Manners (Part 2)
Chapter 7
Etiquette of Marriage
12529: Is it permissible to
engage in coitus interruptus or to use a condom?
Question:
On the first night after getting married, can
one use contraception ( e.g condom ) or should
this not be allowed. This is because it may be
possible (by the will of Allah) for my future
wife to get pregnant, but we may not choose to
have children so early in our marriage.Please
advise.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is permissible to engage in coitus
interruptus if a person does not want a child,
and it is also permissible to use a condom, but
that is subject to the condition that the wife
gives her permission for that, because she has
the right to full enjoyment and also to have a
child. The evidence for that is the hadeeth of
Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased
with him) who said: We used to engage in coitus
interruptus at the time of the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). News of that reached the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him), and he did not forbid us to do that.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 250; Muslim, 160
Although that is permitted, it is
nevertheless makrooh and intensely disliked.
Muslim (1442) narrated that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked
about coitus interruptus and he said: "That is
the secret burying alive of infants." This
indicates that it is strongly disliked.
Al-Nawawi said:
Coitus interruptus means intercourse in
which, when ejaculation approaches, the man
withdraws and ejaculates outside the vagina. It
is makrooh in our view in all circumstances and
with all women, whether the woman consents to
that or not, because it is a means of preventing
offspring. Hence in the hadeeth it is called
"the secret burying alive of children," because
it cuts off the means of producing offspring,
like killing a newborn by burying him or her
alive. With regard to it being haraam, our
companions said that it was not forbidden…
These ahaadeeth and others, when taken in
conjunction, may be understood as meaning that
it is makrooh, but not strongly so, and the
reports in which permission is given for that
may be understood as meaning that it is not
haraam; they do not mean that it is not makrooh.
It is better for the Muslim not to do that,
unless there is a need for it, such as if the
woman is sick and cannot cope with a pregnancy
or it would be too difficult for her or would
cause her harm. Also, coitus interruptus cancels
out one of the purposes of marriage, which is to
have a lot of children, and it also means that
the woman's pleasure is incomplete.
See also question no. 3767 . Islam
Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
5560: Etiquette of intimate
relations
Question:
islam teaches us everthing..as to how to eat
, dress, etc...is there also a Sunnah way of
sleeping with one's wife.is any position Sunnah
..or is there nothing in Saheeh Hadith with
regard to this?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Yes, you are right: Islam teaches us all
things and has brought all good teaching to
mankind concerning their livelihood, religion,
living and dying, because it is the religion of
Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted.
Sexual relations are among the important
matters of life which Islam came to explain and
to prescribe proper conduct and rulings which
elevate it from the level of mere bestial
pleasure and physical desire. Islam connects it
to a righteous intention, supplications
(adhkaar) and proper conduct which lift
it up to the level of worship for which the
Muslim will be rewarded. The Sunnah of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) explains this. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may
Allaah have mercy on him) says in his book
Zaad al-Ma'aad:
"Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
brought the most perfect guidance, whereby
health may be preserved and people may find
pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfil the
purpose for which it was created, because sex
was created for three basic purposes:
The preservation and propagation of the human
race, until they reach the number of souls that
Allaah has decreed should be created in this
world.
Expulsion of the water (semen) which may
cause harm to the body if it is retained.
Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying
physical pleasure. This alone is the feature
that will be present in Paradise, because there
will be no producing of offspring there, and no
retention which needs to be relieved by
ejaculation.
The best doctors suggest that sex is one of
the means of maintaining good health.
(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, p. 249).
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Among its benefits is that it helps to lower
the gaze, brings self-control, enables one to
keep away from haraam things, and achieves all
of these things for the woman too. It brings
benefit to a man with regard to this world and
the Hereafter, and benefits the woman too. Hence
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) used to enjoy regular intimate
relations with his wives, and he said, "In your
world, women and perfume have been made dear to
me." (Narrated by Ahmad, 3/128; al-Nasaa'i,
7/61; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim).
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "O young men, whoever
among you can afford it, let him get married,
for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect
his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let
him fast, for it will be a protection for him."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/92; Muslim, 1400).
(al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 251).
Among the important matters which should be
paid attention to when engaging in intimate
relations:
Having the sincere intention of doing this
thing only for the sake of Allaah. One should
intend to do this to protect oneself and one's
wife from doing haraam things, to increase the
numbers of the Muslim ummah so as to raise its
status, for there is honour and pride in large
numbers. It should be known that one will be
rewarded for this action, even if he finds
immediate pleasure and enjoyment in it. It was
reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "In the sexual intercourse of any one
of you there is reward" (meaning, when he has
intercourse with his wife). They said, O
Mesenger of Allaah, when any one of us fulfils
his desire, will he have a reward for that? He
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Do you not see that if he were to do it
in a haraam manner, he would be punished for
that? So if he does it in a halaal manner, he
will be rewarded." (Narrated by Muslim, 720).
This is the great bounty of Allaah towards
this Ummah; praise be to Allaah Who has made us
among them.
Intercourse should be preceded by kind words,
playfulness and kisses. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to play
with his wives and kiss them.
When a man has intercourse with his wife, he
should say: "Bismillaah, Allaahumma jannibnaa
al-shaytaan wa jannib al-shaytaan maa
razqtanaa (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah
Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep the
Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our
children))." The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If Allaah
decrees that they should have a child, the
Shaytaan will never harm him." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 9/187)
It is permissible for the husband to have
intercourse with his wife in her vagina in
whatever manner he wishes, from behind or from
the front, on the condition that it is in her
vagina, which is the place from which a child is
born. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): "Your wives are a tilth for you, so
go to your tilth (have sexual relations with
your wives in any manner as long as it is in the
vagina and not in the anus), when or how you
will" [al-Baqarah 2:223]. Jaabir ibn
`Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: The Jews used to say that if a man had
intercourse with his wife in her vagina from
behind, the child would have a squint. Then this
aayah was revealed: Your wives are a tilth
for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual
relations with your wives in any manner as long
as it is in the vagina and not in the anus),
when or how you will" [al-Baqarah 2:223].
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "From the front or
from the back, so long as it is in the vagina."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 8/154; Muslim, 4/156).
It is not permissible for the husband under
any circumstances whatsoever to have intercourse
with his wife in her back passage. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): "Your wives
are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have
sexual relations with your wives in any manner
as long as it is in the vagina and not in the
anus), when or how you will" [al-Baqarah
2:223]. It is known that the place of tilth
is the vagina, which is the place from which one
hopes for a child. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "He is
cursed who has intercourse with women in their
back passages." (Narrated by Ibn `Udayy, 1/211;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab
al-Zafaaf, p. 105). This is because it [anal
intercourse] goes against the fitrah [natural
inclinations of man] and is an action which is
revolting to those of a sound human nature; it
also causes the woman to miss out on her share
of pleasure; and the back passage is a place of
filth and dirt _ and there are other reasons
which confirm the fact that this deed is haraam.
For more information see Question #1103.
If a man has intercourse with his wife and
wants to come back to her a second time, he
should do wudoo', because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If any
one of you has intercourse with his wife then
wants to repeat it, let him do wudoo' between
the two (actions), for it is more energizing for
the second time." (Narrated by Muslim, 1/171).
This is mustahabb (recommended), not waajib
(obligatory); if he is able to do ghusl between
the two actions, this is better, because of the
hadeeth of Abu Raafi' who said that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went
around his wives one day and did ghusl in this
one's house and in this one's house. He (Abu
Raafi') said: I said to him, O Messenger of
Allaah, why do you not do one ghusl? He said,
"This is cleaner and better and purer."
(Narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Nasaa'i, 1/79)
One or both of the spouses have to do ghusl
in the following situations:
when the "two circumcised parts" meet,
because the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "When the circumcised
part meets the circumcised part (according to
another report: when the circumcised part
touches the circumcised part), ghusl becomes
waajib (obligatory)." (Narrated by Ahmad and
Muslim, no. 526). This ghusl is obligatory
whether ejaculation takes place or not. The
touching of the circumcised parts means that the
glans or tip of the penis penetrates the vagina;
it does not mean mere touching.
Emission of semen, even if the two
circumcised parts do not touch, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said, "Water is for water [i.e., the water
of ghusl is necessary when the "water" of semen
is ejaculated]." (Narrated by Muslim, no.
1/269).
Al-Baghawi said in Sharh al-Sunnah
(2/9): "Ghusl for janaabah [impurity following
sexual discharge] is waajib in either of two
cases: when the tip of the penis enters the
vagina, or when gushing water is emitted by
either the man or the woman." For more
information on the details of ghusl as
prescribed in sharee'ah, see Question #
415. It is permissible for the husband
and wife to do ghusl together in one place, even
if he sees her and she sees him, because of the
hadeeth of `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with
her) who said: "The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl
together from one vessel between me and him; we
would take turns dipping our hands in the vessel
and he would take more than me until I would
say, `Leave some for me, leave some for me.'"
She said, and they were both junub (in a state
of janaabah). Narrated by al-Bukhaari and
Muslim.
It is permissible for a person who has to
make ghusl to sleep and delay the ghusl until
before the time of prayer, but it is definitely
mustahabb for him to do wudoo' before sleeping,
because of the hadeeth of `Umar, who said that
he asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), Can any one of us sleep
when he is junub? The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Yes, but
let him do wudoo' if he wishes." (Narrated by
Ibn Hibbaan, 232).
It is forbidden to have intercourse with a
woman when she is menstruating (having her
period), because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning): "They ask you concerning
menstruation. Say: that is an adhaa (a harmful
thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse
with his wife while she is having her menses),
therefore keep away from women during menses and
go not unto them till they have purified (from
menses and have taken a bath). And when they
have prufieied themselves, then go in unto them
as Allaah has ordained for you (go in unto them
in any manner as long as it is in their vagina).
Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in
repentance and loves those who purify themselves
(by taking a bath and cleaning and washing
thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for
their prayers, etc.)." [al-Baqarah 2:222].
The person who has intercourse with his wife
whilst she is menstruating has to give a dinar
or half a dinar in charity, as it was reported
that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) obliged a man to do when he came
and asked him about that. This was reported by
the authors of al-Sunan and classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf,
p. 122. But it is permissible for the husband to
enjoy his menstruating wife without having
intercourse, because of the hadeeth of `Aa'ishah
(may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: "The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) would tell one of us, when
she was menstruating, to wear a waist-wrapper,
then her husband would lie with her." (Agreed
upon).
It is permissible for the husband to withdraw
(`azl) if he does not want to have a
child; by the same token it is permissible for
him to use condoms _ if his wife gives her
permission, because she has the right to
pleasure and to children. The evidence for this
is the hadeeth of Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah (may
Allaah be pleased with him) who said, "We used
to do `azl at the time of the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard about
that, and he did not forbid us." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 9/250; Muslim, 4/160).
But it is better not to do any of that, for
several reasons, including the fact that it
deprives the woman of pleasure or reduces the
pleasure for her; and that it cancels out one of
the purposes of marriage, which is to increase
the number of offspring, as mentioned above.
It is forbidden for both spouses to spread
the secrets of what happens between them in
their private marital life; indeed, this is one
of the most evil things. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Among
the most evil of people before Allaah on the Day
of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his
wife and has intercourse with her, then he
spreads her secrets." (Narrated by Muslim,
4/157).
It was reported from Asmaa' bint Yazeed that
she was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and men and women were
sitting with him, and the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "Would
any man say what he did with his wife? Would any
woman tell others what she did with her
husband?" The people kept quiet and did not
answer. I [Asmaa'] said: "Yes, by Allaah, O
Messenger of Allaah, they (women) do that, and
they (men) do that." He said, "Do not do that.
It is like a male devil meeting a female devil
in the road and having intercourse with her
whilst the people are watching." (Narrated by
Abu Dawood, no. 1/339; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 143).
This is what we were able to mention about
the etiquette of sexual relations. Praise be to
Allaah Who has guided us to this great religion
with its sublime manners. Praise be to Allaah
Who has shown us the best of this world and the
next. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
13518: Younger brother
getting married before older brother
Question:
I am a young man aged 21 years. I want to get
married but I have two older brothers who have
not got married yet. Is it permissible for me to
get married before them?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This question was put to Shaykh Muhammad ibn
`Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), who
said:
I say to the brother who is asking the
question, you are not too young to get married.
`Amr ibn al-`Aas got married when he was 11
years old, and he had a child. Hence it was said
that that there was only thirteen years between
him and his son `Abd-Allaah.
I say to the brother who is asking the
question, put your trust in Allaah and get
married, and when it is easy for your two older
brothers to get married they will get married
too.
This is one of the grievous mistakes that
some people make, when they do not let the
younger daughter marry so longer as there is an
older sibling. This is a shame.
If someone whose character and religious
commitment are suitable proposes marriage to
her, then they should let her get married to
him. Maybe there is something preventing the
older sister from getting married. Often what
happens is that it is decreed that the younger
sister will marry first, so if the younger
sister is not allowed to marry first, the older
sister is prevented from marrying. Then when the
younger sister gets married, Allaah opens the
door for the older sister (to get married). This
is something which is well known from
experience, i.e., that not letting one daughter
get married may prevent another from getting
married. The same may apply to having children.
We have heard more than one story of a man who
gets married and remains childless for fifteen
years, then he takes a second wife and the
second wife gets pregnant from the first night
of marriage, and then the first wife get
pregnant at the same time.
So we say to the one who is asking: get
married and do not think that this means you are
disobeying your parents or severing your ties of
kinship with your brothers.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn `Uthaymeen From the tape
al-Liqaa' al-Shahriyyah, 15. (www.islam-qa.com)
11446: How should an Islamic
wedding party be?
Question:
I am a new muslim and my parents are
christian, they agree to take part in a islamic
wedding but what are the steps we need to go
about it? they are having it at their house and
agreed to the food and becerage requirments fr
the party following the ceremony. We are trying
to have it so that everyone is comfortable. but
I have no idea what to do before during or after
and want to make sure everything is in place so
that later I don't have to find out that it is
void because of a step not taken. I thought we
were already married but I found out that we did
not do it right.I need to know .
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
For information on the steps involved in a
correct marriage contract, please see Question
no. 2127.
With regard to having a wedding party in the
Islamic manner, you have to keep away from the
things which are forbidden in sharee'ah but
which many people do not pay attention to during
celebrations, such as the following:
With regard to the woman: going to a male,
non-mahram hairdresser to have her hair done; or
adorning herself in ways that are haraam, such
as thinning the eyebrows by plucking them, or
wearing tattoos, or wearing hair extensions, or
other kinds of haraam things, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) cursed the one who plucks eyebrows and the
one who has that done, the one who adds hair
extensions and the one who asks to have that
done; imitating the kuffaar in their dress,
because usually the wedding dress shows many of
the woman's charms and her body, in such a way
that the dress is very revealing - we seek
refuge with Allaah _ and also a great deal of
money is wasted on the dress.
Among the haraam actions that have to do with
the man are: shaving his beard for the wedding
night, which is done on the grounds that this
makes him look more handsome, but this is
something which is haraam according to
sharee'ah; letting one's clothes hang below the
ankle (isbaal).
There follows a list of haraam things which
both men and women should avoid in the wedding
party:
1- Mixing of men with women, and things that
are involved in that, such as greeting and
shaking hands with one another, and men and
women dancing together, because all of that is
haraam and is a very serious matter.
2- Taking pictures, whether men do that
amongst themselves or women do that amongst
themselves.
3- Drinking alcohol or eating pork.
4- Letting the husband come in to where the
women are in order to take his wife.
5- Women wearing revealing, tight or short
clothes amongst themselves, because this is
haraam _ so how about wearing such things in
front of men?
6- People should avoid spending extravagantly
or going to extremes in showing off in wedding
parties, because that may wipe out the blessing.
7- The husband and wife exchanging rings and
thus imitating the kuffaar, thinking that this
will increase the husband's love for his wife
and vice versa.
Finally, both partners should know that the
more the teachings of Islam are followed in the
wedding party, the more blessed their marriage
will be, the more love and harmony there will be
between them, and the less problems they will
encounter in their married life. For if the
married life is based from the outset on haraam
things which go against the commands of Allaah,
how can they expect the marriage to be
successful after that? There have been many
marriages in which there were things that went
against the commands of Allaah, and they did not
last. Fear Allaah with regard to this party and
keep it free of things that are forbidden in
Islam. May Allaah bless you both. We ask Allaah
to give you and your husband strength. May
Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
8866: Is it makrooh to have
intercourse facing the direction of the qiblah?
Question:
Is it makrooh to have intercourse facing the
direction of the qiblah either out of doors or
indoors? Are there any differences of opinion
among the scholars concerning this matter?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
That is not makrooh, either out of doors or
indoors. This is the view of al-Shaafa'i and all
the scholars, except for some of the companions
of Maalik. And Allaah knows best.
Fataawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 190
(www.islam-qa.com)
7838: Her husband forces her
to have intercourse during menstruation
Question:
I am a Muslim woman and am married, praise be
to Allaah. But my husband has intercourse with
me during my period. Is it permissible for him
to do that, or should I stop him? It also hurts
me and upsets me. I am asking this question
because I heard from my friends that it is not
permissible for a man to have intercourse with
his wife during her period. May Allaah reward
you with good for this program which has given
me the opportunity to ask about an embarrassing
matter such as this. I am suffering from this
problem and do not know what to do. May Allaah
make you a source of help for Islam and the
Muslims.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is haraam (forbidden) for a man to have
intercourse with his wife during her period.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"They ask you concerning menstruation. Say:
that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband
to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while
she is having her menses), therefore, keep away
from women during menses and go not unto them
till they are purified (from menses and have
taken a bath)" [al-Baqarah 2:222].
So it is not permissible for a man to have
intercourse with his wife until she has become
pure and has taken a bath (made ghusl), because
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And when they have purified themselves, then
go in unto them as Allâh has ordained for you
(go in unto them in any manner as long as it is
in their vagina)." [al-Baqarah 2:222]
Another indication of how abhorrent this sin
is, is the words of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Whoever has
intercourse with a menstruating woman, or has
anal intercourse with a woman, or goes to a
fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was
revealed to Muhammad." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi
from Abu Hurayrah, 1/243; see also Saheeh
al-Jaami', 5918).
So you have to prevent him and stop him from
doing that. If you obey him in this matter then
you will be a partner in the sin with him, but
if he forces you to do it then the sin will be
on him.please see Question #2121 And Allaah
knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
1696: What should a man say
when he enters upon his bride?
Question:
What is the Sunnah when entering upon one's
wife on the wedding night? Many people
mistakenly think that he should read Soorat
al-Baqarah and pray, and this custom is
widespread nowadays.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah
When a man enters upon his wife for the first
time, he should take her forelock in his hand
and say: "Allaahumma innee as'aluka khayrahaa
wa khayra ma jabaltahaa `alayh, wa a'oodhu bika
min sharrihaa wa sharri ma jabaltahaa `alayh
(O Allaah, I ask You for the goodness within her
and the goodness that You have made her inclined
towards, and I take refuge with You from the
evil within her and the evil that You have made
her inclined towards)." (Reported by Abu Dawood,
no. 2160; Ibn Maajah, no. 1918), But if he fears
that the woman may get upset if he takes hold of
her forelock and recites this du'aa', then he
can take hold of her forelock as if he is going
to kiss her, and recite this du'aa' to himself
under his breath, without letting her hear him,
so that she will not be upset. If she is a woman
who has knowledge, she will know that this is
prescribed by Islam and that there is nothing
wrong with him doing and saying this in such a
way that she can hear it. As for praying two
rak'ahs when he enters the room where his wife
is, it was reported that some of the salaf did
this, so if the man does this it is good, and if
he does not do it, there is nothing wrong with
that. As for reciting al-Baqarah and other
soorahs, I know of no basis for doing this.
Liqa' al-Baab al-Maftooh by Ibn
al-`Uthaymeen, 52/41 (www.islam-qa.com)
854: What should a Muslim do
when he wants to consummate his marriage?
Question:
assalamuvalakum
I am a 21yr old young man and inshallah next
year getting married.
My question is that, i need to know the way a
marriage is set to be planned, i mean how is the
nikah supposed to be performed, how many people
can i invite is there a limit, can i have music,
dancing during my wedding or during reception or
valima. Also i need to know is that, whose
responsibility is it to conduct the nikah and
valima, is it the brides, or the bride grooms.
I need to know this answer a.s.a.p. so i
could inform my family and inshallah i will
implement it in my life, so Allah will bless me
and my marriage.
My family is from XXX and so show alot of
custom.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
When a Muslim wants to consummate his
marriage, a number of things are recommended in
the sunnah:
He should treat his bride kindly and gently,
like offering her something to drink and so on,
because of the hadeeth narrated by Asmaa' bint
Yazeed ibn al-Sakan, who said: "I prepared
`Aa'ishah as a bride when she married the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him). I came to him and invited
him to see her (uncover her face). So he came
and sat beside her, and a large cup of milk was
brought to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) drank some, then offered
it to her, but she lowered her head and felt
shy. I rebuked her and said: `Take it from the
hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him).' So she took it and drank a
little, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said to her, `Give some to
your companion (meaning himself).'"
(Reported by Imaam Ahmad and deemed saheeh by
al-Albaani)
He should place his hand on his bride's head
and pray for her, saying "Bismillaah" and asking
for barakah (blessing), saying the words
reported in the hadeeth narrated by `Abdullaah
ibn `Amr ibn al-`Aas, who said that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "When one of you marries a woman or buys a
servant, let him say: `Allaahumma inni
as'aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha `alayhi
wa a'oodhu bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma
jabaltaha `alayhi (O Allaah, I ask You for
her goodness and the goodness which You have
created in her, and I seek refuge with You from
her evil and the evil which You have created in
her).'" Abu Dawud said that Abu Sa'eed added:
"Then let him take hold of her forelock and pray
for blessing from this woman or servant."
(Reported by Abu Dawud in al-Sunan,
Kitaab al-Nikaah, Baab fi jaami'
al-nikaah; classed as hasan in Saheeh
al-Jaami', no. 341)
He should pray two rak'ahs with her, leading
her in prayer, because this is reported as being
the practice of the salaf (early
generations). There are two reports concerning
this. (i) from Abu Sa'eed, the freed slave of
Abu Usayd, which states that a group of the
Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) taught him and told him:
"When your wife comes in to you, pray two
rak'ahs and ask Allaah for the goodness of what
has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from
its evil." (ii) from Shaqeeq, who said: "A man
called Abu Hareez came and said (to `Abdullaah
ibn Mas'ood, may Allaah be pleased with him): `I
have married a young virgin girl, but I am
afraid that she may hate me.' `Abdullaah said:
`Love comes from Allaah and hatred comes from
Shaytaan, who wants to make you hate what Allaah
has made permissible. When she comes to you,
tell her to pray two rak'ahs behind you.'"
(These two reports were narrated by Ibn Abi
Shaybah; see Aadaab al-Zafaaf by
al-Albaani).
When he wants to consummate the marriage, he
should say the words reported in the hadeeth
reported by Ibn `Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased
with him and his father) from the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said:
"When one of you wants to approach (have
intercourse with) his wife, if he says:
`Bismillahi Allaahumma jannibna al-Shaytaan
wa jannib al-Shaytaan ma razaqtana (In the
name of Allaah, O Allaah, protect us from
Shaytaan and protect whatever You give to us
from Shaytaan)' _ then if they are given a
child, Shaytaan will not harm it." (Reported by
al-Bukhaari, Fath, no. 3271)
(For more information, see Aadaab
al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani, p. 91)
There is no limit to the number of guests one
can invite to a wedding feast (waleema), so
invite whoever you wish of your relatives, the
bride's relatives, your friends and anyone you
have a good reason to invite.
It is not permitted in Islam to do anything
that is haraam such as having music, letting men
and women mix, or letting women dance in front
of men, or other things that earn the wrath of
Allaah. How can the blessing of Allaah be
exchanged for disobedience and immorality? At
weddings, women can do whatever is allowed in
Islam, such as singing acceptable songs with
good words or entertaining themselves by playing
the daff (a certain kind of drum,
resembling a tambourine without the rattles)
only, so long as no men are present.
Providing the wedding feast (waleema) is the
husband's responsibility. The sunnah is to
slaughter one sheep or more for the guests, if
he is able to, as the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to `Abd
al-Rahmaan ibn `Awf, "Give a wedding feast, even
if it is only one sheep." (Reported by
al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 2048).
We ask Allaah to bless you and your bride and
to grant you a happy marriage.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
2375: When should one pray
two rak'ahs with one's bride?
Question:
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa
barakatuh
My question is regarding praying
nawafil between Asr and Maghrib. I am getting
married this Wednesday, insha' Allah.
The marriage ceremony (i.e. writing the
contract) will be right after Asr prayer. I
wanted to know if it is permissible to pray the
two Sunnah rakat that are to be prayed upon
marriage. Does the specific order of praying
these two rakat over ride the general ruling of
no nawafil between Asr and Maghrib ? Also, is
this the case in general (i.e. specific over
rides general) ?
P.S. Please answer quickly, I have two days
to find out !
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
What was reported in the hadeeth of Ibn
Mas'ood is that the groom should lead his bride
in praying two rak'ahs when he goes in unto her,
not immediately after the marriage contract.
What you should do is pray two rak'ahs for
istikhaarah and pray the du'aa' of istikhaarah
before you do the marriage contract. According
to the most correct opinion among the scholars,
prayers for which there is a reason are allowed
at times when other naafil prayers are
prohibited. See question # (854).
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
1202: What is Said Just
Prior to Intercourse
Question:
Salam;
I have a question that everyone I asked had a
different answer for. Does the Muslim have to
say anything during the sexual intercourse
"nikkah"?, and does the Muslim "husband and wife
" have to pray before the first day of sexual
intercourse "nikkah"?
Thank you for having this website to help us
understand our religion more.
Answer:
Praise be to Allah;
Among the manners prescribed by the
shari'ah is that the Muslim should say when he
commences intercourse with his wife:
"bismillaah, oh Allaah, shield us from Satan
and keep him away from us and from what You
[may] bestow upon us (i.e. children)" narrated
by Al-Bukhari, Fath ul-Baari # 138
[transliteration: "bismillaah, allaahumma
jannibnash-shaytaana wa jannib-ash-shaytaana maa
razaqtana"]
This opening invocation is useful in that if
Allaah blesses the husband and the wife with a
child, this child will not be harmed by Satan.
As for what is to be said by the husband when
consummating the marriage with his wife,(please
refer to Question# 854 which has been answered
previously) .
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
1103: Ruling on Intercourse
with a Woman in her rectum
Question:
Please accept my apology if this questions
offends, but in the pursuit of Islamic
knowledge, we cannot afford to be shy for fear
that if we are not well advised, we may commit a
sin.
I have been advised by a friend that there is
a "qawl" (opinion) among some ulamaa' (scholars)
that it is permissible to conduct anal sex (anal
penetration) (between man and wife only) during
the time of the wife's haydh (menstruation).
Is this correct?
Please also advise the laws and penalties
relevant to it.
Answer:
Praise be to Allah.
Your apology is accepted. Striving to
understand the rulings of Sharee'ah in this and
similar matters is not haraam or shameful; it is
necessary.
As regards your question,
anal intercourse with one's wife is a major sin,
whether it occurs at the time of menstruation or
not. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of
Allah be upon Him) cursed the one who does this:
"Cursed is the one who approaches his wife in
her rectum" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 2/479; see
also Saheeh al-Jaami', 5865).
The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of
Allah be upon Him) also said: "The one who has
intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a
woman in her rectum, or who goes to a
fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was
revealed to Muhammad." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi,
no. 1/243; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 5918).
In spite of the fact that many wives of sound
nature refuse this, there are some husbands who
threaten their wives with divorce if they do not
obey them (in this matter), and some even
deceive their wives, who are too shy to ask
scholars about it, into thinking that it is
permissible. The Prophet SAWS (Peace &
Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said that a man
may approach his wife in any way he likes, from
the front or the back, so long as intercourse
takes place in the place from through which a
child is born. There is no doubt that the rectum
is the place from which waste matter is
expelled, not the place from which a child is
born.
Another reason why some may commit this
immoral act is that they enter upon what should
be a clean married life with some jaahili
(ignorant) traditions and odd practices, or with
memories of scenes from indecent movies, for
which they have not repented to Allaah.
It is known that this act is forbidden even
if both partners agree to it. Mutual consent to
a haraam deed does not make it halaal.
I ask Allah to bestow upon us a proper
understanding of His religion and to make us
adhere to its limits, for He is the All-Hearing,
the One Who answers prayers.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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Introduction