hereafter from the punishment of Allaah.
There are brilliant examples of men who
fulfilled this trust and did that which Allaah
had enjoined upon them with regard to their
wives and children.
There is a man who wakes his wife up to pray
during the last third of the night, and at Fajr
he wakes up his children and takes them to the
mosque and sits with them, remembering Allaah
and reading Qur'aan until the sun comes up.
Another has the habit of taking his sons with
him to the mosque to perform the five daily
obligatory prayers, and when they have finished
`Asr prayer he stays with them in the mosque,
teaching them the Qur'aan and how to memorize it
and recite it properly (tajweed), and what it
means, then they all go home together.
But unfortunately there are many fathers who
do not do that which Allaah has enjoined upon
them of taking care of their family's religious
commitment and all they care about is looking
after their worldly affairs.
There are some fathers who, if their child
falls sick and his temperature rises a little,
they panic and go looking for a doctor and a
remedy, which is all well and good, and is an
act of compassion towards the child, but what is
strange is that they do not care if their
children commit haraam actions, even major sins
that may doom one to Hell.
How high is the temperature of Hell?
How can they fear a slight rise of
temperature in their child, and not worry about
the fire of Hell?
There are some fathers who, if their child is
falling behind in his studies and not keeping up
with their classmates, go crazy and lose sleep,
and worry a great deal until they bring a tutor
who can help the child advance in his studies.
But if the children neglect their prayers or
do something haraam, or commit a major sin, they
do not blame them in that case.
Some fathers get very angry if their child
transgresses one of their rights or ignores one
of their commands, but they do not care if the
child transgresses one of the rights of Allaah
or disobeys one of His commands.
If a father neglects his children and does
not teach them the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah
of His Messenger and does not raise them
according to the basic tenets of faith and
Islamic behaviour, undoubtedly his children will
go astray and will go out into society as weak
and deviant personalities, and the first ones to
suffer from their corruption and deviance will
be this father and this mother who fell short in
raising their children.
Hence our advice to you, if you think that
your travelling and being far away from your
children will affect their upbringing and cause
them to go astray, is to go back to them and try
to raise them properly.
What will it benefit you or your children if
you amass wealth for them but they become
deviant and corrupt?
If you look around you, you will see many
examples of men who travelled and left their
children behind, and who suffered alienation and
loneliness for the sake of amassing wealth for
their children, then they came back with the
money, but they lost something that is more
important than wealth, they lost their children,
because the children went astray as a result of
their father's absence and their mother's
negligence.
The children do not appreciate what their
fathers did for their sake, and they take the
money start to curse them and mistreat them, and
even hit them sometimes, so the fathers regret
deeply the fact that they travelled and were so
far away from their children… but what good is
regret when so much time has passed?
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have
mercy on him) was asked about the heads of
families travelling. He replied:
With regard to the heads of families
travelling, if their travel will cause harm to
their families, then they should not travel,
because the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "It is sufficient sin
for a man that he should neglect those who are
dependent on him." Classed as hasan by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1692.
Whether they will harmed because of little
maintenance or because of their weakness, it is
haraam for such a person to travel. If they will
not be harmed, but they will feel sad and will
miss him, then if there is no real benefit in
travelling which brings a greater reward than
his staying with them, such as knowledge which
he fears he will miss out on or a knowledgeable
person he has to meet with, then it is better
for him to stay with them. But if it is like the
travel of many people, which is just for the
purpose of leisure and filling time, then it is
better for him to stay and worship Allaah at
home in all cases. The person who is in this
situation should consult a knowledgeable person
who knows him and what is best for him and who
is trustworthy, because people's situations vary
greatly with regard to such matters. And Allaah
knows best. From Majmoo' al-Fataawa,
28/28.
We ask Allaah to guide you and to help you to
do that which is best for you and your children.
And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
40163: Her son practices the
secret habit every day. What should she do?
Question:
I am the mother of an only child, a seven
year old boy, and recently I found him
practicing the secret habit (masturbation).
Every time I ask him if he did it today he tells
me, quite frankly, yes. I forbade him to do this
haraam action, then I started to take away some
privileges and even hit him, but with no
success. He is still doing it every day, maybe
even more than once. I got tired of keeping an
eye on him, and I feel ashamed before Allaah
that this sin may stay with him until he grows
up, and he may persist in not repenting, so he
will get used to sin and regard it as
insignificant, and so his heart will become
deadened when he is still young.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. The family is often
responsible for the children falling into sin,
because they do not urge children to worship
Allaah and they make available the means of
falling into sin.
We do not know what is really happening here,
but it may be that the circumstances surrounding
this boy have made him fall into sin. He is an
only child, and an only child is usually
spoiled, which makes the means of falling into
sin readily available. This problem may be dealt
with in a number of ways:
1 _ Reducing the extent to which he is
spoiled, because spoiling him makes him feel
that he is not a man, so he tries to prove that
he is a man by means of this habit or smoking,
for example.
2 _ Not making the means of falling into sin
available, especially those which contribute to
deadening of the heart, such as giving him music
tapes to listen to and providing satellite
channels for him to watch.
3 _ Try not to let the child sleep alone or
close the door when he is asleep, because being
alone makes it easy to think about sin and
encourages one to do it.
4 _ Making the child feel attached to the
mosque and its study circles, and to righteous
friends. These are the greatest means of helping
a person to correct his ways and strengthen his
faith.
5 _ Providing a useful Islamic audio-visual
library, which will create in him a love for
worship, teach him good manners and deter him
from falling into sin.
6- Encouraging him to read, especially books
that have to do with biographies of the scholars
and heroic mujaahideen. Perhaps he will acquire
some of their attributes and follow in their
footsteps. It is better to encourage him to
encourage him to write a summary of what he
reads, hears and watches, and to give him a
suitable reward for that.
7 _ Encourage him to memorize Qur'aan and
fast; undoubtedly these will strengthen him
spiritually.
8 _Try to organize his time so that he will
be active during the day and will sleep early,
because staying up late may make him think at
length about sin.
9 _ Explain to him the shar'i ruling on this
habit and its effect on the mind, heart and
faculties.
10 _ Avoid humiliating him, hitting him and
embarrassing him, because hitting him,
humiliating him and embarrassing him will not
make him give up this sin and others like it,
rather you should deal with him in the way that
is best and by giving him good advice.
And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam
Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
10016: How to raise righteous
children
Question:
I find disciplining my children difficult and
often become angry and beat them. Can you give
me any advice on the subject, as well as any
books that would be appropriate to read?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Raising and educating children is one of the
duties required of parents. Allaah has enjoined
that in the Qur'aan, and the Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also
enjoined that. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and
your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel
is men and stones, over which are (appointed)
angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not,
(from executing) the Commands they receive from
Allaah, but do that which they are commanded"
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
Imam al-Tabari said, commenting on this
verse:
Here Allaah is saying: O you who believe in
Allaah and His Messenger, "Ward off
yourselves" teach one another that which
will protect those who do it from the Fire and
ward it off from them, if it is done in
obedience to Allaah and they do it in obedience
to Allaah. The phrase "and your families
against a Fire" means, and teach your
families to do acts of obedience to Allaah so
that they may protect themselves from the Fire.
Tafseer al-Tabari, 18/165
Al-Qurtubi said:
Muqaatil said: This is a duty that he owes to
himself, his children, his family and his male
and female slaves. Ilkiya said: We have to teach
our children and families religious commitment
and goodness, and what they cannot do without of
etiquette. This is what Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And enjoin AsSalaat (the prayer) on your
family, and be patient in offering them [i.e.
the Salaat (prayers)]"
[Ta-Ha 20:132]
And Allaah said to the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation
of the meaning):
"And warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near
kindred"
[al-Shu'ara' 26:214]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said:
"And teach them (children) to pray when they
are seven years old."
Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/196
The Muslim _ any Muslim _ is a daa'iyah who
calls people to Allaah, so the first people whom
he calls should be his children and family who
are close to him. When Allaah commanded His
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) to call people, He said (interpretation of
the meaning):
"And warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near
kindred"
[al-Shu'ara' 26:214]
because they are the first people to whom he
should do good and show mercy.
The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) gave the parents the responsibility
of raising the children and made that obligatory
upon them.
It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn `Umar
said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: "Each of
you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible
for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is
responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd
of his family and is responsible for his flock.
A woman is the shepherd of her husband's
household and is responsible for her flock. A
servant is the shepherd of his master's wealth
and is responsible for his flock." He said: and
I think he said, "A man is the shepherd of his
father's wealth and is responsible for his
flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is
responsible for his flock."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 583; Muslim, 1829.
Part of your duty is to bring them up from a
young age to love Allaah and His Messenger and
to love the teachings of Islam. You should tell
them that Allaah has a Paradise and a Hell; that
His Hell is hot and its fuel is men and stones.
The following story contains an important
lesson.
Ibn al-Jawzi said:
There was a king who had a lot of wealth, and
he had a daughter and no other children. He
loved her very much, and he used to let her
enjoy all kinds of entertainment. This went on
for a long time. Beside the king there lived a
devoted worshipper, and whilst he was reciting
one night, he raised his voice saying, "O you
who believe! Ward off yourselves and your
families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men
and stones " [al-Tahreem 66:6 _ interpretation
of the meaning]. The girl heard his
recitation and said to her servants, "Stop!" But
they did not stop. The worshipper started to
repeat the verse, and the girl kept telling them
to stop, but they did not stop. She put her
hands to her collar and tore her garment, and
they went to her father and told him the story.
He went to her and said, "My dear, what happened
to you tonight? What made you weep?" and he
hugged her. She said, "I ask you by Allaah, O my
father, to tell me, does have Allaah have a Fire
the fuel of which is men and stones?" He said,
"Yes." She asked him, "Why did you not tell me?
By Allaah I will not eat any good food or sleep
on any soft bed until I know whether my abode is
in Paradise or Hell."
Safwat al-Safwah, 4/437-438
You have to keep them away from the places of
immorality and misguidance; do not leave them to
grow up with evil things from the television
etc, then after that expect them to be
righteous, for whoever sows thorns cannot
harvest grapes. That should be done when they
are young, so that it will be easy for them when
they grow up, and they will get used to it, and
it will be easy for you to tell them what to do
and what not to do, and it will be easy for them
to obey you.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah
be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Teach your children to pray when
they are seven years old, and smack them if they
do not do so when they are ten, and separate
them in their beds."
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 495; classed as
saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', 5868
But the educator must be merciful,
forbearing, easy-going and approachable, not
foul-mouthed or unkempt, arguing in a manner
that is better, far removed from insulting,
rebuking and beating, unless the child is one of
those who willfully disobey and rejects his
father's commands and neglects his duties and
does haraam things; in that case it is better to
use stern measures with him, without causing him
harm.
Al-Minaawi said: For a father to discipline
his child when he reaches the age of discernment
[??] means that he should raise him with the
characteristics of the righteous believers and
protect him from mixing with evildoers; he
should teach him the Qur'aan and good manners
and the language of the Arabs, let him hear the
Sunnah and the sayings of the Salaf and teach
him the religious rulings that he cannot do
without. He should warn him then smack him if he
does not pray etc. That will be better for him
than giving a saa' in charity, because if he
teaches him properly, his actions will be among
his ongoing charity, whereas the reward for a
saa' of charity is limited, but that will last
as long as the child lives. Discipline is the
nourishment of the soul, and training it for the
Hereafter.
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell)…"
[al-Tahreem 66:6 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
Protecting yourself and your family from it
means reminding them of Hell. Discipline
includes preaching, warning, threatening,
smacking, detaining, giving and being kind.
Disciplining one who is good and noble is
different from disciplining one who is difficult
and ignoble. Fayd al-Qadeer, 5/257
Smacking is a means of correcting the child;
it is not something that it wanted in and of
itself, rather it is resorted to if the child is
stubborn and disobedient.
There is a system of punishment in Islam, and
there are many punishments in Islam, such as the
hadd punishments for adultery, theft,
slander, etc. All of these are prescribed in
order to set the people straight and put a stop
to their evil.
Concerning such matters the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised
parents to deter their children from doing
wrong.
It was narrated from Ibn `Abbaas that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Hang your whip where
the members of the household can see it, for
that will discipline them."
Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 10/248; its isnaad
was classed as hasan by al-Haythami in Majma'
al-Zawaa'id, 8/106
Al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami',
4022, it is hasan.
So raising children should be a balance
between encouragement and warning. The most
important element of all is making the
environment in which the children live a good
one, by providing the means whereby they may be
guided; this means that their educators should
be religiously committed, including their
parents.
One of the ways in which a parent may be
successful in raising his children is to use a
cassette player to play tapes of teachings,
Qur'aan recitation, khutbahs and lessons of
scholars, for there are many available.
With regard to the books that you asked
about, which you can refer to with regard to
raising children, we recommend the following:
Tarbiyat al-Atfaal fi Rihaab al-Islam
by Muhammad Haamid al-Naasir and Khawlah `Abd
al-Qaadir Darweesh
Kayfa yurabbi al-Muslim waladahu by
Muhammad Sa'eed al-Mawlawi
Tarbiyat al-Abna' fi'l-Islam by
Muhammad Jameel Zayno
Kayfa nurabbi Atfaalana by Mahmoud
Mahdi al-Istanbuli
Mas'ooliyat al-Abb al-Muslim fi Tarbiyat
al-Walad by `Adnaan Ba Haarith
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
20064: Rights of children
Question:
What are the rights of wife, children on the
man.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
1 _ The wife's rights:
These have been discussed in detail in the
answer to question no. 10680
2 _ The children's rights.
Allaah has given children rights over their
parents just as the parents have rights over
their children.
It was narrated that Ibn `Umar said: "Allaah
has called them abraar (righteous)
because they honoured (barru) their
fathers and children. Just as your father has
rights over you, so too your child has rights
over you.
Al-Adab al-Mufrad, 94.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said, according to a
hadeeth narrated by `Abd-Allaah ibn `Umar, "…
and your child has rights over you."
Muslim, 1159.
The child's rights over their children
include some that come even before the child is
born, for example:
1 _ Choosing a righteous wife to be a
righteous mother.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah
be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A woman
may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her
lineage, her beauty and her religious
commitment. Marry the one who is religiously
committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust
(i.e., may you prosper)." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).
Shaykh `Abd al-Ghani al-Dahlawi said: Choose
from among women those who are religiously
committed and righteous, and who are of good
descent, for if a woman is of illegitimate
descent, this bad characteristic may be passed
to her children. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"The adulterer — fornicator marries not
but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah;
and the adulteress _fornicatress, none marries
her except an adulterer — fornicater or a
Mushrik"
[al-Noor 24:3]
Rather Islam recommends compatibility for the
purpose of harmony and to avoid a person being
shamed if he marries into a family that is not
compatible.
Sharh Sunan Ibn Maajah, 1/141
Rights after the child is born:
1 _ It is Sunnah to do tahneek for the
child when he is born:
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may
Allaah be pleased with him) said: The son of Abu
Talhah was sick. Abu Talhah went out and the
child died, and when Abu Talhah returned he
said, "What happened to my son?" Umm Sulaym (his
wife) said, `He is quieter than he was." Then
she brought him his dinner and he ate, then he
had marital relations with her, and when he
finished she said, "They buried the child." The
following morning, Abu Talhah went to the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and told him what had
happened. He said, "Did you have marital
relations last night?" He said, "Yes." He said,
"O Allaah, bless them." She later gave birth to
a boy. Abu Talhah said to me, "Keep him until I
bring him to the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him)." He brought him to the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) and I sent some dates with him. The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took
him and said, "Is there anything with him?" They
said, "Yes, some dates." The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) took some and
chewed it, then he took some from his mouth and
put it in the child's mouth (tahneek), and named
him `Abd-Allaah.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5153; Muslim, 2144
Al-Nawawi said:
The scholars are agreed that it is mustahabb
to do tahneek with dates for the child
when he is born; if that is not possible then to
use some similar kind of sweet. The dates should
be chewed until they become soft enough to be
swallowed, then the child's mouth should be
opened and a little of the dates put in his
mouth.
Sharh al-Nawawi `ala Muslim,
14/122-123
2 _ The child should be given a good name,
such as `Abd-Allaah or `Abd al-Rahmaan.
It was narrated from Naafi' that Ibn `Umar
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The most
beloved of your names to Allaah are `Abd-Allaah
and `Abd al-Rahmaan."
(Narrated by Muslim, 2132)
It is mustahabb to give the child a Prophet's
name:
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "A child was born to
me last night and I called him by the name of my
father Ibraaheem."
Narrated by Muslim, 2315
It is mustahabb to name the child on the
seventh day, but there is nothing wrong with
naming him on the day of his birth, because of
the hadeeth quoted above.
It was narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that
the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Every child is in
pledge for his `aqeeqah which should be
slaughtered for him on the seventh day, his head
should be shaved and he should be named.
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2838; classed as
saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', 4541
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
The purpose of naming is to define the thing
named, because if there is something whose name
is unknown it is difficult to refer to it. So it
is permissible to name him (the child) on the
day he is born, and it is permissible to delay
the naming until the third day, or until the day
of the `aqeeqah, or before or after that. The
matter is broad in scope."
Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 111
3 _ It is Sunnah to shave the child's head on
the seventh day and to give the weight of the
hair in silver in charity.
It was narrated that `Ali ibn Abi Taalib
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) slaughtered a
sheep as the `aqeeqah for al-Hasan, and he said,
"O Faatimah, shave his head and give the weight
of his hair in silver in charity." So she
weighed it and its weight was a dirham or part
of a dirham.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1519; classed as
hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Tirmidhi, 1226.
4 _ It is mustahabb for the father to do the
`aqeeqah, as stated in the hadeeth quoted above,
"Every child is in pledge for his `aqeeqah."
Two sheep should be sacrificed for a boy and
one for a girl.
It was narrated from `Aa'ishah that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) commanded them (to
sacrifice) two similar sheep for a boy and one
for a girl.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1513; Saheeh
al-Tirmidhi, 1221; Abu Dawood, 2834;
al-Nasaa'i, 4212; Ibn Maajah, 3163
5 _ Circumcision
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "The fitrah is five
things, or five things are part of the fitrah:
circumcision, shaving the pubic hairs, plucking
the armpit hairs, clipping the nails and
trimming the moustache."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5550; Muslim, 257
The child's rights with regard to education
and upbringing:
It was narrated from `Abd-Allaah (may Allaah
be pleased with him) that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Each of you is a shepherd and is
responsible for his flock. The ruler who is in
charge of people is a shepherd and is
responsible for them. The man is the shepherd of
his household and is responsible for them. The
woman is the shepherd of her husband's house and
child and is responsible for them. The slave is
the shepherd of his master's wealth and is
responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd
and each of you is responsible for his flock."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2416; Muslim, 1829.
So parents must take care of teaching their
children the duties of Islam and other virtues
that are recommended in sharee'ah, and worldly
matters that they need in order to live a decent
life in this world.
The man should start by teaching them the
most important things, then the next most
important. So he starts by teaching them correct
`aqeedah, free from shirk and bid'ah. Then he
teaches them the acts of worship, especially
prayer. Then he teaches them and trains them in
good manners and characteristics, and everything
that is good.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And (remember) when Luqmaan said to his
son when he was advising him: "O my son! Join
not in worship others with Allaah. Verily,
joining others in worship with Allaah is a great
Zulm (wrong) indeed"
[Luqmaan 31:13]
It was narrated from `Abd al-Malik ibn
al-Rabee' ibn Sabrah from his father that his
grandfather said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Teach the child to pray when he is seven years
old, and smack him if he does not pray when he
is ten."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 407; Abu Dawood,
494. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Jaami', 4025
It was narrated that al-Rubayyi' bint
Mu'awwidh said: The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) sent word on the morning
of Ashoora' to the areas where the Ansaar lived
(on the outskirts of Madeenah), saying: Whoever
did not fast this morning, let him not eat for
the rest of the day, and whoever started fasting
this morning, let him complete his fast. She
said: We used to observe this fast after that,
and we used to make our children fast and make
them toys of wool; if one of them cried for food
we would give him that toy until it was time to
break the fast. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1859;
Muslim, 1136
It was narrated that al-Saa'ib ibn Yazeed
said: I was taken for Hajj with the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) when I was seven years old. Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 1759
Training in good manners and characteristics:
Every father and mother should train their
children in praiseworthy characteristics and
good manners, whether towards Allaah, His
Prophet the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), towards their
Qur'aan and ummah, and with everyone whom they
know and who has rights over them. They should
not behave badly with those whom they mix with,
their neighbours or their friends.
Al-Nawawi said:
The father must discipline his child and
teach him what he needs to know of religious
duties. This teaching is obligatory upon the
father and all those in charge of children
before the child reaches the age of adolescence.
This was stated by al-Shaafa'i and his
companions. Al-Shaafa'i and his companions said:
This teaching is also obligatory upon the
mother, if there is no father, because it is
part of the child's upbringing and they have a
share of that and the wages for this teaching
may be taken from the child's own wealth. If the
child has no wealth then the one who is obliged
to spend on him may spend on his education,
because it is one of the things that he needs.
And Allaah knows best.
Sharh al-Nawawi `ala Saheeh Muslim,
8/44
The father should bring them up with good
manners in all things, eating, drinking,
dressing, sleeping, going out of the house,
entering the house, riding in vehicles, etc, and
in all their affairs. He should instill in them
the attributes of a good man, such as love of
sacrifice, putting others first, helping others,
chivalry and generosity. He should keep them
away from evil characteristics such as
cowardice, stinginess, lack of chivalry, lack of
ambition, etc.
Al-Manaawi said:
"Just as your parents have rights over you,
so too your child has rights over you, rather
many rights, such as teaching them the
individual obligations, teaching them Islamic
manners, giving them gifts equally, whether that
is a gift, a waqf, or other gift. If preference
is shown with no reason, that is regarded as
invalid by some of the scholars and as makrooh
by others.
Fayd al-Qadeer, 2/574
He must also protect his sons and daughters
from everything that may bring them close to the
Fire. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose
fuel is men and stones, over which are
(appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who
disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they
receive from Allaah, but do that which they are
commanded"
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
al-Qurtubi said:
al-Hasan commented on this verse by saying,
Command them and forbid them. One of the
scholars said: (The phrase) Ward off (or
protect) yourselves includes children, because
the child is part of him, as it says in the
verse (interpretation of the meaning): "…nor
on yourselves, if you eat from your houses…"
[al-Noor 24:61], where the various relatives
are not mentioned individually. So he should
teach him what is halaal and what is haraam, and
make him avoid sin, and teach him other rulings.
Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/194-195.
Spending:
This is one of the father's obligations
towards his children; it is not permissible for
him to fall short in that or to neglect this
matter, rather he is obliged to do this duty in
the fullest sense.
It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn `Amr
(may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "It is sufficient sin
for a man if he neglects those on whom he is
obliged to spend."
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1692; classed as
sahan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', 4481.
Another of the greatest rights is to give the
child a good upbringing and take good care of
him or her _ especially in the case of girls.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) encouraged this righteous
deed.
It was narrated that `Aa'ishah the wife of
the Prophet (S) said: A woman came to me with
two daughters and asked me for food, and I could
not find anything except one date which I gave
to her. She shared it between her two daughters,
then she got up and went out. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came in and
I told him what had happened. He said: "Whoever
is in charge of any of these girls and treats
them well, they will be a shield for him against
the Fire."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5649; Muslim, 2629
Another important matter which is one of the
rights of children to which attention must be
paid, is treating children fairly. This right
was referred to by the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the saheeh
hadeeth: "Fear Allaah and treat your children
fairly." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2447; Muslim,
1623). It is not permissible to show preference
to females over males, just as it is not
permissible to show preference to males over
females. If the father makes this mistake and
shows preference to some of his children over
others, and does not treat them fairly, this
will lead to many evils, such as:
The harm that befalls the father himself, for
the children whom he denies or deprives will
grow up to hate him. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to
this in the hadeeth narrated by Muslim (1623)
when he said to the father of al-Nu'maan, "Would
you like them to honour you equally?" He said,
"Yes." In other words, if you want them all to
honour you equally, then be fair in giving gifts
to them.
Another evil consequence is the children
hating one another, and stoking the flames of
hatred and enmity between them.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
26192: Her sister does not
pray and does not behave properly
Question:
What should i do of my younger sister. She
does not offer any prayers, she is always
telling lies and fighhting.The whole house is
sick and tired of her.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We appreciate your getting in touch with us,
and we ask Allaah to guide us and protect us
from the evil of our own selves.
With regard to your sister's situation, it is
the same in the case of many young people these
days. We ask Allaah to guide them and us. Our
duty towards them _ as it seems to be _ is as
follows:
Firstly: we should turn to Allaah and ask Him
to guide them, for He is the controller of the
hearts. Perhaps a du'aa' from the heart will be
the cause of her happiness in this world and in
the Hereafter.
Secondly: you should stop dealing with her on
the basis that she is a child or that she does
not know what is in her best interests. People _
especially in adolescence _ like the people
around them to make them feel that they are
important; they do not like people to treat them
as if they are still children.
Thirdly: try to get her in touch with
righteous young women, and keep her away from
her friends who are not good, even if that means
changing her school. That should be done without
her realizing what is going on, because
otherwise she may become more stubborn which
will make the problem worse.
Fourthly: You should not look at her with
disapproval only, rather you should express your
approval of good things that she does and you
should give her gifts if she does good things.
Fifthly: you could advise her via a person
whom she likes, such as a teacher or friend,
etc.
Sixthly: You should try to give her tapes or
books containing teachings in an indirect
manner, such as putting them near her or
listening to the tape in the car whilst she is
riding in it.
With regard to her not praying, this is an
extremely serious matter. The status of prayer
in Islam is that of a foundation on which the
entire structure rests. Hence the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "The
covenant that stands between us and them is
prayer; whoever does not pray is a kaafir."
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2621; classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Tirmidhi, 2113)
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Between a man and shirk and
kufr stands his giving up prayer."
(Narrated by Muslim, 82).
So you have to advise her and preach to her
and guide her to the right way; for this purpose
you may combine encouragement and threat,
gentleness and strictness; if the matter
requires some harshness sometimes, there is
nothing wrong with using it.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Teach your children to pray
when they are seven years old, and hit them if
they do not pray when they are ten, and separate
them in their beds." (Narrated by Abu Dawood,
495; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Abi Dawood, 466.
This strictness and harshness is only in her
best interests.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the
Muslims straight.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
8858: Parents watching over
their children
Question:
As a muslim parent trying to raise my
children islamically,what is your advise on
searching my childrens belongings and if I find
things that are haram or forbidden do I have the
right to take them and destroy them even though
they are in their possession?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Our advice is that the mother or father
should from time to time examine their
children's belongings. That is because the
Shaytaan may make attractive to them the idea of
keeping something haraam that it is not
permissible to look at or listen to. This is
part of the responsibility that Allaah has
enjoined upon parents towards their children.
For many sons and daughters, the means of
their being guided and their giving up evil
things that they are indulging in is the
watchfulness of their fathers and mothers, and
their taking good care of them. It is easy to
put a stop to evil at the beginning, or to warn
against bad friends at the beginning, but if it
has been going on for a long time, it will be
difficult to rescue sons and daughters from this
bad company.
In most cases, it will be possible to find
out what bad things your sons and daughters have
by inspecting their bags, reading their books
and getting to know their friends.
How many young men and women have wished that
their parents had watched what they were doing
and examined their belongings at an early stage,
before corruption took a hold of their hearts.
Hence we advise you to do this from time to
time, without letting them realize that, lest
they take precautions and avoid keeping anything
dubious with their stuff.
This watching should be done if the parent
sees some indication that his child is starting
to go astray. But if it seems that the child is
righteous and keeping away from evil things,
then neither the parents or anyone else has the
right to watch over the child or inspect his
personal belongings, because that comes under
the heading of suspicion and spying, which
Allaah has forbidden when He said
(interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion;
indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not"
[al-Hujuraat 49:12]
But if the mother or father finds something
haraam, then they have to destroy it, and then
advise the child in whose possession this evil
thing was found.
It was narrated that Abu Sa'eed al-Khudri
said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: "Whoever
among you sees an evil action, let him change it
with his hand (by taking action); if he cannot,
then with his tongue (by speaking out); and if
he cannot, then with his heart (by hating it and
feeling that it is wrong), and that is the
weakest of faith."
(Narrated by Muslim, 49).
Imam al-Nawawi said:
With regard to the Prophet's words "let him
change it", this is a positive command,
according to the consensus of the ummah. The
Qur'aan, Sunnah and consensus of the ummah all
agree that it is obligatory to enjoin what is
good and forbid what is evil; this is also part
of the sincerity (naseehah) which is the
religion.
Moreover, enjoining what is good and
forbidding what is evil is fard kafaayah (a
communal obligation). If some of the people
undertake to do it, the rest are absolved of
blame; but if they all fail to do it, then
everyone who was able to do it but did not, with
no excuse and no fear, is guilty of sin.
But it may become fard `ayn (an individual
obligation), for example if it is in a place
which no one knows but him, or no one can remove
it but him, or if he sees his wife, his son or
his slave doing something evil, or falling short
in doing something good.
Al-Qaadi `Iyaad (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: This hadeeth sets out the principle
of changing evil. The one who seeks to change it
can do so by whatever means possible, and remove
it by word or deeds. So he may break the
instruments of falsehood and spill (alcohol)
himself or order that this be done, and he can
take items seized by force and return them to
their owners himself, or he can issue orders
that this be done, but he should be gentle with
the ignorant, and also with those in positions
of power and status, if there is any fear of
their evil, because they are more likely to
respond to gentleness than harshness.
Sharh Muslim, 2/22-25
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
21357: Dealing with a child
who gets angry quickly
Question:
I have a son who is very hot tempered. How
can I deal with this characteristic?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The issue of dealing with anger has already
been discussed. Please see question no.
658. Means of dealing with anger include
the following:
· Seeking refuge with Allaah from the
accursed Shaytaan.
· Keeping quiet.
· Calming down; if you are standing, you
should sit down; if you are sitting, you should
lie down.
· Remembering the reward for restraining
anger, as it says in the saheeh hadeeth: "Do not
get angry and Paradise will be yours."
· Understanding the high status of one who
controls himself, as it says in the saheeh
hadeeth: "Whoever restrains his anger, Allaah
will cover his faults. Whoever controls his fury
_ even if he is able to show it _ Allaah will
fill his heart with hope on the Day of
Resurrection." (Classed as hasan by al-Albaani
in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 906).
· Learning what the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) teachings
concerning anger.
· Knowing that controlling anger is one of
the signs of piety, as it says in the hadeeth
quoted above.
· Paying attention when reminded, controlling
oneself and following advice.
· Knowing the bad effects of anger.
· Thinking about how one is affected at the
moment of anger.
· Praying that Allaah will remove this
resentment from one's heart.
There follows a lovely story which will help
you to deal with the child whose problem you
mention:
There was a boy who was always losing his
temper. His father gave him a bag full of nails
and said to him, "My son, I want you to hammer a
nail into our garden fence every time you need
to direct your anger against something and you
lose your temper."
So the son started to follow his father's
advice. On the first day he hammered in 37
nails, but getting the nails into the fence was
not easy, so he started trying to control
himself when he got angry. As the days went by,
he was hammering in less nails, and within weeks
he was able to control himself and was able to
refrain from getting angry and from hammering
nails. He came to his father and told him what
he had achieved. His father was happy with his
efforts and said to him: "But now, my son, you
have to take out a nail for every day that you
do not get angry."
The son started to take out the nails for
each day that he did not get angry, until there
were no nails left in the fence.
He came to his father and told him what he
had achieved. His father took him to the fence
and said, "My son, you have done well, but look
at these holes in the fence. This fence will
never be the same again." Then he added: "When
you say things in a state of anger, they leave
marks like these holes on the hearts of others.
You can stab a person and withdraw the knife but
it doesn't matter how many times you say `I'm
sorry,' because the wound will remain.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
1956: When should we teach
children about removing body hair?
Question:
My question is in reference to the sunnah of
shaving the underarms and the pubic region. At
what age should we instill this practice with
our children who may have reached the stage of
puberty? May Allah guide us in seeking this
knowledge in Islam.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The child _ male or female _ needs to know
about this ruling when he or she approaches the
age of puberty and when you think that this
hair, which has been made one of the signs of
puberty, and which we have been commanded to
remove for the sake of tahaarah (purity),
cleanliness and good health, has started to
grow. You could introduce this idea gradually in
the context of other points and ideas that the
child needs to know and be reminded of as he or
she approaches the age of puberty, such as the
meaning of takleef (accountability), the
rights of Allaah over a person, the duties of
the person who has reached the age of
accountability, the fact that his or her evil
deeds will be recorded from puberty onwards, and
the rules of ghusl for janaabah
(impurity), etc. If the parents find it
embarrassing to talk about this subject directly
with the child, they can give him or her a book
or pamphlet about the rules that have to do with
puberty. And Allaah is the source of strength.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
13807: Ruling on hitting
female students in order to discipline them
Question:
What is the ruling on hitting female students
in order to discipline them and make them do the
duties required of them and to make them get
used to not neglecting their duties?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There is nothing wrong with that. Teachers
and parents must all watch the children and
discipline those who need to be disciplined if
they fall short in their duties, so that they
will get used to good behaviour and will adhere
to doing the righteous deeds that will abide.
Hence it was narrated that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Instruct your children to pray when they are
seven years old and smack them if they do not
pray when then are ten years old, and separate
them in their beds." So both males and females
may be smacked when they reach the age of ten,
if they fall short in their prayers, and they
may be disciplined so that they will pray
regularly. The same applies to other duties with
regard to learning or household matters, etc.
Those who take care of children, whether boys or
girls, must take care to direct and discipline
them, but the hitting must be light and not
harmful to the child, whilst also achieving the
desired aim.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz in al-Fataawa al-Jaami'ah
li'l-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, part 3, p. 1079
(www.islam-qa.com)
4237: Islamic education in
the West
Question:
How do we as muslims living inthe west
maintain an Islamic Education for our children.
Primary and secondary education upto the age of
15/16 may be provided in Muslim schools (which
are also very expensive), but as for Higher
Education there is no such Islamic Institute.
Even on the secondary school level on the
agenda of Curriculum, we do not have books that
deal with the branches of knowledge that are
available in secular institutes, such as;
Political science, Sociology, Psychology,
Pedagogy.
Please advise on how we should go about
bringing about an Islamic Education fystem for
our Youth i the west (bearing in mind that it is
near Impossible for us to migrate to Arab/Muslim
countries because of the restrictions on
immigration etc.)
May Allah reward you.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
In order to preserve the structure of the
Muslim family in the kaafir countries, we need
to meet a number of conditions and requirements,
both within the home and outside it:
· Within the home:
It is essential for parents to uphold the
habit of praying regularly in the mosque with
their children; if there is no mosque nearby,
then they must pray in jamaa'ah at home.
They have to read Qur'aan and listen to its
recitation daily.
They must eat meals together.
They must speak in the language of the
Qur'aan as much as they can.
They must uphold the good manners prescribed
by the Lord of the Worlds for families and in
social settings; these include those that are to
be found in Soorat al-Noor.
They should not let themselves or their
children watch immoral and corrupt movies.
Their children have to sleep at home and
should stay home as much as possible, to protect
them from the influences of the bad environment
outside. They should be very strict in not
allowing their children to sleep outside the
home ("sleepovers").
They should avoid sending their children to
universities far from home where they would have
to stay in university accommodation, otherwise
we will lose our children, who will be
assimilated into the kaafir society.
We have to be careful to eat only halaal food
and the parents must avoid using all kinds of
haraam things such as cigarettes, marijuana and
other things which are widely available in
kaafir countries.
Outside the home:
We must send our children to Islamic schools
from kindergarten to the end of secondary school
(high school).
We must also send them to the mosque as much
as possible, to pray Jumu'ah and other prayers
in jamaa'ah, and to attend lectures, halaqahs
and study circles, etc.
We must establish educational and sporting
activities for children and youth in places that
are supervised by Muslims.
Organizing educational camps where all
members of the family can go.
Fathers and mothers should strive to go to
the Holy Places to perform the rituals of `Umrah
and the obligations of Hajj, accompanied by
their children.
Training children to speak about Islam in
simple language which adults and children,
Muslim and non-Muslim, can understand.
Training children to memorize Qur'aan and
sending some of them _ if possible _ to a Muslim
Arab country so that they can gain an
understanding of the religion, then come back to
be daa'iyahs who are equipped with knowledge of
Islam and the language of the Qur'aan.
Training some of our sons to give Jumu'ah
Khutbahs, and to lead the Muslims in prayer, so
that they will become leaders of the Muslim
community.
Encouraging children to marry early so as to
protect their religious and worldly interests.
10-We have to encourage them to marry Muslim
girls from families who are known for their
religious commitment and good attitudes.
11-We have to avoid using the number 911 and
calling the police to come to the house to
resolve conflicts. If conflicts arise, we must
get in touch with a responsible member of the
Muslim community or with wise Muslims to help
resolve the conflict.
12-Not attending parties where there is
dancing, music and singing, or joining in
celebrations of immorality or the festivals of
kufr; stopping our children, with wisdom, from
going to church on Sundays with Christian
students. And Allaah is the Source of strength
and the Guide to the Straight Path.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
21215: Instilling the love
of the Prophet in the heart of a child
Question:
How can we develop love of the Prophet SAWS
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in
the hearts of our children? I have a young
daughter _ what can I do with her to achieve
this?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There are a number of ways to instill love of
the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) in the hearts of our children, such
as:
· The parents can tell them the stories that
have been narrated of the children of the
Sahaabah at the time of the Prophet SAWS (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), how they
fought those who tried to harm him, how quickly
they responded to his call and obeyed his
commands, and how they loved that which he
loved, and how they memorized the hadeeth of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him).
· The parents should help her to memorize as
much hadeeth as she can of ahaadeeth, and reward
her for that… One of the things that was
narrated concerning that was the words of
al-Zubayri: Maalik ibn Anas had a daughter who
memorized his knowledge _ i.e.
al-Muwatta'. She used to stand behind the
door and if a student made a mistake she would
knock on the door, and Maalik would be alerted
and would correct him. And it was narrated that
al-Nadar ibn al-Haarith said: "I heard Ibraaheem
ibn Adham say: `My father said to me, O my son,
seek hadeeth, and every time you hear a hadeeth
and memorize it, I will give you a dirham, so I
learnt hadeeth in that way."
· They should teach her _ according to her
level of understanding _ about the life of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) and his military campaigns, and the lives
of the Sahaabah, both men and women _ may Allaah
be pleased with them, so that she will grow up
loving these noble people, and be influenced by
their behaviour, and will be keen to strive and
sincere in correcting herself and supporting her
religion.
· The Sahaabah and the salaf (early
generations) were keen to teach their children
about the life of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), and they would
teach it alongside teaching the Qur'aan, because
his seerah is the interpretation of the the
meanings of the Qur'aan, as well as stirring up
emotions and demonstrating true Islam and having
a wondrous effect on the soul. It also carries
the meanings of love and jihad to save mankind
from misguidance and bring them to guidance,
from falsehood to truth, from the darkness of
jaahiliyyah to the light of Islam.
When telling their daughter about the life of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) and the lives of the male and female
Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them), the
father and mother must tell her about things
that she can relate to, such as the childhood of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him), some stories about his life with (his
wet-nurse) Haleemah al-Sa'diyyah, and how Allaah
bestowed goodness and blessings upon Haleemah
and her family because of him (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), the night of
the Hijrah and how Allaah covered the eyes of
the mushrikeen, and other stories which
demonstrate how Allaah helped him. Thus the
girl's heart will be filled with love for Allaah
and love for His Messenger (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him). It was narrated from
`Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Train your children to acquire three
characteristics: love of your Prophet, love of
his family and reading the Qur'aan, for the
bearers of the Qur'aan will be in the shade of
Allaah on the Day when there will be no shade
except His, with His Prophets and His chosen
ones." (Narrated by al-Suyooti in al-Jaami'
al-Sagheer, p. 25; classed as da'eef
by al-Albaani in Da'eef al-Jaami'
al-Sagheer, p. 36, no. 251). It would be a
good idea if the parents devote a suitable time
for teaching the life of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) during the
daily family lesson, when the children can read
about seerah in simplified books, or the father
or mother can tell them these stories in a
manner that is appropriate to the child's age.
From Tanshi'at al-Fataat al-Muslimah by Hanaan
al-Toori, p. 171 (www.islam-qa.com)
20872e: Developing a girl's
self-confidence
Question:
My parents treated me very badly, to such an
extent that I lost my self-confidence and became
hesitant and fearful. I couldn't do anything
right and I did not know how to make a decision.
I got married and Allaah has blessed me with a
daughter. I want to avoid what happened to me so
that this regrettable experience is not repeated
with my daughter. What do you advise me to do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
At the age of two, a child starts to form her
attitude towards the world around her. Some
developmental psychologists think that the sense
of self-confidence is one of the first of these
attitudes and the strength of these feelings at
age 2 depends on the kind of care that the child
receives and on the parents' attitude in meeting
her basic needs. At this stage the child shows
signs of development by showing a desire for
independence, as she needs the freedom to speak,
walk and play. All of that is connected to the
need to assert herself which can only be
achieved by allowing her a measure of
independence. This is confirmed by the theory of
development through maturity which says that we
should respect the child's individuality and
leave him or her to develop naturally. Some
girls grow up lacking self-confidence so that
they cannot rely upon themselves in any matter,
major or minor. They rarely take any initiative
and are always waiting for someone to say, "Do
such and such." If faced with a problem, such a
girl will be unable to take any decision and may
try to avoid confronting the problem, or start
crying. This is partly the parents' fault, and
it may be for a number of reasons, such as:
- Too much control ("Do this, don't do that")
in major and minor matters alike, even if the
matter does not warrant it, so that the child
loses her spontaneity and this makes her lose
confidence in her actions, and instead she
always waits for someone to correct her and
reassure her that she is doing the right thing.
- Blaming and criticizing her for everything
she does, seeking out her faults and rebuking
her if she makes a mistake, so that she is
blamed and rebuked more than she deserves at the
time when she is expecting praise for her
efforts. This destroys the child's motivation to
act or to compete in doing anything and doing it
well.
- Not giving the child the opportunity to
speak in front of others for fear that she may
make a mistake or speak of things that are not
desirable, or else allowing her to speak but
telling her what she should say.
- Giving her too many warnings about danger,
which will make her always expect the worst and
imagine that she is surrounded by danger on all
sides.
- Putting her down or comparing her to
others, which makes her think that she has no
worth.
- Making fun of her and mocking her.
- Not paying attention to her questions.
- Paying too much attention in a manner that
shows excessive worry about her health or her
future.
Lack of self-confidence has many negative
effects on the child, such as:
1- She will not be able to do anything
independently, and if she is asked to bring
something and finds that it differs from the
description given, she will be hesitant; if she
is faced with a problem she will be unable to
take a decision.
2- She will become dull-witted and not
creative.
3- She will start to complain and feel
unhappy whenever anything is asked of her,
because she thinks that she will be blamed for
whatever she does and that she will not be able
to do it in the manner required.
4- She will become weak-willed and will have
no resolve, and she will feel meek and apathetic
in situations where such attitudes are not
appropriate, and will become neglectful and
disorganized.
5- She will suffer anxiety and frustration,
and will develop a hostile attitude or a
tendency to become introverted and withdrawn.
In order to avoid these negative effects on
the child, parents should use a number of ways
to develop the child's self-confidence. Some
examples follow, but this is not a complete
list:
- They should draw up some general guidelines
to follow by telling her what Allaah has made
permissible, which she may do, and what He has
forbidden, which she must avoid. They should
make her aware of noble attributes and good
manners, and instill in her a dislike for bad
manners, deeds and words, and the need to steer
clear of trivial matters. Then after that they
should give her the freedom to act on her own
initiative.
- The mother should assign her some tasks
that she is able to do. If she makes a mistake
the mother should praise her for her initiative
and encourage her, then tell her what she should
have done. Sometimes she should just praise her
for her efforts, then complete the work in a
gentle manner, without telling her directly. If
the task is not something that the child is able
to do, then the mother may do it and consult the
child and ask for her opinion, and let the child
state what she thinks is good and is not, so
that the child will realize that everyone is
vulnerable to making mistakes but also gets
things right sometimes. This will strengthen her
resolve.
- The parents should try to praise the child
in front of her relatives and friends, and give
her rewards commensurate with her efforts. They
should praise her for the acts of worship that
she does, such as praying regularly, memorizing
Qur'aan, doing well in her studies, having a
good attitude, and so on.
- They should give her a nickname that will
distinguish her from others, but they should not
allow anyone to call her by a bad nickname. If
she makes them angry they should call her by her
real name, so that she will realize that she has
fallen short in her duty to one or both of them,
or that she has wronged somebody, so that she
will realize that.
- Strengthening her will-power, by getting
her used to two things, namely:
(a) Keeping secrets: when she knows how to
keep secrets and not divulge them, then her
will-power will develop and grow stronger, and
thus her self-confidence will increase.
(b) Getting her used to fasting, for when she
stands firm in the face of hunger and thirst
when fasting, she will feel the joy of achieving
victory over her nafs (self), which will
strengthen her will-power when facing life,
which in turn will increase her self-confidence.
- Strengthening her confidence in dealing
with other people. This may be done by getting
her to do housework, obeying the parents'
commands, and letting her sit with the adults
and get together with other youngsters.
- Strengthening her confidence in gaining
knowledge, by teaching her the Qur'aan and the
Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and his
Seerah (biography), so that she will grow up
having acquired abundant knowledge in childhood,
so that she will have a sense of confidence in
the knowledge that she has, because she will
have gained the basic principles of true
knowledge, far removed from myths and legends.
On the other hand, the parents must also take
some precautions and take effective measures to
save the child from feeling inadequate. Some of
the things that cause a child to feel inadequate
are: belittling her, humiliating her and mocking
her, such as calling her by offensive names and
words in front of her siblings and relatives, or
even in front of her friends or in front of
strangers whom she has never met before. These
are matters which may make her regard herself as
insignificant and worthless, or may generate
psychological complexes that will make her look
at others with hatred and dislike, and make her
withdraw into herself in order to escape from
life.
Even if the offensive words that slip from
the parents' tongues are only for the purpose of
disciplining the child for some mistake, great
or small, it is not right to use this method to
correct her, as this will have a bad effect on
the child's psyche and personal conduct, and it
will make her accustomed to the language of
condemnation and insult that will destroy her
psychologically and morally.
The best way of dealing with this problem is
to explain to the child, in a gentle manner,
where she has gone wrong and to give her proof
that will convince her to avoid the mistake in
future; the parents should not scold her, and
certainly not in front of others. The parents
should use good methods in correcting her from
the outset, following the example of the
Messenger SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) in the way he reformed and trained
people and corrected their mistakes. For the
child is very sensitive and readily influenced,
irrational and helpless. Building the child's
self-confidence is the first step in building
her personality through all stages of life.
From Tanshi'at al-Fataat al-Muslimah by
Hanaan `Atiyah al-Toori al-Juhani, p. 163
(www.islam-qa.com)
22950: Spiritual training of
children
Question:
I have a young child who is three years old,
and I want to instill faith in his heart. What
should I do?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
A child who is three years old should see his
mother and father praying, and he should hear
them reciting Qur'aan, for if a child hears his
parents and brothers reciting Qur'aan and daily
dhikr repeatedly, this nourishes his soul and
brings his heart to life as the rain brings life
to a dry barren land, because when a child hears
his parents remembering Allaah and sees them
worshipping him, that has an effect on his own
words and actions.
An example of that is the following story of
a young girl:
Her mother finished her wudoo', and her
three-year-old daughter washed her face and
hands, copying her mother, then she raised her
forefinger saying, "Laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah." This indicates that the little
girl had been watching her mother and noticed
that there was a specific dhikr to be said after
making wudoo'.
In another story, a mother did the Sunnah of
wudoo' (saying "Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah")
one day, then she got up to finish her
housework. Her daughter had gotten used to
seeing her mother sitting after praying until
she had finished reciting the du'aa's to be said
after prayer, and she noticed that her mother
had got up straight after doing the Sunnah
prayer, so she said to her, "Why did you get up
before saying, "Astaghfir-Allaah"? This
attitude indicates how closely children watch
their parents.
Man is exposed to sickness and diseases, and
a child may fall ill. Then his illness should be
an opportunity to strengthen his relationship
with Allaah, by reminding him of the virtues of
good health, and that it is the blessing of
Allaah, and that we must thank Him for that, and
that man has no power and no strength except
with his Lord. When giving him medicine or going
to the hospital, we should tell him that healing
comes from Allaah, but these are means which
Allaah has enjoined upon us. Then we should get
them accustomed to ruqyah as prescribed in
sharee'ah. We should tell them about the example
of the Prophets and how they took the necessary
means and put their trust in Allaah, such as the
story of Ayyoob (peace be upon him) and his
sickness, and the story of Ya'qoob (peace be
upon him), when he told his sons to enter by
different gates, and that would not avail them
against Allaah at all, and how he left the
matter to Allaah. Allaah tells us that Ya'qoob
said:
"Do not enter by one gate, but enter by
different gates, and I cannot avail you against
Allaah at all"
[Yoosuf 12:67 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
One of the most important things is to remind
children to seek reward and to bear sickness and
medical treatment with patience. One little girl
reminded her mother that Allaah wanted her to
bear with patience the sickness which the
doctors described as chronic. That was according
to human doctors, but healing is in the hand of
Allaah. The mother remembered that this child
had to take medicine twice every day, and her
mother always reminded her to seek reward. One
day this little girl said to her mother, "I will
get reward because I am taking this medicine."
She said that as if she felt proud of this
reward and the reward that her family and
siblings would receive.
From Ummahaat qurb Abnaa'ihinna, p. 21.
(www.islam-qa.com)
22175: Teaching about the
Creator in simple terms
Question:
How can we help a child to know his Lord?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
A child can be taught about Allaah in a
suitable manner, according to his level of
understanding. He can be told that Allaah is One
and has no partner. He can be told that He is
the Creator of all things, so He is the Creator
of the earth, the heavens, people, animals,
trees, rivers, etc. The educator can make the
most of some situations by asking the child,
whilst walking through a garden or in the
countryside, about Who made the water, rivers
and things in the natural scenery around him, to
draw his attention to the greatness of the
Creator. The father, mother or educators in
general may be with a child or group of children
in a car on a journey or a trip at the time of
sunset, when the sun disappears from sight
gradually. All that the educator has to do at
that point is to draw the attention of those who
are with him to the power of Allaah displayed in
that.
A child can also be taught to understand the
bounty of Allaah and the blessing of good health
that He has bestowed upon him. For example, you
could say to him, "Who gave you your hearing,
sight and mind? Who gave you strength and the
ability to move?" and so on. The child can also
be encouraged to love Allaah and to thank Him
for this blessing and bounty. Making a child
love Allaah and the things that Allaah loves is
a good action which will bring educational
benefits sooner or later, by Allaah's Leave.
A mother opened a window on the second floor
of the house to let some air in, but her child
came and quickly closed it. When his mother
asked him why he had done that, he said, "I saw
the dish on one of our neighbours' roofs and I
don't want to look at anything that my Lord does
not like."
A child may ask about his Lord, whether He
eats or sleeps. In that case we have to answer
and tell him that there is nothing like Allaah,
and He is the All-Hearing, All-Seeing; neither
slumber nor sleep overtakes Him. Allaah is not
like us, He does not need to sleep, eat or
drink.
If these meanings are made simple for a child
and explained to him in a way that is suited to
his age, then the veneration of Allaah in his
heart is one of the things that will help him to
be aware that Allaah is watching him in secret
and in public. From Ummahaat qurba Abnaa'ihinna,
p. 26. (www.islam-qa.com)
22150: Dhikr and the Muslim
child
Question:
How can we teach our children the adhkaar to
be recited every day and night?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
A child can be taught, from the age of three
or four, the adhkaar to be recited in the
morning and evening, and when going to sleep,
eating and drinking. If a child hears these
adhkaar, and memorizes and recites them, this
will form a strong bond between his soul and
Allaah, so his soul will develop and his nature
will be sound and free of deviations.
A family went on a trip to the countryside,
and when they made a stop, their child went
running around the countryside in joy. Then he
quickly came back and asked his mother, "What is
the dhikr that we should say in this place?" Of
course, the dhikr he meant was that which was
narrated from the Messenger (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him): Khawlah bint Hakeem (may
Allaah be pleased with her) said: "I heard the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) say, `Whoever makes a stop
whilst traveling, then says, "A'oodhu bi
kalimaat Allaah il-taammati min sharri ma
khalaqa (I seek refuge in the perfect words
of Allaah from the evil of that which He has
created)," then nothing will harm him until he
moves on from that place.'" (Narrated by
Muslim).
This child realized that there are specific
adhkaar that the Muslim should recite, some of
them are connected to certain times, some to
certain places, and so on. This child understood
the real nature of the relationship with his
Lord and realized that it is ongoing, because of
what he had learned from his parents. If a child
is brought up in such a manner, then he will be
righteous, in sha Allaah, and he will have an
influence on his friends and those with whom he
is in contact.
Another story about a child growing up
remembering Allaah and having a relationship
with Him is that one day a small child who was
just four years old came to his mother wearing
new clothes that his thirteen-year-old sister
had put on him. His mother said to him, "Let me
teach you the du'aa' for wearing new clothes."
The child said, "I have already said it." The
mother was surprised because she knew that the
child had not yet learned this du'aa'. But the
child told his mother, "My sister said the
du'aa' and I repeated it after her." Look at the
righteousness of this girl that had such an
effect even on her little brother.
From Ummahaat qurba Abnaa'ihinna, p. 25.
(www.islam-qa.com)
13993: Do colour and beauty
carry any weight as a measure of virtue in
Islam?
Question:
I would like to ask a question that is a
common problem among many of us. How does Allah
look at physical beauty? How is it discussed in
Hadith and Quran? Many people favor some of
their children over others just because of light
skin color or eye color. How does the Quran view
this?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Physical beauty is not considered to be a
measure of virtue among people in Islam; rather
the standard on which distinctions are made is
taqwa (piety, fear of Allaah). Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"O mankind! We have created you from a male
and a female, and made you into nations and
tribes, that you may know one another. Verily,
the most honourable of you with Allaah is that
(believer) who has AtTaqwa [i.e. he is one of
the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is
AllKnowing, AllAware"
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]
Hence sharee'ah came to correct our outlook
which is usually based on outward appearances.
There are many ahaadeeth on this topic,
including the following:
It was narrated in al-Saheeh that Abu
Hurayrah said: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
`Allaah does not look at your appearance or your
wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your
deeds.'" (Narrated by Muslim, al-Birr
wa'l-Silah, 4651).
It was narrated that Abu Dharr said: "I
exchanged words with another man, whose mother
was a non-Arab. I insulted his mother, and he
mentioned that to the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). He said to me,
`Did you trade insults with So and so?' I said,
`Yes.' He said, `Did you insult his mother?' I
said, `Yes.' He said, `You are a man in whom is
jaahiliyyah (ignorance)…'" (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, al-Adab, 5590; Muslim,
al-Eemaan, 3140). According to another
report: "…I said to him, `O son of a black
woman'," and the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said, "In you there is
jaahiliyyah" _ i.e., one of the
characteristics of jaahiliyyah.
It was narrated that Sahl ibn Sa'd al-Saa'idi
said: "A man passed by the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and
he asked a man who was sitting with him, `What
do you think of this man?' He said, `He is one
of the nobility. By Allaah, if he proposes
marriage he deserves to get married and if he
intercedes, his intercession deserves to be
accepted.' The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said nothing.
Then another man passed by, and the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) asked, `What do you think of this man?' He
said, `O Messenger of Allaah, he is one of the
poor Muslims. If he proposes marriage he does
not deserve to get married, if he intercedes his
intercession does not deserve to be accepted and
if he speaks he does not deserve to be heard.'
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: `This one (the second
man) is better than an earthful of (men like)
that one (the first man).'" (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, al-Riqaaq, 5966).
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "People should stop boasting about
their forefathers who have died, for they are no
more than the fuel of Hell, or they will be more
insignificant before Allaah than the dung beetle
which rolls up dung with its nose. Allaah has
taken away your jaahili arrogance and pride in
your ancestors; rather man is either a believer
who fears Allaah or an immoral person who is
doomed. All of them are the sons of Adam and
Adam was created from dust." (Narrated by
al-Tirmidhi, al-Manaaqib, 3890; classed
as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan
al-Tirmidhi, no. 3100).
All these ahaadeeth indicate that which we
have mentioned above, which is that one's
appearance and colour should not be the basis of
one's feeling proud, distinguished, superior or
of high status, and that the Muslim should get
close to those who are pious and righteous.
It was narrated that `Amr ibn al-`Aas said:
"I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) saying out loud, not
quietly: `…Rather my friends are Allaah and the
righteous believers…'" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
al-Adab, 5531; Muslim, al-Eemaan,
316).
With regard to dealing with one's children,
it is obligatory to treat them fairly and not to
prefer some of them over others, even if one of
them honours his father more than another. So
how about if the distinction is based on the
colour of the child's skin or the colour of his
eyes? This is a serious matter and it is a grave
wrongdoing. Parents have to fear Allaah when
dealing with their children and treat them
fairly. It says in the hadeeth whose
authenticity is agreed upon, which was narrated
from al-Nu'maan ibn Basheer that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Fear Allaah and treat your children
fairly." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2398; Muslim,
3055). This kind of favouritism generates envy
and hatred between the children. We ask Allaah
to keep us safe and sound. And Allaah knows
best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
14079: Reward for raising
three daughters of the father or the mother
Question:
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever has three
daughters and is patient with them and gives
them to drink and clothes them, they will be a
protection for him against the Fire." Will they
be a protection against the Fire for their
father only, or will their mother have a share
in that too? I have three daughters, praise be
to Allaah.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The hadeeth applies to both the father and
the mother. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) also said, "Whoever has two
daughters and treats them kindly, they will be a
protection for him against the Fire." The same
applies if he has sisters or paternal or
maternal aunts etc., and he treats them kindly,
we hope that he will attain Paradise for that.
For when he treats them kindly, he deserves a
great reward and to be protected from the Fire,
so he will be kept away from the Fire because of
his good deed.
This applies only to Muslims, because if a
Muslim does these good deeds seeking the
pleasure of Allaah, he will have earned
salvation from the Fire. There are many means of
gaining salvation from the Fire and admittance
to Paradise, so the believer should try to
attain many of them. Islam itself is the only
means and is the basic cause of gaining
admittance to Paradise and salvation from the
Fire.
There are actions which, if the Muslim does
them, he will enter Paradise and be saved from
Hell, such as taking care of daughters or
sisters, then they will be a protection for him
against the Fire. Whoever dies leaving behind
three little ones who have not yet reached the
age of puberty, they will be a protection for
him against the Fire. They said, "O Messenger of
Allaah, what about two?" He said, "And two."
They did not ask him about one. It was narrated
in a saheeh report that he (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah says, if I
take from My slave the one whom he loves most in
this world and he bears that with patience
seeking reward from Me, he will have no less a
reward than Paradise." So Allaah explains that
the believing slave has no less a reward with
Him than Paradise, if He takes one whom he loves
of the people of this world, and he bears that
with patience and seeks reward. One of our
little ones is included in this hadeeth, if
Allaah takes him and causes him to die, and his
father or mother or both bear that with patience
and seek reward, then they will have Paradise.
This is a great bounty from Allaah. The same
applies to husbands, wives and all other
relatives and friends, if they are patient and
seek reward then they are included in this
hadeeth, so long as they take care to avoid
anything which could prevent that, such as dying
committing major sin. We ask Allaah to keep us
safe and sound.
Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi'ah li
Samaahat al-Shaykh al-`Allaamah `Abd al-`Azeez
ibn `Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy
on him), vol. 4, p. 375 (www.islam-qa.com)
8220: Islamic ruling on
missionary groups adopting Muslim orphans
Question:
What is the ruling of Islam on missionary
groups adopting Muslim orphans? Can you give us
evidence (daleel) concerning that?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to hand over Muslim
orphans to the kuffaar, Christians or others,
because of the great danger that this poses to
the orphans, and because they will not be given
an Islamic upbringing. They (orphans) are a
trust (amaanah) for which the Muslims are
responsible, so it is not permissible to place
them under the guardianship of anyone else.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"The believers, men and women, are
Awliyaa' (helpers, supporters, friends,
protectors) of one another" [al-Tawbah 9:71]
"And those who disbelieve are allies of one
another, (and) if you (Muslims of the whole
world collectively) do not do so [i.e. become
allies, as one united block under one Khaleefah
(a chief Muslim ruler for the whole Muslim
world) to make victorious Allaah's religion of
Islamic Monotheism], there will be Fitnah (wars,
battles, polytheism) and oppression on the
earth, and a great mischief and corruption
(appearance of polytheism)." [al-Anfaal 8:73]
Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi'ah li
Samaahat al-Shaykh al-`Allaamah `Abd al-`Azeez
ibn `Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy
on him), vol. 8, p. 431 (www.islam-qa.com)
10023: Children of women who
were raped in Bosnia and Kosova
Question:
What is the ruling on the children of women
who were raped in Bosnia and Kosova? Should they
be left to their fathers or should they be taken
and raised by the Muslims?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to the children, the Muslims are
obliged to take care of them and bring them up
in Islam. They must not leave them to the
Christians or others. As Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"The believers, men and women, are Awliya'
(helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of
one another" [al-Tawbah 9:71].
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said:
"The likeness of the believers in their
mutual love, mercy and compassion is that of the
body: when part of it is in pain, the whole body
joins it in staying awake and having a fever."
And these children come under the ruling of
orphans, and Allaah has prescribed kind
treatment to orphans in particular.
Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi'ah li
Samaahat al-Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn
`Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on
him), vol. 8, p. 265 (www.islam-qa.com)
9909: Children exposing
their private parts to one another
Question:
I am a very distressed father, I caught my
two young children (7 yr boy and 5 yr girl)
exposing to each other their genitals. In my
shock I severely beat them, but I don't know if
what I did was correct. My two children have
withdrawn from me and only speak to their mother
but rarely also. We are both worried. What is
the best way to resolve this situation ? We need
your help and advise!
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The most important thing is for a father to
deal wisely and in a balanced manner with his
children's mistakes. He should beware of letting
his eagerness to deal with and correct the
mistake cause him to make an even greater
mistake.
Children at this age may not understand the
implications of such actions. What usually leads
them to do such things is seeing certain things
on TV. So we must try hard to know the source of
this behaviour and where the children have
learned it from, and we should try to protect
them and keep them away from the sources of such
things.
The feelings that your children have will
most likely disappear after a while, especially
if you treat them gently and deal with them in a
kind and loving manner.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh
Do not forget to pay attention to the hadeeth
of the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him): "… And separate them in
their beds"
(Narrated by Abu Dawood, and classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani. See Saheeh Sunan Abi
Dawood, 1/97)
Try to explain to them how ugly this action
is, and tell them that this is something the
Shaytaan likes, as Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"O Children of Adam! Let not Shaytaan
(Satan) deceive you, as he got your parents
[Adam and Hawwa' (Eve)] out of Paradise,
stripping them of their raiments, to show them
their private parts [al-A'raaf 7:27]
It was narrated that Bahz ibn Hakeem said, my
father told me, from my grandfather, who said:
"I said, `O Messenger of Allaah, what about our
`awrah?' He said, `Conceal your `awrah from
everyone except your wife and female slaves whom
your right hand possesses.' He said, ` What
about a man with another man?' He said, `If you
can manage not to let anyone see it, then do
so.' I said, `What if a man is on his own?' He
said, `Allaah is more deserving that you should
be modest before Him.'" (Narrated by Abu Dawood.
Classed as hasan by al-Albaani. See Saheeh
Sunan Abi Dawood, no. 3391).
And tell them that this abhorrent action is
something which is done by evildoers and immoral
people who are hated by their Lord. May Allaah
make your children righteous. May Allaah bless
our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A. Sheikh
Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
11726: Is it counted as
committing sin openly if a person commits sin in
front of his children?
Question:
Is it counted as committing sin openly if a
person commits sin in front of his children?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to
our shaykh, Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen
(may Allaah preserve him), who answered as
follows:
I seek refuge with Allaah! This is worse than
committing sin openly, because in addition to
committing sin openly, it is giving a bad
upbringing.
Question: If he does it inside his own house
and not in front of people, will he still be
counted as committing sin openly?
Answer: If he were to do it in his own room
on his own, we would not say that this
committing sin openly, but the fact that he is
doing it in front of his children means that he
is giving them a bad upbringing as well as
committing sin openly. Hence smokers must not
smoke in front of their children, because by
doing so they are teaching them to smoke. And
Allaah knows best. shaykh, Muhammad ibn Saalih
al-`Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com)
5549: Should he leave his
daughter with her divorced, apostate mother?
Question:
Which is better, to give up on ever
succeeding in raising to be a good muslima my
now 1 yr old daghter from whose mother I
divorced for her apostasy and who has indicated
already that she may oppose attempts on my part
to raise our daughter muslima during the 1-3
whole days /wk during which she and the Kaafir
court system in the US allow me to spend with
her; or to give up on it all as some brothers
have done in similar circumstances, and make
hijra to get ilm in the Muslim land and leave my
daughter to almost certain ruin at the hands of
the kuffar child rearing system like other
brothers have done in order to make hijra for
ilm in the muslim lands.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
I advise you to strive to bring up your
daughter and never to leave her, because you are
responsible for her and will be questioned about
her on the Day of Resurrection. "Each of you is
a shepherd and is responsible for [will be
questioned about] his flock" [hadeeth]. There is
another matter, which is that you will have a
reward equal to hers if she is guided and does
righteous deeds because of your upbringing. How
could you leave the apple of your eye to someone
who will lead her to the torment of Hell? Allaah
says of the kuffaar (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the
Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and
forgiveness by His Leave" [al-Baqarah 2:221]
So strive to take care of your daughter, and
Allaah will help you and make things easier for
you. May Allaah give you strength.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
3347: Hitting children for
purposes of discipline and threatening to punish
one's wife
Question:
Is it a sin to hit one's children by hand or
stick. I only do this when I feel the child has
not obeyed my instruction after several
warnings. Also, is it a sin to lift a hand for
one's wife. There are times when I feel that it
should be done but have resisted thus far. As
for the case of the children, I feel extremely
guilty after the spanking given and beg The
Almighty for his forgiveness if the act is
wrong. Is there duaas which I may read daily for
The Almighty to guide my children and bless them
with good Aqaa'id?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The father's duty is to bring his children up
well and to take care of them, and hitting may
be used as a means of discipline when the
situation requires that. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to
smack children for not praying when they reach
the age of ten, but this should be the last
resort, when all others have failed, and there
should be no harshness in the hitting, and we
must not hit the face. The father should not hit
his child at the time of extreme anger, or with
a sharp instrument that may injure him, or with
anything that may break bones, and he should not
hit him in a place where a blow may be fatal.
Brandishing the stick may be more effective than
actually hitting. The point is that when
disciplining his child, a father should follow
the principle of using the gentlest means then
the next gentlest; he should not resort to the
harshest and most difficult means if he can
achieve his aim with something that is easier
and gentler.
With regard to hitting one's wife, this is
not the first choice of ways to discipline her.
First of all one should exhort and advise her.
If that does not work, then (the husband) should
forsake her in bed [i.e., not have conjugal
relations with her]. If that does not work, then
he may hit her, but not severely, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning);
"As to those women on whose part you see
illconduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse
to share their beds, (and last) beat them
(lightly, if it is useful); but if they return
to obedience, seek not against them means (of
annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High,
Most Great" [al-Nisaa' 4:34].
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) has told us that the best
of people are not those who beat their wives.
With regard the guidance of children, the
parents must do the things that will lead to
that, such as advising them, keeping them away
from bad company, helping them to maintain ties
with righteous friends, treating them well and
continuing to pray for them to be righteous and
to be guided. Among the du'aa's for children
that have been narrated are:
"Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and
our offspring the comfort of our eyes"
[al-Furqaan 25:74 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
and:
"and make my offspring good"
[al-Ahqaaf 46:15 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
— or any other good du'aa', but along with
making du'aa' one must also use other means that
will help to make them strong and steadfast in
Islam. And Allaah is the guide to the Straight
Path.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
7833: The problem of
children stealing
Question:
I became very upset after I discovered that
one of my children had stolen something, and I
am afraid that he may become a thief in the
future. What advice can you give me?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
A young child may steal for a number of
reasons:
He steals because he does not know the
difference between borrowing and stealing, and
the concept of personal ownership is not clear
in his mind.
Some children steal because they are deprived
of things that others have.
To take revenge on the parents or to attract
their attention.
What do we advise?
Keep calm. Instead of rebuking him and
putting him to shame, keep calm. This situation
is an opportunity to teach your child.
Advise and exhort the child. Explain to him
the Islamic rulings concerning stealing, and
tell him that Allaah says in His Book
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Cut off (from the wrist joint) the (right)
hand of the thief, male or female…)"
[al-Maa'idah 5:38]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) accepted the pledge of women, when
they made bay'ah (oath of allegience) to
him, that they would not steal, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"… that they will not steal…" [al-Mumtahinah
60:12].
Remind your child that Allaah is always
watching. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"He is with you (by His Knowledge)
wheresoever you may be" [al-Hadeed 57:4]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"… Allaah is Witness to what you do." [Aal
`Imraan 3:98]
Tell him: Allaah can see you even if you
steal something in secret, far away from the
view of people, because He says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"He knows the secret and that which is yet
more hidden." [Ta-Ha 20:7]
Confront the child: you have to confront the
child with the reason and motive for stealing.
For example, you could say to him, "I know that
you took candy from the store, and that you took
it because you felt that you needed it, but
stealing it was not the answer. Next time, if
you want something, talk to me first. I know
that you want to be honest." Try to make the
child see how others feel _ "If you were in the
place of the person whose property was stolen,
how would you feel?"
Making the punishment severe, such as making
the child return the stolen property and
apologize, or making him pay the value of the
item if it has been damaged or used up, whilst
also depriving him of some privileges at home.
Supervising the child and not leaving him
alone for a long time.
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.
See: Tanweer al-`Ibaad bi Turuq
al-Ta'aamul ma'a al-Awlaad by Dr. Haamid
Nahaar al-Mutayri, p. 37.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
5215: Is it permissible for
cousins of the opposite sex to play together
Question:
Are cousins of the opposite sex allowed to
play together?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If the cousins are male and female and are
young and have not reached the age where they
could feel desire and temptation, then there is
no harm in their playing together. If they are
older, then it is forbidden because cousins are
not Mahrams (close relatives whom one is
permanently forbidden to marry and with whom the
rules of hijaab and segregation are relaxed).
Cousins are `Ajaanib or strangers (non-Mahrams)
to the daughters of their paternal uncles
(father's brothers) and maternal uncles
(mother's brothers). And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
3240: To whose record are
the good deeds of prepubescent children added?
Question:
Are the good deeds of a child who has not yet
reached puberty _ such as salaat, Hajj, reciting
Qur'aan _ all added to his parents' record or to
his own?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah
The reward for the deeds of a child who has
not reached puberty _ meaning his good deeds _
go to the child himself, not to his parents or
anyone else, but his parents will be rewarded
for teaching and guiding and helping him to do
good, because of the report in Saheeh
Muslim from Ibn `Abbaas (may Allaah be
pleased with him) who said, "A woman held up a
boy and said, `O Messenger of Allaah, will his
Hajj be counted?' He said, `Yes, and you will
have a reward.'" (Reported by Muslim, 2378)
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) stated that the Hajj would be counted
for the boy, and that his mother would be
rewarded for taking him on Hajj.
Similarly, people other than the parents may
also be rewarded for good deeds, such as
teaching those under their care such as orphans,
relatives, servants and other people, because
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Whoever guides others to do
good will have a reward similar to that of the
one who does it …" (reported by Muslim in his
Saheeh, 3509), and because this is a form
of co-operating in righteousness and piety,
which Allaah urges us to do.
(Fataawa Islamiyah, Ibn `Uthaymeen, 526).
(www.islam-qa.com)
3277: Will children be
rewarded for their good deeds?
Question:
Asalamu alaykum,
I know that a person is not accounted for his
sins before the age of puberty, what about his
good deeds, does he get awarded for them?
Jazakum Allah Khair
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Yes, children will be rewarded for doing good
deeds, because of the hadeeth reported by Muslim
in his Saheeh (no. 1335) from Ibn `Abbaas
(may Allaah be pleased with them both), who
said: "A woman lifted up a child and said, `O
Messenger of Allaah, will his Hajj be counted?'
He said, `Yes, and you will be rewarded.'" The
author of Mawaahib al-Jaleel fi Sharh
Mukhtasar Shaykh al-Khaleel said, regarding
the matter of children being instructed to pray
when they reach the age of seven: "Al-Qaraafi
said in al-Yawaaqeet fi'l-Mawaaqeet:
children will earn reward for good deeds that
they do because of the hadeeth of the Khath'ami
woman [who lifted up her child and asked the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) about his Hajj]."
Ibn Rushd said: "The bad deeds of young
children are not recorded but their good deeds
will be recorded, according to the sound
opinion."
Ibn `Abd al-Barr said in al-Tamheed,
commenting on the first hadeeth quoted therein,
which is the hadeeth of the Khath'ami woman: "…
Abu'l-`Aaliyah al-Riyaahi said: `Umar ibn
al-Khattaab said: the young child's good deeds
will be recorded but his bad deeds will not be
recorded."
The author of Mawaahib al-Jaleel said,
concerning children entering ihraam for Hajj and
`Umrah:
"The scholars do not differ concerning the
fact that children will be rewarded for whatever
acts of obedience (to Allaah) they do, and will
be let off for any bad deeds that they do, and
any bad deeds they do deliberately will be
counted as mistakes. It says in Mukhtasar
al-Waadihah: `Hajj is not an obligation for
boys and girls until boys reach puberty and
girls begin menstruating, but there is nothing
wrong with taking them for Hajj. It is
recommended (mustahabb), and the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) did so.'"
Then he reported that Talhah ibn Musarrif
said: "It was one of the customs of the Muslims
to take their children for Hajj and expose them
to the mercy of Allaah."
Ibn `Abd al-Barr said in al-Tamheed
that it is encouraged to take children for Hajj,
and that the majority of scholars say this. He
also said: "It is nothing strange that a child
should earn reward and status in the Hereafter
for his salaah, zakaah, Hajj and other good
deeds if he does them as they should be done,
(because this is) grace and mercy from Allaah,
just as Allaah shows mercy to the dead by
rewarding them for acts of charity done on their
behalf by the living. Do you not see that they
(the scholars) are agreed that a child should be
commanded to pray when he reaches the age of
understanding and that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) led Anas and
the orphan in prayer? Most of the salaf said
that zakaah has to be paid on the property of
orphans, and it is impossible that they would
not be rewarded for that. Their guardians and
the one who does this on their behalf will also
certainly be rewarded, as will the one who takes
them for Hajj, as a blessing and mercy from
Allaah. It was reported that `Umar said:
`Children's good deeds will be recorded and
their bad deeds will not be recorded.' I do not
know of anyone whose opinion is worth following
who said anything to the contrary."
According to al-Ikmaal, many of the
scholars said: "Children will be rewarded for
their acts of obedience (to Allaah), and their
good deeds will be recorded, but not their bad
deeds."
It says in Awaa'il al-Muqaddimaat:
"The correct opinion in my view is that they are
both encouraged to do that and will both be
rewarded for it (i.e., the child and his or her
guardian). The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said to the woman [who asked
about the child's Hajj]: `… and you will be
rewarded.' And Allaah knows best."
Ibn Jamaa'ah said: "According to the four
(imaams), children will be rewarded for their
acts of obedience and their good deeds will be
recorded, whether they are mature or not. This
was reported from `Umar, may Allaah be pleased
with him. Some scholars report that there was
consensus (ijmaa') in this matter. It is
also indicated by what we have already said
under the heading of Virtues (fadaa'il),
that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: `The jihaad of the very old
and the very young is Hajj and `Umrah,' as well
as the hadeeth about the woman who lifted up a
child."
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
1994: Discipline of orphans
Question:
There is a muslim who married a widow who has
two children from her first marriage.Which
Islamic rights has this man towards the
children? Has the man the right to tell or force
the children to pray? Is the boy allowed to call
him "daddy"?
Is there any case he must treat
them differently?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. Yes, he should order
them to pray, as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Instruct
the child to pray when he reaches the age of
seven…" (Reported by Abu Dawood in al-Sunan,
Kitaab al-salaat, Baab mataa yu'mar al-sabiyyu
bi'l-salaat).
The scholars said: "The child should be
taught about tahaarah (purity and
cleanliness, i.e., wudoo' etc) and prayer
when he reaches the age of ten years."
The meaning of discipline or instruction is
to smack, threaten and rebuke. The child's
guardian should teach him about tahaarah
and salaat, and tell the child to do
these things, when he reaches the age of seven,
and he should discipline him and force him to do
them when he reaches the age of ten.
The guiding principle here is the hadeeth of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him): "Teach the child to pray when he is
seven, and smack him if he does not pray when he
is ten." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it
is a hasan hadeeth).
According to another report, he said: "Tell
the child to pray when he is seven, and smack
him if he does not do it when he is ten, and
separate them in their beds." This training is
ordained by Islam to teach the prayer and let
the child get used to praying, so that he will
be accustomed to it and will not forget it when
he reaches puberty. There is no difference
between boys and girls in this matter of
discipline. (See Al-Mughni by Ibn
Qudaamah, Baab sifat al-salaat).
Some people may not feel comfortable about
disciplining orphans, but the right approach is
for their guardian to teach them and direct them
in whatever way is beneficial, even if this
involves being harsh with the child for his own
sake. There is nothing wrong with that, as the
poet said:
"He was harsh so that they would understand.
Let the one who is determined and resolved be
harsh sometimes towards those for whom he
cares."
The scholars said: "(A guardian) has the
right to smack an orphan under his care just as
he would smack his own child." (See Al-durr
al-mukhtaar: Baab al-ta'zeer).
As regards the matter of an orphan calling
his guardian "Father" or "Daddy," this question
has already been answered: please see question #
1041. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
355: Children's Character
Question:
Many people are concerned about their
children's unstable characters and the effects
of luxury on their personalities. How can we
introduce strength and honour into our
children's characters?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The issue referred to in the question is one
of the most serious problems in raising children
nowadays. Some of the Islamic solutions to this
problem and ways of instilling strength and
honour in our children's character are listed
below:
Takniyyah (using the kunya or patronymic
in addressing children)
Calling a young boy "Abu Foolaan" ("Father of
so-and-so) or a young girl "Umm Foolaan"
("Mother of so-and-so") will make the child feel
more responsible and grown up, so he will become
more mature and will feel above normal
childishness. The Prophet (Peace & Blessings
of Allaah be upon Him) used to give kunyas to
children. Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: "The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of
Allaah be upon Him) was the best of people in
attitude and manners. I had a brother whom
people used to call Abu `Umayr. I think he was
just past the age of weaning, and whenever he
came along the Prophet (Peace & Blessings of
Allaah be upon Him) would say to him, `O Abu
`Umayr, what did the nughayr do (Ya Abaa `Umayr
ma fa'ala al-nuhgayr)?'" (The nughayr was a
small bird with which he used to play).
(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5735).
Umm Khaalid bint Khaalid reported that the
Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon
Him) was given some clothes, among which was a
small black garment made of silk, known as a
khameesah. He said, "Who do you think I should
give this to?" The people were silent, then he
said, "Bring me Umm Khaalid" and she was carried
to him (which indicates that she was very
young). He picked up the garment and put it on
her, saying, "Enjoy it until it wears out."
There was a green or yellow spot on it, and he
said, "O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaah" _ sanaah
means "beautiful" in Ethiopian. (Reported by
al-Bukhaari, 5375).
According to another report also narrated by
al-Bukhaari: "He looked at the khameesah and
pointed to it, saying, `O Umm Khaalid, this is
sanaa, O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaa." Sanaa in
Ethiopian means beautiful. (Reported by
al-Bukhaari, 5397).
Taking them to gatherings and letting them
sit with grown-ups
This will increase their understanding and
wisdom, and make them try to imitate adults, as
well as keeping them from spending too much time
on games and entertainment. The Sahaabah used to
bring their children with them when they went
and sat with the Prophet (Peace & Blessings
of Allaah be upon Him). One of the stories that
describe this was narrated by Mu'aawiyah ibn
Qurrah from his father, who said: "The Prophet
(Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him)
used to sit with a group of his Companions. One
man had his little son with him; he would bring
him from behind and make him sit in front of
him…" (Reported by al-Nisaa'i and classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Ahkaam al-Janaa'iz).
Talking to them about the heroic deeds of
earlier and subsequent generations, Islamic
battles and Muslim victories
This will encourage them to be brave, which
is one of the most important parts of being
strong and honourable. Al-Zubayr ibn al-`Awwam
had two children, one of whom was present at
some of the battles, and the other of whom used
to play with the old battle scars on his
father's shoulder. This was reported by `Urwah
ibn al-Zubayr, who said that the Companions of
the Messenger of Allaah (Peace & Blessings
of Allaah be upon Him) said to al-Zubayr on the
day of Yarmook, "Will you go and attack, and we
will go with you?" He said, "If I attacked, you
would be lying." They said, "No, we will do (as
we promised)." So he launched an attack (against
the Romans), penetrating their ranks and passing
straight through, but no one was with him. Then
he turned around and came back, and the Romans
seized the reins of his horse and wounded him
twice in the shoulder. Between these two new
wounds was a scar from a wound he had received
at Badr. `Urwah said, "When I was little, I used
to play by putting my fingers in those scars."
`Urwah said, " `Abdullaah ibn al-Zubayr was with
him on that day. He was ten years old. He
(al-Zubayr) put him on a horse and entrusted him
to the care of another man." (Reported by
al-Bukhaari, 3678).
Commenting on this hadeeth, Ibn Hijr (may
Allaah have mercy on him) said: "Al-Zubayr felt
that his son `Abdullaah was brave and
chivalrous, so he put him on a horse, but he
feared that he might attempt to do more than he
was able, so he put another man with him so that
he could feel that he was safe from the attacks
of the Romans should he become distracted by the
fighting." Ibn al-Mubaarak reported from Hishaam
ibn `Urwah from his father from `Abdullaah ibn
al-Zubayr that he was with his father on the day
of Yarmook, and when the mushrikoon ran away, he
attacked and started killing their wounded,
i.e., he finished off every wounded soldier whom
he found. This indicates that he was strong and
brave from childhood.
Teaching them good manners
Among the manners that should be taught are
those described in the hadeeth narrated by Abu
Hurayrah from the Prophet (Peace & Blessings
of Allaah be upon Him): "The young should greet
the old, the passerby should greet one who is
sitting, and the small group should greet the
larger group." (Al-Bukhaari, 5736).
Giving them the praise and respect they
deserve in front of others
This is made clear by the following hadeeth:
Sahl ibn Sa'd (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said that the Prophet (Peace & Blessings of
Allaah be upon Him) was brought a cup and he
drank from it. There was a boy, the youngest of
all the people, on his right and some elders on
his left. He said, "O young boy, will you allow
me to give this to these elders?" The boy said,
"I will not give away my share of your blessings
to anyone, O Messenger of Allaah," so he gave
the cup to him. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2180)
Teaching them manly sports
- such as archery, swimming and horse
riding.
Avoiding humilating them,
especially in front of others
Never belittling their ideas, and encouraging
them to take part
Consulting them and asking for their
opinions
Giving them responsibilities in accordance
with their age and abilities
Teaching them to be brave as appropriate _
including how to speak in public
Making sure their clothes are modest and
protecting them from inappropriate clothing,
hairstyles, movements and
ways of walking
Making sure that boys do not wear silk, as
this is only for women
Avoiding extravagance, luxury, laziness and
idleness
`Umar (may Allaah be pleased
with him) said: "Get used to a rough life, for
luxury does not last
forever."
Avoiding entertainment or
pastime gatherings, singing, music and other
wastes of time, because these go against
strength, honour and seriousness
These are some of the ways and means which
will increase strength and honour, and protect
our children. Allaah is the One Who guides to
the Straight Path. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed
Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
331: Children's education
Question:
Asalaamulaikum respected brother,
Insha'Allah, you may be able to help me answer
these questions for a friend of mine.
1. What is Islam's view on the parents'
(especially the father's) responsibility to
educate their children? Additionally, what type
or manner of education is most islamically
correct (i.e. private or public school etc.)?
2.What is touhfat al-arouss?
3. Could you please explain fiqh as-sunna?
Jazakullah Khair for your help.
Answer:
Al-hamdu lillaah. Praise be to Allaah.
No doubt that a child's education is one of
life's necessities, and as such spending to
achieve it is obligatory on the parents.
However, the level of education that a Muslim
should provide for his children is not
necessarily the highest level possible. This is
because a child can lead a perfectly normal life
with only, for example, high school education.
And as for whether private schools are better
than public schools from the shari'ah (Islamic
jurisprudence) standpoint, I do not think that
there is a general rule by which we can favor
one schooling system over the other. It all
depends on the specifics of each individual case
when assessed with respect to curricula,
teachers' skills, and the school district
credibility.
Wallaahu a'lam. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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Introduction