FEEDS RSS 2.0 Comments Introduction Character and Morals Chapter 3 Love and the steps that lead to immoral actions 49687: He fell into the trap of visiting chat sites and talking to girls, but has now repented Question: I fell into the trap of visiting a website on the Net to which I subscribed by paying money. The site initially appeared to be good but most of those who visited it were just playing. But I started to correspond with more than one hundred girls, and I spoke with them on the mobile, and I spoke to them in romantic terms and I met some of them. Now I have repented to Allaah and I hope that you can advise the owner of this site, because it has now become a means of evil and a means of approaching the opposite sex. May Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We praise Allaah for having enabled you to repent, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in adhering to the truth and the right path. May He guide young Muslim men and women to guard their religious commitment and their honour. You should note that it is not permissible for men to start such websites or to visit them. The owner of this site is one of those who are addressed by the warning in the verse (interpretation of the meaning): "Verily, those who like that (the crime of) illegal sexual intercourse should be propagated among those who believe, they will have a painful torment in this world and in the Hereafter" [al-Noor 24:19] Indeed he is more deserving of this warning, because the warning in this verse was addressed to those who like immorality to be propagated, so how about one who actually works to make that happen and become widespread? This is the way that is known to end in what we see and hear and read about those who use these means to approach the opposite sex. How many men have lost their religious commitment and how many women have lost their honour? Some of them have found no other way but suicide to escape from the dark tunnel that they got into because of corresponding and speaking to non-mahrams. We have already discussed the ruling on corresponding and speaking to non-mahrams. Please see the answers to questions no. 22101, 26890, 23349 and 10221. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 44819: He had a relationship with a girl for two years, can he propose marriage to her? Question: I am a young man who had a lot of problems in my life and I could not find anyone to show me sympathy, especially in the absence of anyone who is sincere in friendship. So I turned to a girl who overwhelmed me with her kindness and sincerity which I will never forget as long as I live. But now after going out with her for two years during which I have not done anything wrong like zina, may Allaah keep us safe from that and from our bad deeds, I want to propose marriage to her. Is this relationship permitted or not?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The relationship mentioned in the question is a forbidden relationship and an obvious sin. It is not permissible for a man to form a relationship with a non-mahram woman where they become friends and go out together, because that involves doing things which Allaah has forbidden, namely looking, touching, being alone together and talking softly. Such relationships are not free of these things. It is one of the tricks of the Shaytaan to make such relationships attractive to people, so that a person feels his worries have been relieved or reduced because of this relationship. This is obvious from your words "I turned to" … "her sincerity" "I will never forget" etc. … In addition to your denial of having done anything wrong despite the fact that what has happened is a kind of forbidden relationship, even if we assume that it has not reached the level of zina. What you have to do is to repent to Allaah and to be convinced that what you have done is wrong. You have to give up this evil action and regret what has happened in the past. Remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the one who came to him and asked him for permission to commit zina: "Would you like it for your mother?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their mothers." He said: "Would you like it for your daughter?" He said: "No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their daughters." He said: "Would you like it for your sister?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their sisters." He said, "Would you like it for your paternal aunt?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their paternal aunts." He said, "Would you like it for your maternal aunt?" He said: "No, by Allaah, may Allaah cause me to be sacrificed for you." He said: "And people do not like it for their maternal aunts." Narrated by Ahmad, 22265; classed as saheeh by Shaykh Shu'ayb al-Arnaa'oot in Tahqeeq al-Musnad. With regard to proposing marriage to her, there is no reason why you should not, after establishing that she is righteous and that she regularly fulfils the duties required in Islam, and that she keeps away from haraam things, and that she has repented from this sinful relationship. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 40618: Can she uncover her face in front of her sister's husband? Question: My sister's husband sleeps in our house sometimes and sometimes he stays all day, and I cannot cover my face in front of him. Am I sinning thereby? What is the solution?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Your sister's husband is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, and you have to cover your face in front of him and not be alone with him. Similarly it is haraam for him to look at you or to be alone with you. Unfortunately people are careless in their homes with regard to the in-laws, even though sharee'ah speaks strongly concerning them more than others, because people mix freely with them in their houses and the family members trust them. It was narrated from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." A man from among the Ansaar said: "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law?" He said: "The in-law is death." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172. The in-law is the husband's relative. We notice here that the Sahaabi wanted to make an exception in the case of the husband's relatives, but the ruling was re-emphasized in the strongest terms, because no one regards it as strange if he enters the house. Al-Nawawi said: With regard to the Prophet's words, "The in-law is death," what this means is that the fear in his case is greater than in the case of others, and evil is expected on his part and the fitnah (temptation) is greater, because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her with no one denouncing him, unlike the stranger or non-mahram. What is meant by the in-law here is the husband's relatives, except for his father/grandfather and sons/grandsons.His father/grandfather and sons/grandsons are mahrams of the wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her; they are not described as "death". Rather what is meant here is the brother, nephew, uncle, cousin and others who are not mahrams. People customarily take things lightly with regard to them, so a man will often be alone with his brother's wife. This is what is described as death and it is more important that he be stopped than a stranger, for the reasons we have mentioned above. What I have mentioned is the correct meaning of the hadeeth… Ibn al-A'raabi said: This is something that the Arabs say, as in the phrase al-asad al-mawt (the lion is death), because meeting it is like dying. Al-Qaadi said: What is meant is that being alone with the in-laws leads to fitnah (temptation) and the destruction of one's religious commitment, so this is described as being akin to the destruction of death. Sharh Muslim, 14/154. We advise this sister and others to fear Allaah and strive to wear proper hijaab in front of non-mahram men. Please see also questions no. 13728, 6408, 13261 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 41693: She has committed haraam actions with her fiancé Question: I am a Muslim girl. I pray and I fear my Lord a great deal, but I have a problem. I know a person who came and proposed marriage to me. My father agrees but he always postpones the matter because of family reasons. We cannot be patient and the more time goes by, the more I find myself attached to him. He used to ask me to meet him often, and we have met more than once. We spoke together and kissed one another as if we were married, and even touched one another. I know that this is haraam and is wrong. Every time that happens I end up arguing with him and get angry with myself. I asked my Lord for forgiveness and I prayed Istikhaarah, asking whether this person is right for me or not. Every time I tell him that we should only meet in permissible ways, but then we make the same mistake. I want a solution. Please help me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: You say in your question that you regularly observe the five daily prayers and that you fear Allaah a great deal. We hope that you will be fine, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in faith and in doing righteous deeds, and to keep evil and corruption far away from you. Secondly: Islam has blocked all the ways that may lead to committing immoral actions. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Come not near to Al-Fawaahish (shameful sins and illegal sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly" [al-An'aam 6:151] "Coming near" implies doing something that may lead to those actions. Islam also warns against men mixing freely with women. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering upon women." They said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: "The in-law is death." Agreed upon. "In-law" refers to the husband's relatives, his brothers, uncles, cousins, etc. Islam also warns us against being alone with a non-mahram woman. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present." Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; al-Albaani said: It is saheeh. Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 2546. All of this is for the purpose of protecting people's honour against committing immoral actions, and blocking all paths that may lead to the crime of zina (fornication, adultery). Thirdly: The fiancé is a "stranger" (non-mahram) to his fiancée until the marriage contract has been done. So your going out with this non-mahram man, kissing him, meeting him and the other things that you mention are all haraam. Fear Allaah and refuse to meet him until the marriage contract has been done, and be frank with him about that. See also questions no. 2572 and 23432. Fourthly: If this person sees that you are determined and righteous, this will make him more keen to marry you, because he will see that you have a strong personality and that you do not give in to your emotions. Who would not want his wife to have a strong personality and be keen to protect her honour? That will affect him and make him change his ways and become more righteous, and you will be the cause of that. Fifthly: Put your trust in Allaah and make a lot of du'aa', especially at the times when prayers are answered. Be patient and remind yourself of that which Allaah has prepared for those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): "Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning" [al-Zumar 39:10] Sixthly: We remind you that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands AlFahsha' [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and AlMunkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is AllHearer, AllKnower" [al-Noor 24:21] The Shaytaan gradually calls people to falsehood; before a Muslim commits zina, the Shaytaan draws him towards it by his being alone with a woman, and speaking to her, then kissing her, then meeting her in haraam ways, then the great evil which is zina _ we seek refuge with Allaah. As the saying goes: A look, then a smile, then a greeting, then speaking, then an appointment, then a meeting. Seventhly: You should avoid blind trust in anyone. How many women and girls have said, "My fiancé is decent, he is not what people think"? Then they fell victim to their naïveté. So you should not think of him in a positive way, rather you should be extremely cautious and careful. Eighthly: You should think carefully about this husband and find out more about him, because he is going to be your life partner. Is he fit to be your life partner even though he has tried to do something haraam and persisted in that? Ninthly: Try to find out what obstacles and problems are making your father postpone this marriage, and talk to him about the matter. If you cannot address him directly, then you can bring in someone who has an influence over him, whether that is your mother or your brothers, or any person who has any status in your father's eyes and can urge him to hasten to do the marriage contract and explain to him the danger of a woman being left without a husband, especially as she grows older, because the opportunity may not come again, and can remind him of the bad consequences if he is careless in this matter. Some guardians _ may Allaah guide them _ exaggerate about family problems, even simple ones, and make them an obstacle to proceeding with matters such as marriage; others may suffer as a result but they do not care about that or pay attention to their responsibilities. And finally: We ask Allaah to guide you to all that is good, and we ask Him to guide your fiancé and to make it easy for you to do that which pleases Him, for He is Able to do that. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27329: She has repented from an illicit relationship but she wants to contact him in order to get married to him Question: I have recently started wearing hijjab al hamdilla and since then i have realized how dead iw as before hijjab.. This hijaab is a responsibility i have taken and i am trying my best to become a better muslim Before hijjab i knew this boy and we liked each other .. i know relationships are haram .. but then i wasn't aware of right and wrong.. well.. hamdilla we never did zina.. i am now 3rd year university and he is 4th he is mutdayin now too.. even if i dont talk to guys anymore.. i will always have feelings for him and i wish he would propose to me or at leat he would tell me something that will make me wait.. but that isnt possible unless if i email him or try to contact him.. so.. my question is .. if i write him and emaling asking him if i should wait for him to propose or not.. will itbe haram? i want to marry him 3al sunat Allah wa rasooloh.. and i think maybe he thinks i don't like him anymore.. so please let me know if i should send an email or not.. he is a very muhtaram respectable man and he too doesnt talk to girls anymore. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: It is well known in the religion of Allaah that it is forbidden to follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and that all the steps that may lead to falling into something haraam are forbidden, even if they are permitted in principle. This is what the scholars call "preventing the means (that lead to haraam)." The basic principle of sharee'ah is that when Allaah forbids a thing, He also forbids the ways and means that lead to it, so that it may indeed be forbidden. We are happy when we hear of or see someone who has come back to Allaah and to His religion after having lost their way, but at the same time we fear that the Shaytaan may make what they used to do when they were astray attractive to them, thus preventing them from following guidance and making them go astray again. Obviously this is what we fear for the sister who asked this question and for her former friend who has also repented. Hence we cannot condone her idea of getting back in touch with the one with whom she had a relationship before she was guided, even if that is on the basis of wanting to get married according to sharee'ah. For a non-mahram woman to be in touch with a person with whom it is not permissible for her to be in touch leads to evil consequences which are obvious to any wise person. Hence Allaah has forbidden establishing relationships and taking close female friends. We have already posted some of the fatwas of the scholars on this issue. See questions no. 23349, 20949and 10221. Secondly: With regard to the answer to your question, which may be summed up as: Is it permissible for a woman to propose marriage to a man or to tell him that she wants to marry him? The answer is that in sharee'ah the word khutbah (proposal) refers to the man asking the woman. See question no. 20069. If a woman wants to marry some man, there is nothing wrong with her sending someone whose religious commitment and honesty she trusts to offer her in marriage to him, as Khadeejah (may Allaah be pleased with her) did when she heard of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and saw his good attitude and trustworthiness, and wanted to marry him. So she sent one of her relatives to offer her to him in marriage, and he agreed to marry her. Based on this, we say to the sister who asked this question: If you want to marry this young man, and he has a good attitude and is religiously committed, then there is nothing wrong with suggesting marriage to him through a trustworthy relative of yours. You should avoid getting in touch with him or with any other non-mahram men, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 39931: He has repented from a relationship with a non-mahram woman but he still loves her and feels attached to her Question: I am a young man who had a relationship with a girl, but I did not commit any haraam action with her. I know that what I did is not permissible according to sharee'ah, so I ended my contact with her and she accepted that. But I cannot forget her. I love her very much but I cannot marry her, and I often meet her. Is there any means of ridding myself of these feelings and forgetting this girl? I am confused and my confusion may cause me to make a mistake. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We have already explained in the answers to more than one question that it is haraam for a man to have a relationship with a non-mahram woman outside the framework of marriage. See the answer to question no. 23349 and 9465. The haraam things that the people who have these relationships fall into include: betrayal, being alone with a non-mahram member of the opposite sex, touching and looking; these are the ways that lead to falling into the sin of zina (fornication, adultery). This is in addition to the harmful effects it has on the heart, causing confusion and distracting it from the purpose for which it was created. You say that you still meet this girl, and the results of these meetings are obvious to anyone with common sense. You have to persist in your repentance from your former relationship with her, and cut off all ties with this girl. The solution to such a problem is to marry this girl, thus foiling the Shaytaan and protecting yourself from falling into sin. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "We do not think there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage." Narrated by Ibn Maajah, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1847. What this hadeeth means is that the greatest remedy for treating love is marriage, because this is the only cure for it. See Fayd al-Qadeer by al-Mannaawi, 295. But you say that you cannot marry her, so you have no choice other than to be patient, strive to control your nafs (self), and keep yourself busy so that you will not think of her. Your marriage to someone else may be the means of your forgetting her, and you should avoid meeting her as much as you can. You should know that the life of this world is very short, and the shortest thing in this life is haraam pleasure and the moments in which a person disobeys his Lord. But the joy of the Hereafter will last forever, so how can a smart person like you sacrifice that eternal joy for a moment of brief pleasure that will blacken the record of his deeds? You should know that Allaah may decree death for you when you are alone with her, so how will you meet your Lord in such a state? What will you leave behind of shame and scandal for your family and for hers? You should know that Allaah may punish you through your daughter or sister, because you were content to besmirch the honour of another, so you may expect the punishment of Allaah in this world rather than the Hereafter. Allaah protects the family and children of the righteous Muslim by means of his righteousness, but if a man is corrupt the only result can be is that his family and sons and daughters will be corrupt too. How can it be otherwise when he has set them the example by his own actions? There is no way to forget about this girl except by filling your heart with the love of Allaah and fear of His punishment, and trying to keep the blessing of Allaah from being diminished because of this sin. Think about the consequences of this action whether in this world or in the Hereafter. Hasten to give up this sin and seek the reward for that with Allaah, so that you will then see _ in sha Allaah _ the blessings of faith, piety and delight in worship that your Lord will bestow upon you. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20949: Friendship and love between a man and a woman Question: I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and so on but what if we were just friends secretly were no one knew. this way we will we will stay togethr until marraige and we can garentee we wont perform any zinna. are there any cases in the old times of love . Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other. There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina. The fact that the questioner says "no one knows about us" is strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19). Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people's honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord. You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur'aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam. We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the future? Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious. You should realize that zina does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions. Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said: Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them). But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation). As'ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868). Secondly: With regard to your question about such forbidden relationships in the ancient love stories, the fact that such stories existed among those who came before us cannot be taken as proof with regard to shar'i rulings, because the rulings of sharee'ah having to do with what is forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from the shar'i evidence of the Qur'aan and Sunnah, and the commands and prohibitions contained therein. Some of those mentioned in these stories came before Islam, such as `Antarah and others, and such stories are to be found in other cultures as is well known. But we cannot take shar'i rulings from this because Islam came to bring people forth from being controlled by their desires to complete submission to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds. We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 39770: Ruling on being intimate with a non-mahram woman without intercourse Question: What is the ruling on being intimate with a non-mahram woman without intercourse in the vagina? Is anal intercourse regarded as sodomy?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: It is by Allah's wisdom that when He forbids a thing He forbids the things that lead to it, because indulging in things that may lead to haraam may make the heart inclined towards it, in such a way that the individual develops a psychological conflict between falling into this sin or the suffering that results from standing in the middle of the road, so that he is not shunning the haraam thing entirely, with the peace of mind that comes from keeping away from it, nor is he committing the sin and fulfilling the desires of his self that is inclined towards evil. In most cases of this type, the person will fall into major sins that he thought he would never commit, major sins that corrupt his religious and worldly affairs, ruin his life, and destroy the blessing in his wealth and children, as a befitting punishment for his sin, because he moved away from his Lord and transgressed His sacred limits, and did not care that Allaah was watching him and was aware of what he was doing. The wise man is the one who is not careless about things that lead to real disasters that affect his religious commitment, which is a man's capital and comes before any worldly consideration. The one who thinks about this question will realize that it is impossible for a man to reach that level of evil and then be able to control himself and refrain from falling into that great sin, which is as nothing compared to the anger and wrath of Allaah and the corruption that it causes, all just for the sake of the short-lived pleasure that the sinner is trying to achieve, which will be followed by never-ending regret. The Muslim has to understand things as they are and what they lead to, and not be tempted by the things that the Shaytaan makes attractive, or be deceived when the Shaytaan tries to make him think of evil actions as insignificant as a trick to make people join his party of losers. He has to fear Allaah his Lord in private and in public, and know that Allaah sees him and knows his intentions and his actions, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal" [Ghaafir 40:19] He should remember that what is with Allaah is better and more lasting, and that the Hereafter and its blessings are better for him than this world, and that the reward for being patient in abstaining from evil actions is Paradise as vast as the heavens and the earth, in which there is whatever a person could want of absolute and untainted pleasure. For more information on the ruling please see question no. 27259 Secondly: Anal intercourse, if done with a man, is homosexuality which is condemned in the Qur'aan and Sunnah. It was one of the causes of the destruction of a nation, namely the people of Loot, the Prophet of Allaah. With regard to anal intercourse with a woman: if this is with one's wife, it is not permissible, and is known as "lesser sodomy", so how about if it is with a woman who is not permissible for him? (a) What was narrated concerning sodomy: Ibn Hazam said: The action of the people of Loot is a major sin and a forbidden immoral action, like eating pork, dead meat and blood, drinking alcohol, committing adultery, and all other sins. Whoever regards it as permissible or regards any of the things we have mentioned as permissible is a kaafir and a mushrik, whose blood may be shed and whose wealth may be seized. Al-Muhalla, 12/389 Ibn Qudaamah said: The scholars are unanimously agreed that sodomy is forbidden. It was condemned by Allaah in His Book, and by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: `Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the `Aalameen (mankind and jinn)? Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)'" [al-A'raaf 7:80] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "May Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot, may Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot, may Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot." Al-Mughni, 9/59 Ibn al-Qayyim narrated from his shaykh Ibn Taymiyah and from others that there was consensus among the Sahaabah that the one who does the deed of the people of Loot should be put to death, but they differed as to how that should be done. Zaad al-Ma'aad, (5/40). For more details on the ruling see also question no. 10050. (b) What was narrated concerning anal intercourse with a woman: Anal intercourse with a woman is a major sin, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does that. Abu Dawood (2162) narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Cursed is the one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage." Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. This curse applies to one who has anal intercourse with his wife, so how about if the woman is a stranger (non-mahram) to him? Al-Tirmidhi (135) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman or with a woman in her back passage, or who goes to a soothsayer, has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. If a man and wife agree to anal intercourse and do not stop after being punished (with a ta'zeer punishment), then they are to be separated. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a man who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage. He replied: Having anal intercourse with a woman is haraam, according to the Qur'aan and Sunnah, and this is the view of the majority of earlier and later scholars. Indeed, this is "lesser sodomy". It was proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth. Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages." And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will" [al-Baqarah 2:223] The tilth (harth) is the place from which the child is born [the vagina], because the tilth is the place of planting and sowing. The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife from behind, the child would be born with a squint, then Allaah revealed this verse, and Allaah allowed the man to have intercourse with his wife in all positions, so long as it is in the vagina only. Whoever has intercourse with her in her back passage, and she obeys him in that, they should both be punished, and if they do not stop, then they should be separated, as an immoral man and the person with whom he commits immoral actions should be separated, and Allaah knows best. Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/104, 105 With regard to having intercourse with a non-mahram woman in her back passage, the scholars differed as to whether this is zina (fornication) or sodomy. See al-Mabsoot, 9/77; al-Faakihah al-Dawaanah, 2/209; Mughni al-Muhtaaj, 5/443; al-Insaaf, 10/177; al-Furoo', 6/72 The view favoured by Shaykh al-Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) is that having intercourse with a non-mahram woman in her back passage is considered to be zina (fornication). He said: Zina means having an unlawful sexual relationship in the front passage or the back passage. Manhaj al-Saalikeen, p. 239. We ask Allaah to keep us safe from evil and to purify our hearts of evil thoughts, and to help us to be steadfast in adhering to His religion and obeying His commands. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27259: Ruling on the things that lead to zina _ kissing, touching and being alone together Question: What is the ruling on one who is intimate with women but does not commit zina, i.e. kissing etc?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Zina (adultery, fornication) does not refer only to penetration, rather there is the zina of the hand, which is touching that which is forbidden, and the zina of the eyes, which is looking at that which is forbidden, even though zina that is committed with the private parts, is the zina which is punishable with the hadd punishment. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably commit. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5889; Muslim, 2657. It is not permissible for the Muslim to long for the things that lead to zina, such as kissing, being alone, touching and looking, for all these things are haraam and lead to the greater evil which is zina. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)" [al-Isra' 17:32] Looking at that which is forbidden is one of the arrows of the Shaytaan, which leads a person to doom, even if he did not do it intentionally at first. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)" [al-Noor 24:30-31] Think about how Allaah connects the issue of lowering the gaze with the issue of protecting the private parts (guarding one's chastity) in these verses, and how lowering the gaze is mentioned first, before protecting the private parts, because the eye influences the heart. Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: In these two verses, Allaah commands the believing men and women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, which is because of the serious nature of zina and what it leads to of great corruption among the Muslims. Letting one's gaze wander freely is one of the causes of sickness in the heart and the occurrence of immoral actions, whereas lowering the gaze is one of the means of keeping oneself safe from that. Hence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do." [al-Noor 24:30] Lowering one's gaze and guarding one's chastity is purer for the believer in this world and in the Hereafter, whereas letting one's gaze wander freely and not guarding one's chastity are among the greatest causes of doom and punishment in this world and in the Hereafter. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Allaah tells us that He is All-Aware of what people do, and that nothing is hidden from Him. This is a warning to the believer against doing that which Allaah has forbidden and turning away from that which Allaah has prescribed for him, and it is a reminder to him that Allaah sees him and knows all that he does, whether it is good or otherwise. As Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal" [Ghaafir 40:19] End quote. From al-Tabarruj wa Khataruhu. The Muslim has to fear his Lord in secret and in public, and keep away from that which Allaah has forbidden of being alone with a member of the opposite sex, looking, shaking hands, kissing and other haraam actions which lead to the immoral action of zina. The sinner should not be deceived into thinking that he will not commit zina and that he will stop at these haraam actions and not go that far, for the Shaytaan will never leave him alone. There is no hadd punishment for these haraam actions, such as kissing etc., because the hadd punishment is only for intercourse (zina), but the judge may punish him with a ta'zeer punishment to deter him and others like him from committing these sins. Ibn al-Qayyim said: Ta'zeer punishments may be prescribed for every sin for which there is no hadd punishment or specific expiation (kafaarah), for sins are of three kinds: those for which there is a hadd punishment but no kafaarah is required; those for which kafaarah is required but there is no hadd punishment; and those for which there is neither a hadd punishment nor kafaarah. The first type includes such crimes as stealing, drinking alcohol, zina and slander. The second includes having intercourse during the day in Ramadaan, or when in ihraam. The third type includes having intercourse with a slave woman who is owned jointly with someone else, kissing a non-mahram woman and being alone with her, entering the public baths without a waist wrapper, eating dead meat, blood and pork, and so on. I'laam al-Muwaqqa'een, 2/77 The person who has committed any of these actions has to repent to Allaah, for whoever repents Allaah will accept his repentance, and the one who repents is like one who did not sin. One of the greatest means of expiation for such sins is offering the five daily prayers regularly and on time. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The five daily prayers, and from one Jumu'ah to the next, and from one Ramadaan to the next, expiates for the sins that come in between, so long as you avoid major sins." Narrated by Muslim, 1/209 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 34841: Men and women talking in chat rooms Question: I am a sister, who usually logs in to Paltalk and then goes to the Islamic rooms so that I may gain some knowledge related to our religion. Sometimes while I am in one of those Islamic rooms in Paltalk,a muslim brother(looking for a wife) in the room asks me to have a private written chat with him so that we get to know one another. Some of the questions he asks me are: where i live, my age, whether i am married(by the way I am not married), if I am planning to get marry, whether I live with my parents, and so on. My problem is, I don't know whether I am allowed(Islamicly) to give non-muharim brother those kinds of informations which related to me. Is it really SIN to talk to a brother in writing ??. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with a Muslim woman making use of the internet and entering the Paltalk website for that purpose, so long as that does not lead to anything that is forbidden in Islam, such as talking privately with men. That is because talking to men may turn into chat which usually leads temptation. Hence it is essential to be strict and avoid that, seeking the pleasure of Allaah and fearing His punishment. How often have these conversations lead to bad results, and even caused people to fall in love, and have led some to do things that are even more serious than that. The Shaytaan makes each of them imagine attractive qualities in other, which leads them to develop an attachment that detrimental to their spiritual welfare and worldly affairs. Sharee'ah blocks all the ways that may lead to fitnah (temptation, trial), hence it forbids softness of speech and does not allow a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman. Undoubtedly these private chats are not regarded as khulwah in the sense that he people involved cannot see one another, but they are one of the greatest causes of fitnah as is well known. What has happened to you is the best testimonial to the truth of what we are saying, because it is difficult for a man to ask these personal questions of a believing woman, unless he uses these means that are being used in a bad way. Fear Allaah, and do not speak to non-mahram men. This is safer for your religious commitment and purer for your heart. You should note that marriage to a righteous man is a blessing from Allaah, and a blessing cannot be acquired by means of sin. Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, if this correspondence is free from immorality and love? He replied: It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. A person may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who heard of the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and said that a man may approach him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying until he leads him astray. Correspondence between young men and women involves a great deal of fitnah and danger, so we must avoid it, even though the questioner says that this correspondence is free from immorality and love. From Fataawa al-Mar'ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, p. 96. Undoubtedly correspondence via chat rooms is more dangerous than correspondence by mail, but both are bad. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 33702: He fell in love with a girl then he repented. Can he be friends with her? Question: A young Muslim man went to study aboard, far from his family. He got to know a Muslim girl and the relationship between them grew until it became love, and they touched one another and kissed, but they did not commit fornication (zina). He feels fear of Allaah and he asked her to change the relationship with him or to give it up because what they did is a sin. She understood that and said, "Let's remain friends and we will never speak of love again, we can just be friends." He feels that he has made a sacrifice for the sake of Allaah, because he loves her very much, but he feels that this is not enough to please Allaah. Is it permissible for him to speak to her as just a friend? How can he explain to her that he does not want to be selfish, because he loves her very much but his love for Allaah is greater?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Following the paths of fitnah is one of the reasons why Muslims fall into the traps of the Shaytaan. The rulings of Islam bar the way to many of these paths and warn against following them. Islam also warns against following in the footsteps of the Shaytaan. One of these reasons or causes is Muslims travelling to kaafir countries and settling there either alone or with their families; studying in mixed universities and keeping company with immoral people who do not point him in the direction of good or warn him against evil; giving his faculties free rein to commit sin, such as letting his ears listen to singing or his eyes look at haraam things, and so on. A man cannot protect himself unless he keeps away from these paths that lead to evil, and looks for the ways of peace and guidance with which his Lord is pleased. Secondly: We think that our brother is on the right track and is guided in sha Allaah, because he fears his Lord and has given up his relationship with this girl, after committing sin with her because of his following the paths of evil mentioned above. The attitude of fearing Allaah is very important, and giving up one's desires for the sake of Allaah is something which no one can achieve except those who understand Tawheed truly, in whose hearts faith is alive and manifests itself in their physical actions. But he has to remain steadfast in his actions, and not let the Shaytaan lead him down another path that will lead to the same result of committing haraam actions. There can be no friendship between him and this girl who is a stranger (non-mahram) to him. What this friendship leads to is well known, so he must not respond to her request. He should adhere to his stance and seek the help of Allaah, asking Him to guide him to the straight path and make him steadfast in following true guidance. Thirdly: If he really loves her, then the sound way that is prescribed in sharee'ah is for him to marry her; there is no other option. But if he thinks of marriage he should choose one who has a good character and is religiously committed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised. If he does not marry her, then being friends with her will lead to him doing haraam things, as he himself says happened. Indeed, if the heart remains attached in this way, even if no physical immoral actions take place, it will still affect his heart and his relationship with Allaah and his submission to Him, in a way that is worse than committing physical immoral actions. Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said: If it so happens that there is love between a man and a woman, the most effective means of warding off fitnah (temptation) and immorality is for them to get married, because his heart will still remain attached to her if he does not marry her, and that may lead to fitnah. A man may hear that a woman has a good character, and that she is knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her; or she may hear that this man is of good character, knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she wants to marry him, but the communication between the two is not done in the proper Islamic manner _ this is very serious. In this case it is not permissible for the man to contact the woman or vice versa, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her guardian that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her guardian that she wants to marry him, as `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and `Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both). But if the woman gets in touch with the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah. As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, question no. 868. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 7650: She did something haraam with her husband's brother Question: My husband travels a lot for his job and is gone most of the time. When we were newly married he treated my very badly, ignored me, emotionally abused me, sexually abused me (sodomized me). Over my objections he brought his younger (19 year old) brother to live with us and I was alone with him quite a lot. We had a brief affair which I am horribly ashamed of and have repented for. Does my husband share any blame for this affair as he in a way created this situation? Years later he discovered this affair through prolonged emotional and physical interrogation and pressure. He justified all he did saying he "had a right" to find out about my unfaithfulness. All I have researched since tells me that he had absolutely no right to dig up the past like this when he had no reason for suspicion or to think that this affair was continuing or would be repeated. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji'oon (`Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return'). Your husband has fallen into that which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against when he warned men against entering upon (non-mahram) women. It was said to him, "What about the in-law?" He said, "The in-law is death." The word hamw (in-law) refers to the husband's brothers and other relatives such as cousins (sons of paternal uncle). What is meant by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying "The in-law is death" is that there is more to be feared from him than from anyone else because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing him for that, because no one will find it strange that he enters the house. How often we hear of regrettable incidents that occurred because of the husband's brothers entering upon their brother's wife, even cases of adultery and the wife becoming pregnant by the husband's brother. Allaah is the One Whose help we seek. It is not permissible for your husband to seek out the past and try to unearth bad things. Rather he should cover up whatever Allaah has concealed, especially after repentance from such things, because his heart will never be clear again after that, and he will think of everything you do after that as being of that nature. It was narrated from `Abd-Allaah ibn `Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Avoid these filthy things (sins) that Allaah has forbidden, and whoever does them let him cover himself with the cover of Allaah and repent to Allaah, for whoever tells us about his sin, we will carry out (the punishment ordained by) the Book of Allaah on him." Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak `ala al-Saheehayn, 4/425; al-Bayhaqi, 8/330. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 149. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he was in the mosque, and called him, saying, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery." The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned away from him. The man came to the side of his face that he had turned away from him and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned away from him again, and the man again came to the side of the Prophet's face that he had turned away from him and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have committed adultery." When he had testified against himself four times, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called him and said, "Are you crazy?" He said, "No, O Messenger of Allaah." He said, "Are you married?" He said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allaah." He said, "Take him and stone him to death." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6430; Muslim, 1691. In some reports it says that a man who had become Muslim came to Abu Bakr and told him that he had committed adultery. He said, "Repent to Allaah and cover yourself with the cover of Allaah." Then he came to `Umar likewise. See Fath al-Baari, 12/125. Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: From this case we learn that it is mustahabb for anyone who finds himself in a similar situation to repent to Allaah and to conceal his action and not mention that to anyone, as Abu Bakr and `Umar indicated to Maa'iz. Whoever finds out about any such thing should conceal it because of the things that we have mentioned and should not expose it or refer it to the ruler, as the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in this story, "If you had concealed him with your garment [i.e., told him to repent and keep quiet], that would have been far better for you." Hence al-Shaafa'i confirmed this idea and said: If a person commits a sin and Allaah conceals it, I prefer for him to conceal himself and repent, and I quote the story of Maa'iz with Abu Bakr and `Umar as evidence. This story shows that it is mustahabb for the one who commits a sin and then regrets it to hasten to repent from it, and not to tell anyone else about it. He should cover himself as Allaah has covered him. If it so happens that he tells someone, it is mustahabb for that person to tell him to repent and conceal that from the people, as happened with Maa'iz and Abu Bakr then `Umar. Fath al-Baari, 12/124, 125 Based on this: The man has no right to seek out information on the past from which his wife has repented, for the reasons outlined above. And the women should not tell her husband of what happened in the past that she has repented from; she should cover herself as Allaah has covered her. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 10374: Bus driver being alone with a woman Question: There are many women who attend courses in one of the centers for memorization of Qur'aan, and there is a bus that picks them up and drops them off, and the driver has no mahram with him such as his wife. The question is, with regard to the first female passenger in the morning and the last female passenger in the afternoon, is their being in the bus regarded as the kind of khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) that is haraam?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There are many fatwas from scholars which say that it is forbidden for a driver to be alone with a non-mahram woman, because of the text which states that it is haraam to be alone with a non-mahram woman, and because of the obvious evil consequences to which that may lead, whether one is going to a center for memorizing Qur'aan or to a mosque, so the prohibition is even stronger when going to the marketplace etc. This ruling has to do _ as mentioned in the question _ with the first female passenger in the morning and the last female passenger in the afternoon. In order to avoid any problem, there should be two female passengers who get on together first in the morning, and two who get off together last in the afternoon. There follow some of the fatwas of the scholars: Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: There can be no doubt that if a non-mahram woman travels with a driver without a mahram to accompany her, this is obviously wrong and involves a number of evils which are not insignificant. The man who approves of this for his mahrams (female relatives) is lacking in religious commitment and manhood, and he has little protective jealousy (gheerah) towards his mahrams. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "No man is alone with a non-mahram woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2165; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, 1758). For her to ride with him in a car is more serious than being alone with him in a house etc, because he can take her wherever he wants in the city or outside the city, whether she agrees to that or goes unwillingly, and there may result from that evils far worse than simply being alone with her. The fitnah (temptation) posed by women and the evil things that result from that are well known. According to the hadeeth, "I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful for men than women." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740). According to another hadeeth: "Beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah of the Children of Israel was because of women." (Narrated by Muslim, 2742) Because of this and other similar reports, and because of what is in the public interest and what is required of us by our religion, we think that we should definite in not allowing any non-mahram woman to ride with a taxi driver unless she is accompanied by one of her mahrams or people who could take the place of a mahram or a trustworthy person who is connected to her mahram. Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/553, 554 Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) It is not permissible for a woman to travel with a driver who is not her mahram when there is no one else with them, because this comes under the ruling on khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex). It was narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man should be alone with a (non-mahram) woman unless her mahram is also present." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5233; Muslim, 1341). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man should ever be alone with a non-mahram woman because the Shaytaan will be the third one present." But if there is one or more other men present, or one or more other women, then there is nothing wrong with that, because there is nothing dubious in this case, since there is no khulwah when there are three or more people present. This has to do with situations that are not regarded as travelling [i.e., journeys within one's city or town etc]. With regard to travelling, it is not permissible for a woman to travel without a mahram, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No woman should travel without a mahram." (Saheeh _ agreed upon). It makes no difference whether the travel is by land, by air or by sea. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/556 Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-`Uthaymeen said: It is not permissible for a man to be alone with a woman in a car unless he is her mahram, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man should be alone with a (non-mahram) woman unless her mahram is also present." But if there are two or more women with him, that is o.k., because there is no khulwah in this case, so long as he is trustworthy and they are not travelling. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/554, 555 Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him) said: It is not permissible for a woman to travel in a car on her own with a driver who is not her mahram, whether she is going to the mosque or anywhere else, because of the stern prohibition against a man being alone with a woman whom he is not permitted to be with. But if there is a group of women with the driver, then the matter is less serious, because this is not the khulwah which is forbidden. But they must observe proper etiquette and modesty, and not joke or chat with the driver, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner" [al-Ahzaab 33:32] Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/556, 557 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22917: He is addicted to pornographic pictures Question: I feel embarrassed to pose this question: I consider myself to be a good Muslim. I am a young man aged 20, I pray the five daily prayers and fast in Ramadaan, and I help those who need my help. I also make da'wah to non-Muslims and tell them about Islam. But I feel like a hypocrite because of my sins. I fear Allaah a great deal and I respect the Qur'aan and hadeeth, but despite that I cannot stop myself from committing sin. I am addicted to looking at pornographic pictures, even though I know this is haraam. I cannot stop myself. I have tried so much but every time I stop, I go back to it again, and every time I go back to it, it is harder to give it up than the time before. What should I do? Is there any sound way I can deal with this matter according to the teachings of the Qur'aan and hadeeth? I am sure that I can give it up, but what should I do so that my faith and willpower will be strong enough to resist this temptation? I fear Allaah a great deal and I need help. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We appreciate your confidence in us, and we ask Allaah to make us and you steadfast, and to show us the truth as truth and help us to follow it, and to show us falsehood as false and help us to avoid it, and not let it confuse us and lead us astray. My brother in Islam, we can sense from your words that you are very distressed, and that you feel that you are doing wrong. In sha Allaah this is a sign of sincerity, and the beginning of repentance, by Allaah's Leave. Each one among us needs to re-examine his situation and sincerely resolve to start to strive against his own self which enjoins him to do evil, and to arm himself with certain weapons in this struggle. We will give you some advice through which we ask Allaah to benefit us and you: Firstly: Pray to Allaah and beseech Him, and know that Allaah does not let down the one who calls upon Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And your Lord said: `Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation). Verily, those who scorn My worship [i.e. do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islamic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation!'" [Ghaafir 40:60] Persist in calling upon Allaah and making du'aa' to Him, and seek the times when du'aa' is most likely to be answered, in sujood, after praying, in the last hour of the day on Friday, and in the last third of the night when our Lord comes down to the lowest heaven and says. "Where is the one who calls upon Me, that I may answer him, where is the one who seeks My forgiveness, that I may forgive him? You should not feel that there is no response, for Allaah is always near and responds to the call of the one who is distressed if he calls upon Him, and He relieves him of his distress. Secondly: Each person must strive to do more acts of worship. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds" [Hood 11:114] And he should focus on prayer in particular. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Verily, AsSalaah (the prayer) prevents from AlFahshaa' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and AlMunkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)" [al-`Ankaboot 29:45] Thirdly: Each person must strive to increase his knowledge of Allaah, by studying His names and attributes, and by thinking of the creation of the heavens and the earth. Then he will feel shy before Allaah. As one of the salaf said: Do not look at the smallness of the sin, rather look at the greatness of the One Whom you have disobeyed. Fourthly: You should know that the way to Paradise is difficult and needs effort and patience. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah's religion — Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers)" [al-`Ankaboot 29:69] Fifthly: Think about the benefits of lowering your gaze, and this will motivate you to correct your behaviour and will enable you to ignore the evil ideas that cross your mind and the whispers of the Shaytaan. There follow some of its benefits, which we list for you in the hope that Allaah may benefit us and you thereby: 1- Lowering the gaze is obedience to the command of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)" [al-Noor 24:30], and obeying the command of Allaah brings ultimate happiness to a person in this world and in the Hereafter. 2- It purifies the heart and soul and actions. 3- It prevents the poisoned arrows from reaching you, for a look is one of the poisoned arrows of Iblees. 4- The one who lowers his gaze is compensated with sweetness of faith in his heart. 5- He gains sound insight through which he can distinguish truth from falsehood. 6- He will rid his heart of the pain of feeling that one is missing out, for whoever looks without restraining his glance will always feel that he is missing out. 7- His heart will be filled with happiness, joy and light that is greater than any pleasure that may be gained by looking. 8- His will free his heart of the control of desire, for the one who is controlled by his whims and desires is indeed a prisoner. 9- Lowering the gaze strengthens the mind and increases wisdom, whereas letting the gaze wander freely only makes one follish and heedless of consequences Sixthly: We advise you to read the book al-Daa' wa'l-Dawaa' by Ibn Al-Qayyim, which is a very useful book. We ask Allaah to protect us and you from being led astray, and to enable us and you to do righteous deeds. May Allaah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 26258: Woman riding with a non-mahram man Question: What is the ruling on buying clothes for children on which there are pictures of animals and people? What is the ruling on a woman riding with her sister's husband in a car accompanied by her sister? Or riding with her husband's brother accompanied by his mother? May Allaah reward you greatly on our behalf, O Shaykh Muhammad, and join me with you and all the Muslims in Paradise for eternity. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. With regard to clothes on which there are pictures, it is haraam to wear them for adults and children, males and females, alike. See Question no. 10439. With regard to a woman riding with a non-mahram man, one of the following two scenarios must apply. 1 _ That she is riding on her own with him. This is the khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) which is forbidden. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade it when he said: "No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present." (Narrated by Ahmad and al-Tirmidhi in his Sunan, 2092; also in Saheeh al-Jaami', 2546). See also question no, 2986. 2 _ That she is riding with a group of women and that non-mahram man. This is permitted, subject to two conditions: (i) That the man should be trustworthy (ii) That it should not be a journey, rather it should be inside the city. But if that is a lengthy journey then it is haraam for her to travel without a mahram, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to travel the distance of one night's travel without a man who is her mahram." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1088; Muslim, 1339. This version narrated by Muslim). Based on that, it is permissible for a woman to ride with her sister's husband if they are accompanied by her sister, and it is permissible for her to ride with her husband's brother if they are accompanied by his mother, if there is no danger of fitnah. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 12879: Ruling on a man hugging a woman Question: Is hugging permitted in Islam? to be specific hugging females be them your relatives or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the brother who is asking this question knows that shaking hands with a non-mahram woman is not permitted, then it is obvious that hugging or embracing her is also haraam and is more forbidden. The ruling on a relative who is not a mahram is the same as the ruling on a "stranger" (non-mahram). With regard to relatives who are mahrams, such as paternal aunts and maternal aunts, it is permissible for a man to shake hands with them, but as for hugging and embracing and kissing on the mouth, this is not allowed because that may provoke desire, and disallowing it closes the door to evil. It is sufficient to kiss the head or nose. There follow some questions posed to Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz, and his responses: 1 _ Shaykh `Abd al-`Azeez ibn Baaz was asked: I am currently living in Riyadh where I have some relatives; the relationship between them and me is very close. Among them there are the daughters of my maternal aunts and the wives and daughters of my paternal uncles. When I visit them I greet them and kiss them and they sit with me with their faces uncovered. I am bothered by this, knowing that this custom is widespread in most areas of the south. What is your opinion of this custom, and what should I do? Please advise me, may Allaah reward you with good. He replied: This custom is bad and reprehensible, and it goes against the pure sharee'ah. It is not permissible for you to kiss them or shake hands with them, because the wives of your paternal uncles, the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal uncle, etc., are not mahrams for you. They must observe hijaab in front of you and not appear in front of you wearing their adornments, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts" [al-Ahzaab 33:53] This verse includes both the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and other women, according to the more sound of the two scholarly opinions. Whoever says that it applies only to the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is saying something false for which there is no evidence. Allaah says concerning women in Soorat al Noor: "and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers" [al-Noor 24:31 _ interpretation of the meaning] You are not one of those for whom an exception is made, rather you are a "stranger" for the daughters of your paternal uncle and the daughters of your maternal uncle and the wives of your paternal uncles, in the sense that you are not one of their mahrams. So you have to tell them what we have said and read this fatwa to them, so that they will excuse you and will know the shar'i ruling on this matter. It is sufficient for you to greet them with words, without kissing them or shaking hands with them, because of the verses that we have quoted above. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, when a woman wanted to shake hands with him: "I do not shake hands with women." And `Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: "The hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of a woman; when he accepted their oath of allegiance it was by words only." And it was narrated in al-Saheehayn from `Aa'ishah, in the story of the slander (al-ifk), that she said that when she heard the voice of Safwaan ibn al-Mu'attal, "I covered my face, but he had seen me before hijaab [before the command of hijaab was revealed]." This indicates that women used to cover their faces after the verse of hijaab was revealed. May Allaah set the affairs of the Muslims straight and bless them with understanding of their religion. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/77, 78 2 _ The Shaykh also said: There is nothing wrong with a man kissing his daughters, whether they are young or grown up, without desire, so long as that is on the cheek if she is grown up. It was narrated that Abu Bakr kissed his daughter `Aa'ishah on the cheek. Kissing on the mouth may lead to provoking desire, so it is better and more on the safe side not to do that. By the same token a daughter may kiss her father on the nose or his head, without desire. But if there is desire then that is forbidden to all parties, so as to ward off fitnah (temptation) and block the way to evil and immorality. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/78, 79 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21784: The difference between erotic dreams and looking at women Question: Erotic dreams increase desire, so what is the difference between erotic dreams and looking at non-mahram women via the TV? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Comparing these two things is intrinsically false, and whatever is built on a false basis is also false, and this is due to a number of things: Firstly: The word ihtilaam (translated here as erotic dream) refers to what a person sees in his sleep, which includes a man seeing images of intercourse and imagining the sexual act in his sleep. This is something natural which all men and women see. There is nothing wrong with it and there is no sin on a person because of that. It was narrated in the hadeeth of Umm Sulaym that she asked the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a woman who sees in her dream what a man sees. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a woman sees that she should do ghusl." (Narrated by Muslim, al-Hayd, 469) Secondly: Erotic dreams are beyond a person's control and he has no power to prevent them. Rather is a means of the body ridding itself of excess material that may harm it if it remains in the body. Hence sometimes a person may see something in his sleep, and sometimes he may not see anything but still experience nocturnal emissions. Hence it is not haraam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Allaah burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets reward for that (good) which he has earned" [al-Baqarah 2:286] With regard to masturbation, it is haraam because it happens by a person's intention and will. See the answer to question 329. The same applies to looking at women, because this happens by a person's choice and intention, and he does it deliberately. Hence it is not allowed. Because a person is unable to prevent a sudden glance, he will not be brought to account for that, rather the sin is in following it with another glance. It says in the hadeeth: "O `Ali, do not follow one glance with another, for you are allowed the first but not the second." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, al-Adab, 2701; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, no. 2229). What is meant by "you are allowed the first" is if that does not happen intentionally, and "but not the second" means because it is done by your own choice, so it is a sin on you. Thirdly: Allaah has commanded the believers to lower their gaze. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)" [al-Noor 24:30] The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also commanded likewise. It was narrated that Jareer said: "I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a sudden look. He said, `Avert your gaze.'" (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Nikaah, 1836; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1880. Hence it is obligatory to obey the command of Allaah and His Messenger. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And let those who oppose the Messenger's (Muhammad's) commandment (i.e. his Sunnah legal ways, orders, acts of worship, statements) (among the sects) beware, lest some Fitnah (disbelief, trials, afflictions, earthquakes, killing, overpowered by a tyrant) should befall them or a painful torment be inflicted on them" [al-Noor 24:63] What people should know and believe is that Allaah does not burden people with things that are too difficult for them or impose hardship upon them. He does not enjoin any impossible commands. This includes lowering the gaze, for it is within a person's reach to obey this command. But because the way to Paradise is lined with difficult things and the way to Hell is lined with whims and desires, Allaah has made this a test and a trial for His slaves. So whoever obeys the command of Allaah and keeps away from that which Allaah has forbidden, the consequences will be good for him and he will have a good Hereafter. And the converse also applies (i.e., one who goes against Allaah's commands will have bad consequences). Fourthly: Allaah has commanded us to lower our gaze and has forbidden us to look at women because of the great evil and mischief that result from that. For looking is the harbinger of zina (unlawful sexual relationships) _ Allaah forbid. Hence it says in the hadeeth that Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which will inevitably catch up with him, and the zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking; the heart wishes and hopes and the private parts confirm that or deny it." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Qadar, 6122). So if a person lowers his gaze and refrains from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden, how could he be motivated to commit immoral actions? What the Muslim must do is to keep away from everything that may lead to immorality, whether that is looking at women, or thinking thoughts that provoke and increase desire. Whoever does those things will only make more worry and distress for himself, to no avail. As the poet said: "If you let your gaze wander, this will cause you a lot of heartache. You will see things that you will desire but you are unable to acquire them, yet you are unable to bear that with patience." "How many looks have been fatal to the heart of the one who looked, as fatal as an arrow, but with no bow and no string." And it was said that being patient in lowering one's gaze is easier than trying to put up with the pain that comes afterwards. We ask Allaah to guide us all. And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20229: Means of helping oneself to lower one's gaze Question: My question involves a complicated issue. Here in Canada, there is a lack of morals, people, women espically wear almost no clothing. My problem is that I cannot stop looking at these so called clothed women. I know that marriage is obligitory upon me, other than moving to a Muslim country(which I cannot do right now), what, if any advice could you help me in dealing with this problem. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We have said here many times that it is not permissible for one who has no legitimate shar'i excuse to remain in the kaafir lands. This land is filled with kufr, immorality and sin, and people there deviate from the fitrah (sound innate human nature) with which Allaah has created them. One of the immoral actions that are widespread in those countries is immoral and wanton display (tabarruj), whereby women hardly wear anything that covers them, as the questioner has said. This situation leads to haraam things and major sins, including mixing, touching and zina (unlawful sexual relationships), all of which stem from looking. Sharee'ah came to forbid the ways that lead to immorality, one of which is looking at non-mahram women. 1 _ Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)" [al-Noor 24:30] Imaam Ibn Katheer said: This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them. So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things. If it so happens that a person's gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze. Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282 2 _ Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts" [al-Ahzaab 33:53] 3 _ It was narrated that Jareer ibn `Abd-Allaah said: "I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a sudden glance, and he commanded me to avert my gaze." (Narrated by Muslim, 2159) al-Nawawi said: What is meant by a "sudden glance" is when a person's glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)" [al-Noor 24:30] Men must lower their gaze and refrain from looking at them in all circumstances, unless that is for a valid shar'i reason, such as giving testimony, medical treatment, wanting to propose marriage, buying a slave woman, engaging in financial transactions such as buying and selling, etc. In all these cases it is permissible to look as much as is needed, and no more. And Allaah knows best. Sharh Muslim, 14/139 Secondly: There are means which help a person to lower his gaze, and we ask Allaah to help you to do them: 1 _ Bearing in mind the fact that Allaah is watching you, that He sees you and is with you (by His knowledge) wherever you go. It may be a secretive glance of which your neighbour is unaware, but Allaah knows of it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal" [Ghaafir 40:19] 2 _ Seeking the help of Allaah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him (du'aa'). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And your Lord said: Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation)." [Ghaafir 40:60] 3 _ You should know that every blessing you enjoy comes from Allaah, and requires that you should give thanks. Part of the gratitude for the blessing of sight means that you should protect it from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden. Is there any reward for good, other than good? [cf. al-Rahmaan 55:60] Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allaah" [al-Nahl 16:53] 4 _ Striving with your self and training yourself to lower your gaze and be patient in doing so, and not giving up. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning: "As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah's religion — Islamic Monotheism)" [al-`Ankaboot 29:69] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400) 5 _ Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of sitting in the street." They said, "We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk." He said, "If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights." They said, "What are the rights of the street?" He said, "Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…" (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121). 6 _ You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error" [al-Ahzaab 33:36] 7 _ Doing a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: "… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it." (al-Bukhaari, 6137 8 _ Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says: "That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)" [al-Zalzalah 99:4] 9 _ Remembering the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you, Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds), They know all that you do" [al-Infitaar 82:10-12] 10 _ Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)" [al-Noor 24:30] 11 _ Avoiding looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly. 12 _ Marriage, which is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one's chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1806; Muslim, 1400). 13 _ Fasting _ because of the hadeeth quoted above. 14 _ Doing obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Verily, AsSalaah (the prayer) prevents from AlFahshaa' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and AlMunkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)" [al-`Ankaboot 29:45] 15 _ Remembering al-hoor al-`ayn, which will give you a motive to be patient in avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, hoping to get al-hoor al-`ayn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Companions of Equal Age " [al-Naba' 78:33] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "… If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2643). 16 _ Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who is looked at and the filth and waste material they carry in their gut. 17 _ Being ambitious and focusing on nobler things. 18 _ Checking on yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst realizing that everyone makes mistakes. 19 _ Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the effects of letting one's gaze wander. 20 _ Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above. 21 _ Bringing up this topic in meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers. 22 _ Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their attractions, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc. 23 _ Warding off passing thoughts and whispers from the Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he keeps looking he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove will not be planted in his heart. 25 _ Being afraid of a bad end, and of feeling regret at the point of death. 26 _ Keeping company with good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way. 27 _ Knowing that the zina of the eye is looking, and that should be sufficient to put you off. Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee'ah. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 23349: Prohibition on either spouse forming a relationship with someone else just for fun Question: What is the ruling concerning married muslim men who cheat on thier wives(physically or non physically) and what is the ruling concerning muslim women who knowingly have an affair with married men just for fun? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: For a man to form an illicit relationship with a non-mahram woman is not just cheating on his wife, it is also a sin and an act of disobedience towards his Lord. Allaah has forbidden such relationships and has barred the ways that may lead to the greater form of immorality which is zina (unlawful sexual relationships), which is what is referred to in the question. The forbidden acts which people commit when they have such relationships are many and include being alone with that person (khulwah), shaking hands with them, looking at them, etc. These are sins which are forbidden in the texts in and of themselves, and because of the sin of zina to which they may lead. Secondly: For a Muslim woman to form an illicit relationship with a man who is not her mahram _ whether he is married or not _ is also a major sin and is worse than what is mentioned in the first part of the question, because it results in mixing of lineages and it makes the husband doubt whether his children are really his or not, which leads to a great deal of mischief. There follow the fatwas of some of the scholars concerning something that is less serious than meetings between the sexes, so what about things that are more serious? 1 _ Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen said: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah (temptation) involved in that. The person who is sending these letters may think that there is no fitnah involved, but the Shaytaan will keep at him until he tempts the man by means of the woman and vice versa. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded those who hear the Dajjaal to keep away from him, and he said that a man may come to him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep at him until he tempts him and leads him astray. There is a great deal of temptation and danger in correspondence between young men and young women, so they must keep away from it, even though the questioner may say that there is no love involved. Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/578 2 _ Shaykh `Abd-Allaah al-Jibreen said, when he was asked about corresponding with a non-mahram woman: This action is not permissible, because it will provoke desire between them and will make them want to meet one another. This kind of correspondence often causes fitnah (temptation) and plants the seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to evil actions. So we advise those who are seeking that which is in their own best interests and who wish to protect themselves to avoid writing to or speaking with non-mahrams, etc., so as to protect their religious commitment and their honour, and Allaah is the Source of help. Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 10532: He is worried and distressed as a result of a haraam relationship Question: i am in a very emotionally difficult situation at the moment and cannot contemplate anything but my death. i cannot think of anything about my future or anything except death but even then i do not want to die now in the hope that almighty and all merciful allah grant me mercy for the sin i have committed. the problem is that over the past few months i have grown close to a female. i had no intention to form a sinful relationship at all. The reason i got close to her was to talk her out of the idea of her killing herself. you see she has been suicidal and keeps taking overdose, i tried talking to her and teach her so she would not do this sin and save her from hellfire. but what happened is slowly things went wrong and a wrong relationship formed...we never had sex i never had any intention to have sex. she is married. but the problem that has happened is that she claims that on a occasion i entered her..i do not beleive this because i did not take my clothes off but she was partially nude i am in fear that even if i didnt enter her, i may have done a sin.but if i did then i fear i am doomed. i do not beleive her because i have found that she does not have good intentions and she may have tried the excuse if being suicidal just to get close to me... i am very disturbed now i cant sleep or do anything i regret what has happened and pray to allah for forgiveness..all i wanted to do was save someone from hell and now i may have destroyed my own self. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You have to repent to Allaah from your friendship with this woman, for this sin that you have fallen into came about as a result of your taking lightly the matter of this relationship and of being alone with women. This is an act of disobedience towards Allaah which is deserving of His punishment and torment. Concerning the seriousness of this matter, please see Questions # 1114 and 9465. Secondly: make a final end to your relationship with this woman and with any other women with whom you have a relationship, because most of these relationships end up in committing zinaa which is haraam, or some other kind of physical relationship which is haraam _ we seek refuge with Allaah _ even if at the beginning it was, as you say, a chaste relationship. For the Shaytaan flows through the son of Adam like his blood. Know that being alone with a non-mahram woman can never be described as a chaste relationship. Now you must hasten to repent to Allaah sincerely, by regretting what has happened in the past, giving up this relationship and sincerely resolving never to have any haraam relationship again. This evil woman is trying to make you imagine and to convince you that you committed an immoral action with her so that she may use that as a means to make you commit immoral actions with her again. Even if what she claims were true, that you committed a haraam action with her, do not let the Shaytaan make the most of this opportunity or make you despair of the mercy of Allaah, so that he can mislead you further by making you feel that doing this again and persisting in it is not a serious matter, or make you think that repentance is too difficult. The Shaytaan is eager to make you feel this way, but the mercy of Allaah is vast, so hasten to repent. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Say: `O `Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is OftForgiving, Most Merciful" [al-Zumar 39:53] Allaah forgives the sins of those who sincerely repent. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful[al-Furqaan 25:68-70] It was narrated from `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood that a man kissed a woman. He came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about that. Then the aayah was revealed (interpretation of the meaning): "And perform As Salaah (Iqaamat as Salaah), at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night [i.e. the five compulsory Salaah (prayers)]. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins). That is a reminder (an advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice)"[Hood 11:114] The man said, "is this for me, O Messenger of Allaah?" He said, "It is for all those of my followers who encounter a similar situation." According to another report: "a man did something with a woman that was less than intercourse." (narrated by Muslim, al-Tawbah, 4964) Do a lot of righteous deeds, prayer and seeking forgiveness. Look for good, religiously-committed friends who will offer you an alternative to these haraam relationships. Know that the gate of repentance is open until the sun rises from the west, and that Allaah accepts the repentance of His slave until the death rattle sounds in the throat. Finally, you must hasten to take the means prescribed in sharee'ah to protect yourself _ by Allaah's leave _ i.e., marriage, which will keep you from falling into haraam,. May Allaah help you and us to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 9465: Why is it forbidden for a man and a woman who are not mahrams to have a relationship? Question: Why can't a Muslim date? I'm an extremely strict Christian but I have Muslim friend who I'm trying to understand. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam forbids a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman (one who is not his wife or a close relative) even if he is teaching her the Qur'aan, which is the Book of Allaah, That is because the Shaytaan (Satan) would come between them. The Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan will be the third one present." If this woman wants to hear about Islam and read about it in detail, she can look at books about Islam that have been translated into different languages, so she can take the language that she understands, then if she understands what attracts her to Islam, she can become Muslim. If she does not understand something and wants someone to explain it to her, it is permissible (for her to speak to a man) so long as there is no khulwah (being alone with a member of the opposite sex) involved _ so she could have a mahram (close relative) with her, or a group of women, and the man should be a trustworthy Muslim, or a group of trustworthy men who could sit with this woman and teach her about Islam so that she can understand it and proof be established for her. This is permitted. Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen Allaah wants to make the Muslims pure, hence He forbade them all means that may lead to evil, immorality and obscenity. You know that if a man is alone with a woman and starts a relationship with her, this relationship often leads to bad consequences, and that being alone with a member of the opposite sex is the way to immorality and fornication. It is not permissible for a man to praise himself and say, "I will be not affected by being alone with a woman." Islam does not allow the opportunity for things to get out hand; it keeps people away from the steps that might lead to that in the first place. The rulings of sharee'ah were revealed for all people, it is not the point that there are cases of khulwah which do not lead to haraam actions such as touching and kissing. Why should a person expose himself to temptation? Is it not the truth that if a man is alone with a non-mahram woman and there is no one else present, that something may cross the mind of either of them, even if nothing actually happens. But frequent meetings may indeed lead to something happening. In this case, sharee'ah closes all doors that may lead to evil. If a woman needs to speak to a man for a genuine reason, or vice versa, then that may be achieved by sending letters, without having to meet, or they may meet from behind a screen, or in the presence of others so that no khulwah will be involved. This is provided that both are modest and wear concealing garments. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1578: If the child of zinaa is present, will he be a chaperone for the two who committed zinaa? Question: If one has a child with a woman, and not married to them is it permissable for them to be alone with one another (not being married at the time of conception or after the birth) The 3rd party will always be shayton, and are children suitable chaparones. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to Shaykh `Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen, who replied: They will no longer be counted as being alone together (khulwah) if there is a third person present with them, whether he is their child or someone else's, and whether he is the child of zinaa or the child of a legitimate marriage _ on the condition that he is above the age of discretion and is of sound mind, that there is no fear of fitnah, and that the woman is wearing full hijaab. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 7492: She wants to go out with her fiance to make sure about him so that there will not be a disaster Question: i have a question thats bothering me alot for a while now..and i recently got divorce about a year now and i have no kids, its been a year now. my question is since i didnt' knew the guy before i got married and i got married to hum coz my parents thought he was nice for me..now since it happened with me i thought it would be nice if i know somebody before i get married not in a sense of dating but just talking and knowing whether he is a right person or wrong.. the point is i dont' want to hurt myself or end uplike this again so my question is does islam allows a girl to pick the guy and marriage i want some information regarding this.. i would appreciate your help Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam has prescribed asking the father's permission when one wants to marry his daughter, whether she is a virgin or has previously been married. It is the girl's right to have sufficient information about the person who wants to marry her. This may be achieved by enquiring about him through various channels, such as asking some of her relatives to ask his friends and those who know him well about him, because they may know a lot about his good and bad points which other people would not know about. But it is not permissible for her under any circumstances to be alone with him (khulwah) before marriage, or to take off her hijaab in front of him. It is well known that in such meetings the man does not show his true nature, but rather he is on his best behaviour and tries to make a good impression. Even if she were to be alone with him or to go out with him, he will not show her his true character. Many of those who go out with a fiancé in this sinful manner end up in tragedy and these sinful steps, whether they were taken in private or in public, do not bring any benefits. Often the fiancé will use sweet words and play with the emotions of his fiancée when he goes out with her, and he shows her his best side, but when she makes enquiries about him and tries to find out more about him, she will discover something entirely different. So going out with him or being alone with him does not solve the problem. Even if for the sake of argument we were to say that it does serve some purpose in finding out about the man's character, the resulting sin and possibility of leading to bad consequences is far greater than that (potential benefit). This is why Islam forbids being alone with a strange (non-mahram) man _ and the fiancé is still a stranger _ or taking off one's hijaab in front of him. We should not forget another important matter, which is that after the marriage ceremony (nikaah) and before the wedding night (when the marriage is celebrated and consummated), the woman has ample opportunity to get to know the man's character up close and to make sure about him, because now it is permissible for her to be alone with him and to go out with him, so long as the marriage contract has been concluded. If she discovers something bad that she really cannot put up with, then she can ask him for Khul' (divorce). But usually the outcome is not so bad, so long as one has made enquiries about the person and found out about him in a proper fashion before the nikaah. We ask Allaah to choose what is best for you and to make things easy for you wherever you are. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1200: Evidence Prohibiting of Mixing of Men and Women Question: My husband and I wanted to know if it were permissable to take Arabic classes at a college where the classes are mixed (men-women). We understand that there is no mixing between the sexes, but confused about the definition of "mixing". Please tell us what is permissable, what is not and give proof Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The meeting together, mixing, and intermingling of men and women in one place, the crowding of them together, and the revealing and exposure of women to men are prohibited by the Law of Islam (Shari'ah). These acts are prohibited because they are among the causes for fitnah (temptation or trial which implies evil consequences), the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing. Among the many proofs of prohibition of the meeting and mixing of men and women in the Qur'aan and Sunnah are: Verse No. 53 of Surat al-Ahzab, or the Confederates (Interpretation of the meaning); "...for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs..." In explaining this Verse, Ibn Kathir (May Allaah have mercy on him) said: "Meaning, as I forbade you to enter their rooms, I forbid you to look at them at all. If one wants to take something from a woman, one should do so without looking at her. If one wants to ask a woman for something, the same has to be done from behind a screen." The Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) enforced separation of men and women even at Allaah's most revered and preferred place, the mosque. This was accomplished via the separation of the women's rows from the men's; men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the obligatory prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque; and, a special door was assigned to women. Evidence of the foregoing are: Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said that after Allah's Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said "as-Salamu `Alaykum wa Rahmatullah' twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and leave. He would stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said that he thought that the staying of the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) was in order for the women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart." Narrated by al-Bukhari under No. 793. Abu Dawood under No. 876 narrates the same hadith in Kitab al-Salaat under the title "Insiraaf an-Nisaa' Qabl al-Rijaal min al-Salaah" (Departure of Women before Men after the Prayer). Ibn `Umar said that Allah's Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said: "We should leave this door (of the mosque) for women." Naafi' said: "Ibn `Umar never again entered through that door until he died." Narrated by Abu Dawood under No. 484 in "Kitab as-Salah" under the Chapter entitled: "at-Tashdid fi Thalik". Abu Hurayrah said that the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) said: ""The best of the men's rows is the first and the worst is the last, and the best of the women's rows is the last and the worst in the first." Narrated by Muslim under No. 664. This is the greatest evidence that the Law of Islam (Shari'ah) forbids meeting and mixing of men and women. The farther the men are from the women's rows, the better, and vice versa. If these procedures and precautions were prescribed and adhered to in a mosque, which is a pure place of worship where people are as far away as they ever are from the arousal of desire and temptation, then no doubt the same procedures need to be followed even more rigorously at other places. Abu Usayd al-Ansari narrated that he heard Allah's Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) say to the women on his way out of the mosque when he saw men and women mixing together on their way home: `Give way (i.e., walk to the sides) as it is not appropriate for you to walk in the middle the road.' Thereafter, women would walk so close to the wall that their dresses would get caught on it. Narrated by Abu Dawood in "Kitab al-Adab min Sunanihi, Chapter: Mashyu an-Nisa Ma' ar-Rijal fi at-Tariq."We know that the intermingling, mixing and crowding together of men and women is part of today's unavoidable yet regrettable affliction in most places, such as markets, hospitals, colleges, etc., but: - We will not willfully choose or accept mixing and crowding, particularly in religious classes and council meetings in Islamic Centers. - We take precautions to avoid meeting and mixing of men and women as much as possible while at the same time achieving desired goals and objectives. This result can be achieved by designating separate places assigned for men and women, using different doors for each, utilizing modern means of communication such as microphones, video recorders etc., and expediting efforts to have enough female teachers to teach women, etc. - We show fear of Allaah as much as we can by not looking at members of the opposite sex and by applying self-restraint. There follow some of the results of a study on mixing undertaken by some Muslim social science researchers. When we put the following question: What is the Islamic ruling on mixing as far as you know? The results were as follows: 76% of respondents said "It is not permitted." 12% said, "It is permitted" _ but moral, religious, etc. restrictions apply… 12% said, "I don't know." Which would you choose? If you had the choice between working in a mixed workplace and working in another where there was no mixing, which would you choose? The responses to this question were as follows: 76% would choose the workplace where there was no mixing. 9% preferred the mixed workplace. 15% would accept any workplace which suited their specialties, regardless of whether it was mixed or not. Very embarrassing Have any embarrassing situations ever happened to you because of mixing? Among the embarrassing moments mentioned by respondents in this study were the following: I was at work one day, and I went into one department where one of my female colleagues who wears hijaab had taken off her hijaab in front of her female colleagues. My entrance took her by surprise and I was very embarrassed as a result. I had to do an experiment in the lab at university, but I was absent on the day of the experiment. I had to go to the lab on the following day, and I found myself the only male among a group of female students, in addition to a female teacher and a female lab technician. I was very embarrassed and felt very awkward with all those female eyes glaring at me. I was trying to take a feminine towel out of one of the drawers when I was surprised by a male colleague standing behind me, who wanted to take something from his own private drawer. He noticed that I was embarrassed and he left the room quickly to avoid my embarrassment. It so happened that one of the girls at the university bumped into me when turning a corner in a crowded corridor. She was walking quickly, going to one of the lectures. As a result of this collision, she lost her balance, and I caught her in my arms, as if I was embracing her. You can imagine how embarrassed I and this girl felt in front of a group of careless young people. One of my female colleagues fell on the stairs in the university and her clothes fell open in an extremely embarrassing fashion. She landed upside down and could not help herself; the young men standing nearby had no option but to cover her and help her to get up. I work in a company and I went in to give some papers to my boss. When I was going out, my boss called me back. I turned around and saw him with his face turned away. I was waiting for him to ask me for a file or for more papers, and I was surprised by his hesitancy. I turned away to the left side of his office, pretending to be busy with something, and he spoke to me at the same time. I thought that this boss would say anything except what he actually said, which was to point out that my garment was stained with menstrual blood. Can the earth open up and swallow a human being at the moment of making sincere supplication? For I prayed that the earth would open up and swallow me. Victims of mixing… True stories Lost hope Umm Muhammad, a mature woman over the age of 40, tells her story. I lived a life of modest means with my husband. There was never any closeness and harmony, and my husband did not have the kind of strong personality that a woman would hope for, but his good nature made me overlook the fact that I was the one who was responsible for most of the decision making in the family. My husband often used to mention the name of his friend and business partner, and he would talk about him in my presence, and I often used to meet with him in his office which was originally part of our apartment. This went on for many years, until circumstances led to us exchanging visits with this person and his family. These family visits were repeated and because of his close friendship with my husband, we did not notice how the number of visits increased and how many hours a single visit would last. He often used to come on his own to sit with us, me and my husband, for long visits. My husband's trust in him knew no bounds, and as days passed I got to know this person very well, and saw how wonderful and decent he was. I began to feel a strong attraction towards this man, and at the same time I began to sense that the feeling was mutual. Things took a strange turn after that, when I realized that this man was the kind of person I had always dreamed about. Why had he come along now, after all these years? The more this man's status increased in my eyes, the more my husband's status diminished. It was as if I had needed to see the beauty of his character in order to discover how ugly my husband's character was. The matter between this person and myself did not go beyond these persistent thoughts which were occupying my mind night and day. Neither he nor I ever voiced what we felt in our hearts… until today. Yet despite that my life is over and my husband is little more than a weak man with no self-esteem. I hate him and I do not know how all this hatred towards him started to boil over. I wonder how I put up with him all these years, bearing all these burdens by myself, facing life's problems on my own. Things got so bad that I asked him for a divorce, and he divorced me at my request. After that he became a broken man. Even worse than that is that after my marriage was wrecked and my children and husband were devastated, problems arose in this man's family. His wife, with her feminine intuition, realized what had been going on in his heart of hearts, and his life became hell. She was overwhelmed with jealousy to the extent that one night she left her house at 2 a.m. and came to attack my house, screaming, weeping and hurling accusations. His marriage was also about to collapse. I admit that the lovely gatherings which we used to enjoy gave us the opportunity to get to know one another at a time that was not appropriate at this stage in our lives. His marriage has been wrecked and so has mine. I have lost everything, and now I know that my circumstances and his will not permit us to take any positive step towards coming together. Now I am more miserable than I have ever been, and I am looking for illusionary happiness and lost hopes. Tit-for-tat Umm Ahmad tells us: My husband had a group of married friends, and because of our close friendship with them, we used to get together with them once a week in one of our houses, to enjoy an evening of chat. Deep down in my heart I was never really comfortable with the atmosphere in which we would have dinner, sweets, snacks and drinks of juice accompanied by waves of laughter because of the jokes and chit-chats that often went beyond the bounds of good manners. In the name of friendship, the barriers were lifted and every now and then one would hear suppressed laughter between a woman and the husband of another woman. The jokes were too much, dealing _ with no sense of shyness _with sensitive topics such as sex and women's private matters. This was usual and was even accepted and regarded as desirable. Although I indulged in these things along with them, my conscience made me feel guilty. Then the day came when it became quite clear just how ugly and filthy this atmosphere was. The telephone rang, and I heard the voice of one of the friends in this group. I said hello to him and apologized that my husband was not home. He replied that he knew that, and that he was calling to speak to me! After he suggested starting a relationship with me, I got very angry and spoke harshly to him and cursed him. All he could do was laugh and say, "Don't try and show these good manners to me; go and check on your husband's good manners and see what he is doing…" I was devastated by what he said, but I pulled myself together and said to myself, this person is only trying to cause the break up of your marriage. But he succeeded in planting the seeds of doubt concerning my husband. Shortly after that, the major disaster struck. I discovered that my husband was cheating on me with another woman. It was the matter of life or death as far as I was concerned. I found my husband out and I confronted him, saying: "You are not the only one who can have a relationship. I have received a similar proposition." And I told him all about his friend. He was stunned and absolutely shocked. (I said:) "If you want me to respond in kind to your relationship with that woman, then this is for that, tit-for-tat." This was a huge slap in the face for him. He knew that I did not intend to do that in reality, but he realized the great disaster that had befallen our lives and the immoral atmosphere in which we were living. I suffered a great deal until my husband finally left that loose woman with whom he was having a relationship, as he admitted to me. Yes, he left her and came back to his family and children, but how can I ever feel the same towards him as I used to? Who will restore respect for him in my heart? This huge wound in my heart is still bleeding out of regret and rage at that filthy atmosphere; it still bears testimony to the fact that what they call innocent get-togethers are in reality anything but innocent. My heart still begs for mercy from the Lord of Glory. Intelligence can also be a temptation (fitnah) `Abd al-Fattaah says: I work as the head of department in one of the big companies. For a long time I admired one of my female colleagues, not for her beauty, but for her serious attitude towards her work, her intelligence and her excellent achievements _ in addition to the fact that she was a decent and modest person who focused only on her work. This admiration turned into attachment, and I am a married man who fears Allaah and never misses any obligatory prayer. I expressed my feelings to her and she rebuffed me. She is married and has children as well. She sees no reason why I should have any kind of relationship with her, whether it be friendship, as work colleagues or based on admiration… etc. Evil thoughts come to me sometimes, and deep down I wish that her husband would divorce her so that I could get her. I started to put pressure on her at work and put her down in front of my bosses. Perhaps this was a form of revenge on my part, but she accepted it with good manners and did not complain or comment. She works and works; her performance speaks of her quality, and she knows this well. The more she resisted me, the stronger my infatuation grew. I am not a person who is easily tempted by women, because I fear Allaah and I do not overstep the mark with them and go beyond what is required by my work. But this woman attracted me. What is the solution?… I do not know. Baby ducks know how to swim N.A.A., a nineteen-year-old girl, tells us: At that time I was a little girl. My innocent eyes watched those evening get-togethers when family friends would meet in the house. What I remember is that I could only see one man, who was my father. I watched him as he moved about the room, how his glances would devour the women present, looking at their thighs and chests, admiring this one's eyes, that one's hair, the other's hips. My poor mother had no choice but to take care of these get-togethers. She was a very simple lady. Among the women present there was one woman who would deliberately try to attract my father's attention, sometimes by coming close to him, and sometimes by making enticing movements. I would watch this with concern, whilst my mother was busy in the kitchen for the sake of her guests. These gatherings stopped suddenly and I tried, young as I was, to understand and make sense of what had happened, but I could not. What I remember was that my mother collapsed completely at that time, and she could not stand to hear my father's name mentioned in the house. I used to hear mysterious words whispered by the adults around me: "Betrayal… bedroom… she saw them with her own eyes… despicable woman… in a very shameful position…" etc. These were the key words which only the adults could understand. I grew up and came to understand, and I bore a grudge against all men. All of them were treacherous. My mother was a broken woman and accused every woman who came to us of being a man-snatcher who wanted to make my father fall into her trap. My father hasn't changed. He is still practising his favourite hobby of chasing women, but now he does it outside the home. Now I am nineteen years old and I know lots of young men. I feel great pleasure in taking revenge on them, because every one of them is an exact copy of my father. I tempt them and entice them, without letting them get anywhere near me. They follow me in gatherings and in the marketplaces because of my movements and deliberate gestures. Sometimes my phone never stops ringing and I feel proud of what I do to avenge the sex of Hawwa' and my mother. But sometimes I feel so miserable and such a failure that it almost chokes me. My life is shadowed by a huge dark cloud, and its name is my father. Before it is too late S.N.A. tells of her experience: I never imagined that my work circumstances would force me to be in contact with the opposite sex (men), but this in fact is what happened… In the beginning, I used to cover and screen myself from men by wearing niqaab (face-veil), but some of the sisters advised me that this dress was attracting more attention to my presence, and it would be better for me to take off the niqaab, especially since my eyes were somewhat attractive. So I removed the cover from my face, thinking that this was better. But by continuing to mix with my colleagues, I discovered that I was the odd one out because of my antisocial attitude and my insistence on not joining in the conversation and chatting with others. Everyone was wary of this "lone-wolf" woman (as they saw me), and this is what was stated clearly by one person who affirmed that he would not want to deal with such a snooty and stand-offish character. But I knew that I was the opposite, in fact, and I decided that I would not oppress myself and put myself in a difficult position with my colleagues. So I started to join in their chats and exchanges of anecdotes, and they all discovered that I could speak eloquently and persuasively, and that I could influence others. I could also speak in a manner that was determined yet at the same time was attractive to some of my colleagues. It was not long before I noticed some changes in the expression of my direct supervisor; with some embarrassment, he was enjoying the way I spoke and moved, and he would deliberately bring up topics in the conversation where I would see that hateful look in his eyes. I do not deny the fact that I started to entertain some thoughts about this man. I found it astonishing that a man could fall so easily into the trap of a woman who was religiously committed, so how must it be in the case of women who adorn themselves and invite men to commit immoral actions? In fact, I did not think of him in any way which went beyond the bounds of sharee'ah, but he did occupy a space in my thoughts for quite some time. But soon my self-respect made me reject the idea of being a source of enjoyment for this man in any way, shape or form, even if it was only psychological in nature, and I stopped getting involved in any kind of work that would force me to sit alone with him. In the end, I reached the following conclusions: 1- Attraction between the sexes can occur in any circumstances, no matter how much men and women may deny that. The attraction may start within the bounds of sharee'ah and end up going beyond those bounds. Even if a person protects himself (by marriage), he is not safe from the snares of the Shaytaan. 3- Even though a person may be able to guarantee himself and he works with the opposite sex within reasonable limits, he cannot guarantee the feelings of the other party. Finally, there is nothing good in mixing and it does not bear fruit as they claim. On the contrary, it corrupts sound thinking. What now? We may ask, what comes next, after this discussion on the matter of mixing? It's about time for us to recognize that no matter how we try to beautify the issue of mixing and take the matter lightly, its consequences are bound to catch up with us, and the harm it causes will have disastrous results for our families. Sound common sense refuses to accept that mixing is a healthy atmosphere for human relations. This is the sound common sense which made most of the people included in this survey (76%) prefer working in a non-mixed environment. The same percentage (76%) said that mixing is not permitted according to the sharee'ah. What makes us sit up and take notice is not this honourable percentage _ which indicates the purity of our Islamic society and the cleanness of its members' hearts _ but the small number who said that mixing is permitted; they number 12%. This group, with no exceptions, said that mixing is permitted but within the limits set by religion, custom (`urf), traditions, good manners, conscience, modesty, covering and other worthy values which, in their opinion, keep mixing within proper limits. We ask them: is the mixing which we see nowadays in our universities, market-places, work-places and family and social gatherings, taking place within the limits referred to above? Or are these places filled with transgressions in terms of clothing, speech, interactions and behaviour? We see wanton displays of adornment (tabarruj), not proper covering; we see fitnah (temptations) and dubious relationships, with no good manners and no conscience and no covering. We can conclude that the kind of mixing that is happening nowadays is unacceptable even to those who approve of mixing in a clean atmosphere. It's about time for us to recognize that mixing provides a fertile breeding-ground for social poisons to invade and take over our society without anyone ever realizing that it is mixing which is the cause. Mixing is the prime element in this silent fitnah, in the shade of which betrayals erupt, homes are wrecked and hearts are broken. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound, and to reform our society. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5583: What is the ruling on having thoughts of intercourse even before marriage Question: What is the ruling on having thoughts of intercourse even before marriage? Must one try to get rid of these thoughts qyuickly? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Thinking about this matter before marriage is of no benefit. Rather it is harmful, because it usually leads to the provocation of sexual desire and doing something that is not right in order to fulfil this desire. Try to get rid of these thoughts and keep yourself busy with the remembrance of Allaah (dhikr), issues of knowledge and working to propagate the cause of Islam. We ask Allaah to help us and you to do all that is good. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 6102: Should she cut off her ties with her adopted brother who has left Islam (is an apostate)? Question: My friends brother is adopted. He was not breastfed by her mother. Her mother got him when he was 3 months old from an adoption agency. There are no blood ties between them. She is muslim, he is muslim but he reverts back to the kuffar way of life. If he backbites her and he tells lies about her to other people, Can she cut ties off with him since he is adopted and there is no blood between them from the mother or father or anybody else? DOEs she still offer him salaams even though he is a revert Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This person has no ties to this family, whether through blood or through breastfeeding (radaa'ah). On this basis, if he is a mature and responsible adult, it is not permissible for him to mix with them and look at that which is forbidden. This is the case if he is still Muslim, let alone if he has left Islam. So it is not permissible for her to shake hands with him, or to be alone with him, or to uncover in front of him, because he is not a mahram. (See also question # 5538). She should not greet him with salaam nor return his greeting so long as he is a murtadd (apostate). We ask Allaah to keep us all safe and sound. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5395: Women watching men on TV with no desire Question: is it haram to watch the T.V and there is televisor male in and I watch the news or any program with no other reason. is it Haram to watch male in t.v with no(shahwa) Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Muslim has to protect his senses and faculties from everything that is of no benefit to him, let alone whatever is haraam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart, of each of those you will be questioned (by Allaah)." [al-Israa' 17:36] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Looking is one of the arrows of Shaytaan." Television is full of men and women who are promiscuous and immoral, and usually is not free from music and all other kinds of haraam things, so in general it is not good to look at it. May Allaah help us. As regards women looking at what normally appears of men for a specific reason and without any kind of desire, this is permissible as a number of scholars have said. But looking at the TV does not come under this heading, because there is no need for it, so women should turn away from everything in which there is no benefit, and keep themselves busy with things that will bring good consequences. And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5445: Muslim man who has relationships with non-Muslim women Question: What is Allah advise to a Muslim married man who has had several relationships with non-Muslim girls and even had sex after marriage, with ex-girlfriend Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Zinaa (unlawful sexual activity, fornication/adultery) is one of the major sins, concerning which Allaah and His Messenger issued a stern warning. Allaah has warned the one who does this of a painful torment, and has stated that it is an immoral action and an evil way. This person has to repent and seek forgiveness. His repentance will not be valid unless he gives up this evil action, regrets what he has done in the past and is determined never to do it again. Zinaa on the part of a married man is worse than zinaa on the part of one who is not married, hence the punishment for a married person who commits zinaa is stoning to death. He should know that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful" [al-Noor 24:31]. And according to a saheeh hadeeth: "Repentance wipes out that which came before it." Let him hasten to repent and turn to Allaah. May Allaah help him to do that and to reform himself. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 4697: Christian woman living with a Muslim outside of marriage Question: I am a 46 year old catholic who loves a 62 year old Muslim . We have been together for 15 years. We were once married and after the divorce, we got back together but never remarried. He is presently in Mecca for the Muslim Pilgrimage Mecca Ritual. Once he comes back from Mecca, what will happen to our relationship? We would like to grow old together. Do we have to get married? Can our relationship stay the same? If we have to marry, can he marry me as a Christian woman? I am not a virgin as I have been with him for the last 15 years. I have never been unfaithful to him. I do not want to convert as I am comfortable as a Christian. I respect the Muslim religion and I love him for being so religious and a good person. Please help us guide us in the right direction. Thank you. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The best thing for you to do is to become Muslim, because Allaah created mankind to worship Him as He wants. He wants us to worship Him in the Islamic way. The Christian religion was right in its own time (when it first came), but it has been distorted, then Allaah abrogated it with Islam. The Muslims recognize the religion of the Messiah, may peace be upon him, but it was followed before Islam came, by a small group of people. Then Islam came and abrogated it, so it is not right to follow it now. After man dies, he will have another life. Either he will be blessed (in Paradise), if he worshipped Allaah as Allâh wants, or he will be doomed (in Hell) if he went against the commands of Allaah Who created him and gave him his provision. So how can you worship Allaah by following an abrogated religion? We advise you to read good Islamic books, and you will be guided to the truth, by the permission of Allaah. Do not be deceived by the large numbers of Christians around you, or by the fact that it is the religion of your forefathers, or by the influence of the media. You have a mind of your own, so use it and do not live according to what others think. If you insist on remaining Christian, then in Islam it is permissible for a Muslim to marry a Christian woman, if she is chaste and does not engage in forbidden relationships. It is not permissible for him to live with her outside of marriage. If he does that, then he is a sinner who has disobeyed Allaah by committing a serious major sin, and he deserves punishment in this world and the next. We ask Allaah to guide you and him, to make you strong and to grant you a good end. Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 4688: She had a relationship with a man and wants to marry him, but her parents refuse and her mother is crying Question: What does islam says about this case: I want to marry a muslim man..but my parents refuse him totally because he is from a different country than mine. My mother is crying all the time which hurt me a lot. I love my mother deeply and i don't want to hurt her. but i want to get married with the man i choosed because he has the necessary qualities that islam asks for: kafaa and "aql" plus he is a good beleiver. in addition, we have involved in a relationship that im asking allah to forgive me..and the only solution now is to get married. i always talk with my parents with extreme care, but it just takes long time, and i want to finish this relationship by marriage as soon as possible, is my obligation to my parents more important than my marriage? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Obeying one's parents is obligatory, as is respecting their wishes with regard to good things. It is better to respect their wishes in this matter, and Allaah will compensate you with someone better. Your description of the man in your question, as having "the necessary qualities that islam asks for: kafaa and "aql" plus he is a good beleiver", does not fit with the sin that he has committed by having this haraam relationship with you. Whether this relationship involved zinaa (illicit sexual contact) or not, the way out is to repent and show regret. If this relationship resulted in pregnancy, then marriage is not the solution to this problem, because in this case the child is for the bed (meaning he should be given his mother's surname and the zaani [man who committed zinaa] has nothing to do with him), as was reported from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). If you both repent to Allaah, and you manage to persuade your family , and your guardian agrees to let you marry this man, then praise be to Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who gets married without her guardian's permission, her marriage is invalid…" (Reported and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi, 1021). We ask Allaah to help you to repent sincerely and to help you to do the right thing, whatever it may be. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 326: He is in love with a girl but cannot marry her Question: I am currently in a sitaution that may be common among the muslim community. I have met a wonderful Muslim XXX girl six months ago, I am XXX. We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other. Everything about our relationship has been wonderful.I feel Allah has brought us together. We have talked about marriage and both agree we want to spend our lives together.Now here is where the problem begins.Her father would not agree to marry her to anyone but a XXX that he has chosen in an arranged marriage.Even if she doesnt love him. I have spoken to her mother and she really likes me.She tried to talk to her husband but he wouldnt listen.Now it looks like her dad will arrange a marriage for her soon. What can we DO!!!I dont want to lose her I love her soooo much.Is there anything we can do? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Praise be to Allaah besides Whom there is nobody to praise when calamity strikes. My dear brother, you should realize that no calamity befalls a person except because of sin, and it cannot be lifted except by repentance. Despite all the hardship you are facing and the intense pain you are feeling, you still have to think about the root of the problem and understand the shar'i ruling on it and learn a lesson from what has happened. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "… whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself…" [al-Nisa' 4:79] it comes from yourself because you gave yourself free rein in starting this forbidden relationship and getting to know this girl in a manner that is not approved of in sharee'ah, and because you indulged in absolute freedom in an environment that is far removed from the laws of Allaah. Don't you see that our Lord is truly Wise and All-Knowing when He forbids men to deliberately look at non-mahram women or to touch them or be alone with them or take them as friends? Allaah knows that this leads to haraam things whether it is immoral actions of varying decrees or falling in love _ which is the serious and fatal disease from which you are suffering because of your sin. You have become one of its victims, suffering its pain and choking on it. You have been very frank in describing this disease from its onset, and how you fell into this devilish trap, when you said in your question: "I have met a wonderful Muslim girl six months ago... We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other." But you mention that you feel that Allaah has led you to one another. If you mean that this has happened by the will and decree of Allaah, then this is correct. Even Iblees exists by the will and decree of Allaah. But if you meant that Allaah decreed this because He likes it and approves of it, (this is wrong, because) Allaah does not approve of anything that is haraam. Just because something happens does not mean that Allaah likes it or approves of it. Allaah decrees good and evil for reasons which only He knows. If you say now that what has happened has happened, and cannot be changed, so what can we do about this father who is standing in the way of these two lovers who want to get married? I would say that there is nothing wrong with making efforts _ in halaal ways, of course _ to persuade this father, such as bringing mediators from within the family, or the imaam of the Islamic Centre where the father goes, and so on, and praying earnestly to Allaah to make this girl part of your lot in life if this is good for you and for her. If what you want happens, then praise be to Allaah, Who is the Giver of bounty and blessings. But if all attempts fail, mediation does not work and the wind blows in the way that the sailor does not like (i.e., things do not go the way you hoped), then you should know that from the point of view of sharee'ah you can never marry this girl without the consent of her guardian _ which is her father in the case _ because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid." (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1102, and by Abu Dawood, Ahmad and Ibn Maajah. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 2709). The marriage contract will not be valid even if it was approved by jaahili courts and kaafir judges. It is impossible for running away with this girl to be a valid solution, either in this world or in the next. We must also ask some other questions raised by your situation, such as: what is your commitment to Islam _ do you pray regularly, for example? Does she adhere to the hijaab prescribed by sharee'ah? What is the attitude of your own family to the idea of your marrying this girl? Finally, you must realize that you will have to forget about her if she marries someone else. In that case, you should not waste your life regretting losing her. You never know where good may come from. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "… it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know." [al-Baqarah 2:216] What has happened is a mistake of which you are going to bear the bitter consequences, but you have to be sincere towards Allaah and strive to repent and turn back to Him. If this girl is not destined to be your lot in life, then we ask Allaah to compensate you with someone better than her. "Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him, and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the muhsinoon (good-doers) to be lost." [Yoosuf 12:90 _ interpretation of the meaning]. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 3807: Pre-marital relationships are not permissible Question: I am in a relationship with a guy who can not make up his mind to get married. I have not yet became a muslim and I will soon We have talked about this being wrong for us to be together and if he was back in XXX, that he would not be able. I feel like wrong is wrong, and even if I hav not yet converted, that should not be the problem. His family wants him to come home, but when does a man have the right to make a choice? Maybe, because I am from the US I don't understand the whole thing about family. When you have a wife or someone to be your wife, is she not your family too?Please help me to do what is right. Salaam, Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is true what you have said, that wrong is wrong. In Islam, pre-marriage relationships are not permissible. We believe that adultery is not permissible not only in Islam, but also in all religions of Allah (God). I believe that the gentleman of nationality XXX whom you are seeing is not serious in getting married, because if he were, he would have married you from the very beginning. In Islam, a man must respect the will of his parents, and in some cases he must obey them. You, in your present status, are not a member of his family. When you become his wife, then you are considered to be his family. Yet even then, if a father orders his son to divorce his wife because, for example, she has bad reputation or she is not a good Muslim, he must obey his father. My advice to you is to think seriously in embracing Islam, not for the sake of this man, but for the salvation of your soul and body from Hellfire. I believe by now, you have a good idea what Islam is, putting aside the bad example this gentleman has been setting. Therefor, you should stop seeing this man and you should become Muslim. If his love to you is genuine, he will propose to you. If he doesn't, then be sure that Allah will not leave you alone, and as He guided you to his religion, He will send you a good Muslim who will cherish you and give you a decent life as a wife not as a mistress. I pray to Allah that He may enlighten your heart with Islam and guide you to make the right choice. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2572: Limits of looking at one's fiancée and the ruling on touching her and being alone with her. Is her permission a condition of being allowed to look at her? Question: I read the hadiths about the prophet peace be upon him allowing the man to see the woman before deciding whether to marry her or not. My questions is, what exactelly is the person allowed to see exactelly? Is he allowed to see her hair (entire head) ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam commands us to lower our gaze and forbids looking at non-mahram women. This is in order to purify people's souls and protect their honour. There are, however, certain exceptions in which it is permissible to look at a non-mahram woman for reasons of necessity, one of which is in the case of proposing marriage, because it is the basis on which a very important decision affecting a person's life will be taken. There are texts which indicate that it is permissible to look at one's fiancée, as follows: From Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah: "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.' I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.'" According to another report he said, `a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so." (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834) From Abu Hurayrah: "I was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, `Have you seen her?' He said, `No.' He said, `Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar." (Reported by Muslim, no. 1424; and by al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34)) From al-Mugheerah ibn Shu'bah: "I proposed marriage to a woman, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `Have you seen her?' I said, `No.' He said, `Look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.'" According to another report: "So he did that, and he married her and mentioned that they got along." (Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah, 1/574) From Sahl ibn Sa'd (may Allaah be pleased with him): "A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: "O Messenger of Allaah, I have come to give myself to you (in marriage)." The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) looked at her closely, then he lowered his head. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her, she sat down. One of his Companions stood up and said, O Messenger of Allaah, if you do not want her, then marry her to me…'" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 7/19; Muslim, 4/143; al-Nisaa'i, 6/113 bi Sharh al-Suyooti; al-Bayhaqi, 7/84) The sayings of the scholars on the extent to which one may look at one's fiancée Al-Shaafa'i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "If he wants to marry a woman, he is not allowed to see her without a headcover. He may look at her face and hands when she is covered, with or without her permission. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): `… and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent…' [al-Noor 24:31]. He said: `The face and hands.'" (al-Haawi al-Kabeer, 9/34). Imaam al-Nawawi said in Rawdat al-Taalibeen wa `Umdat al-Mufteen (7, 19-20): "When (a man) wants to marry (a woman), it is preferable (mustahabb) for him to look at her so that he will have no regrets. According to another view, it is not preferable but it is allowed. The first view is correct because of the ahaadeeth, and it is permitted to look repeatedly, with or without her permission. If it is not easy to look at her, he may send a woman to check her out and describe her to him. A woman may also look at a man if she wants to marry him, for she will like in him what he likes in her. What is permissible for him to look at is the face and hands, front and back. He should not look at anything else." Abu Haneefah permitted looking at the feet as well as the face and hands. (Bidaayah al-Mujtahid wa Nihayyat al-Muqtasid, 3/10) "It is permissible to look at the face, hands and feet, and no more than that." Ibn Rushd also quoted it as above. Among the reports from the madhhab of Imaam Maalik: He may look at the face and hands only. He may look at the face, hands and forearms only. A number of reports were narrated from Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him), one of which says that he may look at the face and forearms. The second says that he may look at what usually appears such as the neck, calves and so on. This was quoted by Ibn Qudaamah in al-Mughni (7/454), Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah in Tahdheeb al-Sunan (3/25-26), and al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar in Fath al-Baari (11/78)… The reliable opinion in the books of the Hanbalis is the second opinion. From the above, it is clear that the majority of scholars say that a man is allowed to look at his fiancée's face and hands, because the face indicates beauty or ugliness, and the hands indicate the slimness or plumpness (literally, `fertility') of the body. Abu'l-Faraj al-Maqdisi said: "There is no dispute among the scholars that he is permitted to look at the face.. the focus of beauty and the place at which one looks." Ruling on touching one's fiancée or being alone with her Al-Zayla'i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "It is not permissible for him to touch her face or hands _ even if is sure that this will not provoke desire _ because she is still haraam for him, and there is no need for him to do so." In Durar al-Bihaar it says: "It is not permitted for the qaadi, the witnesses or the fiancé to touch her, even if they are sure that this will not provoke desire, because there is no need for that…" (Radd al-Muhtaar `ala'l-Durr al-Mukhtaar, 5/237) Ibn Qudaamah said: "It is not permitted for him to be alone with her, because she is forbidden and Islam only allows him to look, thus khulwah (being alone with her) remains forbidden, and because there is no certainty that nothing forbidden will take place if he is alone with her, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: `No man is alone with a woman, but the Shaytaan is the third one present.' He should not look at her in a lustful or suspicious manner. Ahmad said, in a report narrated by Saalih, `He may look at the face, but not in a lustful manner.' He may look repeatedly, and examine her beauty, because the aim cannot be achieved in any other way." The fiancée's permission to look A man is permitted to look at the woman to whom he wishes to propose marriage, even without her permission or knowledge. This is what is indicated by the saheeh ahaadeeth. Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari (9/157): "The majority of scholars said: he is permitted to look at her if he wishes without her permission." The hadeeth scholar Shaykh Muhammad Naasir al-Deen al-Albaani said in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (1/156), supporting this view: "Similar evidence is seen in the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the hadeeth, `Even if she does not know.' This is supported by the actions of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them), in accordance with the Sunnah, such as Muhammad ibn Muslimah and Jaabir ibn `Abd-Allaah, both of whom hid so as to see of their fiancées that which would encourage them to go ahead and marry them…" Note: Shaykh al-Albaani also said (op.cit., p. 156): "From Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him)" `The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted to marry a woman, so he sent another woman to look at her and said, "Smell her mouth (front teeth) and look at the back of her ankles." (Reported by al-Haakim, 2/166, who said it is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. Also reported by al-Bayhaqi, 7/87. In Majma' al-Zawaa'id (4/507) he said, `"Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazzaar, and the men of al-Bazzaar are thiqaat.") In Mughni al-Muhtaaj (2/128) it says: "What we understand from this report is that the one who is sent may describe to the one who sends her more than that which he himself may see, so this sending achieves more than just looking." And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2986: Khulwah of female passenger riding in taxi driven by a man Question: As-salamu alaikum. Is it halal or not for a Muslim to drive a taxi because a member of the opposite sex might be alone in the car with him which would be khulwah? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man is ever alone with a woman (khulwah) but the Shaytaan is the third one with them." (Reported by Ahmad and by al-Tirmidhi in his Sunan, 2091; Saheeh al-Jaami', 2546). Allaah says in the story of Yoosuf, peace be upon him (interpretation of the meaning): "And she, in whose house he was, sought to seduce him (to do an evil act), she closed the doors and said, `Come on, O you'…" [Yoosuf 12:23] It is not permitted for a man to be alone with a woman to whom he is not related, whether this is in a house, office, clinic, elevator, car or any other place, because this may be the cause of him doing something haraam. Shaytaan is keen to tempt people and make them fall into haraam deeds. The fuqaha' are agreed that khulwah or being alone with a woman to whom one is not related is forbidden. They said: "No man should be alone with a woman who is not his mahram (a close relative to whom marriage is forbidden) or his wife, but is a stranger to him, because the Shaytaan will whisper to them and tempt them to do something that is not permitted. (Al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 19/267) It is not permitted for a man to be alone with a non-mahram woman even if he is teaching her Qur'aan, or to lead her in prayer if only the two of them are present. The guideline regarding khulwah is that this prohibition applies in any situation where their figures are hidden from other people (Fath al-Baari, 9/333). A taxi driver is bound to pass through empty streets or highways, and the structure of the car conceals most of the body of a person riding in it. Furthermore, there is no guarantee that a forbidden conversation will not take place, or that there will not be an agreement to do something forbidden. How many tragedies and painful stories and disasters have occurred because of a driver being alone with a female passenger! The wise sharee'ah of Islam has taken all precautions to avoid anything that may lead to wrongdoing. It is essential to completely avoid any situation where a man and woman who are not related may be alone together. A taxi driver should not accept a female passenger who is alone, except in cases of emergency such as accidents and the like. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2251: Woman's former boyfriend took her away from Islam Question: Assalamu Alaikum. In the event that a non-muslim woman who has been in a relation-ship with another non-muslim and then decides to leave him for a muslim because she realised that her boyfriend does not treat her well any-more and confesses to the muslim that she loves him and wants to be married to him. Based on her assurance that she does not love and does not wish to remain with her non-muslim boyfriend anymore, the muslim decides to accept her even-though she has committed fornication with her former boyfriend, because she decided to embrace Islam. Allah forgives all past sins of a new-believer. Then, she goes back on her words as her former boyfriend convinces her not to leave him when he realises that she's leaving him for another man(his friend-it's me). When this happend I was simply devastated. Here I was willing to accept her for what she is since she was willing to embrace Islam and she goes back on her assurances. How am I to Perceive this please? Furthermore, upon knowing that her boyfriend has been fooling around with other girls(not sure if he has been sleeping around), I tried to carelessly warn her without any prove that she was going to regret her decision about going back to him. Thus, I was pictured in a bad light for that. Was what I did wrong, trying to get her back, since I thought eventhough she may have a Blissful life with her former boyfriend in this life, Eternal punishment is awaiting for anyone who does not embrace Islam and die a believer? Please enlighten me. May Allah's Mercy and Blessings befall you in this world and the next. Wassalam. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It seems that you are confusing matters of the heart with matters of `aqeedah and religion, because you state in your question that you were emotionally devastated when this woman left you and went back to her kaafir boyfriend. You need to keep matters of belief and religion separate from your emotions and personal desires. Adhere to the limits set by Allaah, and follow His rules, one of which is the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): "Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever; nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman; to the Believers such a thing is forbidden." [al-Noor 24:3] It is not permitted to marry such a woman unless she repents, and this woman has not repented, she has gone back to committing haraam deed with a kaafir. So do not waste your time feeling regret about her. Ask Allaah to bless you with a chaste, believing wife, one who fasts and prays and devoutly adheres to the limits set by Allaah. This is the kind of woman you should long for, not this impure woman whose interest in Islam was only a temporary, emotional affair. I also advise you to adhere to the sharee'ah when calling non-Muslims to Islam, and not to treat the matter of speaking to non-mahram women (women to whom you are not related) lightly. You should not start any kind of forbidden contact or relationship with them in the name of da'wah. The Muslim man should use indirect means of communication when calling non-Muslim women to Islam, such as giving them books or tapes, or communicating with them via e-mail, etc., within the bounds of what is right and proper. We ask Allaah to guide us all and make us content with what is halaal so that we will have no desire for anything that is haraam. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2252: Ruling on reading stories with sexual content and looking at dirty pictures Question: Assalamu Alaikum I have a muslim friend who would wish that you'd answer her question (She doesn't have AOL). Her question is" Is it Haram to read about bad things? What about hearing or reading about bad stories? If it is, then what should I do to recover my bad deed?" Please answer it as soon as possible! Answer: Praise be to Allaah. One of the aims of sharee'ah is to protect people's honour and to preserve lineages (keep them legitimate). For this reason, marriage has been prescribed, and fornication, adultery, sodomy and lesbianism have been forbidden. All the things that may lead to the above have also been forbidden, such as looking at non-mahram women (women to whom one is not closely related), mixing with them or being alone with them. Dressing improperly and forming friendships with the opposite sex have also been forbidden. All of this is aimed at preventing the provocation of desires, and at directing desires into legitimate channels instead of letting them find forbidden means of expression. One of the principles of sharee'ah is that whatever leads to haraam deeds is itself haraam, so everything that leads to the provocation of haraam desires is haraam, because it may lead to a person falling into fornication and adultery. Once desire has been provoked, it invariably means that a person has to find a way of satisfying it, and so he or she commits a haraam act. Reading stories and magazines with sexual content, and looking at dirty pictures and movies provokes these kinds of desires and leads to haraam deeds, so they are not allowed. We should avoid them and keep away from them. Warn your friend about this and tell her to repent by keeping away from these things and getting rid of any bad books, movies etc. that she still has. She should feel remorse for the past, and should do more righteous deeds from now on. We ask Allaah to grant us all chastity and good health, to purify our hearts and to accept our repentance, for He is the Acceptor of repentance, the Most-Merciful. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2487: Expiation for haraam sexual activity Question: As Salaam Alaikum I have a serious problem. I have been muslim for a couple of years. I have a major problem controling my sexually urges. Before I was muslim I had no sex whatsoever and was a virgin. But recently I have been doing some haraam things. On 3 occasions I have payed for oral sex from prostitutes. This is all I have done. My penis has never been in a women's vagina. Is this zinnah? Am i still a virgin? Am I still muslim? What can I do to stop? Please help me! jazaakum Allahu khirun Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no doubt that what you have done is a kind of zinaa (unlawful sexual activity), although it is not the worst kind, so you must repent sincerely to Allaah, give up this sin, regret what has happened and be determined never to go back to it. Avoid bad friends and bad places, lower your gaze and keep your distance from women to whom you are not related (non-mahram). If you repent to Allaah, He will accept your repentance. You are still a Muslim, but you have committed an act of disobedience towards Allaah by doing this sinful act, so come back to your Lord and seek His forgiveness for what you have done. Do more good deeds to expiate for and cancel out your bad deeds, do those things that will help you to remain chaste, and hasten to marry according to Islam. Finally, we will leave you with a story from which you may learn a valuable lesson: Ibn Mas'ood reported that a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him that he had kissed or touched a woman, or something similar, as if he was asking how he could expiate for this (according to another report: a man had done something with a woman that fell short of actual intercourse. He came to `Umar ibn al-Khattaab, who regarded it as something very serious; then he came to Abu Bakr, who regarded it as something very serious. Then he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)). Then Allaah revealed the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): "And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e., small sins). That is a reminder (advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice)." [Hood 11:114]. The man asked, "Is this concerning me, O Messenger of Allaah?" He said: "It is concerning whoever of my ummah does this." (Reported by Muslim, may Allaah have mercy on him, in his Saheeh, 4963). According to a report narrated by `Abd-Allaah, a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I fondled a woman in the furthest outskirts of Madeenah but I did not actually have intercourse with her. Here I am, judge me as you wish." `Umar said to him: "Allaah had covered you, you should have covered yourself (i.e., you should not have spoken of it)." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not reply at all, so the man got up and left. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent a man to follow him, call him and recite to him the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): "And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e., small sins). That is a reminder (advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice)." [Hood 11:114]. A man who was present said: "O Prophet of Allaah, is this just for him?" He said, "No, it is for all the people." (Reported by Muslim, 4964). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2085: It is forbidden to have a love relationship with anyone except one's husband Question: Dear Sheikh, I am a Muslim female. Two years ago I went through a love experience with a young Muslim man,who was divorced. I liked him,and in fact I loved him. Then he asked me for making love, so I told him that I don't do that as I am religious and that this is zinah. So he told me i have to make love to you then i will marry you. Anyway, for two years, he is pushing me and twisting my arm to make love with him and that then he will marry me and i keep on refusing sex before marriage. In spite of all of that I am a strong Muslim and I can stand torture for not to commit any sin with him. My question is that how can I forget the torture and the very unfair behaviour he caused me and what is the status of this man in Islam? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Praise be to Allaah Who has saved you from this man. However, you should not have entered into any kind of relationship at all with him, not even meeting or speaking with him. He is a stranger to you, who is not related to you in any way, and Islam does not allow any kind of love relationship with anyone except one's legitimate husband. Repent to Allaah from what has happened, and keep away from this man completely, especially since it it quite obvious to you how bad he is and how eager he is to commit haraam deeds and pursue fallen women. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and grant us good health. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 217: Mixing or travelling with the husband's brother Question: 1. What is the position of a woman when her husband invites his brother to dinner, does she eat dinner with them, can she serve him? 2. Is the husbands brother maharam, can she travel with him? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 1. A wife is permitted to serve her husband and his guests if she is wearing complete hijaab and nothing of her body can be seen. She is also permitted to sit with them so long as there is no sitting alone with one non-mahram* man, wanton display or other cause of temptation involved. As far as eating with them is concerned, if this involves uncovering some part of her body, then she should not eat with them. 2. The husband's brother is not a mahram. The various types of mahram have been described in the Qur'aan, and this matter has already been explained under question # 316. On this basis, it is not permitted for her to travel with him. In view of the seriousness of the matter of non-mahram men, especially the husband's relatives, entering upon women, and the fact that so many people take this matter lightly, there follow a few words of important advice: Warning against non-mahram relatives entering upon women in the absence of their husbands Some homes are not free of the presence of relatives of the husband who are not mahrams of his wife. They may be living with him for a number of reasons, such as brothers who are students or bachelors. These men enter the house without there being any sense of something strange, because they are known to the neighbours as relatives of the head of the household. The neighbours know that this is a brother, or nephew or uncle. This casual approach leads to many immoral deeds that earn the wrath of Allaah because the limits that He has prescribed are not being adhered to. The basic principle in this matter should be the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Beware of entering upon women." A man of the Ansaar asked, "O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think about the brother-in-law?" He said, "The brother-in-law is death." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Baari, 9/330) Al-Nawawi, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: This hadeeth refers to all the relatives of the husband apart from his father and sons, who are mahrams for the wife and she is allowed to be alone with them; they are not described as "death." It refers to the brother, nephew, uncle, cousin and other relatives of the husband whom she would be permitted to marry if she were not already married. Because people customarily treat this matter so lightly, and a man may sit alone with his brother's wife, the brother-in-law is likened to death, and he is the foremost among non-mahram men who should be prevented from doing so. The expression "the brother-in-law is death" may have a number of meanings, such as the following: · That being alone with a brother-in-law may lead to religious doom if it results in sin. · That it may lead to actual death if an immoral deed is committed that dictates the punishment of stoning. · That it may spell disaster for the woman if her husband's jealousy leads to divorce. · That you should fear being alone with a non-mahram woman as much as you fear death. · That being alone with a non-mahram woman is as terrible as death. All of this stems from the fact that Islam wants to preserve families and households, and prevent anything that could lead to their destruction. What do you say now, after hearing the warning of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about those husbands who say to their wives: "If my brother comes and I am not here, show him into the sitting-room" or a woman who says to a male visitor: "Go into the sitting room" - when there is no-one else present in the house? To those who take the idea of trustworthiness as an excuse, and say things like, "I trust my wife and I trust my brother or my cousin," we say: do not trust too much and do not doubt too much, but know that the hadeeth "No man sits alone with a (non-mahram) woman, but the Shaytaan is the third among them" (reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1171) includes both the most righteous of people as well as the most immoral of people, and that Islam makes no exceptions whatsoever in such reports. A real problem This is the problem: a man marries a woman and brings her to his family's home, where she lives happily with him, then his younger brother starts to enter upon her when her husband is absent, and they begin to talk in an affectionate or even passionate manner. This leads to two things: she begins to detest her husband, and grows attached to his brother, but she cannot divorce her husband, or do what she wants to with the other. This is the grievous torment. This story represents one aspect of corruption, besides which are other kinds which reach the level of immoral sexual conduct and illegitimate children. In answer to the second question, a woman is not permitted to travel with her husband's brother, who is not her mahram, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "A woman should not travel unless she is with a mahram, and no man should enter upon a woman unless she has a mahram with her." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 1729). Among the conditions of a mahram for travel purposes are: he should be someone whom she is permanently forbidden to marry, such as her grandfather, father, brother, paternal uncle, nephew, etc. And Allaah knows best. * Translator's note: "mahram" refers to a blood-relative to whom marriage is permanently forbidden, such as a woman's father, brother, son, uncle, etc. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 591: Abnormal relationship between women Question: I am a believer and I am in love with a believer. We are both women and have already had children who we are taking good care of, but their fathers have deserted us . We both want to live as good muslims, but we love each other so much . We have been told culturally that our love is an abomination, however we cannot find anything in the Qur'an which condemns us or our actions. We are hurting no one. We are employed. We are educating our children and nurturing our families. We know the passage in the Qur'an about Soddem and Gommorah, but that appears to deal with the rape of men by men. It does not speak to monogamous love between two women. We love Allah and want to do his will. We need more information about our situation. Answer: Just as illicit sexual relations can occur between men, they can also occur between women. The Muslim fuqahaa' call this sihaaq (lesbianism), which they define as sexual relations between one woman and another (al-Mufassal fi Ahkaam al-Mar'ah by Zaydaan, 5/450), and state that it is a punishable offence (the punishment is a form of discipline for disobedience; no specific punishment is given in the Qur'aan, so the punishment is to be set by the Qaadi according to the circumstances of the crime and the one who commits it). The lesbian's testimony is unacceptable because she is a evildoer (al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 24/253). Ibn Qudaamah, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: "If two women masturbate one another, then they are cursed fornicators" (al-Mughni 10/162). Some of the scholars, like al-`Izz ibn `Abd al-Salaam say that a lesbian is not permitted to look at a Muslim woman, and that a Muslim woman is not permitted to uncover (take off her hijaab) in front of a lesbian, because she is an evildoer who cannot be trusted not to describe her to others. If what is described above is the nature of the relationship between the two women mentioned in the question, then they must repent sincerely to Allaah and stop their evil actions. If their being together in one place will lead to them committing this sin, then they must never meet, so as to avoid this wrongful act. Their husbands' desertion of them may be one of the reasons for them falling into this kind of perversion, because they have no legitimate way in which to fulfil their desires and so they have resorted to this haraam way. So they must think seriously of finding Muslim husbands with whom they can live in the way prescribed by Islaam. As for love, this is a different kind of sin, which need not necessarily be associated with physical desire. It is dangerous because it leads to the lover worshipping the beloved, so that he thinks only of the one he loves, cannot bear to be parted from him by day and dreams about him at night; he lives and dies for his sake, and may change when he sees him and become sick when he is absent. This kind of relationship destroys a person's mental health and destroys his relationship with his Lord, because it makes the lover worship his beloved and it is haraam to worship anything other than Allaah. The solution to this disastrous situation is total separation, so that one will never see that person, or hear news of him again. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 671: In love with a none-believer Question: I am in love with a non believer and I don't want to stop seeing her. What are the options that I have. I thank you tremendously for you time. Answer: Al-hamdu lillaah You have two options; Your first option is: The woman must be a chaste kitaabiyya (be among people of the book, i.e. Christian or Jewish), and in that case you can marry her following what Allaah said (interpretation of the meaning): "…and chaste women among the believers and chaste women among those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians)…" Al-Maidah 4:5. The second option you have is that she converts to Islam and then you marry her. Otherwise, remember the hell fire, and remember what Allaah said in the Qur'aan (interpretation of the meaning): "And do not marry Al-Mushrikat ( idolatresses, etc.) until they believe ( worship Allaah alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.) even though she pleases you. And give not your daughters in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon until they believe (in Allaah alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik ( idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. They (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His leave, and makes His aayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations) clear to mankind so that they may remember ". Al-Baqarah, verse #2:221 The meaning of "a slave woman who believes is better than a non-believer" is simply that she is better than a non-believer who is (free) even if the non-believer pleases you, even if she pleases you, EVEN IF SHE PLEASES YOU! We ask Allaah to show you the truth, and to guide you back to it. May the peace and blessings of Allaah be upon the prophet Muhammad ). 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