Psychological and Social Problems
Chapter 1
49708: His wife and her
family accused him of having something wrong
with his mind; should he take a second wife?
Question:
I am 24 years old and I got married a year
ago. My marriage lasted only 6 months, after
which my wife's family accused me of being
mentally ill. I proved that this was not the
case with the help of a government psychiatrist.
This is happening to me because my wife's family
is accusing me and she is agreeing with them,
may Allaah forgive her. What should I do? Should
I take another wife? Please note that the
problem with my wife has been referred to the
court and divorce proceedings are under way. If
I get married [to a second wife] now, will there
be any sin on me?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Proof that a person is in good mental health
and treats others well does not require the
testimony of a doctor. What matters is what
people see of a man, not the papers he produces.
Hence if the accusations of your wife's
family are based on things that they have seen
you do or words that they have heard you speak,
then they may have a reason. You have to sort
yourself out and mend your ways so that there
will be nothing for others to judge you by.
If what they said about you has no real
basis, rather it is false and sinful testimony,
then we think that you should advise them and
explain to them that their false accusation
against you is sinful, and tell them how that
has caused division between you and your wife.
If they recant, then all well and good,
otherwise you should shun them, and not let them
visit you or let your wife visit them, lest they
turn her against you.
With regard to your intention of taking a
second wife, what we advise you is to wait and
to examine the real motive for that, because
often in such cases the decision is based on the
desire for revenge against the first wife and
her family because of the trouble they caused,
and usually when a man marries with this
attitude it leads to trouble for the second wife
too, if the husband has not set things straight
with his first wife and her family.
If you have not set things straight between
you and your wife and her family, we think that
if you want to take a second wife, you should
let the first wife go and divorce her, or you
can keep the first wife if you intend to keep
both wives if Allaah guides her (the first
wife). We also advise you to have a good
intention and try to do the right thing, for
Allaah says concerning spouses between whom
there are difficulties (interpretation of the
meaning):
"if they both wish for peace, Allaah will
cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allaah is
Ever AllKnower, WellAcquainted with all
things" [al-Nisa' 4:35]
We advise you to fear Allaah with regard to
every step you take and not to let this problem
cause you to treat her unjustly or to keep
reminding her of mistakes that she made but that
she has apologized for.
We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight
and to make it easy for both of you to do the
right thing. And Allaah is the Source of
strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
49666: He married her on the
basis that he would come back to his country
after a certain amount of time, then he decided
not to go back
Question:
A man came to propose marriage to me, and he
was working in another country. He agreed with
my father that I would travel with him after
marriage and stay there with him for no more
than three years, and we would come back
together after that time was up. I actually did
marry him and I traveled with him, and I have
two children. Three years went by, and when I
asked him to go back, based on the agreement, he
went mad and told me that he will never go back;
he has migrated and I have to accept this
situation. In addition to that, he is a man who
does not help me to obey Allaah. He brought a
satellite dish into our home and he leaves me
alone all day feeling lonely in this foreign
land, and I cannot resist watching it. Also, he
does not allocate any time to spend with me and
relieve my loneliness. All his time is spent at
his work or with his friends. When I realized
that I could not stand to put up with this
situation for the rest of my life, I decided to
go back to Egypt and never come back and
delegate my affairs to Allaah with regard to
this bad marriage. But the problem is that he is
accusing me of being a wife who does not obey
him and of being disobedient, and he tells me
that Allaah will punish me on the Day of
Resurrection because I went against my husband's
commands. Am I really a disobedient wife, or
does the fact that he did not adhere to the
agreement on the basis of which I married him
exonerate me from any blame?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The Muslim is obliged to adhere to the
conditions that he set and to fulfil his
promises. Among the conditions that are most
deserving of fulfillment are those by means of
which it becomes permissible for a man to enjoy
intimacy with his wife, namely the conditions of
marriage.
Al-Bukhaari (2821) and Muslim (1418) narrated
that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The
conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are
those by means of which it becomes permissible
for you to enjoy intimacy."
Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni
(7/448):
The conditions of marriage fall into three
categories:
1 _ Those which must be fulfilled, which are
those which benefit the wife, such as the
condition that he will not make her leave her
house or city, or make her travel with him
(i.e., take her to another country).
These must be fulfilled. If the husband does
not do that then the wife has the right to annul
the marriage, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The
conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are
those by means of which it becomes permissible
for you to enjoy intimacy." End quote.
It is essential to differentiate between that
which the husband stated as a condition in the
marriage, and a promise that he made after the
marriage contract was done. If it was a
condition of marriage (i.e., the marriage
contract was done on the basis of this
condition), then the wife has the choice of
waiving that condition or of annulling the
marriage, if her husband does not fulfil this
condition. In this case she should be given her
rights in full.
If it was a promise that he made after
marriage, then he has to fulfil his promise if
he does not have an excuse. But the wife does
not have the right to annul the marriage if he
does not fulfil it. This is the ruling on this
situation.
We advise the husband to fulfil the condition
and to keep his promise, or to ask for his
wife's consent to waive the condition or to
delay fulfillment of the promise until a later,
stated time. He has to fear Allaah with regard
to his wife and not bring haraam things and
haraam entertainment into the house.
The sister who asked this question should be
more patient and put up with it. She should also
try to get wise people from her family and from
his to intervene, in order to resolve the
differences between them.
Secondly:
The husband has made a serious mistake by
bringing the satellite dish into the home and
enabling his wife to see all the sinful content
that the dish brings. The one whom Allaah has
put in charge of others should be sincere
towards them and not be negligent or heedless in
his duties towards them.
Thirdly:
The sister made a mistake, because she is not
forced to look at the evil scenes brought by the
dish, and her being alone is no excuse. She can
occupy herself by worshipping Allaah, keeping
company with righteous women, doing permissible
things, and reading and listening to things that
will benefit her in both her religious and
worldly affairs.
Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
45858: Her brother's wife
mistreats her because she is
religiously-committed and she hates her
Question:
I am an eighteen-year-old girl, and my
problem is that my brother's wife always
mistreats me. When my sister asked her why she
does that, she said "Because she does not like
religious people"! What she means is that I am
religiously committed, hence she does not like
me. I have suffered so much from her bad
treatment that when she visits us I greet her
then I go and sit in my room until she had left,
because if I sit with her, she starts to insult
those who are religiously-committed, with the
intention of offending me. When I try to advise
her she looks at me scornfully and in a mocking
manner, then she goes away. Recently she does
not want to speak to me at all. Is it
permissible for me to treat her in like manner,
i.e., not speaking to her at all _ knowing that
I have tried to advise her on numerous occasions
but she just becomes more stubborn? One of my
committed sisters advised me to keep away from
my brother's wife as much as possible because
she only prays rarely and she often insults
those who are religiously-committed. Now I am
confused and I hope that you can advise me as to
the best way to deal with this problem.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
With regard to one who does not pray, we have
explained the ruling on that, and stated that
some of the scholars _ who expressed the correct
view _ have ruled that such a person is a kaafir
and it is not permissible to marry such a person
or to remain married to him, and that meat
slaughtered by him is haraam, and so on. We have
discussed these rulings in detail. Please see
questions no. 34795 and 20059.
Secondly:
With regard to your brother's wife making fun
of those who are religiously-committed and
insulting them and mocking them, she should
understand that by doing these things she is in
serious danger, and that these actions may put
her beyond the pale of Islam.
Shaykh Ibn `Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy
on him) was asked about the ruling on making fun
of those who adhere to the commandments of
Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him)?
He replied: Making fun of those who adhere to
the commandments of Allaah and His Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
because of their commitment is haraam and is
very dangerous and serious, because there is the
fear that his hatred for them may be based on
hatred of what they are adhering to, namely the
religion of Allaah. In that case mocking them is
mocking the path that they are following. They
are like those of whom Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"If you ask them (about this), they declare:
`We were only talking idly and joking.' Say:
`Was it at Allaah, and His Ayaat (proofs,
evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations,
etc.) and His Messenger that you were mocking?"
Make no excuse; you disbelieved after you
had believed'"
[al-Tawbah 9:65-66]
These words were revealed concerning some of
the hypocrites who said: "We have never seen
anything like these reciters _ meaning the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and his companions _ they
are the most greedy, the most false of speech
and the most cowardly in battle." Then Allaah
revealed this verse concerning them.
Those who make fun of the followers of truth
because they are religiously-committed should
beware, for Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Verily, (during the worldly life) those
who committed crimes used to laugh at those who
believed.
30. And, whenever they passed by them, used
to wink one to another (in mockery).
31. And when they returned to their own
people, they would return jesting;
32. And when they saw them, they said:
`Verily, these have indeed gone astray!'
33. But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not
been sent as watchers over them (the believers).
34. But this Day (the Day of Resurrection)
those who believe will laugh at the disbelievers
35. On (high) thrones, looking (at all
things).
36. Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for
what they used to do?" [al-Mutaffifeen
83:29-36]
Majmoo' Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn
`Uthaymeen, 2/question no. 236.
Insulting a Muslim is a major sin, especially
if one insults him for being religiously
committed and righteous. There is the fear that
the one who does this may fall into apostasy as
stated above with regard to mocking them.
It was narrated from `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood
(may Allaah be pleased with him) that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Insulting a Muslim is immorality and
killing him is kufr."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 48; Muslim, 64.
Al-Nawawi said:
In Arabic the word sabb (translated
here as insulting) means slandering a person and
speaking of his honour in a disparaging fashion.
And fisq (translated here as immorality)
means going out; in sharee'ah terminology it
means going out of obedience (i.e.,
transgressing the bounds of obedience).
With regard to the meaning of the hadeeth:
Insulting a Muslim for no reason is haraam
according to the consensus of the ummah, so the
one who does that is a faasiq as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said.
Sharh Muslim, 2/53, 54.
We advise you to continue advising her, and
if that is via your brother, that will be
better. Tell him of the Islamic rulings on what
she is doing, and encourage him to guide her by
whatever means he can.
We do not advise you to sit with her unless
she repents and turns back to her Lord. We fear
that you may react towards her, and we fear that
she may increase in sin every time she sees you
or sits with you.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And when you (Muhammad) see those who
engage in a false conversation about Our Verses
(of the Qur'aan) by mocking at them, stay away
from them till they turn to another topic. And
if Shaytaan (Satan) causes you to forget, then
after the remembrance sit not you in the company
of those people who are the Zaalimoon
(polytheists and wrongdoers)"
[al-An'aam 6:68]
But if you speak to her and do not shun her,
that may be more beneficial for her because it
may soften her heart. You can limit it to
greeting and welcoming her, and asking how she
is, without indulging in any arguments with her
that may lead her to do something haraam.
Do not forget _ as well as doing what you can
to advise her _ to pray that she may be guided
aright.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
43347: I want my relationship
with my husband to go back to the way it was
Question:
I have a problem and only my Lord knows how
bad it is. My problem is that my husband treats
me badly and betrays me and does not acknowledge
his Lord. This complete change happened three
years ago and I have been putting up with it for
so long for the sake of my children and in the
hope that he would change. I used to think that
his mother was influencing him, because his
mother used to criticize me all the time behind
my back even though I treated her well and
respected her and took care of her. But she used
to feel jealous of my husband's love for me, and
I felt that, even though in front of me she
pretended to show love because I used to treat
her well. This happened three years ago when she
stayed with us in our house for five months
after her husband passed away, and she left us
after we traveled abroad for work. Since that
time I have been suffering terribly.
My
husband is no longer the husband that I know. I
hope that you can help me, because I do not know
what to do any more to bring him back to the way
he was before. My sister is certain that he has
been bewitched and is not in his right mind. Is
this possible? And if it is then what can I do?
I hope that you can advise me, because I do not
want to get divorced or to turn to charlatans.
My sister told me that there is a man of
religion who treats people by means of Qur'aan,
and she asked me to give her my picture and a
picture of my husband. But I was afraid that
this might incur the wrath of Allaah. Is that
permissible? What should I do in this situation?
I hope that you will help me, because I am in a
difficult situation. I hope that you will answer
me quickly. I am turning to you _ after Allaah _
in the hope that my Lord will show me a way out.
May Allaah relieve you of all difficulty and may
Allaah reward you with all good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
You should note that by His wisdom, Allaah
tests His slaves with good and evil, to show who
among them will obey Him in all circumstances
and who will only obey Him in some
circumstances. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Who has created death and life that He
may test you which of you is best in deed. And
He is the AllMighty, the OftForgiving"
[al-Mulk 67:2]
"and We shall make a trial of you with evil
and with good. And to Us you will be returned"
[al-Anbiya' 21:35]
One of the kinds of tests is that Allaah may
test one spouse with bad treatment on the part
of the other, for whatever reason. Based on
this, if what you have mentioned is correct and
your husband has been bewitched or affected by
strong hasad (envy) _ for witchcraft and the
evil eye do have an effect, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said, "The evil eye is real" (narrated by
al-Bukhaari, no. 5408; Muslim, 2187) _ then you
have to do the following:
1 _ Remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr) and
pray for forgiveness. Ask Allaah to heal your
husband and to make him be as he used to be.
Nothing can alter the divine decree except
du'aa'.
2 _ Think about yourself and the way you
treat your husband. It may be that you have
changed in the way you treat him, without
realizing. Be the best wife you can to him, and
the best help, after Allaah. Stand be his side
during this trial and be his support, after
Allaah.
3 _ Do not go to that so-called man of
religion, for he is asking for your picture in
order to practice trickery. See question no.
21124.
4 _ There is nothing wrong with you going
with your husband to a trustworthy shaykh, who
treats people by means of the Qur'aan and
du'aa's prescribed by the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). You could also
recite Qur'aan over some water and you and your
husband drink from it, and you could recite
ruqyah over him every day, and recite Soorat
al-Baqarah in the house. For more information on
the ways of undoing the effects of witchcraft
please see the following questions:
11290, 4010, 21124,
12198, 8291, 20954. For
information on protection against witchcraft,
please see questions no. 2662 and
22816. For information on various kinds
of witchcraft please see questions no.
12578 , 9432, 240.
5 _ Assuming that what has happened to your
husband is not witchcraft or hasad (envy), then
sit with him and discuss things frankly. Tell
him what you feel, and agree to go back to the
way things were.
6 _ You can ask some people _ especially
trustworthy relatives - to intervene and seek a
solution to this problem, and to look into its
causes and try to find a way of resolving it.
Finally, we advise you to weigh up your
husband's good points and bad points, and do not
forget his good qualities and his kind treatment
of you, because that will motivate you to try to
bring him back to the right path in his religion
and in his relationship with his Lord, first of
all, then in his relationship with you.
May Allaah make things easy for you, and make
your husband happy with your obedience and make
you happy with his good treatment. And Allaah
knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
45847: He has taken on the
responsibility and feels anxious and depressed
Question:
Firstly, I am a young man, 20 years old, and
am studying in the Faculty of Medicine. My
father died recently, most of the
responsibilities have fallen on my shoulders. I
have a brother who is older than me but he is
disabled. A few days ago I went through a
psychological crisis. I started feeling afraid
of sickness and death, and thinking that I would
die that day, and other such strange thoughts. I
went to a psychiatrist and he said to me: "You
are suffering from anxiety and depression." He
gave me some medicine but I am not taking it.
I started to follow the teachings of Islam,
praise be to Allaah, and I turned to Allaah and
now, praise be to Allaah, I feel much better. I
am also reading Qur'aan and praying in the
mosque. My question is: in this situation do I
need to take medicine or not? Is this from the
Shaytaan or is it a nervous disease?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The believer cannot do without his Lord. He
is the only One Who can bring benefits or ward
off harm. By turning to Allaah you did the right
thing.
Death is a reality, and Allaah has decreed it
for every soul, as He says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Everyone shall taste death"
[Aal `Imraan 3:185]
No matter how hard a person tries, he can
never ward off that which Allaah has willed and
decreed for him, namely death.
But fear should not prevent a person from
worshipping and obeying Allaah, rather it should
do the opposite. Fear should motivate one to
worship and obey Allaah. Fear _ as Ibn Qudaamah
said _ is the whip of Allaah with which He
drives His slaves to persist in seeking
knowledge and acting upon it, so that they may
attain the status of being close to Allaah.
Fear may cause a person to become worried,
anxious or ill, which may in turn cause him to
despair of the mercy of Allaah; in this case his
fear is not something good, it is bad.
It should be noted that a lot of worry and
psychological stress is caused by not being
content (with the will and decree of Allaah). We
may not get what we want, and even if we do get
what we want that may not make us feel content
as we had hoped; the idea that we had in our
minds before getting it was better than the
reality.
Even after getting what we want we may still
suffer from anxiety and fear of losing that
blessing. There is no remedy for this apart from
accepting the decree of Allaah, thanking Him for
His blessings and patiently bearing the
difficulties and calamities that Allaah has
decreed for us.
Your situation may require a doctor, but you
should note that most people's diseases are not
physical, rather they are psychosomatic.
Dr al-Faarez says: It became clear that for
four out of five patients their sickness had no
physical basis at all, rather their sickness
stemmed from fear, anxiety, resentment and
selfishness, and a person's inability to create
harmony between himself and life.
Look at how Ya'qoob (peace be upon him) wept
for his son Yoosuf (peace be upon him) and lost
his sight. Look at how distress overwhelmed
`Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when
the people slandered her by telling lies about
her, and she kept weeping so much that she said:
"I though that grief would tear me apart."
Agreed upon.
Dr Hassaan Shamsi Pasha said:
In the event of anxiety, secretion of a
substance called adrenaline increases in the
blood, the blood pressure rises, the heart rate
increases, and a person feels heart palpitations
or may feel as if something is sinking to the
bottom of his chest.
He may become paranoid and rush from one
doctor to another, wondering what is wrong with
his heart, when there is nothing wrong in his
body but he still suffers pain in his stomach
and has indigestion, or bloating in his abdomen,
or frequent urination or headaches.
You have to have faith and fear Allaah;
always recite dhikr and wirds that are
prescribed in sharee'ah, because this is one of
the greatest remedies that will get rid of the
thoughts that are going around in your mind and
the things that hearts grieve over.
Some of the du'aa's narrated from the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that
deal with such matters include the following:
1 _ It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say:
"Allaahumma inni a'oodhu bika min al-hammi
wa'l-hazani wa'l'ajzi wa'l-kasali wa'l-jubni
wa'l-bukhli wa dala' il-dayn wa ghalbat
al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You
from worry, grief, incapacity, laziness,
cowardice, miserliness, from being heavily in
debt and from being overcome by men)." Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 6008.
2 _ It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn
Mas'ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a
person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow
says: `Allaahumma inni `abduka wa ibnu
`abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika
maadin fiyya hukmuka `adlun fiyya qadaa'uka
as'aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi
nafsaka aw `allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw
anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw asta'tharta bihi fi
`ilm il-ghaybi `indaka an taj'al al-Qur'aana
rabee'a qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa'a huzni wa
dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave,
son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my
forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me
is forever executed and Your decree over me is
just. I ask You by every name belonging to You
with which You have named Yourself, or, or You
have taught to any of Your creation, or You have
revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in
the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You
make the Qur'aan the life of my heart and the
light of my breast, and a departure for my
sorrow and a release for my anxiety)', then
Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow,
and will replace it with joy."
It was said: "O Messenger of Allaah, should
we not learn it?" He said: "Yes, whoever hears
it should learn it." Narrated by Ahmad, 3704;
classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in
al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199.
3 _ It was narrated that Sa'd ibn Abi Waqqaas
said: The Messenger of Allaah (S) said: "The
prayer of Dhu'l-Noon which he said when he was
in the belly of the fish: `Laa ilaaha illa
Anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen
(none has the right to be worshipped but You (O
Allaah), Glorified (and Exalted) be You [above
all that (evil) they associate with You]! Truly,
I have been of the wrongdoers' [cf al-Anbiya'
21:87]. No Muslim man calls upon Allaah with
these words concerning any matter but Allaah
will answer him."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3505; classed as
saheeh by al_Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 3383.
See also questions no. 21677 and
32457.
And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
45864: Her father mistreats
her and her mother resents her, and this has
affected her relationship with her husband
Question:
I got married two years ago. My husband _
praise be to Allaah _ fears Allaah with regard
to the way he treats me, but I have a
psychological complex because of a father who
did not fear Allaah with regard to me, my
siblings and my mother, which created resentment
in my heart and in my siblings' hearts towards
him. Even though I have got married and moved
away from that horrible life, I cannot help but
be upset because of my mother's and siblings'
suffering. They are still suffering and that
affects the way I treat my husband who respects
me, but his patience sometimes runs out when he
sees me so sad most of the time and he thinks
that I like to be miserable. What should I do?
Also, my siblings and I cannot respect my father
because of the way he has treated us; what
should we do to rid ourselves of our resentment
towards him? We try to respect him, but he does
not respect anyone and he suffers from a complex
whereby he hates everyone who is better than
him, and he loves to show off and to stand out,
i.e., he wants to show people that he owns a
great deal even though he does not own anything,
rather he is in debt. I hope that you can help
me to solve this problem.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
With regard to your father, you have to keep
on advising him and reminding him of what Allaah
has enjoined upon him with regard to himself and
to his family.
You have to try different methods of advising
him. It may be hard for him to hear it from you,
but do not despair of reminders and exhortations
reaching him by way of your relatives or his
friends. You could also let him listen to some
useful tapes.
Secondly:
You have to fear Allaah with regard to your
husband. You should not bring the worries of
your family into your husband's house and place
them on his shoulders, especially since he
treats you well and you do not see anything from
him that upsets you. What you have to do is to
appreciate him and treat him kindly. This is
what Allaah commands you to do.
Thirdly:
No one is free of diseases _ except those on
whom Allaah has mercy. The fact that your father
likes to show off and to appear to be better
than others means that you have to be
compassionate towards him, not resent him. The
fact that he has treated you badly and is still
doing so means that you should show mercy
towards him, for if he dies and meets his Lord
in that state, then he will meet Him with many
sins.
Hence you and your siblings and family have
to look again at your relationship with your
father and your attitude towards him, for Allaah
has commanded us to treat parents well and
honour them, even if they call us to shirk and
kufr. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"But if they (both) strive with you to
make you join in worship with Me others that of
which you have no knowledge, then obey them not;
but behave with them in the world kindly, and
follow the path of him who turns to Me in
repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be
your return, and I shall tell you what you used
to do" [Luqmaan 31:15]
Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) debated with
his mushrik father politely, as Allaah tells us
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And mention in the Book (the Qur'aan)
Ibraaheem (Abraham). Verily, he was a man of
truth, a Prophet.
42. When he said to his father: `O my father!
Why do you worship that which hears not, sees
not and cannot avail you in anything?
43. `O my father! Verily, there has come to
me of the knowledge that which came not unto
you. So follow me, I will guide you to the
Straight Path.
44. `O my father! Worship not Shaytaan
(Satan). Verily, Shaytaan (Satan) has been a
rebel against the Most Gracious (Allaah).
45. `O my father! Verily, I fear lest a
torment from the Most Gracious (Allaah) should
overtake you, so that you become a companion of
Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hellfire).'
46. He (the father) said: `Do you reject my
gods, O Ibraaheem (Abraham)? If you stop not
(this), I will indeed stone you. So get away
from me safely (before I punish you).'
47. Ibraaheem (Abraham) said: `Peace be on
you! I will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you.
Verily, He is unto me Ever Most Gracious'"
[Maryam 19:41-47]
Look at the etiquette of this Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how he
addressed his mushrik father who was threatening
his Muslim son. In this there is a great lesson
for those who suffer a similar problem with
their fathers.
Fourthly:
With regard to the grief that you feel, it
should not make you stop doing things or prevent
you from doing acts of worship, or make you fall
short in doing that which Allaah has enjoined
upon you, such as the duties that Allaah has
enjoined upon you towards your husband, or the
duty to call your father to Allaah.
We advise you to recite a du'aa' for
protection, and another for healing.
The du'aa' for protection is as follows:
It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say:
"Allaahumma inni a'oodhu bika min al-hammi
wa'l-hazani wa'l'ajzi wa'l-kasali wa'l-jubni
wa'l-bukhli wa dala' il-dayn wa ghalbat
al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You
from worry, grief, incapacity, laziness,
cowardice, miserliness, from being heavily in
debt and from being overcome by men)." Narrated
by al-Bukhaari, 6008.
The du'aa' for healing is as follows:
It was narrated that `Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a
person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow
says: `Allaahumma inni `abduka wa ibnu
`abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika
maadin fiyya hukmuka `adlun fiyya qadaa'uka
as'aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi
nafsaka aw `allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw
anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw asta'tharta bihi fi
`ilm il-ghaybi `indaka an taj'al al-Qur'aana
rabee'a qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa'a huzni wa
dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave,
son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my
forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me
is forever executed and Your decree over me is
just. I ask You by every name belonging to You
with which You have named Yourself, or, or You
have taught to any of Your creation, or You have
revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in
the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You
make the Qur'aan the life of my heat and the
light of my breast, and a departure for my
sorrow and a release for my anxiety)', then
Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow,
and will replace it with joy."
It was said: "O Messenger of Allaah, should
we not learn it?" He said: "Yes, whoever hears
it should learn it."
Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by
Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 199.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
43476: He is having a problem
with his second wife and he fears for his
daughter
Question:
I would appreciate if you could guide me and
let me know about below mentioned queries as per
Islamic Ruling and Values, those are as follows:
A. If a wife (my 2nd wife) fabricate false
documents and files cases one after an other
about dowry, maintenance etc and abuse her
husband behind his back while living with her
mother. What are the Islamic ruling on this. (I
have tried to reconcile with her but no avail
and this will be her 3rd divorce but she doesn't
feel ashamed. She just want money.) B. She file
a divorce case in the court. Should it be
considered a Khula. if not then why not. C. Who
should have the custody of a child. I don't want
to say bad things about her just describing few
facts. As her life style is not caring and good
enough to raise a child. Her formal and informal
education is low level. So in future her style
will influence the child's characters. On top of
that by phone she told me that she will make my
child a bad person. To save that child who
should have the custody. Even-though, if she
works and makes some money but money is not a
life, life means values, such as living with
high social, moral and religious values. From
above mentioned values side, she is not very
strong. D. When she works, her mother can take
care of our child. Her mother's is an illiterate
person and she, (I overheard) her mother use bad
words for our child. How can she educate her
etc. As per Islamic law, is it right to let some
else in a family to take care of the child
instead of her father. Who is more educated and
have high standard for religious and other
values. More respectable in the society. I
believe I can make my child a good citizen with
high social, moral and religious values.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The basic principle concerning divorce is
that it is makrooh (disliked), as is indicated
by the verse in which Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Those who take an oath not to have sexual
relation with their wives must wait for four
months, then if they return (change their idea
in this period), verily, Allaah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
227. And if they decide upon divorce, then
Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower"
[al-Baqarah 2:226]
In relation to changing their minds He said
"Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful" and in
relation to divorce He said "All-Hearer,
All-Knower". This indicates a kind of
warning, which in turn indicates that divorce is
disliked by Allaah (makrooh).
But there may be some cases in which divorce
is inevitable, and even essential. In the case
which you mention, divorce may be the
appropriate solution, because it is unthinkable
that a wife would treat her husband in such a
bad way as you describe in your question. A
woman could say or do something to offend her
husband, but to be constantly ungrateful is very
strange.
But before divorce, you have to try to
reconcile first, and put up with the woman. If
she has some bad characteristics, you will also
find some good qualities, so you can put up with
the bad characteristics because of the good
ones. See questions no. 20044 and
2076.
If you can get some relatives involved to
solve the problem, then do so, as an act of
mercy to this poor girl who will suffer _ no
matter what the situation _ from the bitterness
of separation and the break-up of the family.
If divorce is the final solution, and you
have exhausted all possible solutions, then pray
istikhaarah (asking for guidance) and consult
others, and put your trust in Allaah.
With regard to the matters that she has
referred to the court, this may be a request to
the qaadi (judge) to compel the husband to
divorce her by talaaq or it may be khula',
depending on the situation. If she is going to
give the husband some money or return the mahr
to him in return for getting a divorce, then
this is khula'; if she is not going to pay
anything then this is talaaq, if it takes place.
With regard to custody, the basic principle
is that the mother has more right to custody, so
long as there is no impediment to that. If there
is any impediment, such as the mother marrying
someone who is a stranger (non-mahram) to the
child, or the mother's character or attitude is
bad, then custody passes to the mother's mother
according to the majority. If the mother's
mother is the same (i.e., of bad character etc)
then custody passes to the father. Shaykh
al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was of the view that in
the case of a dispute between the mother's
mother and the father, custody should be given
to the father, because he is closer to the
child. This view was also favoured by Shaykh Ibn
`Uthaymeen in his commentary on the chapter on
custody in Zaad al-Mustaqni'. We have
already discussed this in detail in question no.
5234, 9463, 8189, and
21516. And Allaah knows best. Islam
Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
45600: Her husband only gives
her maintenance, and he lives far away from her.
Can she ask for a divorce?
Question:
Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah,
I have been divorced (with talaaq) two
times. The first time was because I asked my
husband to give me and my children just one day
each month when we could sit together, against
his wishes and those of his family. The second
time was because he loves another woman and he
humiliates me in front of my children, and he
shows favour to her and does not care about my
feelings or the feelings of my children. He
tells her that he loves her on the phone, where
I can see and hear him, even though he is not
married to her. Now he had traveled and left me
alone with our children, and he has no
connection with us apart from some money which
he sends via his family.
If I get divorced,
will Allaah compensate me with something better
and make me independent of means by His bounty,
and will He compensate me for the wrongs that
have been done to me by this hard-hearted man?
Or will that mean that I am not content with the
decree of Allaah?
Do I have the right to have a husband with
whom I can live in love, mercy and tranquility,
or do I have to put up with living a life of
humiliation, me and my children, for the sake of
this monthly allowance that he sends via his
family in order to humiliate me even further?
Am I regarded as patient or as weak and
broken because I have put up with this life for
11 years for fear of the word of divorce?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Allaah has permitted a man to have several
wives, and has forbidden men to mistreat their
wives. If a man wants to have more than one
wife, then he can keep the first wife on a
decent and reasonable basis, or he can let her
go in a kindly manner. It is not permissible for
him to keep her married to him whilst forsaking
her and not giving her her rights. It is not
permissible for him to be negligent with regard
to his family and the upbringing of his
children. Plural marriage has not been
prescribed in order to destroy families, rather
it is prescribed to build families and increase
their numbers.
This forsaking of his wife and negligence is
haraam for him, even if he had another wife
according to sharee'ah, so how about if he is
forsaking his wife and neglecting his family for
an illegitimate reason such as a haraam
relationship and corrupt desires?
Secondly:
The wife has the right to ask for a divorce
from her husband if she cannot bear his bad
treatment. This does not mean that she does not
accept the decree of Allaah. Indeed in some
cases it may be haraam for her to stay with a
husband who commits major sins and whose
children are not safe from his evil influence
and bad treatment. As divorce is allowed in
Islam and it may even be obligatory to ask for a
divorce in some cases, there is no need to think
that this may go against belief in the divine
will and decree, because Allaah has decreed both
marriage and divorce.
The wife has the right to live with her
husband and be treated in a decent and
reasonable manner, and to have a husband with
whom she can feel happy and who will be like a
garment for her, so that there will be love and
compassion between them. This is the reason for
which marriage was prescribed, and if anything
detracts from what we have mentioned, then it is
contrary to the reason for which marriage was
prescribed.
Hence the husband should choose a woman who
is religiously-committed, and fathers and
guardians should marry their daughters and
female relatives under their care to men who are
religiously-committed and of good character,
because if the Muslim household is established
on the basis of the laws of Allaah, no
wrongdoing or cruelty will be seen in it. If a
wife dislikes her husband for a legitimate
shar'i reason, then she can ask for divorce
(talaaq) or can divorce him by khula', and if he
dislikes her he can divorce her by talaaq and
give her her rights in full. He should either
retain her on reasonable terms or release her
with kindness.
If divorce takes place, then Allaah may
decree that she finds a good, righteous husband,
as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah
will provide abundance for everyone of them from
His Bounty"
[al-Nisa' 4:130]
Thirdly:
Some woman stay and put up with their
husbands because of the possibility that Allaah
may reform them, or so that he will remain in
contact with his children and take care of them
and spend on them. If a long time goes by and he
does not reform or he mistreats his wife and
children too much, and she has sufficient money
to spend on herself and her children, then there
is no point in her staying with him. Rather the
right thing to do is to rid herself of him so
that she can live a better and more decent life,
and raise her children to obey Allaah and His
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him).
You should take stock of yourself and repent
to Allaah for any sins or transgressions that
you may have committed against the rights of
Allaah or the rights of your husband, or anyone
else. Perhaps what has happened to you may be a
punishment for a sin that you have committed,
because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And whatever of misfortune befalls you,
it is because of what your hands have earned.
And He pardons much"
[al-Shoora 42:30]
Think long and hard about your situation and
how likely it is that you may find a husband
after him or live a peaceful life without him.
Consult people around you who are close to you
and are sincere. I advise you, if they agree
with you, to divorce him if the situation is as
you describe in your question. So pray
istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and if
you feel at ease with the idea of divorce then
go ahead, and ask Allaah to make you independent
of means by His bounty. We ask Allaah to set
your affairs straight and to relieve your
distress and reconcile between you if that is
better for you both. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
38245: Her father tries to
hit her and prevent her from fasting
Question:
I have done things that are haram but this
month i feel very close to Allah that I decided
to keep all my fasts(inshallah if allah allows
by health)My question is my father this month of
bless has made my life harder for which i was
going to stop fasting so i can go out and walk
around cause i cannot stay home he had tried to
hit me.my mother works so i will be alone with
him, and I decided i would never let him take
away my month of ramadan so i continue to fast
but now i go out in my lobby and sit outside
from the time i wake up till the time he leaves
the house which is almost near sunset,,i feel
sick cause im anemic and i have allergies that
dont go away. I wanted to know what hes doing is
haram or it holds nothing against him by Islam
and allah?when he sees me out he laughs at my
pain please answer I would greatly appreciate it
cause i feel i am hopeless.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
You should praise Allaah for having guided
you and brought you back to Him. You have to
observe the fasts that Allaah has enjoined upon
you, even if your father dislikes that, because
there is no obedience to any created being if it
involves disobedience towards the Creator.
Secondly:
You say that you feel ill and that you suffer
from anaemia and allergies. In that case you
have to refer to a trustworthy doctor and ask
him whether fasting is harmful for you or not,
and whether there is any hope of a recovery from
this disease or not. If fasting will harm you
because of this sickness, or will make the
sickness worse, or delay recovery, or make it
very hard for you to fast, then Allaah has made
things easy for you and has allowed you not to
fast. So you should not fast, and you should
make up the days that you do not fast after you
recover, in sha Allaah.
But if this sickness is ongoing and there is
no hope of making up the fasts, then do not
fast, and you have to feed one poor person for
each day that you do not fast. See question no.
12488.
Thirdly:
The father has to look after his family
properly, and tell them to do what is enjoined
upon them and not to do that which is forbidden.
If he falls short in that then he is exposed to
divine wrath and punishment. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and
your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel
is men and stones, over which are (appointed)
angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not,
(from executing) the Commands they receive from
Allaah, but do that which they are commanded"
[al-Tahraam 66:6]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "There is no person whom Allaah
appoints in charge of others and he dies having
betrayed his charges, but Allaah will forbid
Paradise to him." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6731;
Muslim, 142.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of you is a
shepherd and is responsible for his flock… The
man is the shepherd of his family and is
responsible for his flock…" Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 844; Muslim, 3408. Each person who
was in a position of authority and
responsibility _ including fathers _ will be
questioned as to whether he did what was
required of him, or not?
It is well known that blessings and reward
will result from this questioning, if he did
what was required of him, and that he will
deserve to be punished if he was careless and
negligent. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and
sound.
If the father's negligence is compounded by
his having forbidden his family to do good
things or things that are obligatory, then his
sin will be even greater. Allaah has told us
that this is the characteristic of the
hypocrites and evildoers, who enjoin evil and
forbid good. He says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"The hypocrites, men and women, are one from
another; they enjoin (on the people) AlMunkar
(i.e. disbelief and polytheism of all kinds and
all that Islam has forbidden), and forbid
(people) from AlMa`roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism
and all that Islam orders one to do), and they
close their hands [from giving (spending in
Allaah's Cause) alms]. They have forgotten
Allaah, so He has forgotten them. Verily, the
hypocrites are the Faasiqoon (rebellious,
disobedient to Allaah)" [al-Tawbah 9:67]
You have to be patient and seek reward, and
continue to advise your father. Seek the help of
righteous people among your family and relatives
in doing so, and pray for him to be guided
aright.
You should beware of staying outside the home
when there is no need, because of the harm and
fitnah (temptation) that may result from that.
If you need to go out, or are forced to do so,
then you should observe correct shar'i hijaab.
In question no. 6991 you can find out the
conditions of correct shar'i hijaab.
We ask Allaah to protect You and to guide
your father to the right way.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
32450: Her husband repented
from taking drugs then he went back to it. Does
she have the right to seek annulment of the
marriage?
Question:
I am married for 5 years with 2 kids. Before
our marriage he was once a drug addict but he
has leave his pass and turn to a new life.On our
first year of marriage, he has stop working and
spent all his time on religion. He is a follower
of a group called Tabligh. He spent his time
going for 3 days every month, 40 days every year
& at he mosque most of the time.As a
result,I hv to bear all the household & my
children expenses. He has not given any nafkah
for the past 4 years as he is not earning
anything.I tolerated all this since I still love
him. Unfortunately,lately he has been lying to
me. He has gone back to drug and I did not even
know the reason for him taking it. He was once a
loving husband has turn to a wife beater.He has
left me with debts and I have to sell our house
in order to pay the debtors. I and my children
have gone back to my mother's house.He was
caught las month and will be inprison for 1 year
or so. My question is, since I have suffered
enough, I have decided to divorce him by taking
fasakh.Am I at the right path. All I wanted is
to start my life fresh with my two kids.For your
info, he has beg me to wait for him and not to
leave him. But I don't think I can as I do not
trust him anymore.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Our sister, may Allaah grant you relief from
your distress, make things easier for you, and
guide you to that which is good.
One of the decrees of Allaah is that He tests
His slaves in this world to see if they are
patient and content (with His decree).
"Great rewards come from great tests. When
Allaah loves people, He tests them, and whoever
accepts that earns Allaah's pleasure, and
whoever is angry with that earns Allaah's
wrath."
(Hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396;
classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah
al-Saheehah, 146).
So be patient and seek reward.
With regard to what you mention about your
husband, it is regrettable. He has committed
three haraam actions:
1 _ Not spending on you and your children.
The husband is commanded to spend on his wife
and children. If he fails to do that then the
wife has the right to refer the matter to the
court, and she may also ask for divorce.
2 _ His neglecting to look after his
household and children is a sin on him, even if
he claims that this is for the sake of da'wah,
because his soul has a right over him, and his
wife has a right over him, and his Lord has a
right over him. He must give each of them his
right. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) regarded neglect of those
who are under one's care as a sin, and he (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "It
is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those
whom he supports." Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1692;
classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi
Dawood, 1484.
Raising children and looking after them and
the house is a trust that rests on the father's
shoulders. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Each of
you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible
for his flock… the man is the shepherd of his
household and is responsible for his flock."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893; Muslim, 1829.
Please see also questions no. 20064
and 45359.
3 _ Taking drugs is a haraam action, and
indeed is a major sin. It corrupts a person's
religious commitment and his worldly interests,
as well as damaging the body and mind, wasting
money, and destroying honour. It includes all
kinds of evil.
So beware of opening the door to it and
falling in its trap.
How many households has it destroyed, how
many people has it killed, how many blessings
has it ruined, how much calamity has it brought
about!
When people fall into the trap of drugs,
hardly any are saved therefrom, except those
upon whom Allaah bestows His mercy and guidance.
With regard to your desire for divorce, if
your husband is sincere in his repentance and
truly regrets what he has done, and is
determined to reform himself, and if you still
want him, then be patient and seek reward for
staying with him. Perhaps Allaah will reform
him, especially if he has asked you to stay with
him and to wait for him. The fact that you have
children together may also make you think more
carefully before you ask for a divorce, because
it is better for children to be raised with both
their father and their mother than for them to
be raised by one parent only.
If the man is sincere in his repentance and
his regret (of the past), then it is better for
you to be patient and to wait until he comes out
of prison, because that is in his interests and
in the interests of your children, and also in
your own interests.
But if you cannot bear to be patient and to
stay without a husband for this length of time
(one year), or if the man is not sincere in his
repentance, there is no sin on you in that case
if you seek a divorce, and there is nothing good
in your staying with him when he is persisting
in that sin.
You have to make a great deal of du'aa' to
Allaah, and seek His guidance by praying
istikhaarah before you take any step. For
information on how to pray istikhaarah, please
see questions no. 11981 and 2217.
May Allaah set your affairs straight and
guide you both to the Straight Path.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
21515: She feels anxious _
what should she do?
Question:
I have some few question. first i don't know
now a day i feel worried for something that i
don't know. i tryed to forget it but i wouldn't
worked. i really need your helped as a muslim
girl (married) what should i do forget it this
thing.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The best remedy for anxiety is remembrance of
Allaah (dhikr), and regularly praying on time,
and avoiding too much free time.
Allaah says concerning dhikr (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Those who believed (in the Oneness of
Allaah — Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts
find rest in the remembrance of Allaah verily,
in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find
rest"
[al-Ra'd 13:28]
and He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And We send down of the Qur'aan that
which is a healing and a mercy to those who
believe (in Islamic Monotheism and act on it)"
[al-Isra' 17:82]
"O mankind! There has come to you a good
advice from your Lord (i.e. the Qur'aan,
enjoining all that is good and forbidding all
that is evil), and a healing for that which is
in your breasts, — a guidance and a mercy
(explaining lawful and unlawful things) for the
believers"
[Yoonus 10:57]
And He said concerning prayer (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Verily, man (disbeliever) was created
very impatient;
Irritable (discontented) when evil touches
him;
And niggardly when good touches him.
Except those who are devoted to Salaah
(prayers).
Those who remain constant in their Salaah
(prayers)"
[al-Ma'aarij 70:19-23]
"O you who believe! Seek help in patience
and As-Salaah (the prayer). Truly, Allaah is
with As-Saabiroon (the patient)"
[al-Baqarah 2:153]
When something distressed the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) he would
turn to prayer (Narrated by Ahmad and Abu
Dawood, 1319; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Jaami' no. 4703).
And he used to say: "O Bilaal, give the call
to prayer (iqaamah) and let us find rest in it."
Narrated by Ahmad, and Abu Dawood; classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami',
no. 7892.
Prayer brings comfort to the heart and is a
delight, and is a remedy for worry and grief.
Free time leaves the door open to bad
thoughts and the distress, worry and anxiety
that result from them.
Whenever you feel anxious and worried, hasten
to do wudoo' and pray, and read Qur'aan, and
keep yourself busy with beneficial actions,
especially the dhikrs for morning and evening,
and when going to sleep, eating, drinking, and
entering and leaving the home.
The Muslim who believes in the will and
decree of Allaah should not worry about his
provision or children or the future in general,
because that was written before he came into
existence. Rather he should worry about his sins
and shortcomings before his Lord, the way of
dealing with which is to repent and hasten to do
good deeds. Allaah has guaranteed the believers
a good life, as He says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Whoever works righteousness — whether
male or female — while he (or she) is a true
believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him
We will give a good life (in this world with
respect, contentment and lawful provision), and
We shall pay them certainly a reward in
proportion to the best of what they used to do
(i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)"
[al-Nahl 16:97].
For more information see question no
22704 and 21677.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
32725: She is complaining
about her husband's attachment to the Society
for the Promotion of Virtue
Question:
I am a girl who is married to a religiously
committed young man, and I am happy with him,
praise be to Allaah. He works with some men from
the Society for the Promotion of Virtue and the
Prevention of Vice. I know that his working with
them is regarded as an honour for me and Allaah
knows that I am happy when he is able to change
some evils.
But my problem with him is that he is so
strongly attached to them. For example, when we
go out for a walk, if he sees something bad he
follows it until he can contact some men from
the Society and they come. If I argue with him
about it, he thinks that I do not want to put an
end to evil! Allaah knows that that is not true,
but I want him to take it easy. Also, what
bothers me about this matter is that he speaks
to women a lot, and this makes me crazy and
makes me jealous when he says that this one was
dressed like this and that one looked like that.
Tell me what I should do, may Allaah reward
you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly we congratulate you on your good
attitude of being pleased with what your husband
does, which is the work of the Prophets
themselves (peace be upon them), namely
enjoining what is good and forbidding what is
evil, and calling people to Allaah.
We advise you to stand by your husband's side
and encourage him in this work, and not to have
any doubts about him or to feel fed up with what
he does.
With regard to what he tells you about women,
it seems that he is telling you because he
trusts you, and is not telling you in order to
upset you, or to express his admiration for
them. Rather he is telling you that in order to
inform you of some of the evil actions that
people do, so that you can beware of them, or so
as to get it off his chest. When some people see
evil actions, it affects them deeply, and they
need someone to talk to about it so as to get it
off their chests. So you should be aware of that
and not let the Shaytaan get to you with regard
to this matter.
There is no reason why you should not advise
him with regard to the things in which he is
falling short towards you, so long as that is
done in the way that is better and without
casting aspersions on his decency and morals.
Our advice to the husband is to give his
family their rights, and to treat them in a
reasonable manner. He should respect their
feelings and not describe women to his wife;
just as a man would not like his wife to
describe men to him, so too a woman does not
like her husband to describe women to her.
He should avoid speaking too much to women,
and restrict it only to what is needed in order
to change the evil or to draw attention to it,
etc, because being too careless and lax about
that may lead to bad consequences. And he should
strive to lower his gaze, because looking is one
of the arrows of Iblees.
May Allaah help you both to do that which He
loves and which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
44684: Her son controls her
Question:
Our problem concerns my husband's mother. Her
youngest son is living with her and he does not
do anything for himself and does not work, even
though he is in excellent health. He is forty
years old and he controls his mother. She does
whatever he dictates to her to do. My husband
has been spending on them for 35 years. This son
of hers incites her against everyone and
dictates who she may be pleased with, according
to his interests. My husband works abroad and I
cannot visit her because he does not want me
there. She threw me and my children out and she
is foul-mouthed and does not fear Allaah. They
visited me when my husband was here and she and
her son attacked me and tried to hit me, and
they managed to hurt me. My husband and my son
who is a university student defended me. The
outcome was that they hurt us, then she went out
in the street where she started to scream. She
went to the police, and she made a complaint
against everyone and demanded that my daughters
and I be detained in a place that was not
befitting for us. Even the police officer told
her that we are respectable. My husband and son
were detained and he was supposed to sit exams.
His studies have been delayed for a year because
of this. After the trial, we paid her the
required maintenance; before that my husband
used to give her more, but my husband cannot
visit her, and the reason for that is that she
had her daughter's husband and his son jailed
when they visited her. The problem is that
whoever visits her, her son locks the door and
calls the police; even her own daughters have
the same problem. When her oldest son visited
her, he could not enter and her youngest son
stopped him and took the money and gifts (that
he had brought) and told him, "Your mother will
pray to Allaah against you."
I do not know what to do or say. I complain
to Allaah of my worries. I would like to visit
her and honour her, but they is no way I can do
that because they fabricate lies against
everyone who visits them. What should I do,
knowing that I am a grandmother and I fear
Allaah. What can I do and what is the shar'i
ruling on this?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The way your husband's mother has behaved is
strange. How can her son control her and make
her act in this manner? But despite all that
your husband has to honour his mother as much as
he can, and Allaah does not burden any soul
beyond its scope. If he can visit her when this
son is not present, that is good. If he can keep
in touch with her by phone, then let him do so,
and explain to her what he feels, this is good
as well. If he can get some people to intervene,
women and others, who can influence his mother,
then let him do so. And he should seek the help
of Allaah and make a lot of du'aa'.
The fact that your husband defended himself
in court and in front of the police is also
good.
If he takes his brother who wronged him to
court to stop him from doing more harm, that is
permissible, but if he bears it with patience
that is better for him.
Trying to get your husband's mother away from
this oppressive brother (as described in the
question) is a good idea, so as to remove the
means that your brother is using to try to
control the whole family.
There is nothing wrong with you stopping
visiting her for now, until things settle down,
so that you will not be harmed again as happened
before, especially since your husband's mother
is not one of your relatives with whom you are
enjoined to uphold ties and honour them. If you
do not visit her this is not regarded as
disobedience or severing of family ties.
Yes, you will be rewarded for visiting her
and treating her kindly, if you do that
sincerely for the sake of Allaah, and this is
part of treating your husband kindly, but it is
not obligatory for you to do that, especially
since she is badly behaved and has a bad
attitude. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
26282: Bringing servants
from abroad
Question:
What is the ruling in islam about serving the
inlaws if husband is making good money can he
get a servant for his wife even though his
parents did not like this but wife is very busy
with the little kids and cleaning the house and
husband does not have any time to help.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There is much that could be said about female
servants and the bad consequences of bringing
them from abroad and letting stay in Muslim
homes. Hence the Muslim should not resort to
bringing servants to live in the home,
especially if there are adolescent boys in the
house. If the servants are not Muslim, then it
is even more definite that they should not be
brought into the home. The regrettable
consequences of such actions are greater than
can be enumerated.
The one who brings in a servant also commits
other haraam actions, such as bringing her from
her country without a mahram; causing her to be
alone with non-mahram men in rooms and houses;
and looking at her and vice versa.
Hence our scholars have warned against
employing servants except in cases of necessity.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih ibn `Uthaymeen
said:
Firstly:
We should not employ female or male servants
except in cases of necessity. That is because
bringing these servants involves spending money
that a person does not need to spend. It was
proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) forbade wasting money.
Secondly:
Some of them are not honest enough to deserve
the trust we place in them, hence I say that we
should not bring male or female servants from
abroad unless the following conditions are met:
With regard to women:
Firstly:
The female servant should have a mahram with
her, because it is not permissible to bring her
to the country otherwise. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, "No woman
should travel without a mahram." If a woman is
brought in and has no mahram with her, this is
going against the prohibition of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Secondly:
There should be a need for her services. If
there is no need and the only reason for
bringing her here is to live a life of luxury
and have no obligations, or to make life easy
for his wife even though the housework is not
much, then the issue is subject to further
discussion.
The third condition:
There should be no fear of fitnah
(temptation). If a man fears that he or one of
his sons _ if he has sons _ may be subject to
temptation, then it is not permissible for him
to expose himself to that.
The fourth condition:
She should adhere to what is required of her
of hijab, so she should cover her face and not
uncover it. It is not correct to quote as
evidence the verse (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And tell the believing women to lower their
gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and
protect their private parts (from illegal sexual
acts) and not to show off their adornment except
only that which is apparent (like both eyes for
necessity to see the way, or outer palms of
hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves,
headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all
over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces,
necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their
adornment except to their husbands, or their
fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their
sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers
or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons,
or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in
Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right
hands possess"
[al-Noor 24:31]
and it is not correct to interpret that as
meaning that it is permissible for a female
servant to uncover her face in front of her male
employer, because the one who hires a servant
does not own her (as in the case of a slave);
rather she is a hired worker employed by him,
and a hired worker is like any other non-mahram
female when it comes to hijab.
The fifth condition:
He should not be alone with her. If there is
no one else in the house with him, it is not
permissible for him to employ her at all. If
there are other people in the house with him but
the household members go out from the house and
leave him alone with this servant, that is not
permissible, because the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man
should be alone with a woman unless her mahram
is present."
As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, no. 619
He also said:
Bringing a female servant from her country
without a mahram is haraam, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "No woman should travel alone without a
mahram." But if she is already in the country
and he brings her to work as a servant in his
house, if she is going to come to the house, do
what is needed then go back to her own house,
there is no doubt that this is permissible, but
if she is going to stay in his house, this is a
dangerous matter, especially if he has
adolescent sons, for then there is the fear of
immorality as has happened on some occasions.
But if he does not have adolescent sons, then we
hope _ in sha Allaah _ that there is nothing
wrong with that, but it is better to avoid that
and for her to stay elsewhere and come to do her
work in the morning or afternoon and then go
back.
As'ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, no. 526.
In conclusion: because of the shar'i
restrictions that we have noted above, and
because there is no need in your case _ since
the parents do not want to bring a servant _
then we do not advise the brother to bring a
servant.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
(www.islam-qa.com)
32731: He is complaining of
a problem between his wife and his sisters
Question:
My sisters do not like my wife and are always
causing problems. Please advise me: should I cut
off ties with my sisters or with my wife?.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined upholding of family ties
and kind treatment of one's wife. We will never
tell you to sever your ties with your sisters or
with your wife. Rather we tell you: bring them
together and do not make the division worse.
Love comes from Allaah. He has created causes
of love and causes of hate. So you have to look
at your relationships and seek out the causes of
hate and enmity so that you can remove them. And
you should try to bring in the causes of love so
as to encourage it. These causes include:
greeting with salaam, giving gifts, visiting
people when they are sick, helping at times of
need, and many other things which Islam tells us
strengthen bonds and generate love among people.
In order to calm both sides down, you also
have to remind each of them of Allaah and His
warning against gossiping, insulting, slandering
and interfering in people's private affairs.
Adhering to the limits set by Allaah and
giving each party their rights, and respecting
the rights of the other party and not belittling
them or annoying them, will also guarantee
happiness and peace in the house and in your
relationships.
You have to advise your wife and your
siblings to treat one another well, and try to
remove the problems and disputes that exist
between them. If your wife and siblings are
living in the same house, there is nothing wrong
with you giving your wife her own accommodation,
if you cannot reconcile between them. Indeed,
this may be a means of removing the disputes
between them.
Our advice to your wife is that she should be
friendly towards her husband's family and treat
them kindly as much as she can, without doing
anything that is forbidden according to
sharee'ah. Respecting her husband's family will
make the relationship between her and her
husband remain as good as it can be.
May Allaah help you all to do that which He
loves and which pleases Him. May He guide you to
the best of words and deeds and attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
Click this link to
Preview all 30 Parts Online
Biography of Hafiz Ibn Kathir
Reasons For Buying Tafsir Ibn Kathir
| 
RSS 2.0
Comments
Introduction