Psychological and Social Problems
Chapter 4
6053: A young girl living in
a corrupt society fears that she may go astray
Question:
I am 15 years old and i have embraced islam
4-5 years ago. one of my parents is so called
muslim but he doesnt practice the religion. i
run in problem all the time . sooner or later i
will become sick of following rules so i'll just
go out and have fun(go dancing start dating
etc.)
i know it is wrong but i realise that
after i do it. I am not sure if i want to be
religious any more, but then something keeps
coming back and telling me that i should be a
muslim. i am having hard time deciding what to
do. its hard for me to stay muslim because i
live in non muslim society and the muslims i
know are not really muslims .
do you have any
suggestions ?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Your problem is a sensitive and serious
problem that has to do with adhering to Islam
and following its rules. Whilst we understand
your problem and feel your suffering from afar,
we want to remind you of the following points:
Firstly, this "something" that you say comes
to you and tells you that you have to be a
Muslim could be one of the angels, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "The Shaytaan has some hold over the
son of Adam and the angel has some hold over the
son of Adam. As for the hold of the shaytaan, it
is reminding him of evil and disbelieving the
truth. As for the hold of the angel, it is
reminding him of goodness and believing the
truth. Whoever find the latter, let him know
that it is from Allaah, so let him praise
Allaah. Whoever finds the former, let him seek
refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan."
Then he recited (interpretation of the meaning):
"Shaytaan (Satan) threatens you with poverty
and orders you to commit Fahsha (evil deeds,
illegal sexual intercourse, sins); whereas
Allaah promises you forgiveness from Himself and
bounty…"
[al-Baqarah 2:268].
(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2914; he said it is
a ghareeb hasan hadeeth).
"Shaytaan" here refers to Iblees or one of
his troops. "A hold" (literally, touch) means
coming close and having an effect. Here it
refers to what happens in the heart as a result
of the influence of the devil or angel.
"Reminding him of evil" such as Kufr
(disbelief), immorality and wrongdoing.
"Disbelieving the truth" means denying the
rights of Allaah or the rights of creation, or
denying something that has been proven to be
truesuch as Tawheed, Prophethood, Resurrection,
the Day of Judgement and Paradise and Hell. "As
for the hold of the angel, it is reminding him
of goodness" such as prayer and fasting. "And
believing in the truth" such as the Books and
Messengers of Allaah. "Whoever finds that" means
in himself, or notices or recognizes it, i.e.,
the hold of the angel. "Let him know that it is
from Allaah" means it is a great blessing and
wonderful mercy that has come to him because
Allaah commanded the angel to touch him. "Let
him praise Allaah" for this great blessing,
because it has qualified him to be guided by the
angel to this goodness. "Whoever finds the
former" means the hold of shaytaan. "Then he
recited" means the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) he quoted the aayah
(interpretation of the meaning): "Shaytaan
(Satan) threatens you with poverty" means he
scares you with it to stop you spending in good
ways. "and orders you to commit Fahsha (evil
deeds, etc.)" means sins.
In the light of this great hadeeth, you can
now understand your situation. The "something"
that is bringing you goodness is bringing you a
blessing from Allaah, so give thanks and praise
to Allaah for it. The other one who is coming to
entice you to go out and dance and form illicit
relationships with evil, dirty people is from
the Shaytaan, so seek refuge with Allaah from
that every time he tempts you with these evil
dangers.
Secondly, do not worry about there being so
many lost souls around you, do not let these
hordes of kaafirs who are drowning in the sea of
their reckless desires and sins distract you
from the purpose for which you were created.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And if you obey most of those on the earth,
they will mislead you far away from Allaah's
path" (al-An'aam 6:116)
"And most of mankind will not believe even
if you desire it eagerly" (Yoosuf 12:103)
O young Muslim woman, what is the value of
life if a person lives only to follow his or her
own desires, steeped in vice, dancing and
singing, getting drunk and causing uproar,
engaging in illicit sexual conduct and behaving
like an animal? Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"They are like cattle, nay even more
astray; those! They are the heedless ones"
(al-An'aam 6:179).
Thirdly, as you are living in a negative
atmosphere filled with so many kuffaar and
Muslims who do not adhere to their religion and
who may not know anything about Islam other than
its name, and surrounded with trials and
temptations as you are, you have to cling to
Allaah and adhere to His sharee'ah (laws), turn
to Him and pray always to Him to protect you
from sin and help you to adhere to your
religion. Always repeat this du'aa': "Yaa
muqallib al-quloob thabbit qalbi ala deenak
(O Controller of the hearts, make my heart
adhere firmly to Your religion)." Because your
mother, the Mother of the Believers `Aa'ishah
(may Allaah be pleased with her) narrated from
her husband, your Prophet Muhammad (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) that he used to
recite this du'aa' (Yaa muqallib al-quloob
thabbit qalbi ala deenak) frequently. She
asked, "O Messenger of Allaah, we believe in you
and in what you have brought. Do you fear for
us?" He said, "Yes, for people's hearts are
between the fingers of Allaah and He turns them
as He wills."
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2066. He said, this
is a hasan hadeeth).
Fourthly, try to look for other Muslim women
so that you can remind one another of the truth
and encourage one another to be patient. Do
whatever you can to call your parents to the way
of truth, for how many young people have been
the cause of their elders being guided!
Finally we ask Allaah to guide you in the
ways of peace and to make you steadfast on the
path of Islam and to bless you with the
sweetness of faith. We entrust you to the care
of Allaah, for those who are under His care will
never be lost.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
21510: My wife is not
beautiful!!
Question:
I have been married for a few years. During
the first two years I was happy with my marriage
and I loved my wife, but after that I started to
feel that I disliked my wife. That is not
because of religion, because she is religiously
committed and has a good character, praise be to
Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty,
because she is not beautiful enough to keep me
chaste and make me lower my gaze. I am afraid of
mistreating her because I do not feel happy with
her and sometimes I frown at her for no reason.
The problem is that I cannot marry another wife
because I am not financially able. I thought of
taking a loan in order to marry but then I would
be living in poverty because of the loan. I have
thought a lot about divorcing her and letting
her go in kindness and replacing her with
another, but I have children from her and she
loves me a lot. I have thought about this a
great deal and it is disturbing my sleep,
because I do not know what to do. What should I
do, may Allaah reward you.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence
in me and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong
and steadfast, and to guide us. With regard to
your question, I offer the following comments:
1 _ The problem you have is not with regard
to marrying a second wife, or divorcing your
wife. The problem, as you mention, is a
financial problem. So long as you are not able
to marry another wife, then you should keep the
wife with whom Allaah has blessed you.
2 _ Whenever you are able and have the
financial means, and praise be to Allaah that He
has permitted plural marriage to you… In my
opinion that is easier for a woman to bear than
divorce, especially since you have children from
her.
3 _ Try to look at the matter from a
different angle. You may find many positive
things in her, and beauty is not everything,
believe me. How she behaves and treats you… and
many things which are ultimately more important
than appearance. For with time you will get used
to her appearance, and how she behaves will be
what matters…
4 _ Imagine that you find a very beautiful
woman and marry her… then she starts to treat
you in an arrogant or impolite manner… or she
treats you and your family badly… what would you
do?!
5 _ You should be objective and not burden
yourself with more than you can bear. Look at
the matter from different aspects. "it may be
that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings
through it a great deal of good" [al-Nisa' 4:19
_ interpretation of the meaning]. And
remember the advice of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Look for one
[a wife] who is religiously committed, may your
hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you
prosper]!"
May Allaah help you, protect you and make you
steadfast in following the path of goodness and
truth. Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil
(www.islam-qa.com)
21598: Her husband's mother
dislikes her _ what should she do?
Question:
I have done my nikah a few months ago and
will do the marriage ceremony soon insha'allah
in order to live together. My husband's family
is not religious at all. Unfortunately, I found
out, after the fact, that my in-laws are not
happy about our marriage and because of that my
relationship with my in-laws, especially my
mother-in-law, is not in good terms. My husband
is their only son and he loves them very much. I
am afraid that my mother-in-law's dislike
towards me might affect my relationship with my
husband in the future. What can I do to prevent
this? Is there any dua'a?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There is no problem that
cannot by solved by anyone, as stated in the
question. For every problem there is a solution,
but the problem is not in finding the solution,
rather it depends on the one who is going to
implement the solution. Many of those who go
through difficult circumstances and ask for a
solution imagine that the person they are asking
is able to take away the problem, but this is
not correct. Rather all that a human being can
do is to suggest the best possible ways of
reaching the desired result, but the person must
still make the effort to solve his problem _
this is very important and essential.
With regard to what you asked about:
Firstly:
This dislike that they are showing may be
based on incorrect ideas about you, so perhaps
it is only temporary and may disappear if you
try hard to be pleasant to them. I say this
because we cannot be sure of what may happen in
the future. How often has a girl have been
disliked by her husband's family in the
beginning, then as they got to know her and saw
her good manners and good attitude, they changed
their minds about her and their condemnation
turned to praise and their hatred to love. So do
not worry about what may happen, just be
cheerful and optimistic about your future with
your husband.
Secondly:
You must show your best attitude towards your
husband's family, who have the right to be
treated in a good manner by you because they are
the family of your husband. Pay a great deal of
attention to his parents, and take care of his
mother as if she were your own mother. If she
comes to your house, try to meet her with a
friendly and smiling face, and do not pay too
much attention to your husband whilst she is
there with you, because this may stir up
feelings of jealousy, which are very strong in
human beings.
Thirdly:
Turn to Allaah and make du'aa', and ask Him
to help you to treat them well and to soften
their hearts and make them love you. Realize
that no matter how hard you look for a solution,
help is ultimately in His hand. So turn to Him
with all sincerity. May Allaah send blessings
and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his
family.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
22877: He feels that his
faith is weak and that worship is burdensome
Question:
I have been a religious person for several
years, but for a few months I have been feeling
that my mind and heart are devoid of faith and
will power. This matter is tormenting me and I
said to myself that perhaps this is a touch from
the Shaytaan or something like that, and it will
go away when Ramadaan comes. But it has not gone
away and I find it very difficult to pray qiyaam
al-layl. I have tried to read more Qur'aan
despite this waswaas and the distress it is
causing me. My situation has started to affect
me socially, at work, in the family and in my
religion. Now I am living in torment because of
this and I cannot find the faith which I feel
has been taken away from me. I feel that I will
have a bad end and that my faith will never
return to me and that a seal has been placed
over my heart. When I go to the mosque to pray,
which I have not stopped doing, I feel that I am
not like the other worshippers and I envy them
for their faith. I also feel put off by religion
and often I cannot listen to the Qur'aan or
hadeeth, or listen to tapes, except with great
difficulty. This is tormenting me because I do
not want this, and I want to be like I was, a
believer who loves the religion because it is
the truth, but I feel that I cannot control my
mind or my feelings. I have started to think
about my sins which I believe are the cause of
this, and I have started to remember many sins
which I had forgotten, as if they are appearing
before me one after the other. Until now I am
living with this torment, misery and distress. I
do not know what has happened to me and what the
solution and the remedy is. Will my faith come
back to me or is this a bad end and a punishment
from Allaah? Finally, please do not forget to
make du'aa' for me.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My brother, have great hope in Allaah, and do
not let the Shaytaan cause you to despair of the
vast mercy of Allaah which He has guaranteed for
His believing slaves. What you are telling
yourself about this being a sign that you will
die following something other than that which
Allaah wants is only insinuating whispers
(waswaas) from the Shaytaan and his deviant
ideas by means of which he wants to tempt the
slaves of Allaah and lead them away from their
religion. So he comes to a righteous slave and
whispers to him that his good deeds are of no
avail, or that he is doing them not for the sake
of Allaah but to show off to people, so that
they will think he is good. All of these are the
usual ways with which the Shaytaan tries to
trick the slaves of Allaah, especially those who
show signs of being righteous _ of whom I think
that you are one, although I do not praise
anyone before Allah _ to hinder their efforts.
We seek refuge with Allaah from him.
You need to increase your hope and trust in
Allaah Who forgives all sins, and who accepts
the slave who seeks His protection and refuge,
for He is the Most Merciful, the Oft-Forgiving
and the Most Loving.
You should increase your good deeds, such as
reading Qur'aan, giving charity, remembering
Allaah (dhikr), upholding the ties of kinship,
etc. The weakness which you feel also happens to
others, for it is something natural. How many
people were examples followed by others and had
a great deal of drive and ambition, then they
lost their drive and ambition for a long time,
then it came back to them by the grace of
Allaah. Remember the words of the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him): "Everybody
has his time of energy, and every time of energy
is followed by a time of lethargy. But if a
person tries to follow a moderate path, then I
have hope for him, but if he becomes one who is
pointed out (in the street), then do not think
anything of him." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi,
2453; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1995).
What is meant by "Everybody has his time of
energy" is eagerness for a thing, energy and the
desire to do good.
What is meant by "every time of energy is
followed by a time of lethargy" is tiredness,
weakness and lack of movement.
"But if a person tries to follow a moderate
path" means that the one who has energy does his
deeds in moderation and avoids going to extremes
when he is feeling energetic and avoids being
negligent when he is feeling lethargic.
"Then I have hope for him" means, I have hope
that he will be successful, for he can continue
following a middle course, and the most beloved
deeds to Allaah are those which are continuous.
"but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in
the street)" means, if he strives hard and goes
to extremes in doing good deeds so that he will
become famous for his worship and asceticism,
and he becomes famous and people point him out
to one another,
"then do not think anything of him" means, do
not think that he is one of the righteous,
because he is showing off. He did not say, "do
not have hope for him," as an indication that he
has already fallen, and he will not be able to
make up for what he has missed out on.
[From Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi]
Think about this hadeeth, and relate it to
your own situation and the situation of others:
you will see a clear similarity. This hadeeth
clearly states that man goes through a stage of
incomparable eagerness and great focus and
ambition, then suddenly he becomes weak and
loses that focus and eagerness and ambition.
When he reaches this stage, he must strive even
harder to do obligatory duties and avoid haraam
things. If he does that, then there is the hope
that he will succeed and progress, but if he
falls into haraam things and stops doing
obligatory things, he will be lost and doomed.
So you must turn to Allaah a great deal, seek
His forgiveness and ask Him to make you
steadfast until death. I also advise you to keep
away from haraam things. May Allaah forgive your
sins and make things easier for you.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
21149: Wife's family making
the husband have doubts about his wife
Question:
One of my friends came to me to ask my
opinion about a problem that he is facing. He
says that there was a big argument between him
and his wife's family, so his wife's family
started making him have doubts about his wife
and telling him that she had been betraying him
from the first day of marriage until now
(approximately fifteen years). All of this was
done by hints, not stated bluntly, but these
were obvious hints that were made repeatedly.
They got other people to help them in that so
that he would divorce her, and now he is
suffering from waswaas (whispers from the
Shyatan). It should be noted that they have
children and that the wife prays regularly,
always on time. This has led to strong rumours
circulating among people and the husband is
living in isolation; no one visits him, not even
his brothers, because of these rumours. When he
confronted his wife she denied it vehemently and
did not speak to him for several days, even
though when the disputes between him and her
family grow intense, she behaves in a manner
that causes him to have doubts about her and
there are times when the husband believes these
rumours and times when he thinks that they are
untrue. He often thinks of divorce because she
has caused him problems in his social life and
at work and with his brothers. It should be
noted that the husband has never seen or heard
his wife speak to any stranger (non-mahram man).
What is your opinion? May Allaah help you to do
that which is good for this ummah.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. It is obvious that there
has been a misunderstanding between this man and
his wife's family, and that they want him to
divorce her. It is essential to find out the
wife's point of view. If she wants a divorce
then he has to try to change her mind by
tackling the cause of the problem. Otherwise he
may divorce her, and perhaps Allaah will
compensate each of them with someone who is
better than the other. He should however, avoid
discussing the issue of her betraying him. But
if his wife does not want a divorce then he
should treat his wife well and seek refuge with
Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, and he should
not pay any attention to the doubts for which he
has no proof. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said that there is
gheerah (protective jealousy) that Allaah loves
and there is gheerah which Allaah hates. The
gheerah that Allaah loves is gheerah which is
cause for doubt, and the gheerah that Allaah
hates is gheerah when there is no cause for
suspicion. Shaykh Sa'd al-Humayd
(www.islam-qa.com)
62839: Whispers from the
Shaytaan and the remedy for them
Question:
Because I am suffering from waswasah
(whispers from the Shaytaan), sometimes I do not
answer my wife when she tries to speak to me,
because of this waswasah or because I believe
she is the cause of this waswasah. Does the fact
that I do not answer her count as a talaaq
(divorce)? If I speak to her angrily does that
count as a talaaq?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Not answering your wife does not count as a
talaaq, neither does speaking to her angrily.
No matter how much you may think of divorce,
or intend and resolve to do it, talaaq (divorce)
does not take place until and unless you utter
the words of talaaq. That is because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Allaah has forgiven for my ummah that
which is whispered to them and which crosses
their minds, so long as they do not act upon it
or speak of it."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6664; Muslim, 127)
Based on this, according to the scholars if a
man thinks of talaaq, that does not mean
anything unless he speaks of it.
Indeed, according to some scholars, if a
person is suffering from waswaas his talaaq does
not count even if he utters it, so long as he
did not have the intention of talaaq. Shaykh Ibn
`Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
"The talaaq of a person who is suffering from
waswaas does not count even if he utters the
words, if that was not done deliberately,
because this utterance happened because of
waswaas, not because of his will or intention.
Rather it was forced upon him because of the
strength of the waswaas and his lack of
self-control. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said, `There is no
divorce under compulsion.' So this divorce does
not count, because he did not really want to do
that. This was something that was forced upon
him with no intention or choice on his part to
do that, so this does not mean that talaaq has
occurred."
(Fataawa Islamiyyah, compiled by
Shaykh Muhammad ibn `Abd al-`Azeez al-Musnad,
3/277)
We advise you not to pay any attention to
these whispers, and to ignore them, and to do
the opposite of what they are calling you to do.
For these whispers (waswaas) come from the
Shaytaan to cause grief to those who believe.
The best way to deal with them is to remember
Allaah a great deal (dhikr), to seek refuge with
Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, to keep away
from sins and wrong actions which are the means
by which Iblees gains control over the sons of
Adam. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Verily, he [the Shaytaan] has no power
over those who believe and put their trust only
in their Lord (Allaah)"
[al-Nahl 16:99]
It is worth quoting here what Ibn Hajar
al-Haythami (may Allaah have mercy on him) said
about dealing with waswasah in his book
al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kubra, 1/149.
This is what he said:
"He was asked about the problem of waswasah
(insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan), and
whether there is a remedy for it.
He replied by saying that there is an
effective remedy for it, which is to ignore them
completely, no matter how frequently they may
come to mind. When these whispers are ignored,
they do not become established, rather they go
away after a short time, as many people have
experienced. But for those who pay attention to
them and act upon them, they increase until they
make him like one who is insane or even worse,
as we see among many of those who have suffered
from them and paid attention to them and to the
devil whose task it is to insinuate these
whispers, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) warned us against when he
said, "Beware the whispers with regard to water
(i.e., wudoo') which is caused by a devil called
al-Walhaan" _ because that causes a person to go
to extremes with regard to doing wudoo', as was
explained in Sharh Mishkaat al-Anwaar.
In al-Saheehayn there is a report
which supports what has been mentioned above,
which is that whoever suffers from waswaas
should seek refuge with Allaah and turn away
from the waswaas. So think about this effective
remedy which was taught by the one who does not
speak of his own whims and desires to his ummah,
and understand that whoever is deprived of this
is deprived of all goodness, because waswasah
comes from the Shaytaan, according to scholarly
consensus, and the accursed one (the Shaytaan)
has no other desire than to make the believers
go astray, make them confused, make their life a
misery, cause them distress to the extent that
they leave Islam without realizing it.
"Surely, Shaytaan (Satan) is an enemy to
you, so take (treat) him as an enemy"
[Faatir 35:6 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
According to another hadeeth, the one who
suffers from waswasah should say, "Aamantu
Billaahi wa bi rusulihi (I believe in Allaah
and in His Messengers)." Undoubtedly, whoever
thinks of the paths of the Messengers of Allaah,
especially our Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) will find that his path and
his law is easy and clear, with no hardship in
it.
"… and has not laid upon you in religion
any hardship"
[al-Hajj 22:78 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
Whoever ponders this and believes in it
sincerely, the problem of waswasah and listening
to the Shaytaan will go away. In the book of Ibn
al-Sunni it is narrated via `Aa'ishah (may
Allaah be pleased with her), "Whoever suffers
from this waswaas, let him say `Aamantu
Billaahi wa bi rusulihi (I believe in Allaah
and in His Messengers)', three times, and it
will go away from him."
Al-`Izz ibn `Abd al-Salaam and others
mentioned something similar to the above. They
said: the treatment for waswasah is to believe
that this is an idea from the Shaytaan and that
Iblees is the one who is bringing these thoughts
to his mind, and he should strive to fight him.
Then he will have the reward of the mujaahid,
because he is fighting the enemy of Allaah. If
he does that, then the Shaytaan will flee from
him. This is what mankind has been tested with
from the beginning of time, and Allaah has given
him (Iblees) some power over man as a test for
him, so that Allaah may show the truth to be
true and falsehood to be false, even though the
disbelievers may hate that.
In Muslim, hadeeth no. 2203, it is narrated
that `Uthmaan ibn Abi'l-`Aas said: "The Shaytaan
was interfering with my prayer and recitation of
Qur'aan. He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) ] said: `That is a devil
called Khanzab, so seek refuge with Allaah from
him and spit drily to your left three times.' I
did that, and Allaah took him away from me."
This hadeeth proves the point we are making,
which is that waswasah can only overpower the
one who is ignorant and confused and does not
know what's what. But the one who has knowledge
and understanding will the Sunnah and keep away
from bid'ah. The worst of the innovators are
those who follow waswaas, hence Maalik (may
Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that his
shaykh al-Rabee' _ who was the imam of the
people of his time _ was the fastest of the
people in relieving himself and doing wudoo'.
Ibn Hurmuz used to be slow in relieving
himself and in doing wudoo', and he used to say
"I have a problem, do not follow my example."
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said
that one of the scholars thought it was
mustahabb for the one who was affected by
waswasah with regard to his wudoo or prayer to
say Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah, for when the
Shaytaan hears dhikr (remembrance of Allaah) he
slinks away, and Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah is
the best of dhikr, and the most effective remedy
for warding off waswasah is to remember Allaah a
great deal.
We ask Allaah to take away the waswasah that
you are suffering and to increase us and you in
faith, righteousness and piety.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
21356: Should he leave home
because of his sisters' bad behaviour?
Question:
My life has fallen into a great difficulty.
my sisters have behaved badly. because of this,
my father does not want to stay with us so is
living in pakistan. but my sisters have got
round my mother and they will not repent for
their evil ways. my iman has become a joke for
them. they have haram relationships. in their
ignorance they taunt me that i will marry my
cousin and they say it is illegal. i feel evil
all around me. i am slowly becoming an outcast
in my family just as my father became. i am
losing my mind. i have no inner peace and when i
do it doesnt last. i feel helpless. every day is
a difficulty for me. i have conditioned myself
to cope with the terrible situations in my
family. i feel stressed. i cannot concentrate on
anything.
please brother can you give me some advice -
should i leave home? should i stay with my
father in Pakistan? please can you tell me if
Allah is testing me or cleansing me of my sins.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Your father made a grave mistake when he left
the house and went back to his own country.
Allaah has entrusted him with something and he
has neglected that trust. What he should have
done was to stay with his children in order to
discipline them, look after them and take care
of their affairs. Perhaps it is your father's
leaving that made your sisters' behaviour even
worse.
So we advise you, first of all, to convince
your father, as a matter of necessity, to come
back to his wife and children, so that he can
take care of them and discipline them, or for
all of them to join him in Pakistan _ even if
that is done by force or by trickery _ and
perhaps that would be better, because your
staying in that land where there is kufr,
evildoing and moral laxity is what is affecting
your sisters' attitude and behaviour.
Secondly:
Your mother, likewise, has to fear Allaah
with regard to her daughters and not give them
free rein. Now she has taken on a heavy burden
of responsibility, especially since your father
has left. So she should not take things lightly
with regard to her daughters. Your mother has to
realize the seriousness of what your sisters are
doing and the damage their actions may do to all
of you in this world, and the sin which will be
upon them in the Hereafter and upon those who
approved of their actions or who allowed them to
do that and made it easy for them to do evil
actions.
Thirdly:
You have to be patient and to give thought to
every action before you do it. Staying with them
is not entirely good, and leaving them is not
entirely good. Rather the matter depends on the
effects of your staying and the effects of your
leaving. If your staying in the home will affect
your religious commitment and your sanity, and
make you fall into sin, then we advise you to
leave. If your leaving will make their behaviour
worse and your staying will not affect your
religious commitment and sanity, then it is
haraam for you to leave, because your leaving
may make the sin worse, which would mean that
you were neglecting your responsibility and
being careless about that which has been
entrusted to you.
Fourthly:
Perhaps this is a test from Allaah for you,
to expiate for your bad deeds and to raise you
in status, not a punishment. Hence we advice you
to be patient, not to make any hasty decisions,
to make du'aa' and to beseech your Lord to guide
your sisters to be good and chaste. We advise
you to look for means of guiding them such as
getting them married, looking for good sisters
for them to mix with, moving house, and so on.
Perhaps when Allaah sees that you are sincere,
He will help you and will guide your sisters and
your mother, and will unite the family in
religious commitment and goodness. For He is
able to do that and He is the Guide to the
Straight Path.
We will tell you the following story, from
which you may learn a lesson:
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I
used to call my mother to Islam when she was a
mushrikah. I called her one day and she said
something about the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that I did
not like to hear. So I went to the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) weeping, and said, "O Messenger of Allaah,
I have been calling my mother to Islam, but she
refuses. I called her today and she said
something about you that I did not like to hear.
Pray to Allaah to guide the mother of Abu
Hurayrah." The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "O
Allaah, guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah." I
went out feeling optimistic because of the
du'aa' of the Prophet of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). When I came
home and reached the door, I saw that it was
slightly ajar. My mother heard my footsteps and
said, "Stay where you are, O Abu Hurayrah!" and
I could hear the trickling of water. She took a
bath and got dressed, and put on her headcover,
then she opened the door and said, "O Abu
Hurayrah, I bear witness that there is no god
except Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad
is His slave and Messenger!" I went back to the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), and I came to him weeping
with joy. I said, "O Messenger of Allaah,
rejoice, for Allaah has answered your prayer and
guided the mother of Abu Hurayrah." So he
praised Allaah and said good words. I said, "O
Messenger of Allaah, pray to Allaah to make my
mother and me beloved to His believing slaves,
and to make them beloved to us." The Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said, "O Allaah, make this slave of Yours _
meaning Abu Hurayrah _ and his mother beloved to
Your believing slaves, and make the believers
beloved to them." So there are no believing
people who hear of me even though they do not
see me, but they love me.
Narrated by Muslim, 2491
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
3793: Are there social
classes in Islam?
Question:
What is the structure of the Islam social
class?
How does it work? And to what extent
does it exist?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Human societies have known all kinds of class
systems. In some societies there is a class of
princes, a class of warriors, a class of farmers
and a class of slaves, and based on this there
is a lot of oppression, abuse and trampling on
people's rights. But the sharee'ah or law of
Allaah does not recognize such systems at all.
Islam gives equal rights to all, rich and poor,
noble and ignoble. The basic principle on which
people are differentiated in Islam is mentioned
in the Holy Qur'aan, in Soorat al-Hujuraat
(interpretation of the meaning):
"O mankind! We have created you from a male
and a female, and made you into nations and
tribes, that you may know one another. Verily,
the most honourable of you with Allaah is that
(believer) who has al-taqwa [i.e., is one of the
muttaqoon or pious]. Verily, Allaah is
All-Knowing, All-Aware"
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "O people! Verily your Lord is
One and your father [Adam] is one. An Arab is no
better than a non-Arab, and a non-Arab is no
better than an Arab; a red man is no better than
a black man and a black man is no better than a
red man _ except if it is in terms of taqwa
(piety)…" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 22391;
al-Silsilat al-Saheeh, 2700).
This is the principle on which society is
based in Islam. This is the global human society
which mankind is trying to attain through its
far-fetched ideas, but is failing to do so,
because they are not following the one straight
path that will lead them there, the way to God,
may He be glorified, and because they are not
standing under the one banner that could unite
them, the banner of God, may He be exalted.
People live on this earth connected by all
kinds of relationships, all of which carry some
weight or have some attraction in their lives…
these include lineage, power, wealth, etc. From
these stem other connections, practical,
economic, etc., where people have different
positions and levels of status with regard to
one another. So some people have more status
than others in worldly terms… Then Islam comes
and says: "the most honourable of you with
Allaah [God] is that (believer) who has al-taqwa
[i.e., is one of the muttaqoon or pious]" so
it ignores all the values that carry weight in
people's lives, and replaces them all with this
new value that is derived directly from the
Revelation and is the only one that is
recognized in the standards of God. This is
piety and consciousness of God, which is
manifested in the worship of God lone, with no
partner, no son, no equal… obeying what He
commands and avoiding what He forbids, seeking
His pleasure and Paradise, and fearing His
punishment and Hell-fire.
Allaah is All-Seer of His slaves.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
23317: Problem of forgetting
appointments
Question:
I am a young mother of two young children.
I have found that since i have had my
children my memory has gotten very bad.
Subhanallah I forget so much.
So many people
ask things of me and i say yes to them and have
full intention of doing it for them however i
simply forget. I know that this is a problem
also for most of the sisters these days also.
I was told by my maternal nurse that it is
normal when women start having children. can it
also be because of sins? Will i be in sin for
not keeping my word?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Perhaps your forgetfulness _ or your weak
memory _ is a result of giving birth, as your
doctor said. This is not something to worry
about. Or this forgetfulness may be caused by
sin, because sins result in punishments that
affect the heart and the body. Imaam Ibn
al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him)
mentioned more than sixty punishments for sin in
his book al-Daa' wa'l-Dawa'.
So if a person feels that he is losing some
blessing, he should hasten to repent to Allaah.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"That is so because Allaah will never
change a grace which He has bestowed on a people
until they change what is in their ownselves"
[al-Anfaal 8:53]
If a person makes a promise then forgets it
unintentionally, there is no sin on him, because
Allaah has forgiven this ummah for what they
forget, as is indicated by the texts. For
example, the last two verses of Soorat
al-Baqarah (interpretation of the meaning):
"Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or
fall into error"
[al-Baqarah 2:286]
And Allaah has said: "I have done that."
(Narrated by Muslim)
There are also means that will help you to
remember appointments, such as using a diary (in
book or electronic form) to record appointments
by day and date. This is a means which is proven
to work. How many people forget their
appointments, but they organize them by using
these reminders.
Another means is using an electronic alarm
clock or a mobile phone to remind you of the
time of an appointment… and other modern means
that are available.
There are also audio reminders on which you
can record appointments and it will speak to
remind you of the appointment.
Each person must pay as much attention as
possible to this matter, because breaking
promises is one of the signs of the hypocrites,
as it says in the hadeeth: "There are four
characteristics, whoever has them is a pure
hypocrite, and whoever has one of them has one
of the attributes of hypocrisy until he gives it
up: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a
pledge he betrays it; when he makes a promise he
breaks it; and when he disputes he resorts to
obscene speech." (Narrated by Muslim, 53)
Keeping appointments is one of the signs of
the people of faith.
Similarly those who miss appointments for a
reason such as that mentioned in the question
should explain their reasons to the other party
involved, so that he will not be offended. We
ask Allaah to protect us and you from all kinds
of evil. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
12734: How can she tell her
non-Muslim mother that her husband is going to
take a second wife?
Question:
what is the best way to tell my non muslim
mother, who is very critical of islam, that my
husband is about to take on another wife?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong
with you happening to mention to your mother
whilst you are talking to her that your husband
is thinking of taking a second wife, and telling
her that he has valid reasons for doing so, such
as not having any children from you, or that he
is not satisfied with one wife, and so on. That
will be like an introduction for her if she
knows. But do not tell her about the matter now,
less that open the door to problems for you that
you can do without. If she finds out about that
in the future, then you can explain to her, one
way or another, that Islam is the religion of
justice and does not approve of injustice on
anyone's part, and that in a plural marriage
there are many great benefits which the
countries which claim to be civilized cannot
attain. (See question no. 12528). Even if she is
not convinced at first, she will become
convinced as the days and years go by. But you
should not express too many objections about
this matter in front of her, because by doing so
you will provoke her to criticize Islam. Rather
you have to show her that you accept this and
approve of it, and show her that it is not
affecting your relationship with your husband.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
20161: Resisting sexual
desires
Question:
I am a young married girl of twenty-one,my
desires rule over me and leave me restless,
confused, frustrated and resentful, tell me o
honorable sir how to get rid of evil desires in
islam ?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Sexual desire is something that has been
created in man and it cannot be got rid of.
Getting rid of it is not something that is
required of the Muslim; rather what is required
of him is to refrain from using it in haraam
ways, and to use it in the ways that Allaah has
permitted.
The problem of desire in a young woman may be
solved by taking two steps.
The first step is to reduce and weaken the
things that may provoke desire in a person. This
may be achieved in a number of ways, including
the following:
1 _ Lowering the gaze and refraining from
looking at that which Allaah has forbidden.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And tell the believing women to lower
their gaze (from looking at forbidden things),
and protect their private parts (from illegal
sexual acts)"
[al-Noor 24:31]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Do not follow one glance with
another, for the first is allowed but not the
second." There are many sources of haraam
looking, such as looking directly at young men
and thinking about their attractive looks, or
looking at pictures in magazines and movies.
2 _ Avoiding reading stories and novels which
focus on the sexual aspect, and avoiding reading
internet websites which deal with such topics.
3 _ Keeping away from bad company.
4 _ Avoiding thinking about desire as much as
possible. Thinking in and of itself is not
haraam, but if one thinks about it for too long,
that may lead a person to haraam actions.
5 _ Spending one's time in useful pursuits,
because spare time may lead one to fall into
haraam things.
6 _ Avoiding as much as possible going to
public places where young men and women mix.
7 _ If a girl is tested with studying in a
mixed environment, and cannot find any
alternative, she has to remain modest, serious
and dignified, and should avoid sitting with
young men and speaking to them as much as
possible. She should restrict her relationships
to friendships with righteous female classmates.
The second step is:
To strengthen the factors that will prevent
one acting in accordance with one's desires.
This is achieved in a number of ways, including
the following:
1 _ Strengthening the faith in one's heart
and strengthening one's relationship with
Allaah. This may be achieved by remembering
Allaah a great deal, reading Qur'aan, thinking
of the names and attributes of Allaah, and doing
a lot of naafil prayers. Belief strengthens the
heart and soul, and it helps one to resist
temptation.
2 _ Fasting, as taught by the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he
said: "O young men, whoever among you can afford
to, let him get married, for it is more
effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding
one's chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then
let him fast, for it will be a shield for him."
This is addressed to young men, but it also
includes young women.
3 _ Strengthening one's resolve and
willpower, for this will make a young woman able
to resist and control her desires.
4 _ Remembering what Allaah has prepared for
righteous young women. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to
Allaah in Islam) men and women, the believers
men and women (who believe in Islamic
Monotheism), the men and the women who are
obedient (to Allaah), the men and women who are
truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men
and the women who are patient (in performing all
the duties which Allaah has ordered and in
abstaining from all that Allaah has forbidden),
the men and the women who are humble (before
their Lord Allaah), the men and the women who
give Sadaqaat (i.e. Zakaah and alms), the men
and the women who observe Sawm (fast) (the
obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadaan,
and the optional Nawafil fasting), the men and
the women who guard their chastity (from illegal
sexual acts) and the men and the women who
remember Allaah much with their hearts and
tongues. Allaah has prepared for them
forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise)"
[al-Ahzaab 33:35]
5 _ Thinking about the lives of righteous
women who guarded their chastity, such as
Maryam, whom Allaah praises in the Qur'aan
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of
`Imraan who guarded her chastity. And We
breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her
garment) through Our Rooh [i.e. Jibreel
(Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of
the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the
Words of Allaah: "Be!" and he was; that is `Eesa
(Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) as a Messenger of
Allaah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures,
and she was of the Qaanitoon (i.e. obedient to
Allaah)"
[al-Tahreem 66:12]
And thinking about the immoral, fallen women,
and comparing between the two types, for there
is a huge difference between them.
6 _ Choosing righteous companions and
spending time with them, so that they can help
one another to obey and worship Allaah.
7 _ Comparing the effects of immediate
fulfillment of desire when a girl responds to
haraam, which is followed by loss of pleasure
and all that is left is regret and sorrow, with
patience and striving against one's whims and
desires, and realizing that the pleasure of
conquering one's whim and desires is far greater
than the pleasures of enjoying haraam things.
8 _ Seeking help by calling upon Allaah and
asking Him for help. The Qur'aan tells us the
lesson to be learned from the story of Yoosuf
(peace be upon him):
"He said: `O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me
than that to which they invite me. Unless You
turn away their plot from me, I will feel
inclined towards them and be one (of those who
commit sin and deserve blame or those who do
deeds) of the ignorant'
So his Lord answered his invocation and
turned away from him their plot. Verily, He is
the AllHearer, the AllKnower"
[Yoosuf 12:33 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com)
22704: How to be successful
in life
Question:
How to obtain success and prosperity in this
world and hereafter.What kind of success or
prosperity that islam want the ummah islam gain
in this world.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah. Peace of mind,
contentment, happiness and freedom from worries
and anxiety… these are what everyone wants, and
these are the ways in which people can have a
good life and find complete happiness and joy.
There are religious means of achieving that, and
natural and practical means, but no one can
combine all of them except the believers;
although other people may achieve some of them,
they will miss out on others.
There follows a summary of the means of
achieving this aim for which everyone is
striving. In some cases, those who achieve many
of them will live a joyful life and a good life;
in other cases, those who fail to achieve all of
them will live a life of misery and hardship.
And there are others which are in between,
according to what the means he is able to
attain. These means include the following:
1 _ Faith and righteous deeds:
This is the greatest and most fundamental of
means. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether male
or female — while he (or she) is a true believer
(of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will
give a good life (in this world with respect,
contentment and lawful provision), and We shall
pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the
best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in
the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97]
Allaah tells us and promises us that whoever
combines faith with righteous deeds will have a
good life and a good reward in this world and in
the Hereafter.
The reason for that is clear: those who
believe in Allaah _ with sincere faith that
motivates them to do righteous deeds that change
hearts and attitudes and guides them to the
straight path in this world and the Hereafter _
follow principles and guidelines by means of
which they deal with everything that happens to
them, be it the causes of happiness and
excitement or the causes of anxiety, worry and
grief.
They deal with the things that they like by
accepting them and giving thanks for them, and
using them in good ways. When they deal with
them in this manner, that creates in them a
sense of excitement and the hope that it will
continue and that they will be rewarded for
their gratitude, which is more important than
the good things that happen to them. And they
deal with bad things, worries and distress by
resisting those that they can resist,
alleviating those that they can alleviate, and
bearing with goodly patience those that they
cannot avoid. Thus as a result of the bad things
they gain a lot of benefits, experience,
strength, patience and hope of reward, which are
more important and which diminish the hardships
they have undergone and replace them with
happiness and hope for the bounty and reward of
Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) expressed this in a saheeh
hadeeth in which he said: "How wonderful is the
situation of the believer, for all his affairs
are good. If something good happens to him, he
gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if
something bad happens to him, he bears it with
patience, and that is good for him. This does
not apply to anyone but the believer." (Narrated
by Muslim, no. 2999).
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) told us that the believer is always
gaining and the reward for his deeds is always
multiplying, no matter what happens to him, good
or bad.
2 _ Being kind to people in word and deed,
and all kinds of doing good. This is one of
the means of removing worry, distress and
anxiety. By this means Allaah wards off worries
and distress from righteous and immoral like,
but the believer has the greater share of that,
and is distinguished by the fact that his
kindness to others stems from sincerity and the
hope of reward, so Allaah makes it easy for him
to be kind to others because of the hope that
this will bring good things and ward off bad
things, by means of his sincerity and hope of
reward. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"There is no good in most of their secret
talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity
in Allaah's Cause), or Ma`roof (Islamic
Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds
which Allaah has ordained), or conciliation
between mankind; and he who does this, seeking
the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a
great reward"
[al-Nisa' 4:114]
Part of that great reward is relief from
worry, distress, troubles, etc.
3 _ Another of the means of warding off
anxiety that stems from nervous tension and
being preoccupied with disturbing thoughts is to
occupy oneself with good deeds or seeking
beneficial knowledge, for that will distract
one from dwelling on the matters that are
causing anxiety. In this way a person may forget
about the things that are making him worried and
distressed, and he may become happy and more
energetic. This is another means that believers
and others have in common, but the believer is
distinguished by his faith, sincerity and hope
of reward when he occupies himself with that
knowledge which he is learning or teaching, or
with the good deeds that he is doing.
The work with which he occupies himself
should be something that he likes and enjoys,
for that is more likely to produce the desired
results. And Allaah knows best.
4 _ Another thing that may ward off worry
and anxiety is focusing all one's thoughts of
the present day, and not worrying about the
future or grieving about the past. Hence the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) sought refuge with Allaah from worry and
regret, from regret for things in the past which
one cannot put right or change, and worry which
may come because of fear for the future. So one
should focus only on the present day, and focus
one's efforts on getting things right today. For
if a person is focused on that, this means that
he will do things properly and forget about
worry and regret. When the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said a du'aa'
or taught a du'aa' to his ummah, as well as
urging them to seek the help of Allaah and hope
for His bounty, he was also urging them to
strive to attain the thing they were praying for
through their own efforts and to forget about
the thing which they were praying would be
warded off from them. Because du'aa'
(supplication) must be accompanied by action. So
a person must strive to attain that which will
benefit him in worldly and spiritual terms, and
ask his Lord to make his efforts successful, and
he should seek His help in that, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "Strive for that which will benefit you
and seek the help of Allaah, and do not be
helpless. If anything (bad) happens to you, do
not say, `If only I had done such-and-such, then
such-and-such would have happened.' Rather you
should say, `Qaddara Allaah wa ma sha'a
fa'ala (Allaah decrees, and what He wills He
does),' for (the words) `If only' open the door
to the Shaytaan." (Narrated by Muslim). The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) connected the matter of striving to achieve
good things with the matter of seeking the help
of Allaah and not giving in to feelings of
helplessness which are a harmful kind of
laziness, and with the matter of accepting
things in the past which are over and done with,
and acknowledging that the will and decree of
Allaah will inevitably come to pass. He
described matters as being of two types:
1 _ Matters which a person may strive to
achieve or to achieve whatever he can of them,
or to ward them off or alleviate them. In such
cases a person must strive and make the effort,
and also seek the help of Allaah.
2 _ Matters where such is not possible, so he
must have peace of mind, accept them and submit
to Allaah's will.
Undoubtedly paying attention to this
principle will bring happiness and relieve worry
and distress.
5 _ One of the greatest means of feeling
content and relaxed and of acquiring peace of
mind is to remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr).
That has a great effect in bringing
contentment and peace of mind, and relieving
worry and distress. Allaah says:
"verily, in the remembrance of Allaah do
hearts find rest" [al-Ra'd 13:28]
Remembering Allaah (dhikr) has a great effect
in achieving this aim because it has a special
influence and because of the hope that it brings
of reward.
6 _ Another of the means of bringing
happiness and relieving worry and distress is
striving to eliminate the things that cause
worry and to achieve the things that bring
happiness. That may be done by forgetting
about bad things in the past which cannot be
changed, and realizing that dwelling on them is
a waste of time. So a person must strive to stop
himself from thinking of that, and also strive
to stop himself from feeling anxious about the
future and the things that he may imagine of
poverty, fear and other bad things that he
thinks may happen to him in the future. He
should realize that the future is something
unknown, he cannot know what good or bad things
are going to happen to him. That is in the hand
of the Almighty, the Most Wise, and all that His
slaves can do is to strive to attain the good
things and to ward off the bad things. A person
should realize that if he diverts his thoughts
from worrying about his future and puts his
trust in his Lord to take care of his situation,
and puts his mind at rest concerning that, if he
does that, then his heart will be at peace and
his situation will improve and he will be
relieved of worry and anxiety.
One of the most effective ways of dealing
with worries about the future is to recite this
du'aa' which the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) used to recite:
"Allaahumma aslih li deeni alladhi huwa
`ismatu amri, wa aslih li dunyaaya allati fiha
ma'aashi, wa aslih li aakhirati allati ilayha
ma'aadi, waj'al al-hayaata ziyaadatan li fi
kulli khayr, wa'l-mawta raahatan li min kulli
sharr (O Allaah, correct my religious
commitment which is the foundation of my life,
and correct my worldly affairs in which is my
livelihood, and grant me good in the Hereafter
to which is my return. Make my life a means of
accumulating good, and make death a respite for
me from all evil)." (Narrated by Muslim, 2720).
And he said, "Allaahumma rahmataka arju fa
la takilni ila nafsi tarfata `aynin wa aslih li
sha'ni kullahu, laa ilaaha illa anta (O
Allaah, for Your mercy I hope, so do not abandon
me to myself even for a moment. And correct all
my affairs. There is no god but You)." (Narrated
by Abu Dawood with a saheeh isnaad, no. 5090;
classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Kalim al-Tayyib, p. 49).
If a person utters these du'aa's, which ask
that his spiritual and worldly affairs may be
set right or corrected, with proper presence of
mind and sincerity of intention, whilst striving
to achieve that, Allaah will grant him what he
has prayed for, hoped for and striven for, and
He will turn his worry into joy and happiness.
7 _ If a person experiences anxiety and
distress because of a disaster, then one of the
most effective means of relieving himself of
that is to think of the worst scenario to which
that may lead, and try to accept that. When
he has done that, then he should try to
alleviate it as much as possible. By means of
this acceptance and these efforts, he will
relieve himself of his worries and distress, and
instead of worrying he will strive to bring
about good things and to deal with whatever he
can of the bad things. If he is faced with
things that cause fear or the possibility of
sickness or poverty, then he should deal with
that by striving to make himself accept that, or
something even worse, with contentment, because
by making himself accept the worst-case
scenario, he lessens the impact of the thing and
makes it seem less terrible, especially if he
occupies himself with efforts to ward it off as
much as he can. Thus as well as striving to
achieve something good which will distract him
from his worries about calamity, he will also
renew his strength to resist bad things, and put
his trust and reliance in Allaah. Undoubtedly
these matters are of great benefit in attaining
happiness and peace of mind, as well as bringing
the hope of reward in this world and in the
Hereafter. This is something which is well known
from the experience of many who have tried it.
8 _ Steadfastness of heart and not being
disturbed about the imaginary things that bad
thoughts may bring to mind. For when a
person gives in to his imagination and lets his
mind be disturbed by these thoughts, such as
fear of disease and the like, or anger and
confusion stirred up by some grievous matter, or
the expectation of bad things and the loss of
good things, that will fill him with worries,
distress, mental and physical illness and
nervous breakdowns, which will have a bad effect
on him and which causes a great deal of harm, as
many people have seen. But when a person depends
on Allaah and puts his trust in Him, and does
not give in to his imagination or let bad
thoughts overwhelm him, and he relies on Allaah
and has hope of His bounty, that wards off his
worries and distress, and relieves him of a
great deal of mental and physical sickness. It
gives indescribable strength, comfort and
happiness to the heart. How many hospitals are
filled with the mentally sick victims of
illusions and harmful imagination; how often
have these things had an effect upon the hearts
of many strong people, let alone the weak ones;
how often have they led to foolishness and
insanity.
It should be noted that your life will follow
your train of thought. If your thoughts are of
things that will bring you benefit in your
spiritual or worldly affairs, then your life
will be good and happy. Otherwise it will be the
opposite.
The person who is safe from all of that is
the one who is protected by Allaah and helped by
Him to strive to achieve that which will benefit
and strengthen the heart and ward off anxiety.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah,
then He will suffice him"
[al-Talaaq 65:3]
i.e., He will be sufficient for all that is
worrying him in his spiritual and worldly
affairs. The one who puts his trust in Allaah
will have strength in his heart and will not be
affected by anything he imagines or be disturbed
by events, because he knows that these are the
result of vulnerable human nature and of
weakness and fear that have no basis. He also
knows that Allaah has guaranteed complete
sufficiency to those who put their trust in Him.
So he trusts in Allaah and finds peace of mind
in His promise, and thus his worry and anxiety
are dispelled; hardship is turned to ease,
sadness is turned to joy, fear is turned to
peace. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound,
and to bless us with strength and steadfastness
of heart, and complete trust, for Allaah has
guaranteed all good things to those who put
their trust in Him, and has guaranteed to ward
off all bad and harmful things from them.
If bad things happen or there is the fear of
such, then you should count the many blessings
that you are still enjoying, both spiritual and
worldly, and compare them with the bad things
that have happened, for when you compare them
you will see the many blessings that you are
enjoying, and this will make the bad things
appear less serious.
See al-Wasaa'il al-Mufeedah li'l-Hayaat
al-Sa'eedah by Shatkh `Abd al-Rahmaan ibn
Sa'di
Ibn al-Qayyim summed fifteen ways through
which Allaah may dispel worries and regret.
These are as follows:
1- Tawheed al-Ruboobiyyah (belief in
the Oneness of Divine Lordship)
2- Tawheed al-Uloohiyyah (belief in
the Oneness of the Divine nature)
3- Tawheed of knowledge and belief (i.e.,
Tawheed al-Asma' wa'l_Sifaat, belief in
the Oneness of the Divine names and attributes)
4- Thinking of Allaah as being above doing
any injustice to His slaves, and above punishing
anyone for no cause on the part of the slave
that would require such punishment.
5- The person's acknowledging that he is the
one who has done wrong.
6- Beseeching Allaah by means of the things
that are most beloved to Him, which are His
names and attributes. Two of His names that
encompass the meanings of all other names and
attributes are al-Hayy (the Ever-Living) and
al-Qayyoom (the Eternal).
7- Seeking the help of Allaah Alone.
8- Affirming one's hope in Him.
9- Truly putting one's trust in Him and
leaving matters to Him, acknowledging that one's
forelock is in His hand and that He does as He
wills, that His will is forever executed and
that He is just in all that He decrees.
10-Letting one's heart wander in the garden
of the Qur'aan, seeking consolation in it from
every calamity, seeking healing in it from all
diseases of the heart, so that it will bring
comfort to his grief and healing for his worries
and distress.
11-Seeking forgiveness.
12-Repentance.
13-Jihad.
14-Salaah (prayer).
15-Declaring that he has no power and no
strength, and leaving matters to the One in
Whose hand they are.
We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound from
worries and to relieve us of distress and
anxiety, for He is the All-Hearing,
Ever-Responsive, and He is the Ever-Living,
Eternal.
See Alhomoom _ Dealing with Worries and
Stress, in the Books section of this
site.
And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send
blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad
and his family and companions.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
26784: Her husband sits with
non-mahrams and she objects to that
Question:
My husband & his family members act as is
they are all mahrum.[eg;with his brothers
wife,uncle's wife etc] when i tell him that this
is not permissable he says that he can not do
anything about it.
He also enjoys watching movies[in which there
sometimes are bad things].My telling him over
& over not to do these things are making him
very angry.He has asked me not to pester him.
He has so many other little bad habits. but
he is kind & good.
I am a very emotional person & I feel
very very sad, jelouse & angry. I am very
young and unable to handle these situations
sometimes.please tell me what to do.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We begin by thanking Allaah for this
gheerah (protective jealousy); may Allaah
help you to enjoin what is good and forbid what
is evil. We advise you to continue with what you
are doing of advising your husband and his
relatives in the best manner, until you find
among these people someone whom Allaah will
guide at your hands to give up these haraam
actions. In this way it will become easier for
those who think that they are weak and unable to
change, to mend their ways and adhere to the
commands of sharee'ah. You have to seek help in
your efforts to advise them by praying to Allaah
for these people, being kind to them and not
acting superior to them, but rather showing
kindness and compassion towards them, because
that is more likely to be accepted and this is
something that may earn their respect despite
your young age.
In addition to that, you must also strive to
avoid joining them in the wrong things that they
are doing, lest you yourself weaken with regard
to these evil actions, especially the bad movies
that you mentioned. The believer cannot assume
that he is safe from temptation, rather he must
help himself to fight it by keeping away from
bad things and by making du'aa'.
With regard to what you said about feeling
sad, jealous and angry for the sake of one's
religion, this is a blessing from Allaah to His
slave _ but these feelings must be controlled
according to the guidelines of sharee'ah.
Sadness should not lead to despair and so on.
Allaah said to His Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him):
"So destroy not yourself (O Muhammad) in
sorrow for them"
[Faatir 35:8]
Anger should not put off those whom you are
calling, for the purpose is to reform him, not
simply to express one's frustration and anger.
So long as your husband is a Muslim who prays
and is kind (as you mention), then be patient
with him and continue to call him (da'wah);
perhaps Allaah will bless you by guiding him and
causing him to follow the ways of chastity.
Perhaps if you think about the calamities
that have befallen other wives who have suffered
because of husbands who are worse than yours,
that will make you put your husband's sins into
perspective. We ask Allaah to guide him and you,
and to guide us and all of mankind to that which
He loves and is pleased with. And Allaah is the
Source of strength.
Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih
Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
20130: Our worries are
bothering us a great deal!
Question:
My question is about a problem that my
husband and I are suffering from, namely that we
think about every little thing and we worry a
great deal. This is affecting our worship; all
the time we think about the worries and problems
that we are going through. Is there any solution
to this? Thank you very much
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
I thank you for your trust and ask Allaah to
give us and you strength and wisdom, and to show
us what is true and help us to follow it, and to
show us what is false and help us to avoid it,
and not to let it confuse us and lead us astray…
With regard to what you asked about, my comments
on it are as follows:
1 _Thinking about the matters of our daily
lives, and our private and public affairs is
something that is essential and important, it is
necessary in order for us to deal with these
matters and benefit from them in the appropriate
manner. The Qur'aan _ which is the word of
Allaah _ urges us to think, in more than one
verse, for example:
"…and think deeply about the creation of
the heavens and the earth, (saying): Our Lord!
You have not created (all) this without
purpose…"
[Aal `Imraan 3:191]
"And on the earth are signs for those who
have Faith with certainty.
And also in your ownselves. Will you not then
see?"
[al-Dhaariyaat 51:20-21]
"Will you not then take thought?"
[al-An'aam 6:50]
"Have you then no understanding?"[al-Baqarah
2:76]
And there are other verses which encourage us
to think about our affairs and indeed about the
life and creation around us.
So thinking in and of itself is not a
problem, rather it is required, important and
essential, and it is enjoined by our religion
and encouraged by our Qur'aan.
2 _ This "thinking" may become a
psychological or social problem if it prevents a
person from playing his natural role that is
expected of him in life.
Such as thinking that things are more serious
than they really are, or thinking too much about
matters where thinking about them will not
change anything at all, rather that only causes
distress and becomes an obstacle prevents one
from taking any initiative, and make him
hesitant and confused, and unable to take any
decision.
Thinking may become a problem in shar'i terms
if it makes a person go beyond his intellectual
limits in thinking about matters of the unseen
and things that he can never comprehend, which
may open many doors for the accursed Shaytaan to
influence him.
3 _ With regard to thinking a great deal
about everything and worrying about every
problem, this is to some extent a natural thing,
so long as it does not prevent you from living
your lives in a natural manner. What I mean here
is, is this thinking helping you to come up with
solutions to these problems that you are facing?
Do these situations deserve all the time that
you are spending on thinking about them? If the
answer is yes, then there is no problem! But if
the answer is no, then you yourself are
admitting that they do not warrant that, and
then you are halfway to solving the problem,
which is to identify the problem and take a
decision concerning it. Because when we know
what the problem is, it is easy for us to find
the right way of dealing with it.
4 _ Overcoming these problems needs some
discipline and some time. You can make the
decision to start and you are able, with the
help and support of Allaah, to do that. You have
to trust yourselves in this regard!
5 _ I suggest to you that you divide your
concerns and problems into three categories or
levels:
· Concerns and problems that have a direct
impact upon your married and social lives in a
serious manner that may lead to breakdown in
relationships. These must be given their due
measure of objective thought and you should try
to reach an agreement and settle the matter.
They should not be ignored for so long that it
becomes too difficult to deal with them.
· The second level is concerns or problems in
which the positive and negative aspects are
equal and in which you are involved. In these
cases you should pray istikhaarah to Allaah, and
it is o.k. to consult others concerning them and
to weigh up alternatives, then decide what you
think is the solution, bearing in mind issues of
sharee'ah and custom, without going to extremes
in worrying about it.
· The third level is concerns and worries
that do not concern you at all, because they
have to do with other people. It is better not
to get involved in them and waste your time with
them, because they simply do not concern you and
your opinion does not matter.
6 _ The concerns and matters of our daily
lives inevitably fall into one of three
categories:
. Matters which are in the past and are over
and done with. We should not worry about these
too much, except to the extent from which we can
learn from our mistakes and experiences when
dealing with things in the future. The past
cannot come back and there is no need to worry
about things that are over and done with.
· Matters which lay ahead in the future. It
is more appropriate not to think about these a
great deal before they happen, because the
future is part of the unseen, and all that we
have to do in this case is to examine the
choices we have in this matter if it comes to
pass. When the time comes, we have to put our
trust in Allaah and take a decision.
· Matters of day-to-day life. This is where
we attempt to weigh up all the available
alternatives, and it is o.k. to consult others
with regard to these things and to exchange
ideas without going to extremes or worrying too
much. In the end, things will turn out as we
hope, by Allaah's leave, so long as we pursue
the means of praying istikhaarah and consulting
others, and good lies in that which is chosen by
Allaah.
7 _ Getting used to this requires some
discipline. You could agree with your husband to
cooperate in this matter and remind one another
when you are worrying more than you need to
about a matter. Gradually you will find that you
are becoming able to deal with day-to-day
matters in an objective manner.
8 _ There is a good book on the topic of
anxiety which gives practical means of dealing
with this matter, and I advise you to read it.
It is called How to Stop Worrying and Start
Living by Dale Carnegie.
9 _ First and last, have a good intention and
pray sincerely that Allaah will give you
strength and help you and set your thinking
straight.
Ahmad al-Muqbil :
(islam Today)
(www.islam-qa.com)
22706: Mixing with relatives
who backbite
Question:
I have recently started to make a conscious
effort to become a good practicing muslim.
Beyond the basics tenants of faith I have also
started to read about and gain knowledge about
Islam. Keeping ties with relatives is good
practice in Islam. To gain the pleasures of
Allah (SWT) I am making a conscious effort to
meet them whom previously i used to avoid. It
seems though the more I and my family mix with
relatives the more they talk behind our backs
and spread baseless slanderous remarks. This is
very hurtful and it takes a lot of patience to
ignore and be indifferent to people with such
habits. What would be the correct way to deal
with the such relatives? Previously i would have
confronted such people with anger, but now i
know nothing will be gained only bad feelings
and anger. Should I leave such people for Allah
to deal with? Please advise on this also which
duas can i recite to increase my patience?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The attribute of patience is a high status
with which Allaah blesses whomsoever He wills
among His slaves, to make it easy for them to
obey His commands and heed His prohibitions.
Your attempts to bring people together and to
get closer to your relatives is a praiseworthy
effort which points to your success and correct
thinking. For many people, if they are faced
with even a part of what you have suffered,
quickly lose patience and respond to cutting off
of ties in like manner, because they think that
upholding family ties is only obligatory when
relatives respond in the same manner. This is a
mistaken notion and the fact that it is mistaken
is indicated by the hadeeth which was narrated
from Abu Hurayrah, which says that a man said,
"O Messenger of Allaah, I have relatives with
whom I uphold the ties of kinship but they cut
me off; I treat them well but they mistreat me;
I am patient with them but they treat me in an
ignorant manner." The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If it is
as you say, then it is as if you are stuffing
hot ashes [in their mouths], and you will have
with you [an angel] from Allaah to support you
against them so long as you continue to be like
that." (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2285).
In this hadeeth, a man came to the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
complaining of his relatives' bad treatment of
him, and in his complaint he mentioned something
similar to what you have mentioned: he upheld
the ties of kinship but they cut him off, he
treated them well but they treated him badly.
Yet despite that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him that
if he was telling the truth, then his situation
with them would be like one fills their mouths
with ashes, so he is the one who is doing the
right thing, and he would continue to have
support from Allaah against them. The general
meaning of the hadeeth is to encourage the
upholding of family ties even with those who doe
not themselves uphold those ties. Praise be to
Allaah that this is what you have done and have
forced yourself to do. I ask Allaah to help you
to do that which is good.
After that there is nothing more that you can
do except to follow one good deed with another,
one kind action with another. If they mistreat
you then do to them the opposite of that which
they have done to you.
You should note that when you do that, you
are doing it only to earn the pleasure and mercy
of Allaah. Do not expect any response to your
good deed from them. But try not to tell people
what they are doing to you. If you think that
one of the causes of this problem is too much
contact with them, there is nothing wrong with
your reducing your visits with them.
Pray to Allaah to guide them; pray to Him
when you are certain of a response, for Allaah
is Able to turn their hatred into love and their
neglect into close ties.
With regard to your question about du'aa's
that will help you to be patient when faced with
difficulties, there are many such du'aa's, and
we will tell you some of them here:
-1-
It was narrated that Ibn `Abbaas (may Allaah
be pleased with him) said: "When faced with
difficulties the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) would say: `Laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah al-`Azeem al-Haleem, laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah Rabb il-`Arsh il-`Azeem, laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah Rabb ul-samawaati wa Rabb ul-`Arsh
il-Kareem (There is no god except Allaah,
the Almighty, the Forbearing; there is no god
except Allaah the Lord of the Mighty Throne;
there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the
heavens and Lord of the noble Throne).'"
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7426).
According to a report narrated by Muslim:
"When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) was concerned about an important
matter or when he was worried…" (Muslim, 2130).
-2-
It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: "When the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was
distressed by something, he would say, `Ya
Hayyu, ya Qayyoom, bi rahmatika astagheeth
(O Ever-Living, O Eternal One, by Your mercy I
seek help).'" (narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3524);
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', 4777).
We also want to tell you of something
important which will help you to be more patient
and will give you certain faith in Allaah,
especially when you are upset and worried. This
is something which many people neglect. Do you
know what it is?
It is prayer, for prayer has a great effect
in bringing peace to the heart and in dispelling
worries and distress. It is one of the greatest
means of being patient. This is indicated by the
Qur'aan and Sunnah. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"And seek help in patience and As-Salaah
(the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy
and hard except for Al-Khaashi`oon [i.e. the
true believers in Allaah — those who obey Allaah
with full submission, fear much from His
punishment, and believe in His Promise
(Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]"
[al-Baqarah 2:45]
Prayer is the greatest thing by means of
which help may be sought.
And Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Indeed, We know that your breast is
straitened at what they say.
So glorify the praises of your Lord and be of
those who prostrate themselves (to Him).
And worship your Lord until there comes unto
you the certainty (i.e. death)" [al-Hijr
15:97-99]
Imaam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari said in his
Tafseer: " `So glorify the praises of
your Lord': with regard to matters which are
worrying you, turn to Allaah and give thank to
Allaah and praise Him, and pray, and Allaah will
take care of that which is troubling you.
This is similar to the hadeeth narrated from
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him): `When something troubled him, he
would turn to prayer.'" (7/553)
Finally I ask Allaah the Almighty, the Lord
of the Mighty Throne, to bless us and you with
certain faith, for He is Able to do that.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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Introduction