Psychological and Social Problems
Chapter 3
20798: She wants to run away
from her father who hits her
Question:
I would be grateful if u answer my problem.my
16 year old female cousin lives currently in the
us with her parents & older brother.as due
to the country's law no one can hurt her,but her
family is planning to go to their homeland for a
visit & she is sure that her father will hit
her & her mother,as he did before,or marry
her of without her consent.her father's side of
the family will do nothing & her brother
joins in hitting her.i or my family can do
nothing to stop this.she is so sure that they
will abuse her that she plans to runaway prior
to their departure,live with a female friend
& never return.i told her that this is
against our relegion but she wiling to take the
risk of living on the street than being alone
with her father.if i tell my family she will
never trust me.only u can tell me what a muslim
girl is to do.please reply before its to late.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for your cousin to run
away from her family and live with another
family, because that involves disobeying her
parents and upsetting them and damaging their
reputation. Moreover her living with a strange
family will pose a great danger to her and her
religious commitment.
No matter how badly she is treated by her
family, that cannot compare with what she is
planning to do. No woman follows this course but
she goes astray and loses her religious
commitment. That is the punishment for
disobeying her parents that comes in this world,
before the Hereafter. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Two
things for which the punishment is hastened in
this world: injustice and disobedience to
parents."
Narrated by al-Haakim and classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', no.
2810.
She may come to regret it at the time when
regret will be to no avail, when her father or
mother dies angry with her.
So she must go back to her family and honour
her father and treat him kindly. If he causes
some annoyance let her bear it with patience and
seek reward. She should understand that the fire
of this world is not like the Fire of the
Hereafter, and that no matter what hardships she
endures in this world, if she earns the pleasure
of Allaah and enters Paradise, she will indeed
have succeeded, and no matter what comforts of
this life she enjoys, if she then incurs the
wrath of Allaah and enters His Fire, she will
indeed be doomed.
She should regard the harm that her family
does her as being like a sickness that cannot be
warded off. She does not know, perhaps she may
suffer diseases and pains that are many times
worse than that harm, as a punishment for her
disobedience and her living with someone other
than her family.
She should strive to make du'aa' and turn to
Allaah, asking Him to guide her parents and her
brother, and to help her to find a righteous
husband.
If her parents insist on marrying her to
someone who is not suitable for her, she may
refer the matter to the sharee'ah court; the
same applies if her father refuses to marry her
to a compatible man who comes to propose
marriage to her.
She does not have the right to arrange her
own marriage without the permission of her wali
(guardian). If she does that her marriage is
invalid because the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no
marriage except with a wali." Narrated by Abu
Dawood, 2085; al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Ibn Maajah,
1881, from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash'ari;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Tirmidhi.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Any woman who gets
married without the permission of her wali, her
marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid,
her marriage is invalid. If the marriage has
been consummated, the mahr is hers because she
has allowed the man to be intimate with her. If
there is a dispute, then the ruler is the wali
of the one who has no wali." Narrated by Ahmad,
24417; Abu Dawood, 2083; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 2709.
The point is that you should strive to advise
your cousin of what we have said here. If she
insists on running away from her family, you
have to tell them about that, so as to prevent
this great evil from happening, even if that
leads to her not trusting you in the future.
Denouncing evil is obligatory upon the one who
is able to do it, and what you do will be good
for her.
Her father should also be advised and
reminded of Allaah, and warned against
mistreating his children unlawfully. This is the
kind of wrongdoing which will be darkness on the
Day of Resurrection.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
34151: His wife is weak in
religious commitment _ what should he do?
Question:
I am a young man, thirty years old. Before I
got married I was not committed, but now _
praise be to Allaah _ I have been blessed with
guidance. I got married to a girl who graduated
from the Faculty of Islamic Studies and I was
happy about that because I thought that she
would help me to obey Allaah. But after getting
to know her, I found out that she is a very
ordinary girl and she is not committed at all,
and she has many negative qualities, such as:
She cannot denounce any evil action, whether
major or minor. Rather she even does some evil
actions such as watching TV, gossiping, and
doing few acts of worship. But she also has some
good qualities, such as being good and patient,
and she performs all her wifely duties and takes
care of the house.
What upsets me is that I wanted someone who
would help me to be more committed by marrying a
woman who was religiously committed, but I found
that the one who I thought was religiously
committed needs someone to help her.
This is my problem. I hope that you can help
me find a solution. Thank you very much.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The problem that you describe is one that is
faced by many young men who thought that their
wives could learn and make da'wah, and that they
would strive hard in worship and help their
husbands to be religiously-committed, no matter
how much the husband fell short in that. But in
fact the wife cannot be influenced by anybody as
much as her husband. So if the husband does not
set a good example, the wife's commitment will
soon become weak. This is what usually happens.
This does not mean that there are not good
situations in which the woman is the example who
leads her husband along the path of guidance.
The fact that you have found out that your
wife is an ordinary girl does not mean that you
have failed, and it should not be a cause of
regret. Rather that should be a motive for you
to seek the reward for calling her to guidance.
What you have mentioned of her good qualities
will help you to achieve that, in sha Allaah.
So you should be the one who calls her,
reminds her and advises her… fill her free time
with beneficial things such as tapes, books and
magazines. Do not give up on rebuking her if she
gossips or watches TV, but do that in a gentle,
compassionate and loving manner.
Try to make her join an organization for
memorization of Qur'aan, or get her to attend
public lectures with you, or to form ties with
some righteous families. These are the best ways
in which you can help your wife to strengthen
her faith.
Perhaps what you mention about her not
worshipping much is related to your own
shortcomings in that regard, or to your
neglecting to get her to join in. Try to help
her and remind her of the virtue of naafil
prayers, the reward for praying qiyaam al-layl
and fasting. Do as many of these acts of worship
with her as you can.
Be the qawwaam (leader; protector and
maintainer) of your wife, prevent her from doing
haraam things or doubtful things.
Ask of Allaah, saying, "Our Lord! Bestow
on us from our wives and our offspring the
comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the
Muttaqoon (the pious)" [al-Furqaan 25:74 _
interpretation of the meaning].
We ask Allaah to set your affairs and the
affairs of all the Muslims straight.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
21052: Whispers from the
Shaytaan
Question:
A waswasa is disturbing that maybe the rules
of shirk which apply in this world do not apply
in the universe. Somewhere else in the universe
there might be a place where the dead can hear
and help, where going to the graves is a form of
worship etc. Please help me with to fight this
waswasa.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
One of the means that the Shaytaan uses to
misguide people is by casting doubts and
whispers (waswaas) into their hearts. The
Messenger of Allaah peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) has warned us against some
of these things. It says in the hadeeth: "The
Shaytaan comes to any one of you and says, `Who
created such and such? Who created such and
such?' until he says, `Who created your Lord?'
If that happens to you, seek refuge with Allaah
and give up these thoughts." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 3277
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) taught us two important things:
1 _ To turn to Allaah and seek His
protection, and to beseech Him, for He is the
most Generous:
"And if an evil whisper comes to you from
Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah"
[al-A'raaf 7:200 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
2 _ To put a stop to this matter and turn
away from it, and to keep ourselves busy with
other, useful things.
The companions of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to him
complaining about the doubts and waswaas that
they were suffering. In Saheeh Muslim it
is narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: "Some of the companions
of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) came to him and said, `We
find in our hearts things that none of us dares
utter.' He said, `Do you really find that?' They
said, `Yes.' He said, `That is clear faith.'"
(2/153).
What is meant by his saying `That is clear
faith' is that their hatred of that waswasah and
their rejecting it was a clear sign of faith.
The Shaytaan only whispers to people of
faith; as for the kaafir he comes to him however
he wants and does not limit himself to waswaas,
rather he toys with him however he wishes.
The belief concerning which there can be no
doubt is that the entire universe, from its
heights to its depths, is in a state of
submission to Allaah and no one in the universe
possesses any power. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Say: (O Muhammad to polytheists, pagans)
Call upon those whom you assert (to be associate
gods) besides Allaah, they possess not even an
atom's (or a small ant's) weight either in the
heavens or on the earth, nor have they any share
in either, nor there is for Him any supporter
from among them.
Intercession with Him profits not except
for him whom He permits"
[Saba' 34:22-23]
This crafty enemy is keen to misguide people
and to make them doubt. The more you seek the
help of Allaah, learn about your enemy and be
prepared to face him, the more you will be
victorious over him. If you know your true
enemy, the following are the weapons at your
disposal.
Firstly:
Adherence to the Qur'aan and Sunnah in word
and deed, and keeping away from the paths of
misguidance, for on every path there is a devil
calling people to it. So you should follow the
beliefs, words, acts of worship and laws that
have come from Allaah and abstain from that
which He has forbidden. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Enter perfectly in Islam (by obeying all
the rules and regulations of the Islamic
religion)"
[al-Baqarah 2:208]
Silm (translated here as Islam) refers to
Islam. Muqaatil interpreted it as doing all
kinds of good and righteous deeds.
Whoever gives up any part of Islam has
followed in some of the footsteps of the
Shaytaan.
Adhering to the Qur'aan and Sunnah in word
and deed expels the Shaytaan annoys him greatly.
Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah: "When the son
of Adam recites a verse of sajdah and
prostrates, the Shaytaan withdraws weeping,
saying, `Woe to me, the son of Adam was
commanded to prostrate, and he prostrated, so
Paradise will be his; I was commanded to
prostrate and I disobeyed, so Hell will be
mine.'" Narrated by Muslim, no. 133.
Secondly:
Seeking refuge with Allaah from all kinds of
evil and turning to Him. Islam teaches us to
seek refuge with Allaah in certain situations,
such as the following:
When entering the washroom: "Allaahumma
inni a'oodhu bika min al-khubthi
wa'l-khabaa'ith (O Allaah, I seek refuge
with You from the male and female devils)."
When one is angry: "A'oodhu Billaahi min
al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with
Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan)."
When having intercourse: "Bismillaah
Allaahumma jannibna al-shaytaan wa jannib
al-shaytaana ma razaqtana (In the name of
Allaah, O Allaah, keep the Shaytaan away from us
and keep the Shaytaan away from that which You
may bless us with)."
When stopping in a place: "A'oodhu bi
kalimaat-Allaah il-taammah min sharri ma
khalaqa (I seek refuge in the perfect words
of Allaah from the evil of that which He has
created)."
When hearing the braying of a donkey:
"A'oodhu Billaahi min al-Shaytaan
ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from
the accursed Shaytaan)."
When starting to read Qur'aan: "A'oodhu
Billaah il-samee' il-`aleem min al-Shaytaan
ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah, the
All-Hearing, All-Knowing, from the accursed
Shaytaan)."
After starting to pray: "A'oodhu Billaah
il-samee' il-`aleem min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem wa
min hamzihi wa nafakhihi wa nafthihi (I seek
refuge with Allaah, the All-Hearing,
All-Knowing, from the accursed Shaytaan, from
his madness, his arrogance and his poetry)."
The best words with which we may seek refuge
with Allaah are al-Mi'wadhatayn i.e., Soorat
al-Falaq and Soorat al-Naas. It was narrated
from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir (may Allaah be pleased
with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Do you not see the
verses that were revealed to me tonight, the
like of which have never been seen? Qul
`aoodhu bi Rabb il-falaq and Qul `aoodhi
bi rabb il-naas."
Narrated by Muslim, 814.
Thirdly:
Keeping busy with dhikr, for this is the
greatest thing that may protect a person. In the
hadeeth it says that Allaah commanded Yahya
(peace be upon him) to enjoin five things upon
the Children of Israel, one of which was: "I
command you to remember Allaah, for this is like
a man who is being pursued by the enemy, then he
comes to a strong fortress and saves himself
from them. Similarly a man cannot save himself
from his enemy except by means of dhikr."
Narrated by al-Haafiz Abu Moosa al-Madani in
al-Targheeb fi'l-Khisaal al-Hameedah
wa'l-Tarheeb min al-Khilaal al-Murdiyyah.
Ibn al-Qayyim said: Shaykh al-Islam used to
regard this hadeeth highly, and I heard that he
used to say: "The evidence for its being sound
is quote clear." al-Waabil al-Sayyib, 60.
Fourthly:
Adhering to the main body of the Muslims (the
jamaa'ah) by living in a Muslim land and
choosing righteous friends who will help him to
do good. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever among you
wants to attain the best part of Paradise, let
him adhere to the main body of the Muslims, for
the Shaytaan is with the one who is alone but he
is farther away from two."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2254. Al-Qaari'
said: its isnaad is saheeh. Al-Mubaarakfoori
said: The entire hadeeth is either saheeh or
hasan. Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 6/320.
Fifthly:
Opposing the Shaytaan, for he may come in the
form of someone offering sincere advice, so we
must go against him. For if he were really good
he would be good to himself first, but he has
caused himself to be doomed to Hell. So if he
comes to you whilst you are praying, and says,
"You are showing off (so cut your prayer
short)," then make your prayer lengthy. If he
says, "You have broken your wudoo'," say, "You
are lying". If he says to you that the dead can
hear you and benefit you or harm you, tell him,
"You are lying." When you eat, be different from
him and eat and drink with your right hand, and
take food with your right hand. This even
applies to taking a siesta, as it says in the
hadeeth: "Take a siesta for the devils do not
take a siesta."
Narrated by Abu Na'eem with a saheeh isnaad.
Saheeh al-Jaami', 4/147.
Even with regard to a piece of food that
falls to the ground, the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Pick it
up and do not leave it for the Shaytaan…"
Narrated by Muslim, 12, al-Adaab.
Sixthly:
Repenting and seeking Allaah's forgiveness.
According to the hadeeth the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The
Shaytaan said to the Lord of Glory: `By Your
Glory O Lord, I will keep trying to misguide
Your slaves so long as their souls are in their
bodies.' The Lord said, `By My Glory and
Majesty, I will continue to forgive them so long
as they ask My forgiveness.'"
Narrated by Ahmad in al-Musnad and
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami', 2/32
So man should always be in a state of
repentance and turning to Allaah. They have an
example in their father Adam (peace be upon
him):
"Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If
You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your
Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers"
[al-A'raaf 7:23 _ interpretation of the
meaning]
These are some of the means that will help
you to ward off this waswaas. We ask Allaah the
Almighty, by His most beautiful names and
sublime attributes to grant us refuge from the
madness of the devils and from their traps and
whispers. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the
Worlds.
Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
20607: Family problems caused
by husband's brother
Question:
I have a brother in law who is always at my
house on the phone with my husband or pulling my
husband to go out with him he can't seem to do
anything without him, its gotten to the point
where I cant stand to see him anymore. I feel he
puts thoughts into my husbands head and he takes
him away from his responsibilities to me and our
three sons we have an active life with the three
boys and I always get the short end I love to do
things for them all but sometimes I'd like my
husband to be with us but usually this means his
brother will tag along or he'll constantly call
untill he reaches us. I've had major fights with
my husband because he thinks its ok to say no to
me because I will understand and forgive him but
his brother will pout for a long time. I think
he should be more committed to us and not his
brother if he wants us to survive as a family.
As a muslim women, am I asking for to much or
does his brothers feelings come first?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband has to understand that Allaah has
enjoined upon him to take care of his children,
to bring them up properly and to look after
their affairs. He has also enjoined upon him to
treat his wife in a good and kind manner. Allaah
will question him about every shortcoming with
regard to these duties on the Day of
Resurrection.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves
and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose
fuel is men and stones, over which are
(appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who
disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they
receive from Allaah, but do that which they are
commanded"
[al-Tahreem 66:6]
"and live with them [women] honourably"
[al-Nisa' 4:19]
Secondly:
The husband should not allow into his life
anything that may come between him and his
taking care of his family, such as working
continually, or allowing friends or relatives to
take all his time or interfere in his family's
affairs.
Nowadays the Muslim cannot find enough time
to do all the things that Allaah has enjoined
upon him, so how can he waste his time with
other things at the expense of these duties?
Thirdly:
The wife should not try to come between her
husband and his family. She should not complain
about him visiting them or their visiting him,
unless he is giving that priority over the
duties that Allaah has enjoined upon him.
The father should not give anyone priority
over his children, whether that is his brother
or any other relative. Hence there is no need to
cause a split and break the family ties between
your husband and his brother, or between the
children and their paternal uncle, because that
will have a far-reaching effect on their
relationships with other people and with their
relatives.
Fourthly:
We advise you to be kind and gentle towards
your husband, and to show him that you have
nothing against his relationship with his
brother. Do not cause your children to dislike
him.
If you see any shortcoming on your husband's
part with regard to his shar'i duties towards
you, then denounce that and remind him in a
manner that is better, without being too harsh.
You can do that by hinting rather than stating
it bluntly, unless there is a need for that.
We have seen similar cases in some families
where the wife had another member of her family
staying with them for some reason. So we think
that the husband's treatment of his family will
get better if he sees his wife treating his
family in a better manner.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
26192: Her sister does not
pray and does not behave properly
Question:
What should i do of my younger sister. She
does not offer any prayers, she is always
telling lies and fighhting.The whole house is
sick and tired of her.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We appreciate your getting in touch with us,
and we ask Allaah to guide us and protect us
from the evil of our own selves.
With regard to your sister's situation, it is
the same in the case of many young people these
days. We ask Allaah to guide them and us. Our
duty towards them _ as it seems to be _ is as
follows:
Firstly: we should turn to Allaah and ask Him
to guide them, for He is the controller of the
hearts. Perhaps a du'aa' from the heart will be
the cause of her happiness in this world and in
the Hereafter.
Secondly: you should stop dealing with her on
the basis that she is a child or that she does
not know what is in her best interests. People _
especially in adolescence _ like the people
around them to make them feel that they are
important; they do not like people to treat them
as if they are still children.
Thirdly: try to get her in touch with
righteous young women, and keep her away from
her friends who are not good, even if that means
changing her school. That should be done without
her realizing what is going on, because
otherwise she may become more stubborn which
will make the problem worse.
Fourthly: You should not look at her with
disapproval only, rather you should express your
approval of good things that she does and you
should give her gifts if she does good things.
Fifthly: you could advise her via a person
whom she likes, such as a teacher or friend,
etc.
Sixthly: You should try to give her tapes or
books containing teachings in an indirect
manner, such as putting them near her or
listening to the tape in the car whilst she is
riding in it.
With regard to her not praying, this is an
extremely serious matter. The status of prayer
in Islam is that of a foundation on which the
entire structure rests. Hence the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "The
covenant that stands between us and them is
prayer; whoever does not pray is a kaafir."
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2621; classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Tirmidhi, 2113)
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Between a man and shirk and
kufr stands his giving up prayer."
(Narrated by Muslim, 82).
So you have to advise her and preach to her
and guide her to the right way; for this purpose
you may combine encouragement and threat,
gentleness and strictness; if the matter
requires some harshness sometimes, there is
nothing wrong with using it.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Teach your children to pray
when they are seven years old, and hit them if
they do not pray when they are ten, and separate
them in their beds." (Narrated by Abu Dawood,
495; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh Abi Dawood, 466.
This strictness and harshness is only in her
best interests.
We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the
Muslims straight. Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
30901: A righteous young man
is overwhelmed with worry and anxiety. What is
the remedy?
Question:
There is a young man who is suffering from
psychological distress, depression and worry,
and he does not know what is the cause. Please
note that he prays qiyaam al-layl and fasts a
great deal, and he prays (the five daily
prayers), but sometimes he sleeps and misses a
prayer. He attends Islamic classes and reads
books, and he is trying to memorize the Qur'aan,
and he listens to Islamic tapes. Despite that he
is suffering from depression and worry. Please
also note that this young man loves his paternal
aunt a great deal and was always helping her,
and the aunt is in good health.
I hope that you will answer me as soon as
possible so that this young man can be helped.
Thank you very much.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We are happy to see your concern for this
young man and your eagerness to find an
effective remedy to offer him in the hope that
Allaah will benefit him thereby. By doing that
you are strengthening the ties of Islamic
brotherhood. We hope that Allaah will reward you
for that.
You have explained this young man's
situation, and we will reply in the following
points:
1 _ In this dunya (this world _ the name in
Arabic carries connotations both of that which
is close and that which is base and vile), a
man's life is not consistent, rather his
circumstances will vary between that which he
likes and that which he does not like. The wise
man, when he thinks about this world, will
realize that he needs to develop an optimistic
outlook and put an end to worries and distress
that could disturb him and cause him stress.
What the Shaytaan wants to do is to cause the
Muslim grief and stress. Being introverted and
thinking constantly about pain and sorrow gives
the Shaytaan a great opportunity and may cause
the worries and stress to multiply. Looking
forward to a happy life and being optimistic is
one of the means of feeling content and at
peace. It is known that this world is a mixture
of ease and hardship, joy and sorrow, hope and
pain, so why should a person help the dark side
to prevail over the bright side?
Wisdom dictates that if a man cannot make
optimism prevail, then at the very least he
should think in a balanced and objective manner.
Secondly:
Feelings of stress and that life is too hard
do not control a man's mind unless there are
reasons that provoke these kinds of feelings.
Rather they are indicative that the relationship
between a person and his Lord is not sound. The
more a man turns to Allaah and focuses on Him,
the more he will feel a sense of peace and
comfort, to an extent that no one knows except
Allaah. Hence those who know Allaah, are close
to Him and fear Him are the happiest of people,
to such an extent that one of them said, in a
well known expression: "If the kings and the
sons of kings knew what joy we have, they would
fight us for it with the sword." This is also
what is expressed in the Qur'aan, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether
male or female — while he (or she) is a true
believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him
We will give a good life (in this world with
respect, contentment and lawful provision), and
We shall pay them certainly a reward in
proportion to the best of what they used to do
(i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97]
But feeling stressed is a kind of wake-up
call that alerts a person to check on his
relationship with his Lord, because sins may
have the effect of making a person feel
scattered and unfocused. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"But whosoever turns away from My Reminder
(i.e. neither believes in this Qur'aan nor acts
on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of
hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the
Day of Resurrection"
[Ta-Ha 20:124]
There is a great deal of goodness in the
young man whom you are asking about, for he is a
person who is keen to seek knowledge, and he
does naafil acts of worship such as fasting, and
he upholds ties of kinship with his aunt.
However you must draw his attention to the fact
that he has to check on his relationship with
Allaah, for there may be some sin that is
preventing him from achieving this sense of
happiness, some sin that he has committed with
regard to the rights of Allaah or the rights of
others. So encourage him to repent and seek
forgiveness a great deal, especially since you
said that he sometimes sleeps and misses the
prayer _ this is a serious matter although many
people take it lightly.
Thirdly:
It may be that this test of this person
through disasters and calamities is something
that has been decreed by Allaah for him in order
to raise him in status, if he persists in
obeying what Allaah has commanded, which is to
be patient and accept whatever Allaah decrees.
Everything that Allaah decrees for a believer is
good for him and his affairs, both spiritual and
worldly. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "How wonderful is the
affair of the believer, for all his affairs are
good, and that applies to no one except a
believer. If something good happens to him, he
gives thanks for it and that is good for him,
and if something bad happens to him, he bears it
with patience, and that is also good for him."
(Narrated by Muslim, 2999)
If something bad happens to a believer, he
either bears it with patience or panics. If he
is patient he earns a great reward and accepts
the will and decree of Allaah, because he knows
that it comes from Allaah, so he feels content
with it and accepts it. So what reason is there
to panic and feel stressed?
On the contrary, if he is not patient and he
reacts to what befalls him of sin with panic and
anger, and worry and stress, he will lose the
reward that Allaah has promised to those who are
patient. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Only those who are patient shall receive
their reward in full, without reckoning"
[al-Zumar 39:10]
Fourthly:
He should sincerely turn towards Allaah and
call upon Him (du'a'), beseeching Him to relieve
him of this waswaas (whispers from the Shaytaan)
and seeking refuge in Him a great deal from the
accursed Shaytaan. For it annoys the Shaytaan to
see a believing slave feeling peace of mind and
contentment, so he whispers to him to distract
him from that and make him fearful and confused.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) taught us a du'aa' by which we may
ward off worries and distress. Ahmad (3528)
narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said:
"There is no-one who is afflicted by distress
and grief, and says: `Allaahumma inni `abduka
ibn `abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika,
maada fiyya hukmuka, `adlun fiyya qadaa'uka.
As'aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi
nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw `allamtahu
ahadan min khalqika aw ista'tharta bihi fi `ilm
il-ghayb `indaka an taj'al al-Qur'aana rabee'
qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa' huzni wa dhihaab
hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of
Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock
is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever
executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask
You by every name belonging to You which You
have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your
Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or
You have preserved in the knowledge of the
Unseen with You, that You make the Qur'aan the
life of my heart and the light of my breast, and
a departure for my sorrow and a release for my
anxiety),' but Allaah will take away his
distress and grief, and replace it with joy." He
was asked: "O Messenger of Allaah, should we
learn this?" He said: "Of course; everyone who
hears it should learn it."
(Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199)
Fifthly:
Try to suggest that he change something in
his daily routine, to allow himself the
opportunity to do different kinds of permissible
things that will relieve him of boredom and
renew his energy. There is nothing wrong with
travelling for leisure purposes or to relax, so
long he does not go to extremes. Even better
than that is if he can travel for the purpose of
`Umrah and to visit the Prophet's mosque,
because a change of scene can be very
beneficial.
Sixthly:
He has to keep away from places that he feels
make his worry and distress worse, or that stir
these feeling up again. He should avoid reading
novels that tell sad stories, and he should try
not to sit with people who are worried and
distressed, even if his intention is to console
them. On the contrary, he should try to read
useful books that will take him away from these
worries. If he feels stressed and upset, he
should not isolate himself or think constantly
about his problems in this situation.
Finally:
Our advice to this young man is that he
should raise his head and look forward, and view
the future with optimism and the certainty that
he will succeed. I say to him: You have a great
deal of potential for success and high
achievement, and a lot is to be expected of
someone like you. We hope that these troubles
and worries will be lifted from you. May Allaah
make things easy for you and relieve you of your
distress and worry.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
10276: A new Muslimah wants
to study but cannot
Question:
There is a muslim sister who just finished
high school last year. and she moved overseas
away from her mother to her brother in another
country. however she became muslim and the rest
of her family is not muslim or followers of any
belief.
she used to wear hidjab but now she does not
wear it properly. there is no excuse for it but
she wishes she could get a job that has no
problem with her hidjab. and that her brother
would not push her to take it off. she has a
job, but wants to go to college and get a degree
in teaching. That is a problem. Because in her
mother's country, the government loans involve
high interest. and the country she is in now,
has loans without interest, but she must wait
two whole years before she can even apply for
such a loan. she does not want to waste her
time. she met a pious taxi driver who told her
she should not be in such an environment; she
should marry as soon as possible. her brother
would never let her leave the house and he has a
very strong influence. she feels like going back
to her mother's country to study but she does
not desire a loan with riba. what do you advise
her to do.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Praise be to Allaah Who has guided you to
Islam. This is a great blessing that cannot be
matched by any other blessing on earth.
Secondly:
Undoubtedly the committed Muslim who is new
in Islam will face some difficulties and
problems, especially when they come from a way
of life which has to be changed when one enters
Islam. As a result, the new Muslim may face some
difficulties with his family and the society in
which he lives.
Thirdly:
The new Muslim must look for committed and
righteous friends who can help him, teach him
and give him advice so that he will not be
affected by the atmosphere around him, and so
that the Shaytaan or bad friends cannot make him
slip or go back to his former ways.
Fourthly:
I advise this Muslim sister to fear Allaah
and to wear proper Islamic hijab. She may face
some difficulties but Allaah will help her and
will protect her if He knows that she has a
sincere and pure intention.
Fifthly:
I advise her not to go to university because
that will lead her to doing some things that are
forbidden in sharee'ah, such as dealing with
riba (interest) _ as mentioned in the question _
or taking off her hijab or mixing freely with
men.
Sixthly:
I advise her to look for a Muslim husband who
will keep her chaste and under whose protection
she can live, as that Muslim taxi driver
mentioned to her. She should seek the help of
Allaah to achieve that. And she should strive to
learn Islam so that she can call others to
Allaah and save whoever she can among her
family, relatives and society from dying in
shirk. This is the best and most important of
deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And who is better in speech than he who
[says: `My Lord is Allaah (believes in His
Oneness),' and then stands firm (acts upon His
Order), and] invites (men) to Allaah's (Islamic
Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says:
`I am one of the Muslims'"
[Fussilat 41:33]
I ask Allaah to make you steadfast in Islam
and to guide your family.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
21865: He is afraid of
meeting people
Question:
I am a young Muslim man. I feel afraid of
people in general, and this makes me introverted
to the extent that sometimes I may be entitled
to something but I do not ask for it because I
am afraid. I usually avoid people because I am
scared they think badly of me. Is there any
solution? Does this mean my faith is weak?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Faith becomes weaker as a result of
neglecting obligatory duties and doing haraam
things. So long as you are doing your duty
towards Allaah and heeded His prohibitions, your
introversion and keeping away from people, and
your fear of them, will not harm you. But if
your fear keeps you from doing any obligatory
duty then you will have committed sin thereby,
for example, if your fear stops you attending
prayers in congregation in the mosque, or stops
you denouncing any evil action that you could
change by speaking out or taking action, or
stops you from offering advice that you should
offer to those who need it.
You should not give in to these fears or
accept them, rather you should look for the
causes and try to deal with them. It may help
you to know that created beings have no power to
bring benefit to themselves or to ward off harm,
rather if the nation were to gather together to
benefit you in some way, they could not do so
unless Allaah has decreed that for you, and if
they were to gather together to harm you in some
way, they could not do that unless Allaah has
decreed that for you. The pens have been lifted
and the pages have dried.
Everything is in the hand of Allaah, and He
is the One Whom you should fear and put your
hopes in. The criticism of people has no value
and carries no weight; it is sufficient for the
believer to attain the pleasure of Allaah even
if all the people are displeased with him.
Whoever adheres to the command of Allaah and
persists in doing so, is the most honoured of
people, for Allaah has decreed honour for His
believing slaves. As Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"But honour, power and glory belong to
Allaah, and to His Messenger (Muhammad), and to
the believers, but the hypocrites"
[al-Munaafiqoon 63:8]
The effects of this honour should be
manifested in the believer's words and actions,
in all circumstances. He should speak up for the
truth, offer sincere advice, remind people and
teach them. His approval and anger should be for
the sake of Allaah, and he should only get angry
when the limits of Allaah are transgressed.
This is what a person will be able to do when
he becomes aware of his role in life, for he is
commanded to worship Allaah and to convey and
spread His religion as much as he can. This
means that he should mix with people and bear
any annoyance they cause with patience,
especially close relatives. According to a
hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1307 and Ibn
Maajah (4032) from Ibn `Umar, the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The
believer who mixes with people and bears any
annoyance they cause with patience, is better
than the believer who does not mix with people
and does not bear any annoyance they cause with
patience." (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', no.
6651).
Perhaps you can start to get to know some
righteous friends with whom you can feel
comfortable and secure, who can help you to
overcome your feelings of fear of people, and
this will help you to find the sincere
brotherhood, good treatment, clear goals and
sincere intentions that you are missing in the
people around you.
We also advise you to go to a doctor who
specializes in treating psychological illness,
perhaps he could help you to solve your problem.
We ask Allaah to help you and give you
strength.
Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
21898: She is a new Muslim
and is complaining about her husband
Question:
I am a woman, who al-Hamdulillah, Allah
guided to the straight path of Islam.
I do
my best to follow Allahs deen, but I need some
advise on some problems in relation to my
husband.
I must tell you that the situation
in our marriage is somewhat strained. Only a few
months ago I came to the point when I asked my
husband for a divorce because he neglected his
Salaat even though he had been told about his
duties, and he also had developed a bad habit of
threatening with divorce and actually throwing
me out of the house when he lost his temper. But
when he realised that I was actually going to
leave him, he repented and changed his ways, so
I withdrew my question and returned. But there
is still some tension between us. This is mostly
due to the fact that as it is today, my husbands
eeman is weaker than mine. I do not think I am
perfect, and I know I also make mistakes. But I
constantly see my husband doing things that are
wrong (both things haram and makruh), and I
cannot restrain myself and not speak to him
about it. This is for example like using bad
language in front of our daughter, or biting and
kissing her in places where she should rather
learn shyness, etc. When I tell him that it is
not good to do these things, and sometimes I am
able to give evidence from Qur'an and Sunna, he
will either say that he knows this, and then
continue with what he is doing, or become angry
and tell me to mind my own business. This is a
source of irritation for both me and my husband,
and we are losing patience with each other. My
question is: What is my test from Allah here? Is
it not my duty to inform or remind him of what
is right when I know it? Or should I be patient
with him and wait till he finds out for himself,
because he has started to read Islamic books.
The reason I need some advise on this issue, is
that my husband is getting quite annoyed with
these reminders, and I am losing patience and
becoming angry when he doesen't listen. Please
try to give some advise, and please show the
evidence from Qur'an or Sunnah that you lay to
ground for your advise.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We praise Allaah for having blessed you and
guided you to obey Him and please Him, and that
your husband has been guided to change the way
he treats you. We hope that this will give you
hope that your husband will improve and mend his
ways, in sha Allah.
You should note that a righteous woman can
change many of her husband's attitude and
habits, if she goes about doing so in a wise and
kindly manner, without being hasty.
Some husbands are put off by repeated advice
from their wives, especially if that is in the
presence of their children, because they may see
that as an affront to their dignity or a
belittling of their character.
Hence you should pay proper attention to
that, and choose the right moment to advise him
from time to time. You should also be kind and
loving towards him when offering advice, in the
hope that he will respond. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of
your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with
the Divine Revelation and the Qur'aan) and fair
preaching, and argue with them in a way that is
better"
[al-Nahl 16:125]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Kindness is not
present in a thing but it makes it beautiful,
and it is not missing from a thing but it makes
it ugly." (Narrated by Muslim, 2594, from the
hadeeth of `Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with
her).
The husband is the most deserving of people
to be treated kindly, because of his status and
position.
We advise you to use various means to
accomplish your mission, such as giving him some
tapes and books, or bringing them home and
leaving them near him, turning to Allaah and
asking Him to put things right between you and
to open your husband's heart so that he will
know the truth and act in accordance with it.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
20088: He fears for the
future
Question:
I have faced this problems a couple month
ago. I was sick actually, I went to see a doctor
but they said I was in a good health. I do not
know how to explain. But shukran, I am better
now.
I think of death everyday every minutes, this
really scared me eventhough I pray to Allah, I
think of an accident and how they died, and we
do not know our future that is what I think of
my self and my family. I pray to Allah to live
in piece in this world and to think of HIM every
hour.
I have a head-ache after that, I can't
work as before. I feel that I am in a different
world.
Sometimes I ask myself why some of the people
died with such tragic. Are they bad or what?
Hope your answer will help me feel better and
live happily with my family.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
My dear brother, how often we fail to look at
things with a balanced view. How often we find
problems in our daily lives that stem from the
extremes of either concern or negligence. The
one who seeks happiness and success in this
world has to have a balanced approach without
letting the one outweigh the other. In this
manner he can strengthen his heart with faith
and find peace of mind in doing that which he is
required to do. What you are complaining of does
not stem from ignorance of the root of the
matter, rather it stems from the fact that you
are focusing more on fear and the causes of fear
and you are forgetting about being optimistic
and not paying anyu attention to it.
You know that death is an inevitable reality
that will come to every living thing, and no one
will be spared that, no matter how noble his
status before Allaah. Allaah said to His
Prophet, the noblest of all creation
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, you (O Muhammad) will die, and
verily, they (too) will die" [al-Zumar
39:30]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Everyone shall taste death. And only on
the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your
wages in full. And whoever is removed away from
the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is
successful. The life of this world is only the
enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)"
[Aal `Imraan 3:185]
And the poet said:
Every son of a female, no matter how long he
lives,
Will one day be carried on the bier.
The positive kind of fear of death is that
which make a person check himself and watch
himself, and bring himself to task for bad
deeds. This fear is that which makes a man keep
away from sin and persist in praying for
forgiveness and repenting. As for the kind of
fear that makes a person panic, expect the worst
and feel helpless, and discourages him from
taking any action and prevents him from doing
his duties, this is a negative and blameworthy
kind of fear. The one who feels this has to
strive hard to rid himself of it and put a stop
to it. Perhaps this is what the questioner is
feeling, and he thinks that this waswasah
(whisper from the Shaytaan) is a warning of
danger and a sign that the end is near. But this
is not the case. All it is, is a whisper from
the accursed Shaytaan, to cause distress to the
believer and to make his life a misery, and
there is nothing real behind it. This is why,
when you went to the hospital for tests, they
showed that you are in good health, which should
make you feel better and give you peace of mind.
Perhaps we can help you by telling you how to
get rid of this waswasah (whisper from the
Shaytaan), in the following ways:
1 _ Firmly implanting in your heart the
belief that whatever Allaah wills happens, and
whatever He does not will does not happen.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And you cannot will unless (it be) that
Allaah wills the Lord of the `Aalameen (mankind,
jinn and all that exists)"
[al-Takweer 81:29]
Death is nothing but the decree of Allaah
which the son of Adam has no way of warding off
or avoiding. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Say (O Muhammad ): `I have no power over any
harm or profit to myself except what Allaah may
will. For every Ummah, there is a term
appointed; when their term comes, neither can
they delay it nor can they advance it an hour
(or a moment)'" [Yoonus 10:49]
"Wheresoever you may be, death will overtake
you even if you are in fortresses built up
strong and high"
[al-Nisa' 4:78]
As this is the case, then fear of death will
not delay it or bring it forward, all you will
get from your fear of death is misery and
worries. Your appointed time will never come
until Allaah wills it, at the time that is known
to Him, and you can never bring it forward,
whether you fear death or not, whether you think
about how your end will be or not. This is
contrary to the life of peace, stability and
tranquility that Allaah wants for the believers.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether
male or female — while he (or she) is a true
believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him
We will give a good life (in this world with
respect, contentment and lawful provision), and
We shall pay them certainly a reward in
proportion to the best of what they used to do
(i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97]
2 _ Remembering the kindness and mercy of
Allaah towards His believing slaves, for He is
Loving, Compassionate and Forgiving, the One
Whose mercy prevails over His wrath, Who blesses
the sinner with abundant forgiveness. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Why should Allaah punish you if you have
thanked (Him) and have believed in Him. And
Allaah is Ever AllAppreciative (of good),
AllKnowing"
[al-Nisa' 4:147]
The believer is promised Paradise when he
dies. There is nothing standing between him and
Paradise but death. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is
no person who bears witness that there is no god
but Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and
Messenger, but Allaah will forbid him to the
Fire." (Narrated by Muslim, 47).
3 _ Always putting your trust in Allaah in
all your affairs, and knowing that this trust
(tawakkul) will ward off the whispers of the
Shaytaan and put an end to them. Once you have
resolved to do that, then do not look back. If
you feel that these whispers are overwhelming
you again, then turn to Allaah and seek refuge
in Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And if an evil whisper comes to you from
Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah.
Verily, He is All-Hearer, All-Knower"
[al-A'raaf 7:200]
4 _ Lift your head high and look forward;
start your daily life with steadfastness and
certainty, and approach all your actions with
energy and peace of mind. How many good things
there are in this world that fill hearts with
contentment and tranquility and fill the heart
with hope and certain faith.
With regard to your question, what is going
to happen to you and your family in the future,
Subhaan-Allaah (glory be to Allaah)!
Are you the one who created them? Are you the
one who grants them provision? Are you the one
who taking care of their needs?
No, it is Allaah Who does all that, Who is
more merciful towards them than you are. Have
complete trust that Allaah will never cause them
to be lost, may He be glorified and praised.
This matter is not up to you at all. If all the
people thought in this way no one would have any
peace of mind. But praise be to Allaah Who has
guaranteed provision for everyone. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And no moving (living) creature is there
on earth but its provision is due from Allaah.
And He knows its dwelling place and its deposit
(in the uterus or grave). All is in a Clear Book
(AlLawh AlMahfooz — the Book of Decrees with
Allaah)"
[Hood 11:6]
So cast these thoughts away from your mind.
5 _ You should make a lot of du'aa' asking
Allaah to dispel this waswaas (whispers from the
Shaytaan) from you. Pray to Him with all
humbleness, expressing your weakness and need of
Him. And rest assured that He will certainly
answer you. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad)
concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed
near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the
invocations of the supplicant when he calls on
Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let
them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may
be led aright"
[al-Baqarah 2:186]
With regard to those who die as a result of
accidents, the fact that they die in this manner
does not mean that they are bad at all. Rather
people who are counted among the righteous may
die in this manner. Think about this hadeeth
which will help you to resolve this matter. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "The martyrs are five:
those who are stabbed, those who die of a
stomach disease, those who drown, those who are
crushed by falling walls, and those who die in
battle for the sake of Allaah." (Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 615).
Look at those who die by drowning, or by
fire, or who are crushed by falling walls. Are
these not frightening things? But that does not
indicate that they are bad, rather the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) called them martyrs (shuhada'), which is
the utmost honour. The way in which a person
dies does not indicate that he is bad, but
Allaah in His wisdom decrees that some people
should die in this manner. Perhaps that is in
order to raise them in status in Paradise, or to
expiate for some of their sins, or for some
other reason that we do not know.
We ask Allaah to guide you to good deeds and
positive thinking.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
32479: Family planning
Question:
What is the ruling on family planning in
nations where there is a large number of
inhabitants such as in Cairo for example?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We will quote to you below a statement issued
by the Fiqh Council (al-Majma' al-Fiqhi)
with regard to family planning:
The meeting of the Fiqh Council held during
its fifth conference in Kuwait 1-6 Jumaada
al-Aakhir 1409 AH (10-15 December 1988) _ after
studying the research presented by members and
experts on the subject of family planning, and
listening to the debate that took place on this
topic, and based on the fact that one of the
objectives of marriage according to Islamic
sharee'ah is to reproduce and preserve the human
race, and that it is not permissible to
undermine this objective, because undermining it
goes against the texts and teachings of
sharee'ah, which call for having many children,
protecting them and taking care of them, because
producing and caring for offspring is one of the
five kulliyaat (holistic principles) which
sharee'ah came to take care of _ issued the
following resolutions:
1 _ It is not permissible to issue laws that
limit the freedom of couples to have children.
2 _ It is haraam to remove the ability of men
and women to have children, which is known as
sterilization, so long as there is no need to do
so according to shar'i principles.
3 _ It is permissible to use temporary means
of contraception in order to increase the gaps
between pregnancies, or to stop them for a
limited period of time, if there is a valid
shar'i reason for doing so, based on the
couple's estimation and with mutual consultation
and agreement, subject to the condition that
this does not result in harm and that the means
is acceptable according to sharee'ah and will
not damage any existing pregnancy. And Allaah
knows best.
Resolution no. 38 (1/5), re: Family
planning.
See Majallat al-Majma', vol. 1, p. 73)
For more information see Question no.
7205 Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
26913: How should he deal
with his wife who is mentally ill?
Question:
I am married for 5 years and have 1 1/2 year
old daughter. My wife is stubborn and non
comprising. Her stubbornness is deep rooted
psychological problem because if I do not do
things as per her wish then she starts crying
sometime late night and then slowly she goes
into depression.
From the beginning my wife disliked my
family. She would never let me have a good
family time. She mistreated my mother several
times. Because my wife goes into depression I
have not taken any strong action. But now I can
not tolerate this behaviour. I want to take care
of mother and give her happiness too.
Her
parents have failed to make her behave in good
manners.They advised her to go to a
psychiatrist, but she does not want to go. I
know she is mentally ill to a certain extent.
Please advice.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
We appreciate your confidence in us, and we
ask Allaah to guide us all to the right path.
I have read your letter more than once and I
feel that it is difficult for me to understand
the issues properly, because it seems to be
somewhat complicated, so I cannot blame one of
you. But I feel that both of you have some share
of blame for the problem.
But I can offer the following advice and
suggest that you do these things, and I ask
Allaah to make this a help for you in solving
your problem.
Firstly:
Each of you must come back to Allaah because
sin has an effect on people's family lives and
on all their relationships. Hence one of the
salaf said: when I commit sin, I see its effect
on my family and my riding-beast. This confirms
what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth
narrated by Abu Hurayrah who said: The Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "When Allaah loves a person He calls
Jibreel and says, `I love So and so, so love
him.' Then Jibreel loves him, then he calls out
in the heavens saying, `Allaah loves him, so
love him.' Then the inhabitants of heaven love
him, and he also finds acceptance on earth. But
if Allaah hates a person, He calls Jibreel and
says, `I hate So and so, so hate him.' Then
Jibreel hates him, then he calls out in the
heavens saying, `Allaah hates So and so, so hate
him.' So they hate him, and he is also hated on
earth."
Secondly:
Each person must turn towards his Lord and
call upon him. Allaah Says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Is not He (better than your gods) Who
responds to the distressed one, when he calls on
Him, and Who removes the evil"
[al-Naml 27:62]
So he must persist in du'aa', and seek out
the times when du'aa' is more likely to be
accepted, such as the last third of the night,
when our Lord descends and calls out, "Who will
call upon Me, that I may answer him; who will
seek My forgiveness, that I may forgive him; who
will ask of Me, that I may give to him; who will
repent to Me, that I may accept his repentance?"
So you should call upon your Lord and have
certain faith that He will respond, but do not
try to hasten the response, for Allaah will
respond to His slave so long as he does not try
to hasten the response and does not say "I made
du'aa' but I received no answer."
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Allaah has not sent down any
malady but He has also sent down the remedy;
those who know it, know it, and those who do not
know it, do not know it." (Narrated by Ahmad,
3397; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1650). So you
must recite the du'aa's that are prescribed in
sharee'ah, such as ruqyah, reciting Qur'aan,
etc. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And We send down of the Qur'aan that which
is a healing and a mercy to those who believe"
[al-Isra' 17:82]
If she refuses to be checked out by a
psychiatrist, then there is nothing wrong with
your trying to mediate between them.
Fourthly:
What your wife needs most from you is that
you should be warm and loving towards her. For
example, take her for a drive in the car to a
place that is calming and soothing to the
nerves, or take her on a trip to another city.
Insist kindly on taking her out if she refuses
and choose activities that she is accustomed to
and that she likes, such as going to a place
that she likes or letting her do some of her
hobbies.
Fifthly:
Do not be forceful if she refuses to
cooperate, because for the one who is depressed
you can draw attention to things but you cannot
demand him to do things, because that will
increase his feelings of failure.
Sixthly:
I advise you to be kind and gentle, for there
is no kindness in a thing but it adorns it .
Finally, you should note that the person who
is suffering from depression is lethargic and is
not interested in improving his situation, such
as trying to recover from depression by himself.
Remember that most cases of depression can be
dealt with but it may need a long time and
goodly patience. Remember that you may be one of
the causes of her illness, so do not rush to end
the relationship. You have to help her to get
out of the situation she is in, and remember
that no matter how difficult it is to be
patient, the results will be good,
And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send
blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad
and upon his family and companions.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
6377: He doesn't like his
wife to visit her family when her male cousins
are there
Question:
My question is regarding my wife. When she
goes to visit her parents in their house,
sometimes her male unmarried cousins stay the
night in the same house. In these situations, I
prefer to stay with her in her house and do not
like her staying alone, even though our son,
about 4, also stays with her and she does sleep
in a separate room.
Am I right to prohibit
her from staying in her parent's house when this
condition is not fulfilled (that is, I cannot
stay the night with her, while the cousins do).
Is this from Shariah or is this prohibiting what
Allah has made lawful. Also, please note that I
feel extremely uncomfortable about this
situation, though my wife keeps telling me I
should be more trusting.
Another question is related as well. Is it
right to prohibit my wife from travelling for
pleasure and sight-seeing with her family when
she is accompanied by her parents and brother
but also the unmarried male cousins. Please note
that I don't mind this when I'm around. But is
it ok when I'm not with my wife. Again, I feel
extremely jealous when this happens as I feel I
should be the one taking her around and not any
stranger, even if she's accompanied by her
parents and brother. Can you please, again
comment on whether this is normal or goes
against the allowance given in the Shariah.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly: I would like to remind you of what
the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "I have not left behind me any
fitnah (temptation) that is more harmful to men
than women."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim, 2740,
from the hadeeth of Usaamah ibn Zayd).
Secondly: It is permissible for a woman to be
in her father's house when there is a non-mahram
present, so long as there is no fear of haraam
mixing or of the fitnah (temptation) that may
happen as a result of that.
But if there is no guarantee that there will
be no mixing and no fitnah, then that is not
permissible. It is even more haraam if the woman
does not observe proper Islamic hijaab.
Thirdly: a boy of four years of age is not
considered to be a mahram because the role of a
mahram is to guard and protect the woman, and
this cannot be done by a four year old child. So
it makes no difference whether this boy is there
or not.
Fourthly: if your wife's father and brothers
take this man's presence lightly and do not care
if he is alone with your wife or if she takes
off her hijaab in front of him, then it is not
permissible for you to leave your wife with
them, because they are careless about protecting
their daughter. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Beware of entering
upon women." A man from among the Ansaar said:
"O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think of the
in-law?" He said, "The in-law is death."
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4934) and Muslim
(2172), from the hadeeth of `Uqbah ibn `Aamir).
So you must protect your wife and feel
protective jealousy and pride (gheerah) where
she is concerned, and not expose her to
temptation.
Fifthly: With regard to her going on trips,
there is nothing wrong with that if the place to
which she is going is not one where immoral
people meet, such as beaches and other places
which are very dubious, and so long as she will
keep her hijaab on and stay far away from places
of temptation. If you are worried that the
presence of that non-mahram man will be a cause
of fitnah or may make her do something that
Allaah has forbidden, then you must not allow
your wife to travel with them. This is the
matter of praiseworthy protective jealousy
(gheerah) that is loved by Allaah and His
Messenger. If a man feels protective jealousy
towards his family he will stop them from
committing immoral actions and anything that may
lead to that.
You should note that most of the disasters
that befall families come from friends or
relatives, so try your best to protect your wife
from that.
And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
20343: His wife does not
accept advice. What is the solution?
Question:
I got maried 4 years before. My wife was not
having any religious attitude at all. She was
strongly against observing hijab/niqab. She
didn't even covered her head. On my asking to
observe hijab, she simply refused and said that
she was a learned girl and that she knows her
good or bad. I didn't loose heart and kept on
trying to convince her and engrave in her heart
the fear and greatness of allah. Now after 4
years, there is a little improvement. She has
started a little bit of hijab(i.e., she covers
her head and chest) but is still not convinced
to do niqaab. She offers her prayer but recites
quran wrongly (i.e., her pronunciation is not
correct). She is not interested to learn reading
quran. She is casual to learn about the problems
of her periods and mixes up her days and leaves
the prayers one or two days more than her
periods. She doesnot accept any body's remarks
and considers her own decision as final. What
line of action should I adopt as she does not
bear any harsh words or behavior.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Undoubtedly your wife is persisting in making
a serious mistake, and we ask Allaah to guide
her. The most serious thing that you mention
about her is the matter of her careless attitude
towards prayer, because not praying leads _
Allaah forbid _ to one becoming beyond the pale
of Islam, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "What
stands between a man and shirk or kufr is his
giving up prayer." (Narrated by Muslim, 82).
This applies to one who does not pray at all.
But some of the scholars (may Allaah have mercy
on them) thought that a person who fails to pray
one prayer on time also becomes a kaafir. See
al-Mughni, 3/354). This points to the
seriousness of the matter.
You have done your duty towards your wife by
guiding and advising her, and this has borne
fruit. Even though it may be incomplete, it is
still a positive step which indicates that there
is goodness in your wife and that she is
prepared to change the rest. Yes, that may be
slow but it is possible. You see that in the
beginning she was not convinced of hijaab and
did not wear it at all, but after the noble
efforts on your part she has started to wear it
partially. Even though it is not full hijaab as
it should be worn, it still gives us hope and
points to hidden goodness in her. You can bring
it to the surface so that she will wear proper
hijaab on the basis of conviction and her own
desire to do it, as time goes by and as you
continue your efforts. This means that you must
continue to advise her and not give up, and you
will be rewarded for that. The Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If
one man were to be guided at your hands, that
will be better for you than red camels [i.e.,
the best kind]." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no.
6).
Always remind her of Allaah and make her fear
Him; tell her of the importance of prayer in
Islam and that she has to learn the things that
have to do with prayer, such as the rulings on
menstruation and post-partum bleeding, because
it is obligatory on every woman, when her
bleeding stops, to hasten to do ghusl when the
time for prayer comes. Try to bring her useful
books on that topic, such as the essay by Shaykh
Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on
"The Natural Blood of Women" or some useful
tapes. You can help her by sitting and reading
with her, or listening to the tapes with her,
because this is a kind of cooperating in
righteousness and piety.
[Translator's note: Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen's
essay is available in English with additional
notes by Bilaal Philips, under the title
Islamic Rules on Menstruation and Post-Natal
Bleeding, published by Dar al-Fatah,
Sharjah, UAE].
With regard to what you mention about her
mistakes in reading Qur'aan, if the mistakes are
in her recitation of al-Faatihah and are such
that they distort or change the meanings of the
words _ such as reading an'amta ["You
[masculine] have bestowed Your grace"] as
an'amti [i.e., feminine form of the verb], or
any other mistake which would make a listener
understand something other than the correct
meaning _ this means that she has to learn how
to read properly, because such mistakes make the
prayer invalid, as reciting al-Faatihah is a
pillar or essential part of the prayer, without
which the prayer is not valid. But if the
mistakes do not change the meaning , such as
reading "ar-Rahmaan ir-Raheem" as "ar-Rahmaan
ur-Raheem", this does not invalidate the prayer.
The Muslim must learn to read Qur'aan so that
he can recite it correctly, and so that he will
not distort the Qur'aan without realizing.
You have to help her with that, either by
teaching her yourself, or by showing her things
that will help her, such as tapes of the Qur'aan
by readers who are known to recite well. You
must also explain to her the virtues of reading
Qur'aan and the reward for that.
So in conclusion you have to continue
teaching and advising her, and be patient in
doing so. Do not say that she has only responded
a little after so much time and effort, for even
this little is blessed by Allaah. We have a good
example in the Prophets, for Nooh called his
people for nine hundred and fifty years. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And indeed We sent Nooh (Noah) to his
people, and he stayed among them a thousand
years less fifty years [inviting them to believe
in the Oneness of Allaah (Monotheism), and
discard the false gods and other deities]"
[al-`Ankaboot 29:14]
Yet despite that only a few of his people
believed in him.
Make her enjoy learning about her religion by
making it easy for her. Encourage her if you see
that she is responding to you, even if it is
something small. Know that you are an example
for her, so watch what you do and say. Beware of
telling her to do something then being the first
one to go against that, or of telling her not to
do something then being the first one to do it,
for this will stop her from accepting your
advice, or will delay her.
You have to be gentle in the way you advise
her, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah is Kind and
loves kindness, and He confers upon kindness
that which he does not confer upon severity and
does not confer upon anything else besides it
(kindness)." (Narrated by Muslim, 2593).
You must also make a lot of du'aa' and
beseech Allaah to open her heart to obedience
towards Him and make His religion and laws
beloved to her. I ask Allaah to help you to do
good.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
2095: Problems faced by
Muslim teenage girls in non-Muslim countries
Question:
I need to know for school, What it's like for
a fundamentalist Muslim (a teenage girl) living
in australia. The difficulties she might face
living in a country where such things as the
laws are based on christianity.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Muslim girls living in Christian countries
may be faced with a number of problems and
difficulties, such as:
Difficulty in wearing hijaab (Islamic dress
code)
Difficulty in studying without having to mix
with the opposite sex
Difficulty in getting married according to
Islamic law
Difficulty in getting divorced according to
Islamic law
Difficulty in receiving her financial rights,
such as inheritance, according to Islamic law
Difficulty in finding Muslim friends who
could help her adhere to her religion
Difficulty in finding halaal meat that has
been slaughtered in accordance with Islamic law,
or finding some foodstuffs, such as sweets etc.,
that are not mixed with alcohol or lard (pork
fat)
Difficulty in doing some sports, such as
swimming, in a place that is screened from the
view of men
Difficulty and embarrassment in avoiding
invitations to unsuitable parties such as
Christian holidays and mixed wedding parties
These and many other challenges are faced by
Muslim girls living in countries such as those
referred to in the question, but they do not
prevent a Muslim girl at all from making the
effort and striving to follow her religion and
heed its prohibitions. She will receive multiple
rewards from Allaah for her efforts in the face
of hardship and her patience. The bitterness of
patience will ultimately be followed by the
sweet joy which will make her forget the pain of
hardship. Allaah is the One Whom we ask for
help.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
(www.islam-qa.com)
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Introduction